TITLE: Healing Hearts

AUTHORS: TeresaM and ChristyP

SETTING: Almost 6 years after the CBS episode "The Road
Home."

DISCLAIMER: Catherine Marshall's beautiful story of Christy
is owned by the Marshall- LeSourd Family, L.L.C. We are
in no way seeking profit or credit for her story. We are
continuing the story of Christy for our own amusement. Any
additions in story line and characters were invented by the
authors.  The content of this story is the responsibility
of the authors.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 1
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Friday, September 26, 1919

On a warm September day, Mrs. Charles Hamilton was pushing
a baby carriage while a little girl walked beside her down
a main street in Asheville, North Carolina.  The woman was
giving her attention to the older child who had pointed out
the singing birds.  She was also lost in her own thoughts
as they walked along until she heard someone calling,
"Ma'am... Ma'am... your baby dropped her toy."

Mrs. Hamilton turned around quickly at the sound of the
Scottish burr to see a man holding out the baby's toy
for her.  The man had broad shoulders and sandy curls.
He was dressed fashionably like other gentleman in
Asheville, but somehow looked out of place in his attire.
Even dressed like this he looked so familiar.

She stood there in silence for a moment to make sure her
eyes weren't playing tricks on her.  The man stood there
wide-eyed himself and finally spoke again with great
surprise, "Christy?"

She nodded and found her voice to say, "Neil?  What are
you doing in Asheville?"

"I'm here for a medical conference.  I would have looked
you up if I knew you were in town.  I thought you were
living in South Carolina.  Are you here visiting your
parents?"

"No, we moved back here a few months ago."

About that time the older child put her hand on Christy's
arm.  Christy said, "Excuse me," to Neil and gave her
attention to the child.

The child whispered, "Momma, who's that man?"

Christy leaned over and replied, "I'm sorry, dear.  This is
an old friend of Momma's.  This is Dr. MacNeill."  She
turned to look at Neil as she continued the introduction.
"Dr.  MacNeill, this is my daughter, Amanda."

Neil bent down to Amanda's level and noticed that the
little girl looked like a smaller, younger version of
Christy.  She had clear blue eyes and long, straight hair
that was a shade lighter than her mother's.  She had a
petite frame as well.  He kindly asked her, "And how old
are you, Amanda?"

She held up three fingers and proudly told him, "This
many."

Neil smiled at the child.  Then he looked over to the
carriage and found a baby girl with big, bright brown eyes
and light brown curls.  As he handed the toy to the baby,
he asked Amanda, "And who is this?"

"Anna Grace," she confidently told him.

"And how old is she?"

Amanda shrugged her shoulders.  "We had birthday cake. She
didn't like it.  She just made a mess."  Neil smiled.

"Her first birthday was yesterday," Christy explained.
Neil looked at Christy and nodded his acknowledgment of
that information before turning back to the child.

"Are you her big sister?"  She nodded.  "I'll bet you are
a great big sister, Amanda."  He gave her a wink and she
replied with a big smile.

Neil stood up again.  Neither he nor Christy quite knew
what to say.  They were both busy studying each other.

Christy noticed that Neil's hair was appropriately cut for
the city and he was well dressed.  She thought he might
have more laugh lines, but other than a calmness in him
that she had never seen before, she didn't think he had
changed much.

Neil, on the other hand, was somewhat concerned as he
observed Christy.  She had a more mature, womanly, yet
still youthful look, but the spark in her eyes was gone.
She looked tired and her face seemed thinner than he
remembered, too.  He was surprised to see her hair in
such a simple style for the city.  Though he knew many
women chose to wear drab colors during the war, he was
surprised that Christy was still dressed in that fashion
with the war over.  She didn't look like she had put much
effort into her appearance at all.  He wondered if this
was due to being busy with her children.

Christy cut into Neil's thoughts by asking, "How have you
been, Neil?  Miss Alice wrote me about Margaret's passing
last year.  I'm so sorry."

"Thank you.  It was difficult to lose Margaret a second
time, but it was God's grace that she didn't have to suffer
too long in the end like some tuberculosis patients do."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"How is your family doing, Christy?"

"Charles, my husband," Christy began, choking up a little,
"was killed in an accident about three months ago."
She forced herself to continue, "The girls and I moved
back here with my parents shortly after that until I decide
what to do."

"I'm so sorry, Christy.  I didn't know.  Alice never
mentioned anything."

"That's all right.  I didn't expect you to know.  I just
hadn't found it in me to write Miss Alice and tell
her yet."  Fighting back tears and trying to change the
topic of conversation, Christy continued with, "How long
are you in town, Neil?"

"I leave tomorrow."

Christy noticed Amanda and Anna both getting fidgety.
"We'd better get back home.  It's about nap time for these
two."  Wanting to stay and talk some more, she added,
"Would you like to come to my parents' home for dinner
this evening?  I'm sure they would love to see you."

"You don't think they will mind?"

Shaking her head, Christy smiled at him, "No, they always
love having guests.  Besides, I'd like a chance to hear how
everyone is doing in Cutter Gap.  Please come.  Dinner is
at 6:00."

"Well, how can I refuse a good home cooked meal with an
old friend?  I would enjoy sharing dinner with you and
your family this evening.  Thank you."  Christy wrote out
directions to her parents' home and gave them to Neil.
Then they parted ways.

Neil put the directions to the Huddlestons' home in his
pocket and watched Christy for a moment as she continued
pushing the baby carriage towards home.  As they rounded
the corner, Amanda peeked over her shoulder, smiled and
waved shyly at the doctor.  Neil chuckled, and waved back
to the little girl.  "Ah, wee one, what a blessing you
must be to your momma."

On the walk back to her parents' home, Christy still
couldn't believe she had run into Neil MacNeill like that.
It was so nice to see an old friend.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Amanda tugging on
her skirts and asking, "Momma?  Momma?"

"Yes, Amanda?"

"That's a nice man."

"Yes, Amanda.  He is a very nice man.  I'm glad you liked
him.  He'll be coming to dinner with us tonight, so you'll
get to see him again."

"Goody!"

~*~*~*~*~

When Christy arrived home, Mrs. Huddleston noticed that
her daughter looked more cheerful than she had seen her
since she had moved back to Asheville.  "Mother, you'll
never guess who we ran into on our way back from lunch
with Daddy."

"I don't know.  Who?"

"Someone from Cutter Gap."

Raising her eyebrows, "Cutter Gap?"  Pausing to think a
moment, Mrs. Huddleston guessed, "The preacher or Miss
Alice?"

"No.  Dr. MacNeill!  He's in town until tomorrow for a
medical conference.  I invited him over for dinner tonight.
I hope you don't mind.  I thought you and Daddy might enjoy
seeing him.  I'd love to ask him how everyone is doing in
Cutter Gap, too."

"That's a wonderful idea, Christy.  It will do you good
to hear of old friends."

Motioning to her daughters, Christy said, "I'll get these
two down for their naps and then help you with dinner."
As Christy moved toward the stairs with her daughters,
she wondered what the evening would bring.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 2
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER: After 6 years, Christy and
Neil were unexpectedly reunited in Asheville, while he
was in town for a medical conference.  Neil learned that
Christy's husband had recently died, leaving her to raise
their two daughters.


When Neil arrived for dinner that evening at the Shingle
style house in Montford, Amanda ran to the door to
greet him.  He bent down to her level and said, "I
brought a little surprise for you for after dinner."
He looked up at Christy to make sure it was all right
with her.  She had a good guess what his surprise was.
She remembered the night she took Becky O'Teale to his
cabin in the storm so long ago.  Christy nodded to give
her permission for the surprise.

"What is it?" Amanda asked excitedly.

"You'll have to eat a good dinner and wait and see," he
told her with a smile.  "Do you think you can do that?"

"Okay!"

~*~*~*~*~

While eating a delicious meal of roast beef, potatoes,
carrots, green beans and fresh rolls, with coconut cream
pie for dessert, Christy and her parents learned more
about why Neil was in Asheville.

Mr. Huddleston said, "Christy mentioned you are in town
for a medical conference."

"Yes.  I am still doing trachoma research on the side for
St. Timothy's in Baltimore.  They paid for my trip here so
that I can present my latest findings at the conference.
It is a great opportunity to see what other doctors in my
field are doing.  I have made some important contacts that
might help me as I continue my research, too."

"Have you made any new discoveries lately?" Christy asked.

"I had success with a new treatment a few months ago on
Willie Robertson."

"That's wonderful, Doctor."  Thinking about other families
in the Cove, Christy inquired, "How are the O'Teales?"

"About the same.  I haven't seen Nathan in years.
He apparently comes around every once in a while and
disappears quickly.  Smith was killed in the war.  I wasn't
sure Swannie would survive that, but she continues on
as always.  Orter Ball married a girl from Sand Mountain.
Becky and Mountie help their mother keep house better than
she used to do, but they still have a ways to go."

"How is everyone else in the Cove?" Christy inquired
further.

"You probably already know that David Grantland returned
to Boston.  He is married with a little boy, I think.
Alice must have told you how we lost Fairlight Spencer and
Lundy Taylor to typhoid about three years back.  And Tom
McHone was the last victim of the Taylor/Allen feud."

"I was sorry to hear all of that sad news.  Zady writes me
occasionally to fill me in on the Spencers.  She said that
Jeb and Elsie are very happy and that the Spencer children
all seem to like Elsie.  Her last letter mentioned how
cute John and Bessie's little girl is."

"Yes, Ada looks quite a bit like Fairlight did as a girl.
John and Bessie just found out they are expecting their
second child."  Neil continued with more news, "Did Alice
tell you Opal remarried?"

"Yes, she did."

Mr. Huddleston then asked, "How did the influenza epidemic
last fall affect Cutter Gap, Doctor?"

"We were very fortunate.  We only lost an older couple in
Low Gap and a man in Raven Gap.  Our isolation from the
rest of society helped protect us from the loss of lives
that so many other areas faced."

"From the numbers I read in the newspaper, you were very
fortunate then," agreed Mr.  Huddleston.

Quickly moving to more pleasant news, Neil continued,
"Alice is still working with the same fervor as always.
Dan Scott is in his last year of medical school at MeHarry.
He reapplied there and was accepted after working with me.
He and Cecile plan to return to their home in Kentucky
afterwards."

"You must be very proud of him, Doctor," complimented
Mrs. Huddleston.  "His training from you must have been
invaluable experience and undoubtedly helped him be
accepted at MeHarry."

Neil nodded in his usual, uncomfortable way of not being
able to accept a compliment.  "Well, Christy should receive
most of the thanks.  She is the one that finally convinced
me to take Dan on as a helper."

"You were the one that did all of the good teaching,
Doctor."  Wanting to change the subject, Christy asked,
"What about some of my other students?"

"Let's see... Ruby Mae Morrison just married Will Beck. Rob
Allen is running the mill since his return from college.
He finds time to do some writing in the evenings and has
been published a few times."

"Miss Alice had mentioned some of Rob's articles.
How wonderful for him and his family to have some extra
income."

Noticing that everyone had finished eating, Mrs. Huddleston
started clearing away the dishes and suggested, "Shall we
move to the parlor for coffee?"

"I'll help you, Mother," Christy offered.

"No, Christy.  I can do it.  You and the girls go on to
the parlor with your father and Doctor MacNeill.  I will
join you soon."

~*~*~*~*~

Once they were all settled in the parlor, Amanda boldly
went up to their guest and asked, "Do I get my s'prise now?
I ate all my dinner!"

Smiling, Neil reached into his pocket and pulled out a
piece of butterscotch and handed it to the little girl.
She turned to look at her mother who reminded her to be
polite.  She turned back to the doctor and said, "Thank
you," and then trotted off to eat her treat.

"I see you are still carrying butterscotch around,"
Christy remarked.

"While I am in the city, I have to replenish my supply.
What kind of a doctor would I be without a treat for the
good little girls and boys?"  Neil replied with a smile.

As the adults sat down to talk, Anna climbed off Christy's
lap and cruised over to Neil.  Anna had eyed the stranger
suspiciously during dinner.  He had smiled, winked and
made silly faces at her when he saw her watching him.
She was warming up to the doctor now.

Christy quietly observed as Anna held on to the doctor's
chair and bowed her head and then looked up and smiled.
Neil smiled at her.  Then she tucked her head again
and looked up and smiled.  Neil figured out her game of
peek-a-boo and joined in with her.  After a few minutes,
the 12-month-old lifted up her arms, so Neil picked her
up and sat her on his lap.  Anna curled his fingers into
a fist and then uncurled them.  She laughed and tried
curling and uncurling his fingers again. Anna really
thought it was funny when the doctor placed a coin in his
hand and let her hide it by curling his fingers over it.
She enjoyed exploring her new friend for some time before
crawling off his lap and over to see her grandpa.

Julia smiled, "I remember how the children of the Cove
thought so highly of you, Doctor.  You have a knack for
putting them at ease.  It usually takes Anna a while to
warm up to strangers.  Isn't that right Christy?"

"Yes, Mother, Anna is a bit shy."  Looking at Neil,
Christy asked, "What about some of my other students?
I can imagine how they must have grown."

"Yes, they have, Christy.  Creed Allen is still as
mischievous as ever.  I think he's beginning to take notice
of some of the girls in the Cove.  Little Burl has grown
quite a bit this last year.  He's going to need a larger
hat soon!"  Neil chuckled.

Amanda had finished her butterscotch and went over to Neil
to show him the picture she was coloring.  "Can you help
me color?"

Christy tried to rescue Neil from her daughter.
"Amanda, how about you work on your picture by yourself
so the adults can talk.  It's been a long time since we've
seen Dr.  MacNeill."

Confused by her mother's statement, Amanda replied, "We
saw him after lunch."

Nodding in the direction of Amanda, Mr. Huddleston
whispered to Neil, "You don't put much past that one."
Neil smiled.  He had already figured out what a bright
child she was.

Christy responded to her daughter with, "Yes, you are
right, but it was a long time before that since Momma,
Grandma and Grandpa have seen him."

Neil chimed in, "It's all right, Christy.  I don't mind."
Teasingly, he added, "I can talk and color at the
same time.  Remember, I'm a physician in Cutter Gap.
I'm used to having conversations amidst lots of chaos."
Then turning to Amanda, he said, "Besides, I don't get
to color with such wonderful little girls very often."
Smiling, Neil allowed Amanda to crawl onto his lap, and
he took the crayon that she offered.  "Speaking of little
girls, Iris McHone has started school this semester, too.
She is one smart child.  Opal has been a regular visitor
to the library.  She reads to Iris every day."

"Miss Alice told me about the library.  That is just
wonderful.  I'm very happy for Iris."  Christy noticed
Anna sucking her thumb and rubbing her eyes.  Realizing how
late it was, she went to scoop up Anna, and said, "I think
it's about bed time for this little one."  Then turning
to Amanda, she stated, "Just five minutes more, Amanda.
You'll need to finish your picture and put away your
supplies."

Mrs. Huddleston volunteered, "I'll help you, Christy,"
as she took Anna from her arms to take her granddaughter
to bed.

Amanda finished her picture and handed it to Dr. MacNeill.
"I made this for you."

Giving her a hug, Neil replied, "Thank you, Amanda, for
such a wonderful gift.  It is beautiful."

Christy took Amanda's hand and told her, "It's time to
say goodnight, Amanda."

Amanda gave Neil another hug and said, "Goodnight.
Thank you for coloring with me."  Then she went to give her
grandpa a goodnight hug with a kiss on the cheek and said,
"'Night, Grandpa."


DISCLAIMER: Catherine Marshall's beautiful story of Christy
is owned by the Marshall- LeSourd Family, L.L.C. We are
in no way seeking profit or credit for her story. We are
continuing the story of Christy for our own amusement. Any
additions in story line and characters were invented by the
authors.  The content of this story is the responsibility
of the authors.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 3
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER: During dinner at the
Huddlestons', Neil updated them on the residents of
Cutter Gap.  Christy's daughters, Amanda and Anna, enjoyed
spending time with Doctor MacNeill.


While Christy and her mother put the girls to bed, the
men chatted in the parlor.

"I know it's been quite a few years, Doctor, but I would
like to say thank you again for all of your help after
my stroke.  I am so grateful for all you did for me,
especially now that I can enjoy my granddaughters."

"I was glad I could be of help, Mr. Huddleston."

"I would like to ask your help again if I may," requested
William almost hesitantly.

"Of course."

"Christy is having a very difficult time coping with
the loss of her husband."  Neil nodded in understanding.
"I thought maybe you might be able to talk to her since
you have experienced a similar loss."

"I'll see what I can do."

When the women returned, Christy's parents left her and
Neil alone to talk.  She chose the chair adjacent to Neil's
and sat down slowly.  Sensing that Christy had something on
her mind, and wanting to give her time to compose herself,
Neil commented, "Dinner was wonderful.  Thank you."

Almost absently, and without looking at Neil, she replied,
"You are welcome.  Thank you for coming."

"Was there anyone I neglected to fill you in on from the
Cove, Christy?"

Christy looked blankly at Neil for a moment and then seemed
to come back to the present.  "No, you covered everyone I
can think of right now.  Thank you."  Seeming preoccupied
for a few moments, Christy struggled with how to broach a
difficult subject with Neil.  She finally found the words
and asked Neil, "How did you handle losing Margaret a
second time?"

"Well, as you know, I didn't handle it very well the first
time.  I became angry and bitter and didn't want anything
to do with God.  Alice and I already had a strained
relationship and it got worse when we thought Margaret
had drowned.  This time, though, Alice and I were able to
help each other and I had the Lord to help me, too.  It was
very difficult, but much easier doing it with His help."

"Oh, I'm so happy for you, Neil, that you have accepted
God in your life.  So how long have you been walking with
the Lord?"

"About four years.  Margaret and I finally found peace when
we accepted Jesus.  She was totally different after that.
I could hardly believe she was the same person. You would
have liked the new Margaret."

"I wish I could have known her."

Neil shook his head in agreement.  "Accepting her death
was made easier knowing that she was in Heaven and that
she had mended her relationship with Alice."  Christy was
encouraged to hear all of that.

"How have you been doing since you lost your husband,
Christy?"

"It's been very difficult. Sometimes I still can't
believe he's gone...it wasn't supposed to be like this.
We had made so many plans.  I don't understand why he
had to die so young.  I feel awful that Amanda and Anna
won't have their father around to see them grow up."
Tears were forming in her eyes.  "My parents have been
wonderful, but I still feel like I am parenting alone.
I planned on having Charles to help me raise our children.
Sometimes I miss him so much I can't stand it.  There are
times when I would just like to talk to him or have him
hold me or ..."  Christy couldn't continue talking because
she was beginning to cry too much. She kept dabbing her
eyes with her handkerchief.  Through sobs, she continued,
"I'm sorry, Neil.  I shouldn't be telling you all of this."

"I've felt the same ways about Margaret.  Sometimes I would
wonder why God let her come back and have our marriage
be restored.  It just seemed too difficult to have to lose
her again. With your children, you still have a special
part of your husband.  All I have of Margaret are memories.
After we both found the Lord, we really wanted children,
but her body was just too weak to carry a child.  But as
much as I was hurting, I think Alice was hurting more."

"Miss Alice.  I didn't really know how to be there for
either of you when I heard the news about Margaret. I
couldn't even come to her funeral because I was pregnant
with Anna and not allowed to travel.   I'm sorry I couldn't
be there to help support you both."

"Don't feel bad, Christy.  I understood. You had to take
care of yourself and your unborn baby.  Alice and I are
both doing much better now.  Have faith, Christy.  I know
it doesn't seem like it now, but the Lord will heal your
heart in time, too.  You will always miss your husband,
but it won't hurt as much with time."

"It just hurts so much right now.  I just wish someone
would take the pain away.  Sometimes, I don't know how I
can go on," sobbed Christy.

"I know.  Believe me, it will get easier.  It may not feel
like it right now, but you will see in time if you allow
Him to heal your heart."  He paused, then said, "You have
two beautiful and delightful daughters who will help you
find joy in life again."

Smiling through her tears Christy said, "Thank you."

"You have a difficult job.  You don't have a lot of time
to yourself for grieving or thinking or praying.  I can
tell you give so much to your daughters and you realize
how hard it is for them to not have a father.  I would
guess that Amanda remembers enough to miss him, too."

"Yes, she does."  Christy reached over to open a drawer
in the end table.  She pulled out a framed photograph and
handed it to Neil.  "That's a family picture we had taken
last Christmas."

Looking at the picture, Neil noticed, "Amanda really adored
her father, didn't she?"  Christy nodded.  "Anna resembles
him."  Neil handed the photograph back to Christy.

"Yes," Christy said while putting the picture back in
the drawer.  "When I think about them growing up without
their father, sometimes I just don't think I can go on."
Christy started weeping again.  "I just push all the
feelings deep down inside me and think that I won't ever
feel them, but eventually they just bubble up."  She paused
and then added, "Like right now and especially when I try
to sleep."

Turning into the doctor, Neil asked, "Are you having
trouble sleeping, Christy?"

"Yes.  Night time is the worst."

"Yes, I know.  I didn't bring any medicine with me,
but your family doctor can give you something to help
you sleep if you need it."  He wanted to ask some more
questions about her physical health due to her grieving
and stress, but he knew that right now she needed him to
be her friend more than she needed him to be her doctor.

"I think I'll be all right.  Thank you," she said still
sobbing.

"You need to allow yourself time to grieve, Christy.
Give it to the Lord and He will heal your hurting heart.
Cry out to Him and He will respond.  He even healed
my unforgiveness toward Margaret and let our marriage
be restored.  Now if that's not a miracle, I don't know
what is."  Neil had a look of peace about him and a small
smile crept across his face.

Feeling better, but embarrassed, Christy said, "I'm so
sorry, Neil.  I didn't mean for this evening to turn into
a crying session for me.  I invited you over to catch
up on everyone.  It's been so long since I've seen you.
I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Christy.  I'm honored that you felt you could
talk to me after so long.  Sometimes this stage of grief
is the most difficult.  Most people think you should have
moved on and been over it by now and they don't want to
listen any longer, but now is when you need someone to
listen the most."

"You are so right.  I feel like everyone is tired of
hearing me talk about Charles.  Thank you so much for
listening to me.  I feel a lot better.  It helps to be
able to talk to someone who understands.  My parents try
to help, but they don't really know what I'm feeling.
It's nice to have someone who's gone through a similar
situation."

"I'm very glad I could help, Christy."  Neil stood to
leave.   "I'd better be going.  I don't want to overstay
my welcome.  Besides, my train leaves in the morning and
I still need to pack a few things."

Standing, too, and walking Neil to the door, Christy said,
"Neil, I am just so glad to see you.  I needed an old
friend right about now."

"I'm pleased I could be that friend," Neil stated as they
reached the front door of the residence.  "Thank you very
much for dinner.  I enjoyed seeing you and your parents
again and meeting your daughters."

"Thank you for listening."

"Anytime.  Of course, it might be a little difficult when
I'm in Cutter Gap," he said with a smile.

She smiled, too.  "Please say hello to everyone for me.
I'd love to come back and visit sometime, but I don't see
that happening for a while with the girls.  Maybe in a
few years when they are older."

"I am sure there are many people in Cutter Gap who would
love to see you whenever you can visit."  Reaching for
the doorknob, Neil forced a smile as he said, "Goodbye,
Christy."

"Goodbye, Neil."  Christy closed the door behind her old
friend, feeling all alone again as she did.

She slowly moved toward the stairs and began to make her
way up them.  So many emotions had poured out in the past
few hours that she felt utterly drained. She needed to get
herself upstairs and ready for bed before the loneliness
overtook her.

~*~*~*~*~

Christy absently brushed her long brown hair over and over
as tears slid down her tired face.  She avoided looking in
the mirror while she sat at her dressing table preparing
for bed.  She did not want to see her red-rimmed, puffy
eyes again.  She saw that expression every night when
she readied herself for another night of fitful sleep.
'When will the pain end, Lord?  I don't know how much
longer I can go on like this.  You know how lonely I am
without Charles.  I don't know what to do without him.'
She could not control the tears that followed.  Her hand,
still holding her hairbrush, fell limply in her lap.
'Why does this have to hurt so much?  Why, Lord?'
She dropped her brush and buried her tear-stained face
in her hands.  'It's the same thing every night, Lord.
I dread getting into an empty bed.  Will I ever be able
to sleep well again?'  The hopelessness overwhelmed her
and her sobbing overtook her.  She laid her head down on
her arms on her dressing table. 'Please heal my heart.
Please heal me, Lord.  Please...'

After a few minutes, she lifted her head and tried to wipe
away her tears with her handkerchief.  It didn't help
since many more tears followed.  She couldn't stop the
flow as new thoughts occurred to her.  'You sent me an old
friend tonight and all I could do was cry on his shoulder.
He must think I am quite a case of grief.  He was so good
to listen to me tonight, but what a terrible friend I
was to him.  I wasn't there for him when Margaret died.
I guess I really didn't know what to do.  Now I would
know, though.  I would have listened to him like he did
for me tonight.  I am so embarrassed at my behavior.
Mother would be appalled.  Please forgive me, Lord.
How can I say you are my Lord and not trust You?'
Christy continued wiping the constant flow of tears.
She reached for another handkerchief after having soaked
the previous one.

'I am so ashamed that Neil had to find out about Charles
the way he did.  It is inexcusable that I haven't written
Miss Alice yet.  Mother would never have let me get away
with this if she knew.  I need to write Miss Alice myself.
I can't put that burden on Neil to tell her.  He has
already done more than enough by listening to my crying
tonight.  Lord, please give me the strength and the words
to say in this letter to Miss Alice.'

Christy wiped her eyes one more time and then blew her
nose.  After a deep breath, she pulled out stationery and
a pen.  She knew what she needed to do.   She also knew
her Lord would help her.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 4
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Neil and Christy shared their
experiences over losing a spouse.  Christy wondered if
the pain would ever get easier.


The next morning, Christy walked through the streets
of Asheville.  She had been able to get out of the house
before the girls awoke.   These early morning walks were
rare, and Christy always enjoyed the chance to be alone
with her thoughts and prayers before starting the day.
Despite all the tears she had shed last evening, she felt
pretty good this morning.  It was the first time in weeks
that she hadn't been hit with the pain of Charles' death
all over again upon awakening. Thanking God for the first
good night's sleep she had had in ages, Christy prayed
that the rest of the day would go as well.

Christy chastised herself again at how much she had
cried last evening.  'I invite Dr.  MacNeill over for
dinner and the chance to enjoy a friend's company, and
all I can do is dump all my grief onto him,' she thought.
She couldn't deny, though, that it had felt good to let
out some of her pent up sorrow.

Somehow Neil had given her the courage to finally write
Miss Alice and tell her the news of her husband's death.
Whenever she had started to write her previously, Christy
would dissolve into a puddle of tears.  She hadn't realized
how deeply she had missed her dear friends from Cutter Gap.
Miss Alice had always been there for Christy, and it wasn't
right to wait so long to tell her.

Christy could see that the train station was beginning
to fill up with passengers as she approached the Post
Office.  She was hoping to get her letter mailed as soon
as possible.  Knowing that Dr. MacNeill could be called
away for a medical emergency, as soon as he reached El
Pano, just maybe, her letter would reach the mission before
Neil saw Miss Alice again.   Just up ahead, Christy was
surprised to see the familiar sandy hair.  Hearing his
voice, she hurried up to catch him.

"Dr. MacNeill?"  Neil turned at the sound of his name, and
smiled to see Christy approaching.  "It is you.  I hadn't
expected to see you again so soon."

"Christy.   I thought if I got back to the Cove early, I
might just have a chance to do some fishing before someone
realizes I'm home and needs my services."  He smiled.
"What are you doing out so early?"  He took note of the
fact that her eyes were brighter this morning.  "Did you
sleep well last night?"

"Yes, I did, thank you.  I've been trying to get in some
early morning walks whenever the girls sleep in, which
isn't very often.  I was also finally able to write Miss
Alice and tell her about Charles.   It's past time,
wouldn't you say?"  Christy noticed Neil watching her
intently.

"Christy, I, of all people know it's not easy getting over
the loss of a spouse.  You have to let yourself do things
in your own time.  I'm sure Alice will understand."

Nodding, Christy looked down.  "Yes, well...Again, I'm so
sorry for breaking down like I did last night.  I'm sure
when you accepted my dinner invitation, you hadn't expected
to spend the evening listening to me sob about my troubles.
Mother would've been mortified to see me carrying on so.
It just isn't proper when entertaining guests," Christy
stated as tears glistened in her eyes.  At that moment
the conductor announced the last boarding call.

"Christy, I'm glad that I could help.  I wasn't able to
be there for you when Charles died, but I can be here for
you now."   Neil bent his head down to get her attention.
"I know Alice will be too."

"Thank you, Doctor.  I do appreciate it."  Christy turned
to go and then paused,   "Would you...give Miss Alice
my letter?"

 "I'd be glad to deliver it, Christy."  Neil took the
envelope from her hands and said, "Take care of yourself,
and those beautiful daughters of yours, promise?"

"Well, I'll do my best." Christy smiled and nodded,
watching Neil board the train bound for El Pano.

~*~*~*~*~

By the time Neil had reached his seat by the window,
Christy had already started walking back towards her home.
The doctor watched her until the train started to leave
the station.  "God be with you, Christy," he whispered
as he placed her letter to Alice in his coat pocket for
safekeeping.

Neil pulled out his notes from the conference and prepared
to organize them for future research.  If all went well,
he would have time to file them away, meet with Alice to
catch up on his patients, and perhaps enjoy a fresh trout
from the river.  Of course, he rarely had a day in the
Cove go as planned.

As he tried to sort through his notes, Neil found his
thoughts drifting back to Christy and her daughters.
He had been so surprised to see her yesterday and
still somewhat stunned to learn of her husband's death.
His heart was heavy as he thought of the pain she was going
through, and so he closed his eyes and bowed his head.

'Dear God, You know that I had hoped to see Christy
again some day.  But I wanted to see her happy and full
of life, the way I remembered her...not sad, with a heart
full of pain.  She must have loved Charles very much.
She seems to have lost that light in her eyes.  Please stay
with her Lord, give her Your strength and Your peace, so
that she can endure this sadness.'

Neil glanced out the window when he heard the gentle
rain falling against the window.  The train had moved
out of the city, and was headed through the forest.
Neil thought back to when he had lost Margaret.  What a
difference it had been when he lost her the second time.
Sure, he had felt the pain and loss, and at times the
grief would overwhelm him.   But he knew then that God
would carry him through, that Someone did care.  When he
relied on his Lord, the sorrow and the anger didn't consume
him as he had allowed it to when Margaret had "drowned".

'God, Christy seemed so lost.  I don't want her to
become bitter or angry the way I did the first time.
My anger drained me emotionally and physically, and
destroyed any chance of happiness.  Christy has such
a huge responsibility in raising her children without
her husband.   She needs all her strength right now, and
she needs to see that there is hope.  I don't want her to
suffer through this alone and I know that You are with her.
I know the feelings of hopelessness and despair that she is
going through right now.'  Neil blinked back the tears and
fought against the lump in his throat.  'She desperately
needs Your comfort Lord, to know that there is hope that
this pain will ease, and her life can go on.   Christy
brought so much hope and love to the children of the Cove.
Her children need her, too.   Help her to share in the
joy of her daughters, Amanda and Anna.'  Neil continued
to pray for quite some time before drifting off to sleep.

After awhile he was awakened by the sun shining in the
window.  He could see the swirls of blue mist rising in
the mountains, and knew that he would be home soon.  The
mountains brought him peace and a renewed sense of purpose.
Neil smiled,  'God, Christy was there for me in Cutter Gap
when I was alone.  She never gave up on me, or my people,
and brought hope back into my life when I needed it most.
Somehow I have to help her through her time of sorrow. It
is the least that I can do.'  Neil thought back to all the
times in Cutter Gap that Christy had been there for him.
She had given him so much support and encouragement,
restoring the confidence that he was lacking in himself.
Sometimes she did it with just a look, or a few words.
It was as if she knew him better than he knew himself.
'Well if I can't be there for her in person, I can be there
for her in prayer every day,' he thought.  'She needs to
know that her old friends still care.'

As the train prepared to stop in El Pano, Neil also
committed himself to keeping in touch with Christy.
He whispered a final prayer asking his Father to give him
the words he would need to help her through this time of
sorrow; words that would comfort her and help her to heal.

Neil stepped off the train into the bright sunshine.
'God, thank you for this day and this chance to give
something back to Christy and to her children.  Amen.'

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 5
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  Christy saw Neil off at the
train station.  On the ride back to Cutter Gap, Neil prayed
for Christy and vowed to help her through her grief.


                    Sunday September 28th, 1919

Dear Christy,

    I want to thank you again for inviting me to share
dinner with your family on my last evening in Asheville.
I can't think of anywhere else I would have rather been.
It was so good to enjoy a delicious home-cooked meal
and to spend time with friends.  I was very pleased to
see that your father's health has continued to improve.
He seems to have made a complete recovery from his stroke.

    I was delighted to meet your daughters as well.
Amanda and Anna are adorable.  I can see that you are a
very good mother.  Despite the fact that you are going
through a sad time right now, you have managed to maintain
a happy and loving home for them. Hold onto them Christy,
and try to allow yourself to feel their joy.

    The Cove seems to have survived my time away
quite well.  Fortunately there were no major accidents
or illnesses.  Vincent McHone endured a few scrapes and
a broken arm when he fell out of a tree, and Liz Ann
Robertson gave birth to another baby girl.

    I gave Alice your letter after she finished updating
me on my patients.   She understands your sadness, Christy,
and that you are going through a difficult time right now.
She intends to keep you in her prayers. You know Alice.
I'm sure she has been faithful in talking with God
frequently for you ever since.

    Well, I must close now.  I'm off to make my rounds
over in Raven Gap.  Take care of yourself Christy, and if
there is anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate
to let me know.   I will be praying for you and for your
daughters.  I trust that our Lord will bring you the
comfort and peace that you seek.

                    Neil

~*~*~*~*~

                    Wednesday, October 8, 1919

Dear Dr. MacNeill,

    Thank you for the kind notes that you sent to both
my parents and me thanking us for dinner when you were
in Asheville.  We all enjoyed seeing you.  My parents
appreciated your note very much.

    Thank you again for listening to me while you were
here.  It was not my intent when I invited you to dinner
to have you listen to all of my problems and to watch me
cry all evening.  Thank you for being such a good friend.
I do appreciate it.  Thank you, also, for delivering my
letter to Miss Alice.  I apologize for not having informed
her of my situation earlier.

    I hope that Vincent's arm is healing nicely.  Please
give Liz Ann my congratulations on her new baby girl.

    Amanda asked me to include a picture she drew for you.
She says it is a kitten.  You may have to use some
imagination to see that.

                    Sincerely, 
                    Mrs. Christy Hamilton

~*~*~*~*~

                    Friday, October 17

Dear Christy,

    It was a pleasure to receive your letter last week.
I know that you have been bothered by the feeling that you
burdened me with your tears and sadness.  Please don't.
Following Margaret's death, I found myself spending many
evenings alone and in great sorrow.  I understand the
pain you are going through, and how it can come upon you
without notice.  It is so hard to bear this grief alone,
Christy.   Believe me, I know.   Alice and I consoled
each other from time to time, but the pain of losing your
spouse isn't the same as the loss of a child. She and I
understood that we both had a great sorrow to bear and
different ways of dealing with it.  Sometimes the only
person who can truly understand how you feel is one who
has felt the same pain.   Feel free to cry on my shoulder.
I will be here for you anytime.

     On those lonely, painful evenings, I would often turn
to God's Word to find some comfort.  One passage that was
helpful for me in those early days is from Psalm 126: 5,
6 -  "Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.  He who
continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing,
shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his
sheaves with him."

    Christy, you need to shed these tears now.  Don't be
ashamed of the intensity of your sorrow.  You loved Charles
and you miss him.  I understand.  You may need to cry for
quite some time, but eventually you will find the joy that
you desire again.  Until then, remember, "God is our refuge
and our strength."  (Psalm 46: 1)

   Vincent's arm is coming along.  For a while, I thought
Opal was going to have to hog-tie that boy down to allow
it to heal.  She found him trying to climb back up the
same tree with his arm still in the splint.  Lucky for
Opal, little Iris is becoming a mother hen.  She keeps
her eye on Vincent.  He can't get into too much trouble
without her running to tell Opal.

    I see you have a budding artist on your hands.
Please thank Amanda for her wonderful drawing.  I think
this kitten has the longest whiskers I have ever seen!!!
I have it hanging in my cabin where I can see it every day.

                    Neil

~*~*~*~*~

                    Monday, October 27, 1919

Dear Dr. MacNeill,

    Thank you again for delivering my letter to Miss Alice.
I received a letter of condolence from her last week.
She also extended an invitation to visit the Cove at
any time.  She said she misses me and would love to meet
my daughters.

    Thank you for your letter with the helpful advice
and scriptures and for being willing to listen to me.
I appreciate you being such a good friend.  I am glad you
enjoyed Amanda's picture.

    The last few weeks have been very difficult.  Amanda
has been missing her daddy and acting up quite a bit.
Anna has become more mobile and is getting into much more
than she used to be able to do.  It is wearing me out
just trying to keep her out of danger.  I think about all
that Charles is missing as both girls grow and change.
I wish he were here to see them.  I dread Thanksgiving
coming up without Charles.  It will be our first major
holiday without him.  Just like my mother, he always loved
that holiday.  He said we had so much to be thankful for
and it was good to have a day to be reminded how blessed
we were. Of course, he never complained about the feasting
that went with the day.  The pumpkin pie was his favorite
part of the meal and he always wanted lots of whipped
cream on top.

    When my mother sees me with red eyes every morning, she
keeps telling me, "You'll get over this with time," and it
just makes me so angry.  I don't know if she doesn't know
what to say or if she really thinks I should be over the
loss of my husband already.  She acts as if I can snap
my fingers and turn off my emotions.  I know she means
well, but to me it says that my feelings don't count.
She and Daddy are doing so much for me that I don't want
to be angry with them, but sometimes it takes all I can
do to keep my mouth shut until I can go into my bedroom
and yell into my pillow.  Did you ever feel like that?

    I received a letter from Zady Spencer this week.
She is enjoying her second year of college and said
it is very challenging.  She told me about John and
Bessie expecting again.  She didn't know you had already
informed me.

    It's nice to know that Iris is keeping her big brother
in line until his arm heals.

                    Sincerely, 
                    Christy Hamilton

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 6
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  Neil and Christy began
corresponding.  Christy shared her fear of the upcoming
Thanksgiving holiday.


Asheville

Christy returned from her walk and crept up the stairs
to check on her daughters.  She quietly peeked into her
daughters' bedroom and found Anna still asleep.  Amanda
had fallen asleep in her bed, clutching her favorite
doll. Christy let out a sigh of relief and went to her
own room.  Mother often left her mail on the dressing
table, and today, she was surprised to find another letter
from Cutter Gap.  Christy took it over to the window seat
and sat down.

                    Tuesday, November 4, 1919

Dear Christy,

    It's been getting cooler here in the Cove. Many of
the trees have lost their leaves for the season, and I
fear we are in for a bad winter.  I had many patients to
visit last week over in Low Gap and Sand Mountain, so it
was a pleasure when I returned home to find your letter.
I'm glad that Alice invited you to visit.  She will have a
room for you and the girls in the mission house whenever
you feel ready to see Cutter Gap again.  I know many of
your students would love to see you again, as would I.

    Speaking of your students, Will and Ruby Mae Beck
are expecting their first child.  Ruby Mae is thrilled
and I do believe that the entire Cove, in addition to
El Pano, knew her news within moments of my diagnosis!
As far as I can tell, this baby should arrive in early May.
Thankfully, Ruby Mae has been feeling quite well.

    You mentioned in your last letter that Anna is more
mobile now.  I take it she's walking?  They certainly grow
quickly, don't they?  I'm sorry that Amanda is having a
hard time.  Even though she misses her father, she's very
lucky to have you, Christy.  Hold onto one another when you
feel sad.  I'm sure that you make her feel safe and loved.
She can do the same for you.  How are you holding up,
Christy?  Are you getting enough rest?  You need to take
good care of yourself to get through the next few months.
Your children need you well.

   As for your mother, I'm sure it must be very hard
for her to see you so sad.  She probably feels helpless
at times, not knowing what to do or say to you to make
you feel better.  You know as well as I do, Christy,
sometimes there just isn't anything that can be said.
You just have to allow yourself to feel the pain and give
yourself permission to grieve.  I know that you can't
just turn off your emotions; you have to let them out.
Everyone deals with grief differently, Christy.  For some,
it takes a bit longer to get over the pain and sorrow.

    You asked me if I ever felt so angry that it took all
my strength not to yell and take it out on those around me.
Oh Christy, there were many times that I felt this way.
Whenever I lost a patient and had to tell their spouse,
I felt the pain all over again.  Whenever I witnessed a
husband and wife sharing good times and laughing together,
I would get angry that I couldn't laugh with Margaret
anymore.  On those occasions, I would go back to my cabin,
walk along the river and let out all my frustrations.
This verse from Matthew 11: 28 would always help me on
the most difficult days:  "Come to me, all you who labor
and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

    I know Thanksgiving will be very hard for you, Christy.
God blessed you and Charles with happy times.  Hold those
memories close to your heart and let them bring you joy.
You mentioned his fondness for pumpkin pie and whipped
cream.  With Margaret it was her cornbread dressing for
the turkey.  Our first Thanksgiving after you left the
Cove, the dressing was horrible.  It was dry and some of
it was burnt.  She was so upset, that she threw the whole
lot out.  Well, she tinkered around each year with that
recipe, adding different spices, mushrooms, and vegetables.
She made the very best dressing on our last Thanksgiving
together.  It was delicious.  Margaret was so pleased.
After she died, I dreaded the thought of the next holiday.
I couldn't bring myself to have any of Alice's dressing
that year.  No one's recipe will ever match Margaret's.

    What else did Charles enjoy about the holidays,
Christy?  I would enjoy reading anything that you wish to
share about him.

    Be kind to yourself. You have to give yourself
the time and space to grieve.  I want you to remember
two things.   First of all, God will sustain you through
these dark days.  Secondly, you can talk to me, Christy.
I care and I understand.  I will be praying for you through
this holiday season.

    Take care of yourself, Christy.  Give Amanda and Anna
a hug for me.

                    Neil


Christy couldn't hold the tears in any longer.  She thought
of Charles and their last Thanksgiving.  Anna had been
2 months old and they had so much fun with Amanda.
Charles had talked about so many dreams and plans he had
for their future.   She remembered how they had felt so
blessed.  As Christy continued to cry, she prayed for the
strength she would need to get through the next 2 months,
and for relief of the pain and anger that she was feeling.
After awhile when she could cry no more, she thanked God
for the blessing of her children and the friendship of
Neil MacNeill.

~*~*~*~*~

Christy tiptoed out of her daughters' bedroom and quietly
pulled the door partially shut.  It was mid-afternoon and
she had been reading stories to the girls in the hopes
that Anna would stop crying and lie down.  Christy wearily
walked down the stairs to join her parents in the parlor.

"I think Anna's finally worn herself out enough to take a
good nap.  She's asleep now, after walking around in her
crib and fussing for the last half hour.  She wouldn't lie
down, and she didn't want me to hold her.  I just hate to
see her so miserable.  It will be such a relief when her
new tooth comes in."  Christy dropped into a chair. "Amanda
is in bed looking at some books.  Hopefully she will fall
asleep, too."

William put down the book he was reading and said, "You
look exhausted, Christy.  Maybe you need a nap, too."

"If I took a nap, Daddy, I'd never fall asleep tonight."

Julia looked up at her daughter and knew this was
her chance.  "Could you give us a moment, Christy?
Your father and I would like to speak with you."

Christy had no desire for an in-depth conversation, but she
knew from the look on her mother's face that it would be
hard to avoid this one.  It was November and time for Julia
to start making holiday plans.  She was all prepared with
a pad of paper in her hands and a pen poised and ready to
make out her list. Christy felt the knot tighten in her
stomach and sighed.

"What is it, Mother?"

"Now, I know that you are not looking forward to this,
Christy, but Thanksgiving will be here before we know it.
Aunt Eugenia will be coming, of course, and we could
invite just a few of the cousins.  I'm going to invite
your mother-in-law, too.  I'm sure Charlotte would love
to share Thanksgiving with you and her granddaughters."
Julia thrived on celebrating the holidays with family.

"Mother, please.  I was hoping we could just make it a
simple day this year. Do we really have to invite the
cousins?  I'm just not up to celebrating."  Christy could
feel the tension building up inside.  Just the thought of
having to get dressed up and putting a smile on her face
was too much, let alone making small talk with relatives
that would only feel sorry for her.

"Oh, Christy, you miss Charles.  I know how you feel..."

"You have no idea how I feel, Mother!" Christy announced,
abruptly.  Clasping her hands tightly, she went on,  "You
and Daddy still have each other.  You never had to face
the holidays alone.  I'm facing them without my husband.
I wouldn't mind skipping them altogether, but I have my
daughters to think about.  I have to put a smile on my face
for their sake and pretend that everything is all right.
But it's not.  It never will be."

"I am sorry, dear."  Julia reached out to take her
daughters hand. "You're right, I don't know exactly how
you feel."  Sitting back, she paused.  "I just think if
you get busy, you'll feel better in time, and it will
be good for you to spend time with others.  I really am
limiting the guest list this year and I've also decided
to simplify the menu a bit.  We won't need the roast duck
with a smaller crowd coming.  We can keep it to just
the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and vegetables.
Your grandmother and I will take care of the cooking.
If you will just make the pumpkin pies..."

"No!  I don't want pumpkin pie!"  Christy suddenly stood
up and began pacing the room.  "I'll make something else.
Apple...or sweet potato pie, but not pumpkin!"

Julia was stunned.  "Christy!   We always have pump..."
William silenced his wife with the touch of his hand and
the shake of his head.  They sat quietly for a moment,
allowing their daughter a chance to compose herself.

"Mother, I know how you love this holiday.  Charles did
too."  Christy closed her eyes trying to hold back the
tears.  "Please, I don't want to talk about this right now.
I can't even think about the holidays.  I'm going for
a walk...alone!"

"But, Christy!"  Julia stood up to follow when William
caught her arm.

"Let her go, dear.  She needs to work this out on her own.
Come, sit with me."  They sat on the settee and William
put his arm around his wife.

"Oh, William, I'm so worried about her.  I really hoped
that getting her involved in planning Thanksgiving dinner
would help get her mind off of losing Charles.  If I could
keep her busy, she wouldn't have time to think so much."
Julia started crying softly.

William held her tighter.  "I'm worried too, Julia.
I don't think Christy is sleeping well at all.  I hear her
walking the halls at night.  She seems so jumpy lately.
I've even heard her snap at Amanda a couple of times.
That's not like her at all."

"She's sad all the time.  That's why I wanted to involve
her in our plans.  I was hoping it would lift her spirits.
You know how much Christy loves Christmas.  We could have
so much fun this year with her and the girls.  You remember
what we used to do when Christy was a child.  She loved
going out to find just the right Christmas tree, and then
there was the Christmas caroling, and the neighborhood
parties, the decorating..."

"Julia, I know you mean well.  But we may have to
modify our holiday celebrations this year.  We need to
keep Christy's feelings in mind.  She's still grieving.
I think we should skip the parties for one thing.  We can
make suggestions, but I think we need to let our daughter
decide what she can handle this year.  Amanda and Anna
are so young.  I'm sure that Christy will want the girls
to have a happy Christmas.  But it may just have to be on
a smaller scale than what we are used to."

Julia daintily wiped her eyes with her lace handkerchief
and tried to smile.  "You're right, William.  I won't
push Christy to do more than she wants right now.  I love
her so much.  She deserves to be happy again. I just wish
there was more that we could do to help her."

Turning to his wife, William took her hands in his and
looked into her eyes.  "We're already taking care of her
and our granddaughters.  The only other thing we can do is
continue to pray.  I know that God will carry her through
her time of sorrow.  Only He knows what is best for Christy
right now.  We have to trust in Him."

Julia nodded and smiled at her husband.  Holding hands,
they bowed their heads and offered up heartfelt prayers
for their daughter.

~*~*~*~*~

Cutter Gap

Neil shut the door of his cabin on the cold, windy day
outside.  He put down his saddlebags and started a fire
to warm up the inside.  When he was satisfied with the
way the fire was burning, he hung up his coat and took
the letter out of its pocket.  He had been on his way
home from the mission when Ben Pentland had intercepted
him with a letter from Christy.  He was excited to hear
how she was doing, but as he read, his feelings changed.

                    Thursday, November 13, 1919

Dear Neil,

    Thank you for being so understanding and supportive.
I appreciate you "listening" to all of my complaining.
I really don't have anyone else that understands what I am
going through right now.  It is so nice to be able to put
what I am feeling on paper and know that you will be able
to relate.  Thank you for your prayers and helpful advice.

     I can't believe Ruby Mae is married and going to be
a mother.  I still think of her as my chattering red-headed
bundle when I first arrived at the mission.

   Thank you for the invitation to visit the Cove.  I would
love to visit sometime, but can't right now.  Some days,
I can barely make it through.  I don't know what I am
going to do about the holidays.  I had a big "discussion"
with my parents.  My mother thinks we should keep all of
the same traditions as usual, but it is just too painful
for me.  There are days when I struggle with just doing
the bare necessities that I can't even think about all
of the extra time and energy required to celebrate the
holidays like society expects.  I just want everything to
be simple.  That is all I can handle right now.  Even that
much overwhelms me.

    Amanda has been acting out again.  Some of the mothers
of children in her Sunday School class have mentioned how
awful the threes are.  Everyone talks about the "terrible
twos", but the threes are worse.  Amanda spoke early and
has always been very verbal, so we never had a problem with
temper tantrums due to the frustration of not being able to
communicate what she wanted.  She is in a new phase now.
I can't quite call it independence.  She is just testing
the limits.  She is disobeying in ways that she never would
have thought of before.  Yesterday, I asked her to pick up
her toys.  She told me, "No!"  We had some discussion about
responsibilities and obedience.  Then she still refused to
do it.  When I took away a privilege, she cried and cried
and told me how sorry she was.  She seems to break down at
the slightest little incident these days, too.  I think
her misbehavior and overactive emotions are magnified by
the loss of her father.   It is wearing me out having to
keep disciplining her for the same issues over and over.
Having to take care of all the parenting myself, makes me
miss Charles more.

    Anna is walking all over the place now, too, and is
able to disturb Amanda while she is playing.  I spend so
much of my days settling their squabbles.  I am already
feeling so depleted with grief, that I don't have much
left to give my daughters.  My mother has been helping
out quite a bit because I just can't do it.  I end up
getting upset with them for minor things.  I haven't been
sleeping well and that probably makes me that much worse.
It has just been such a struggle.  How will I ever get
through the holidays?  How did you make it, Neil?

    Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away and I
just dread it.  When we lived in South Carolina, it was
always such a thrill for Charles and me to come home to
Asheville to see our families at Thanksgiving.  My mother
always had a huge gathering.  Every other year, Charles'
sister would have Thanksgiving with her husband's family.
On those years, my mother-in-law, Charlotte, would join
us at my parents.  It was wonderful to have both sides
of our family together.  My mother plans to cut back
the guest list this year, but just seeing anyone outside
of my immediate family makes my heart ache for Charles.
I am afraid it will remind me of the fun we had on past
Thanksgivings and the fact that Charles will never be
here to share them with us again.  He won't tell his
usual jokes.  He won't be there to dip his finger in the
whipping cream to "taste test it" as he always said to
cover up his thievery.   Amanda was so young last year
and Anna was just an infant.  They will never remember a
Thanksgiving with their father.

    I'm sorry, Neil.  You have been so kind to me and here
I go telling you my woes again.  I hope that you have a
very Happy Thanksgiving this year.  Please say hello to
everyone at the mission's feast.

                    Sincerely, 
                    Christy


Neil read over certain parts of the letter again and began
to pray.  "Oh, Lord.  I noticed anger in her last letter,
but now it seems to have turned into anxiety.  Please
protect her and keep her from heading into depression.
I know how easy that can be.  Please show her that You
are her comforter and provider.  You are her strength and
shield.  Show me how to pray for her and how to help her."

Neil went to retrieve his Bible.  He needed some
encouragement of his own so that he could help Christy.
He spent much of the evening in study of God's Word and
in prayer for his friend.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 7
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  Christy and her parents
discussed the upcoming holidays.  Christy dreaded
Thanksgiving without Charles and expressed her fears to
Neil who offered advice and comfort.


Asheville

It was another gloomy, cool day in Asheville with the dark
clouds threatening rain all morning.  'Perfect,' thought
Christy as she glanced out the window of the parlor.
'Just the way I feel.' Christy had dragged herself out of
bed much later than usual, threw on an old maroon dress,
and spent the last hour in a fog, not wanting to do
a thing.  It was almost 11 am.  At least Christy didn't
have to endure her mother's worried looks at the table.
She completely missed breakfast today.  Lately, she had
been eating very little.  The thought of food made her
nauseous.  Thanksgiving was two days away, and Christy was
dreading it.  How could she give thanks when she felt that
she had lost so much?

Amanda came skipping into the parlor, pulling Anna by
the hand.  "We saw the postman, Momma.  Grandma said this
is for you."  Handing her mother the mail, she asked,
"Who's it from?"

Christy opened the envelope and removed a few sheets
of paper.  "It's from Dr.  MacNeill, Amanda.  Do you
remember him?"

Amanda nodded while answering, "He colored with me!"

"That's right, sweetie."  She gave Amanda a brief smile.

"Is there something for me?"

"Let's see."  Christy looked at the pages,  "Oh, he sent
a note just for you and Anna.  It says...

Dear Amanda and Anna,

    Yesterday, I visited with some children at school.
They told me that God loves them very much.  He gives them
many things.  Trees to climb in.  Flowers that smell nice.
Rabbit stew.  A new pair of shoes.  A family.  Books to
read.   A pet possum.

   I know that God loves me.  He listens to me when I pray.
He gave me a warm cabin to live in, a very nice horse,
friends that help me, my Aunt Hattie, and lots of beans
to eat this winter.  Most of all I thank God that He gave
me two new friends named Amanda and Anna.  You are very
special little girls and God loves you, too.  I know,
because He gave you a special momma and she loves you
very much.   Listen to your momma and your grandparents.
They love you, too.  When you pray, God will listen to you.
He will bless you and your momma.

                    Your friend,
                    Doc MacNeill


Christy folded the girls' letter and fought to keep the
tears at bay.  Amanda jumped up and gave Christy a hug.
"I love you, Momma!"  Anna giggled and reached for a
hug also.  Christy held both girls in her arms tightly.

"I'm gonna draw 'nother picture for him." Amanda wiggled
free and ran to get her crayons with Anna following behind.
Christy sat for a few minutes holding the letters and
thinking how kind it was for Neil to send such a sweet
note to the girls.  With shaking hands, she opened the
other sheet of paper.


                    Thursday, November 20

Dear Christy,

    I was sorry to read that you have been having such
a hard time.    I wish I could do more to take away your
pain, Christy, but I know that this is something that you
have to work through yourself, no matter how long it takes.
I am very glad that you feel comfortable confiding in
me. Believe me when I say that I understand how hard it
is to face the coming holidays, especially when you are
missing a loved one.   I can see from your last letter how
much Charles enjoyed his family, and how much you both
loved sharing Thanksgiving with everyone.  I hope this
letter reaches you in time.  I want you to know that you
will be in my prayers this week and especially on Thursday.

    Last year was my first holiday season alone.
It was very difficult for me.  Margaret loved Christmas,
especially after we both accepted the Lord.  During the
first Christmas without her, it was so very hard for me
to do anything that revolved around the traditions of
that day.  Alice threw herself into the preparations.
It helped her to feel closer to Margaret.  For me, it was
a reminder of how much I missed her.  Margaret loved to
make cutout sugar cookies at Christmas.  She would make
them into Christmas trees and snowmen and decorate them.
Right before our final Christmas together, she forced me to
help her decorate them.  I had more icing in my hair and on
the floor than I did on any of the cookies!   We laughed
so hard that afternoon.   This past Christmas, I couldn't
eat any sugar cookies; I wouldn't look at any cookies.
It brought up too many sad memories.

    There were days when I worried that I would never be
free of the sorrow and pain.  God promised us in Isaiah
41:13 - "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand,
saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee."  I learned
to trust that He would carry me through, and He is there
for you, too.  He will heal your heart.  Eventually, you
will find joy again.  Believe me, Christy.  This year,
I'm planning to gather the necessary ingredients for
Margaret's sugar cookies.  I think the border children at
the mission would enjoy an afternoon of baking with Alice.
Maybe I'll even eat one.

    You mentioned that your mother wants to keep her
traditions, and how you dread having to take part in all
the celebrations that are expected.  That's understandable,
Christy.   There were days when I wanted to lock myself
into my laboratory and never come out.   I didn't want to
be around anyone, and of course, everyone in the Cove tried
to get me to join in the festivities.   I knew that God
didn't want me to be alone and that I had been blessed with
friends and family that cared.  I had to decide for myself
which of the Cove's traditions I would participate in, and
decline the ones that brought me too much sorrow.   You may
have to do the same.  If you want a simpler Christmas,
then that's what you need to do, for yourself and for
your daughters.  I'm sure that all your girls really
want is to spend time with their mother and grandparents.
Perhaps making new traditions will help in some way.

    The Cove will be having the traditional Thanksgiving
feast after a special church service.  Cutter Gap has
much to be thankful for.  The men have been out hunting.
Game has been plentiful and this year's harvest has been
good for everyone.  Christy, I am thankful that God has
allowed us to become re-acquainted.   I look forward to
your letters.

                    Your friend,
                    Neil


Christy let out a shaky sigh.  Neil had understood her
again.  Christy took his letter up to her room.  She sat
down at the desk, took out a piece of her stationary and
began to write.  After writing a few sentences, she tore
it up and started over.


                    Tuesday, November 25

Dear Neil,
    Thank you for your letter.  It was...


Nervously, she ripped this sheet up, too.  Pulling out
another, she started again.  Christy's thoughts were so
jumbled up.  She was on edge, and couldn't concentrate
enough to put two sentences together.   After several
failed attempts to write to Neil, Christy finally gave up.
This letter would have to wait. "God, I just wish things
would get easier.  How much longer?  When is this pain
going to lessen?  Will it ever go away?  Please help
me, Lord!"

 ~*~*~*~*~

Christy had been dreading this day for weeks.  Thanksgiving
was finally here.  She awoke before sunrise and couldn't
get back to sleep - not that she had been getting much
sleep in the past few months anyway.  Though the morning
was cold, she quickly dressed, wrote a note to her parents
and grabbed a piece of bread on her way out the door.

As she passed her mother's flower beds, she wished she
could take some flowers to Charles' grave.  The recent
frost had taken care of that.  It had killed all of
her mother's beautiful chrysanthemums.   'They would
have made a lovely bouquet.  Well, it fits with how I am
feeling anyway - dead, lifeless, no color.  I guess it's
appropriate that I go empty handed since my life feels
so empty.'

Christy thought visiting the cemetery might help her
feel closer to Charles and not so lonely on this first
big holiday since his death.  As she drew closer to
the cemetery, the tears started to flow.  So many of
her emotions had been held in check the past months.
She couldn't grieve like she wanted to in front of the
girls, and with caring for them, she had so little time
to herself.  Also, she was afraid to really let her
feelings out for fear of not being able to stop the
tears, the anger, the frustration, the questions, the
helplessness, and so many other feelings she didn't even
know how to identify.

Christy continued putting one foot in front of the other
until she came to Charles' grave.  She dropped to her
knees and read the tombstone through her tears:

          Charles Michael Hamilton, III
          1891 - 1919
          Beloved Husband and Father
          "And this is the record, that God hath given
          to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son."
                                     -  I John 5:11


She buried her head in her hands and cried until her sobs
turned into a prayer.

"Lord, I still don't understand all of this.  I know that
You are in control and You are taking care of me and the
girls, but I am really struggling trying to find things
to be thankful for this year.  You died for my sins.
Charles believed that, too, and so I know he is with you
now.  Beyond that, though, I can't think of anything else
to be thankful for this year.  With the pain I am feeling,
I don't know how You willingly let Your Son die for us."

Christy sobbed some more before her tone changed.  "Why did
Charles have to leave us so soon?  You know how much we
needed him and how much we miss him.  How can we enjoy
Thanksgiving without Charles?  Amanda and Anna will never
remember a Thanksgiving with him.  They will never know how
he liked to celebrate and take time out to be thankful.
I know he would want me to be thankful even though he
is not here this year, but I just can't seem to do it.
I can't get past the loneliness without him."

Christy wiped her eyes with her handkerchief as more tears
continued to come.  "The pain is so great.  My heart feels
broken.  I don't know how it will ever mend.  How will
I ever find joy in life again?  Please, Lord," Christy
pleaded, "Please help me.  I need Your peace.  I need to
be there for my girls and right now I am not doing a good
job of that.  I can't see past my own grief.  What am I
going to do?  Please show me what I need to do because
I don't know how much longer I can go on in this pain.
I don't know how I will ever make it through this day.
Lord, please help me."

Christy buried her face in her hands again and continued
to allow herself some time for grieving.  When she finally
stood, she was physically and emotionally exhausted. That
would have to do for now because it was all her fragile
emotions could handle. There was still so much more that
needed to be handed over, but her heart felt a little
lighter after giving some of her burden to the Lord.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 8
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  Neil wrote Christy about his
own experience of his first holiday without Margaret.
Christy visited the cemetery and struggled to find
something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving.


Cutter Gap

Neil shut the barn door behind him.  He pulled the collar
of his coat up around his neck, against the blustery wind,
and hurried to the mission house.  Charlie had been fed and
watered, and could get a much deserved rest before heading
home.  As Neil bounded up the steps, the door flew open
and a few of the border children stumbled into the doctor.

"Whoa!  Slow down.  What's the hurry?"  Doc said, as he
caught Vella Holt before she fell down the stairs.

Three of the border children looked up excitedly.
"Sorry, Doc.  We was in a hurry ta get ta the schoolhouse.
Teacher's really busy gettin' ready fer the Christmas
pageant.  Mrs. O'Brien said we could help her make
Christmas wreaths fer the church, but we gots ta git our
mornin' chores done."

Neil nodded.  "Well, just be careful.  I don't want to
have to treat any broken bones today."

"Sure thing, Doc."

Neil watched as the children scampered up the hill towards
the schoolhouse and then entered the Mission House.
He followed the smell of freshly brewed coffee into the
dining room and set his saddlebags down on a nearby chair.

"Good Morning, Neil!  When did thee get back?"  Alice was
seated at the table and had been enjoying a delicious
breakfast along with Reverend O'Brien.  He was dressed in
dark brown pants with a tan colored, long sleeved shirt
and suspenders. His neatly trimmed brown hair was just
starting to gray at the temples.

"Hello, Alice.  I've just returned.  Been riding all night.
I haven't been to my cabin yet.  I put Charlie up in the
barn.  Hope you don't mind."  Neil's clothes were rumpled,
his hair unkempt, and he had dark circles under his eyes.

Shaking her head, Alice gestured towards a chair.
"I'm glad thee stopped here first.  Let us get thee some
nourishment.  I'm sure once thee arrives home, thee will
head straight for bed."

Looking toward the middle-aged man sitting across from
Alice, Neil asked with a grin as he sat down, "Patrick,
did you save any of that coffee for me, or have you emptied
the pot yourself?

The preacher stood up and laughed,  "There may be a drop
or two left, Neil.  I'll even see if my beautiful wife has
made any more of her delicious biscuits."   As he headed
towards the kitchen, Reverend O'Brien announced, "Kathleen!
The Doc is back!"

"You've been gone for over a week, Neil.  Uncle Bogg told
us there was fever in Low Gap.  Is everyone alright?"
Alice inquired.

"Yes, it appears so.  Several children came down with
Scarlet Fever.  Luckily, I was able to quarantine them and
contain the illness.  There haven't been any new cases in
the past few days.  Oh, thank you, Kathleen," Neil said as
he accepted a cup of steaming rich coffee from the woman.
She was neatly dressed in a green dress with a crisp
white apron.  Her light colored hair was pulled back in
a bun with wispy curls framing her face.

Setting a plate in front of the doctor, the preacher's
wife offered him some biscuits.  "Here, Neil, fresh out
of the oven.  And don't say no.  I know you haven't eaten
enough in the last few days with all the doctoring you've
been doing.  I'll be right back with the gravy."

Patrick smiled and watched Kathleen return to the kitchen.
"No use arguing, Doctor.  If you don't eat them now,
she'll pack 'em up for you.  Might as well enjoy them
while they're hot."  He set down a fresh pot of coffee
that he had brought back from the kitchen.

Neil chuckled.  "I'd be a fool to turn down your wife's
cooking, Reverend.  Why do you think I stopped here before
heading home?"  The three friends laughed.

Kathleen O'Brien came back with a bowl in one hand and a
platter of sausage in the other.  "Here's the gravy, Neil,
and sausage.  Help yourself to all the biscuits you want."

"Kathleen, why don't thee join us for some more coffee?"
Alice asked.  "Thee has been so busy in that kitchen
this morning.  Thee deserves a break."

"Thanks Alice, but I've had my fill.  As soon as I clean
up these dishes, I've got to get over to the schoolhouse.
I sent those children out to finish their chores and gather
up some pine boughs.  We're going to decorate the church,
and if I don't get over there soon, they may try to bring
in a whole tree."

Alice laughed,  "Just leave the dishes, Kathleen.  I will
take care of cleaning the kitchen."

Patrick took the last swallow of coffee and stood up.
"I need to be on my way, too.  Granny Barclay has been
under the weather.  I want to stop in for a visit."
Gently he took Kathleen's hand,  "May I walk you to the
school house, my dear wife?"

"Yes, darling, I would like that."  Kathleen smiled.
Turning to the doctor she asked, "Neil, it's been quite
awhile since we've shared an evening together. Would you
join us for dinner tonight?"

"If there are no medical emergencies, then yes, I would
enjoy the company.  Thank you."  The Preacher helped his
wife into her coat, and Neil watched as the couple walked
out the door of the mission house arm in arm.  He didn't
miss the looks that passed between them.  After over 25
years of marriage, the love and devotion that the O'Briens
had for each other was very evident, and it seemed to grow
with each passing year.

Neil poured himself more coffee and sat staring into
the cup.  Several moments passed as Alice watched her
son-in-law thoughtfully.  She had seen that look often
in the last month.  With the holidays approaching, she
had felt the sadness, too.  She would be spending another
Christmas without her daughter.  This year, however, the
pain wasn't as great.

"Neil," she said quietly.  The doctor continued to stare
into his cup.  "Neil?"  Alice gently touched his arm,
causing the doctor to look up.

"What?  Oh, I'm sorry, Alice.  My mind wandered off," he
said looking down again.  He had been so busy with his
patients, and now, memories of the past holidays flooded
his mind.

"We didn't get much of a chance to talk on Thanksgiving
before thee was called away.  I've been worried about
thee, Neil.  With the holidays fast approaching, I hated
to think of thee being alone."

Looking up, Neil responded, "I'm not alone, Alice.  God has
been a faithful traveling companion.  I'm fine, really."
Alice smiled at the thought of how far Neil had come in
his walk with the Lord.

As Neil looked towards the window, Alice took a deep
breath,  "Thee were thinking of Margaret.   I have been,
too."

"Yes."  Nodding his head, Neil continued thoughtfully,
"She would have been over there with Kathleen helping
with the wreaths.  Probably would have had her own plans
for assisting the children in making decorations for the
Christmas tree."

Alice stood up and walked over to the window.  They
remained silent for a few minutes.  "If I listen closely,
I can almost hear Margaret leading them in singing carols."
She brushed a stray tear from her cheek.

Neil smiled.  "She did love to sing.  She would start the
day after Thanksgiving.  I think by Christmas Eve, I had
heard every carol ever written."

Standing up, Neil went to the chair that held his
saddlebags, and picked up a sack.  "The Bradleys paid me
in flour."  He handed the sack to Alice.  "I'm heading to
El Pano in a few days.  I'll be picking up confectioners
sugar and colored sugars.  I have baking powder at home and
some butter.   Do you think you could set aside a few eggs?
Oh, and I think we'll need some vanilla.  Do you have that
in the kitchen?"  Neil's eyes had a sparkle in them.

Alice's curiosity got the better of her.  "I am intrigued,
Neil.  What are thee planning?"

"Ah, Alice.  I found Margaret's recipe for her favorite
sugar cookies.  I also came across her cookie cutters.
I was hoping that, well; maybe you and the border children
would like to bake a batch of her cookies for the Christmas
Eve celebration.  I'll even bring the necessities for
the icing."

Clasping her hands and putting a finger to her lips, Alice
held back a laugh.  Trying not to smile, she replied,
"Margaret told me how well thee did decorating her sugar
cookies."  Trying to put on a stern face, Alice commanded,
"I'll not have icing all over the mission's floor...and
perhaps, thee should cut thy hair first."

"Why Alice, that is why I will be supervising!"  Neil and
his mother-in-law both burst into laughter.

"It appears that this Christmas will be much happier than
our last one," Alice said with a smile.

"Yes, I do believe you are right.  It will be happier."
Slowly, his smile faded, "for some."

"Christy.  This year will be very difficult for her."
Tears came to Alice's eyes as she thought of the young
woman whom she had come to love as a daughter.  "Have thee
heard from her recently, Neil?"

"No, I haven't.  Have you?"

Alice shook her head no.

"It's been almost a month."  Neil was clearly concerned.
"I'm worried about her, Alice.  She was so sad before
Thanksgiving.  Christmas was hard enough for us, but at
least we had each other to depend on."

Alice looked at Neil, confused.  "Yes, and Christy has
her parents.  She'll be fine."

"I know she has her parents, Alice, and the Huddlestons
are very supportive.  But she also has her young children,
and I know Christy will want them to have a happy holiday.
She takes such good care of them, but I'm afraid she's
not taking enough care of herself."  Neil's eyes expressed
the concern he had for Christy.  "She misses her husband
greatly."

Alice took Neil's hands in her hands.  "Then we must
pray for her."  Neil nodded and closed his eyes.  As they
held hands, Alice prayed, "Heavenly Father, we ask Thee
to keep our friend in Thy care.  Wrap Thy loving arms
around Christy and her children, and give her Thy peace.
She is struggling with her sorrow and needs to feel Thy
love in her heart."

Neil continued,  "God, Christy needs You now.  She is
suffering so.  Please give her the strength she needs as
she faces Christmas without Charles.  Watch over Amanda
and Anna, too.  They are too young to understand what
they have lost.  Perhaps they can help Christy by sharing
their joy.  We ask this, in Jesus' name.   Amen."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 9
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  After breakfast with the
O'Briens, Neil and Alice reminisced about Margaret's love
of Christmas.  Neil shared his concern over how Christy
is handling her grief with the upcoming holiday.


Cutter Gap

Neil was working in his laboratory when he heard the knock
on his door.  He answered the door quickly wondering what
type of medical emergency he would be off to this time.
He was surprised to see Ben Pentland at the door.

"Howdy, Doc!  I been callin' out U-nited States mail fer
a long ways now."

"Sorry, Ben.  I didn't hear you.  I must have been too
absorbed in my work."

"Wahl now, what could ya be working on that takes away
yer hearin'?"

Not wanting to travel that road of conversation, Neil
simply replied, "Medicine."  Before the postman could
reply, Neil asked, "Did you have some mail for me?"

"Oh, yeah.  Here ya go."  With a snide smile on his face
he said, "Another letter from Asheville-way with a woman's
handwritin' on it."  Neil ignored the look and the tone
of Ben's voice.

Seeing that the letter was a long expected one from
Christy and wanting to read it right away, Neil replied,
"Thank you, Ben.  I need to get back to my work.  Have a
good day."  With that, Mr. Pentland reluctantly turned
around and Neil quickly shut the door.  He returned to
his lab, opened the envelope, and began to read.


                    Saturday, December 6

Dear Neil,

    I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write back to
you. Lately, I have been having trouble thinking clearly.
I've started several letters to you, but haven't gotten
very far.  My wastebasket is filled with failed attempts.
That is kind of the way my life is.  I can't seem to
do anything right these days. I can't even pray for
more than a few minutes before my mind wanders off.
It is such an effort just to drag myself out of bed.
Sometimes all I want to do is sleep.  I think that keeps
me from feeling the pain of missing Charles.  Some days
I feel like life will never get any better - that it will
always be this way.

    I don't know what I would do if Mother wasn't
helping out so much with the girls.  I can't even do that
right anymore.  I get snippy with them for nothing in
particular and then they cry.  I feel awful, but I can't
even comfort them.  I just don't have anything left in me
to give to anyone else - not even my daughters.

    Thanksgiving was awful just like I had dreaded.
I went to the cemetery early that morning and was drained
by the time I returned home.  Then I was expected to put
on a happy smile, look elegant, help with the food, keep
the girls out of trouble, and make small talk.  It was all
too much for me.  Some of the relatives seemed to think
that I should instantly be over the death of my husband
or be able to put on an act for one day.  The others just
felt sorry for me and didn't know what to say.

     All day long on Thanksgiving, I couldn't stop thinking
about Charles and how much I wished he were with me.
I just wanted him there to put his arms around me and make
me feel better.  I wanted to be able to talk to him and
tell him how much the girls have changed.  I wanted him to
tell a joke and make me laugh.  I wanted to smack his hand
when he tried to dip his finger into the whipped cream.
I wanted to pray with him and thank the Lord for all that
we had to be thankful for this year.  But, he wasn't here
and I couldn't think of anything to be thankful for.

    I ended up disappearing to my room for a while in
the afternoon to cry.  I tried to pray, but couldn't.
My mother did not approve of me leaving, but I think Daddy
kept her from saying anything to me.  Mother Hamilton,
Charles' mother, who came for Thanksgiving dinner, noticed
that I had disappeared.  She came in to talk to me after
a while.  We both cried over missing him.  She lost her
husband when Charles and his sister were little so she
could relate to what I was going through.  I never wanted
to bother her since her grief for her son is so fresh, too.
I felt bad later, putting my burden on her.  It did help
talking to her, though.  She said that we need to go
through the holidays and they will be painful.  She also
told me that she sees Charles in the girls.  That made me
feel a little better.  It was such a difficult day, that
I was just so glad when everyone left a little earlier
than usual.

    I am relieved that I made it through Thanksgiving.
Now I am dreading Christmas.  It might be even worse.
Charles won't be here to pick out a Christmas tree or
help decorate it.  He won't be here to see how excited the
girls are when they open their presents.  Since Amanda's
first Christmas, he would always buy her (and later Anna,
too) one or two presents that I didn't even know about.
Last year I was as surprised as Amanda was when she opened
a new toy he bought for her.

    Sometimes I just get so angry wondering why Charles
had to leave us so soon.  I feel deserted.  I know it
wasn't his choice, but that's the way I feel - like he
left us alone.  How are we supposed to go on without him?
I don't understand.  I just feel so overwhelmed with life
most of the time.

    Here I go again complaining to you.  I'm sorry.  Thank
you for the kind note to Amanda and Anna.  They really
liked it.  After reading it, Amanda wanted to draw you
a picture, which I've included.  It's supposed to be a
Christmas tree.  Anna couldn't be left out, so here is her
"drawing", too.  I have no idea what she intended hers
to be.

    I hope the cookie baking goes well at the mission.
I am sure the children will enjoy it and will be thrilled
if you taste test the cookies and give your approval.

    Thank you for all of your helpful advice and scriptures.

                    Christy


Neil had to read over the letter again to fully comprehend
Christy's anger and depression.  He was so distressed by
how his friend was feeling that all he could say was,
"Oh, Christy."  He began to pray fervently for her.
After a long time of praying, he took out a piece of paper
and began to write her back immediately.  "Lord, please
give me the words to say to help Christy.  She needs You
now more than ever."

Continuing to pray as he wrote, Neil finished the letter.
He quickly addressed an envelope then took the letter
to his saddlebags.  'I'll ride to El Pano and mail it
first thing in the morning.  Lord, please help Christy
get through this difficult time and let this letter help
minister to her.  Please let her find hope in You again.'

Neil felt a little better when he returned to Christy's
letter and took out the pictures from Amanda and Anna.
They brought a smile to his face.  'Lord, please let these
little girls help Christy smile again.'  Neil continued
praying for Christy until he fell asleep that night.

~*~*~*~*~

Asheville

Julia climbed the stairs on her way to Christy's room.
She hadn't heard from her daughter since she had taken
lunch up to her on a tray over 3 hours ago.  Julia was
so worried.  It had been three weeks since Thanksgiving
and Christy's grief had consumed her.  She was exhausted,
had no appetite, and had been spending more and more time
in her room.  Where once she would have been joyously busy
with holiday preparations, she now scarcely had the desire
to get out of bed.  As she reached the top of the stairs,
Julia found her granddaughter sitting on the floor, leaning
against her mother's bedroom door, hugging her knees up
to her chest and her face buried in her arms.

"Amanda, what's wrong, sweetheart?"  As she knelt down
to the little girl's level, Julia could hear her crying
softly.

Not looking up, Amanda answered, "Momma's mad at me. She
doesn't love me anymore."

"That's not true, Amanda.  Your momma loves you very much.
She isn't angry with you at all.   What makes you think
that?"  Julia stroked her granddaughter's long brown hair.

"I asked her to read me a story.  She said no.  She said
to go downstairs."  Amanda sniffled.  "Why does Momma stay
in her room all the time?"

Julia slowly shook her head.  "Your momma isn't feeling
well, that's all dear.  She's just very tired."

"Grandma?"  Amanda looked up at Julia with a tear-stained
face.  With her lower lip quivering, she asked,  "Is Momma
gonna die, too?"

"Oh, honey!"  Taking Amanda into her arms, Julia held
her tightly.  "Your mother's not going to die.  She will
be around a long time to take care of you.  You and your
sister are the most important people in your momma's
life." Amanda started crying softly again.

"Look at me, dear."  Turning Amanda's face up so that
she could look into her eyes, Julia reassured her
granddaughter, "Your momma will be up and around soon.
You know that when you aren't feeling well, you usually
feel better after you stay in bed for awhile, right?"
Amanda nodded, while Julia wiped the tears from her face
with a lace hanky.  "Well, your momma just needed to
rest, too."

Julia stood up, helping her granddaughter up, too.
"Now, I'm going to go check on your mother.  I'm sure
that your grandpa would love to read a story to you.
He's in the parlor.  Why don't you ask him?"

Amanda gave her grandma a shy smile, "Alright, Grandma."

Julia watched until her granddaughter got to the bottom of
the stairs.  'Dear God,' she thought.  'This has gone on
long enough.  Help my daughter.'  She then smoothed out
her skirt, patted the pocket that held the day's mail,
and with a look of determination, Julia knocked on her
daughter's bedroom door.

~*~*~*~*~

Christy had curled up into a fetal position and pulled the
covers up over her head.  She could hear the muffled voices
of her mother and daughter in the hallway.  She hadn't
wanted to refuse to read to Amanda, but she just couldn't
summon the energy to put on a cheerful face for her
daughter.  She couldn't feel anything anymore.  The past
couple of weeks had dragged by.  She had spent much of
her days either in bed or sitting at her dressing table.
She missed Charles so deeply that her heart couldn't take
the pain anymore, and so Christy had shut herself off from
everyone and everything.

Pulling the covers off her head, she heard the knock
at her door.  "Christy?  It's your mother, dear."
Opening the door, Julia stepped into the darkened room.
"Christy, please sit up in that bed.  We need to talk."
She went over to the windows and promptly pulled back the
curtains, letting the sunshine flood into Christy's room.

As she sat up in bed, Christy shaded her eyes.
"Mother, please!  I prefer it dark."

"No!  It's about time we got some things out in the open.
Now you are going to listen to me, Christy."  Sitting on
the side of the bed, she continued,  "I know you miss
Charles, and I can only imagine how painful this is
for you.  But, this has gone on long enough.  You are not
the only one suffering here, Christy, and it's about time
that you realized that."  Christy opened her mouth to say
something, but her mother held her hand up and continued.

"Let me finish.  I came up here a few minutes ago to gather
your lunch tray, which I see you haven't touched again.
I found your daughter sitting outside this room sobbing!
She thought maybe you were angry with her, or didn't love
her anymore.  She couldn't understand why you won't come
out of your room."  Looking down, Christy nervously played
with the edge of her blanket.

"I tried to explain to Amanda that you weren't feeling
well.  I didn't want to alarm her, but do you know what
she asked me?"  Julia's voice shook as she went on.
"She asked me if her momma was going to die, too!"

Christy gasped and brought her folded hands up to her
mouth, as tears sprang to her eyes.

"That is exactly how I felt, Christy.  My heart broke
for her."  Wiping the tears from her eyes, Julia took her
daughter's hands.  "Amanda's all right.  I assured her
that her momma loves her, that you aren't going to die,
and that you would always be there for her."

Her voice trembling, Julia took a deep breath and
continued.  "Christy, your father and I will always be
here for you, too.  We have done everything we could to
make things easier for you.   We have been happy to take
care of you and the girls.  But, perhaps we have done too
much.  It is time for you to make some changes, Christy.
You need to start taking better care of yourself because
your daughters need you.  They miss you, just as you are
missing Charles."

Christy's tears flowed freely now.  Her emotions were
so raw that she couldn't speak.  Julia gave her daughter
a hug.  "I love you, Christy.  You do know that you are
not alone in this.  Your father and I care very much."
Julia stood up and handed her a clean handkerchief.
"Now, dinner will be ready at the usual time.  I hope
that you will join us tonight, and that you will actually
eat something.  Amanda and Anna will be very happy to see
their momma."

Christy nodded her head, "Thank you, Mother."

As Julia turned to leave the room, she remembered the
letter in her pocket. "I almost forgot."  Handing the
envelope to Christy, she smiled and said, "You have friends
in Cutter Gap that care for you, too."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 10
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  Neil realized from her
last letter, that Christy had fallen into a depression.
Julia found her granddaughter, Amanda, crying and worried
that her momma would die.  Julia confronted Christy and
challenged her to make some changes.


Asheville

Christy sat quietly on her bed, long after her mother left
the room, allowing fresh tears to coarse down her cheeks.
The thought of Amanda's fear made Christy shudder to think
of what she had put her daughters through.  After a while,
she remembered the letter she had been clutching to her
chest, and began to read.

                    Friday, December 12

Dear Christy,

    I pray that this letter finds you feeling a bit better.
I was relieved to hear from you, but I must admit that
your last letter also concerned me a great deal.  No!
Do not apologize for sharing your fears and your deepest
thoughts with me.  You are my friend, Christy, a dear
friend, and friends share each other's burdens.  I will
do anything I can to help you through this difficult time.

    First of all, I must say this to you.  As your friend,
I urge you to see your physician, and have a complete exam.
If you are not eating right, and not getting the proper
rest, then you will have a harder time dealing with your
grief.  Your doctor can tell you the best foods to eat.
You said in your letter, that you wanted to sleep all the
time and yet, didn't have the energy to take care of your
daughters.  I'll wager that the rest you are getting isn't
a deep, restful sleep that you need to refresh yourself.
Your doctor may be able to give you something to help
with that.

    That being said, I would encourage you to read
Psalm 139.  God knows you, Christy.  He knows your heart
and He knows your mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.
Even though you feel all alone and in the midst of despair,
God is there with you.  He will uphold you in this.
Cry out to Him and then listen.

    Christy, there was a time after Margaret died, when I
was where you are now.  My grief overwhelmed me.  I didn't
want to be doctoring anymore.   I couldn't find solace
in the river, and so I made a decision.  I was going
to leave Cutter Gap.  I threw a few of my belongings in
my saddlebags, closed up my cabin, and left on Charlie.
The plan was for me to leave without telling anyone, go
to Knoxville to see about finding a physician who would be
willing to go into the Cove and take over my patients, and
then once I got settled somewhere, I would notify Alice
of my decision.

    Well, before I could leave, I needed to see my
mountains one more time, and so I went up to God's Fist.
I had thought that I would stay there for a while and
then take the image of home with me.  I was certain that I
was never coming back.  As I stood there overlooking the
majesty, I cried out to God.  I let all my emotions out,
all of my anger and pain, and then allowed God's peace
to wash over me.  After some time, I mounted Charlie and
headed back to my cabin.  When I got back, I found Becky
O' Teale sitting on my porch.  Alice had taught her to
sew, and Becky had made a pouch for me to hold my small
optical equipment.  On the front, she had embroidered my
name:  Dr. MacNeill.  God showed me through Becky, how
much I was needed in the Cove.  I knew that I needed to
get my life back.

    I would never tell you that it was easy for me after
that, Christy.  It was still a struggle, but one that I
knew I needed to overcome.  I had to push myself daily
to do what had to be done.  Some days were easier than
others, but I knew all along that God was there for me.

    Christy, you need to do the same right now.
Cry out to God, and leave all your pain in His hands.
"Pray without ceasing."  (I Thes. 5:17)  Once you have
given Him everything, then you must get up and begin
to start living again.    Take things one day at a time.
Proverbs 3: 5, 6 tell us,  "Trust in the Lord with all your
heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your
ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
Take this to heart Christy, and allow Him to show you
the way.

    From what you have told me of Charles, he seems to have
been a strong family man.  He would want you to reclaim
your life.  He wanted you to be the mother of his children.
Well, Christy, your children need you now.  They need your
love and guidance.  And you need them.  You need their joy.

    Christy, please thank Amanda and Anna for their
very creative pictures.  I wasn't planning on putting
up a Christmas tree of my own, so Amanda's tree will do
just fine.  Both of the pictures are my most treasured
Christmas decorations this year!

    You can be assured of my prayers for you, and of my
friendship, Christy.  I am here if you ever need me.

                     Neil


Christy clutched the letter to her chest and wiped the
tears from her eyes.  Much of the grief that she had
felt was replaced with the shame she felt in neglecting
her daughters.  She had let them down when they needed
her most.  Christy remembered the many times that Charles
had told her what a great mother she was.  She had let
Charles down, too.  Neil was right.  God would take care
of her, but she needed to do her part as well.  She asked
God to forgive her.

Reaching over and taking her Bible from her bedside table,
Christy turned to Psalm 139.  "O Lord, You have searched me
and known me.  You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thoughts afar off..."  She let the words
settle in her heart as she read, "If I take the wings of
the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand
shall hold me."  As she continued to read, Christy felt
His loving arms wrap around her and a sense of peace filled
her heart.  "...Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me
and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way
in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."

Allowing cleansing tears to flow down her cheeks, Christy
set her Bible aside, got out of bed and fell to her knees.
"Ouch," she cried out, as she looked down and rubbed
her knee.  On the carpet, where she had knelt, was a tiny
blue button.  Christy recognized it as coming from one
of Amanda's dresses.  This button brought back a flood of
memories, of another time, when she had planned to leave
the Cove.  God had showed her then how much she was needed,
and how much she had to give.

Clutching the button and the letter, Christy poured her
heart out to God for a long time.  She cried until she
could cry no more.  She let out all of her anger, her
grief and her pain, and then she listened.  Christy felt
God's love and peace flow through her, and fill her with a
determination that she hadn't felt in a long time.  Christy
stood up, and slipping the blue button and Neil's letter
into the envelope, she added it to the bundle of letters
that she had kept in her dressing table.  After making
her bed, she washed up, and put on a blue dress that was
Amanda's favorite.  Brushing out her hair, Christy smiled
and went downstairs to join her family for dinner.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 11
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  Christy received another
letter from Neil in which he shared his own struggles
with grief and offered encouragement.  Christy resolved
to overcome her depression.


Asheville

"One more, Momma, please?"  Amanda came running back to
the parlor holding out another book.  Christy had spent
the last half hour reading and cuddling with the girls
on the settee.  Last night had been a turning point for
her, and she woke up this morning with a renewed purpose.
The day had gone well for Christy and it was evident just
how much her daughters had missed her.  Amanda had a smile
from ear to ear, and Anna hadn't left her momma's lap in
quite some time.  Christy was content to just sit and read
aloud, holding her daughters, and alternately stroking one
or the other's soft hair.   She hadn't felt this relaxed
in awhile.

Smiling, Christy answered, "Alright, sweetheart, one more
story and then it will be time to get ready for bed.  Let's
see which one you've brought this time."  Amanda handed
her the book and climbed back up to sit close to her momma.

As she started the story, Christy hadn't seen her mother
peek her head into the parlor.  Julia smiled at the sight
of her daughter and granddaughters and let out a happy
sigh.  Going back into the dining room, she walked up to
her husband and gave his arm a squeeze.  "Oh, William,
it seems like Christy has had such a good day today.
She actually had some breakfast and spent the morning
playing with the girls.  They're in the parlor right now
listening to Christy read.  I am so pleased to see our
three girls smiling!"

William smiled and gently brushed a stray tear off his
wife's cheek.  "Yes, I was thrilled to see her join us
for dinner last night as well.  I think her appetite may
be coming back."  He placed a large box on the table, and
started emptying the contents of several bags.

Looking at the items that were scattered on the table,
Julia said, "I am so glad we decided to go ahead and
prepare Christy's package.  She's been doing this ever
since she left Cutter Gap, and I know that if she had been
more herself, she would have remembered."

"I agree.  No matter what has gone on in Christy's life
these past six years, she has always remembered her
children in the Cove at Christmas.  This year will be
no different."

"What children, Grandpa?"  Amanda startled both her
grandparents when she crept into the dining room.

"Before your momma married your daddy, she was a teacher
in a school in the mountains.  She was always doing special
things for all the children.  After she finished teaching,
she would still send a special Christmas gift to the school
as a surprise.  We are going to help your momma to send
this year's gift.  Would you like to help, Amanda?"

"Yes, Grandpa!  Can I pick out the ribbon?"  William and
Julia laughed to see how excited Amanda was.

"You certainly may, honey." Julia said.  " Do you think
Anna might want to help?"

"Anna fell asleep.  Momma's putting her to bed. Grandpa,
what did you get for the school?"

~*~*~*~*~

Christy softly hummed a lullaby as she stood over the crib
and covered Anna with her blanket.  She loved the way her
daughter's pink rosebud lips formed a slight smile when she
slept.  Christy thanked God for reminding her of the little
joys that she had been blind to in the last few months.
After gathering up the clothes that Anna had worn for the
day, and placing them in the laundry basket that she kept
next to the crib, Christy returned to the parlor.

As she sat down on the settee, Christy smiled at the small
stack of books on the end table.  Amanda had been careful
to keep everything neat.  There was such a difference in
Christy, ever since talking with her mother and receiving
Neil's letter.   She reflected over the last 24 hours,
and for the first time in a long time, Christy had felt
a glimmer of hope.  She had been rewarded with a huge
smile from Amanda when she saw her momma come into the
dining room last night, wearing her favorite blue dress.
She had taken time to tuck the girls in for bed yesterday,
and received a big hug from both of them.  Christy had
spent the rest of last evening in prayer asking for God's
continued help and then took time to read her Bible.

Today had dawned with clear blue skies and the sun had
shown all day.  Her appetite was slowly returning, and
despite taking a short nap in the afternoon while the
girls had napped, Christy didn't feel that exhausted.
She had a lot to make up to her daughters and today
she had made an effort to start.  After helping them to
dress in the morning, she had cut out red and green paper
strips and taught Amanda to paste them into a long chain.
They would add this to the Christmas decorations.

Christy had also had a long talk with her mother over
afternoon tea.  Julia was surprised, but pleased that her
daughter had decided to make an appointment to see their
family physician for a complete examination.  He had agreed
to see Christy the very next morning.   Julia also listened
to her daughter's concerns over the Christmas holidays.
Christy shared with her how she and Charles had always
taken a day to shop for Christmas gifts for the girls.
Christy still needed to do her shopping and had been
dreading going alone this year.  After arranging with her
father to watch the girls, Christy and her mother would
tackle this task the next day, following her appointment.
Although Christy was still sad, knowing that there wouldn't
be a special gift for Amanda and Anna from their daddy,
and that they wouldn't accompany Charles to pick out just
the right Christmas tree, she was determined to make this
a happy holiday.

"Thank You, God, for helping me through today," Christy
whispered a prayer to her loving Father.  "I know it
will still take time to get over the pain of losing my
husband, but at least I can see now that it is possible
as long as I hold onto You.  Thank You for blessing me
with such wonderfully caring and supportive parents, and
thank You also for Neil.  He is such a good friend, Lord.
Most of all, thank You for my two beautiful daughters.
Charles would be so proud of them."

'Speaking of daughters,' Christy thought looking around,
'Where is Amanda?'  Standing up, she walked through the
foyer and kitchen, when she heard voices coming from the
dining room.

"What's going on in here?"  Christy asked as she entered
the room.

Amanda squealed and ran to grab her momma's hand.  "Momma,
look at all these s'prises!  It's for the children in your
mountain school!"

A look of shock passed over Christy's face as she looked
at both parents for an explanation.  "Daddy?"

Smiling, William answered,  "Yes, Christy, your mother
and I knew that you wouldn't want to forget your former
students.  So we thought it would be all right if we
remembered them for you.  Amanda, here, was just helping
us to pack everything up.   If we get it out to the Post
Office early in the morning, hopefully it will arrive in
the Cove by Christmas Eve."

Noticing the tears glistening in her mother's eyes,
Christy allowed her own tears to fall, as she embraced both
parents.  "Thank you both, so much," Christy whispered.

"Momma, do you wanna see what's in the box?"

"Yes I do, honey."  Amanda took everything out once again.
Christy was amazed at all that her parents had gathered.
There were packets of colored paper, boxes of crayons,
writing tablets and pencils for the students, several
boxes of white and colored chalk, a chalkboard eraser,
and a new wall map for the school itself.

"Daddy, this is so much.  The students will never accept
all of this."  Again, Christy felt the frustration of
knowing that she had so much to give, and that the Cove
families wouldn't be beholden.

"Hopefully, Christy, we have taken care of that."
William pulled out a letter that he had written.  "I have
instructed the school teacher to use these items as she
needs during school hours, in the hopes that the children
will be able to save what little they have for their own
use at home.   She can hand them out and then collect them
when they are finished."

Julia continued, "And I have asked that the students send
examples of their art work and a collection of stories or
poems to us.  I thought maybe we could take them to the
children's ward at the hospital to help cheer up those
that are ill.   I still remember how you would work so
hard to find ways to trade with the students.  They could
use their new items, and help others at the same time."

"Oh, Mother, thank you.   I've been so wrapped up in my
own grief that I have forgotten how good it feels to give
to others.  You have been patient with me and have done
so much, taking care of all of us.  So have you, Daddy.
I don't know how I can repay you."

"Just be happy, Christy.  That's all we want for you."
Picking up a spool of ribbon, he looked at Amanda and said,
"Now, I believe you wanted to use green?"

"Yes!  Grandpa's gonna help me tie green ribbon on
candy sticks, Momma.  The children will have a treat
on Christmas."

"That's wonderful, sweetheart," Christy smiled at her
daughter.

Handing her daughter some stationary, Julia said,  "Christy
dear, I have sent Christmas greetings to the mission from
all of us.  But, perhaps you would like to send a few
notes yourself?  We could mail them in the morning with
the package."

Taking a deep breath, Christy replied, "I think I would
like that, Mother.  I haven't written to Miss Alice in
quite awhile."   Taking the stationary and a couple of
envelopes, she sat down at the table, enjoying the sight
of Amanda and her grandpa tying ribbon around peppermint
sticks!

~*~*~*~*~

Cutter Gap

A disgruntled Ben Pentland walked up the steps of the
mission house calling out his trademark, "U-nited States
mail!"  Miss Alice opened the door before he had to knock.
She didn't even get a greeting out before the postman
started complaining, "Wahl, it made it here by Christmas
fer ye, ma'am.  I don't know why people don't mail their
packages earlier.  Then I wouldn't have ta be out so late
on Christmas Eve, but this bein' the U-nited States mail
it had ta be delivered.  Just came in this afternoon.
I was ready ta go home fer the day.  Takin' my leave a
little early fer the holiday with all the mail delivered.
Then this here package arrived and I had ta tromp all the
ways out here with the snow flurryin' and everything."

Trying to soothe the upset postman, Miss Alice interjected,
"Thank thee so much, Mr.  Pentland.  That was very kind
of thee to deliver this package today.   It is mighty
cold out.  Supper is almost ready.  Would thee like to
come in and stay for a warm bite?"

Nervously turning his hat around in his hands and still
obviously frustrated, Ben replied, "That sounds right
fine, Miz Henderson, but I still have a letter ta deliver
ta the doc."

"I can take it if thee like.  He will be joining us for
our meal shortly."

"No, I can't do that.  It bein' the U-nited States mail
and all - even if it is just a letter from Miz Christy."

As Alice tried to hide her amusement to the postman's
grumbling, she noticed Neil riding up.  "There is the
doctor right now.  Thee can give him his letter and then
come on in and warm up a bit.  Enjoy supper with us, too."

"Wahl, all right.  I guess I can do that."  Relieved that
he didn't have to make the trek out to the doctor's cabin
in the snow and cold on the day before a holiday, Ben put
the package down just inside the door, and then went to
meet the doctor.

"Here's another letter fer you from Asheville-way."

"Thank you, Ben.  What are you doing out so late on
Christmas Eve?"

"Wahl, Miz Christy sent a package ta the mission."
Ben continued on, but Neil was lost in his thoughts after
that statement and didn't catch what the postal worker
was saying.

Neil was delighted that Christy had sent a package to
the mission.  'She must be feeling better to be able to
do that,' he thought.

Neil came back to the present, in time to hear Ben proudly
conclude, "I'd best git inside.  Miz Henderson invited me
ta supper."

"I need to take care of Charlie and then I'll be in
soon, too."

As Neil led Charlie to the barn, he allowed himself to
glance at his envelope.  He noticed it was from Christy. He
quickly took care of Charlie's needs before opening the
letter and reading:


Dear Neil,

    I am very late in sending this, but I hope you
receive it by Christmas.  I just wanted to write you
a quick note to wish you a very Merry Christmas and to
thank you again for all of your support these past few
months.  I especially appreciated your most recent letter.
It helped me tremendously.  Despite being preoccupied with
my own grief, I haven't forgotten that you will be without
Margaret on Christmas, too.  I will keep you in my prayers.

                    Christy

    P.S.  My parents, Amanda and Anna all wish you a Merry
    Christmas, too.


Neil folded the letter and returned it to its envelope.
He almost felt a tear prick his eye.  "Thank you, Lord,
for helping Christy.  Thank you for letting me know that
she will make it through tomorrow.  Please continue to
be with her and heal her heart."  Neil continued to pray
silently for his friend as he walked to the mission house
to enjoy the warmth, good food, and wonderful fellowship.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
Healing Hearts: Renewal of Hope
Chapter 12
By TeresaM and ChristyP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SUMMARY OF PREVIOUS CHAPTER:  Christy took steps to move
out of her depression.  The Huddlestons sent a Christmas
package to Cutter Gap.  Christy sent Christmas greetings
to Cutter Gap.  Neil was pleased with Christy's progress.


Cutter Gap

Reverend Patrick O'Brien finished his Christmas Eve message
on Christ's light dispelling the darkness.  He picked
up a candle, lit it from a nearby lantern, and then he
announced, "I will pass this light to my wife and Miss
Alice since they are the closest to the aisle in the
front row.  They will in turn pass the light to those
next to them and so on.  We will continue this way until
all of the candles are lit.  If anyone did not pick up a
candle when you entered, please raise your hand and I will
pass out more.  We will sing 'Silent Night' as we begin
to light our candles.  At the end of the song, please
blow out your candles and exit quietly thinking about
the birth of our Savior and how you can pass the light to
those around you."  He paused a moment before continuing,
"And one last announcement... Children, as you leave, Miss
Alice will be passing out a special surprise from Miss
Christy, a former teacher here at the mission school."

The preacher waited for the children's excitement to calm
down and then looking toward Jeb Spencer, the preacher
requested, "Mr. Spencer, will you please start us?"

At Jeb's lead, everyone began to sing, "Silent night, holy
night..."  Reverend O'Brien lit his wife's candle and then
Alice's candle.  Soon the light overcame the darkness as
the congregation continued to sing.

Ever since he came to Christ, this song never failed
to make Neil's throat tighten with emotion.  He enjoyed
singing about his Savior surrounded by other believers.
This moment in particular was special since two of the
people most instrumental in his salvation were on either
side of him -Aunt Hattie on his right and Alice Henderson
on his left.  He just wished Margaret were there with them.

As Neil turned to look at the two special women who did
surround him, he noticed tears running down both women's
faces while around them they heard:

"Silent night, holy night, Wondrous star, lend thy light;
With the angels let us sing, Alleluia to our King; Christ
the Savior is born, Christ the Savior is born."

As this last verse ended, everyone blew out their candles
and quietly exited the Christmas Eve service.  The building
was still dimly lit with lanterns placed throughout.
The contrast was striking, though, and showed how light
dispels the darkness.

John and Bessie Spencer had offered to take Aunt Hattie
home after the service.  Neil helped her get settled into
their wagon with little Ada on her lap.  "Do you need
anything else, Hattie?"

With a smile, she replied, "No, I've got this sweet little
one to keep me warm."

"Alright.  I'll let you be on your way.  I'll pick you up
tomorrow for dinner at the mission."

"Sounds dandy, Neil."

Turning to John and Bessie, Neil thanked them and then
returned to the church to help Alice distribute peppermint
sticks to the few remaining children.

Neil and Alice waved goodbyes and watched the crowd
disperse.  As she gathered the remaining candy sticks,
Alice said, "It never ceases to touch me when everyone
joins their voices to sing about our Savior's birth."

"Ending with 'Silent Night' was the part of the service
that Margaret and I remembered most that first year we
attended.  She always enjoyed it, too," Neil remembered.

"Yes, she did."  Both reflected on their memories of
Margaret for a few moments before Alice asked, "Neil,
would thee like to come back to the mission and warm up
before heading to thy cabin?"

"Yes, that would be nice.  Thank you."

As they walked together toward the mission house, Neil
commented, "I really enjoyed the reverend's message about
how Jesus brought light into the world.  It was such a
vivid example to show his point when everyone blew out
their candles at the end of 'Silent Night'."

"Indeed it was."  They continued talking about the message
and the service until they reached the mission house.

Kathleen O'Brien met them at the door.  "Would you two
like hot cocoa?  I have some milk warmed."

Neil gratefully accepted, "Thank you, Kathleen.
That sounds wonderful."

"I agree," chimed in Alice.

"Make yourselves comfortable by the fire and I'll be right
back," offered Kathleen.  Alice knew not to argue.

Alice said, "She has definitely been spoiling me since
she arrived at the mission."

"That she has," agreed Neil.

As Neil and Alice settled themselves in comfortable chairs
in front of the fire, Alice asked, "Did thee get to see
the contents of the package Christy and her family sent?"

"No.  I must have been tending to Charlie when you opened
it.  She has always been good to send school supplies.
Is that what she sent this year?"

"Yes.  There were writing tablets, pencils, crayons,
chalk, an eraser - even a new map.  Ruth will be thrilled
when she returns from her time at home over the holidays.
It will make teaching much easier for her."

"I am glad Christy was feeling up to it," Neil said
thoughtfully.  "I wasn't sure she would be able to do it
this year with all that she is going through."

"Her note to me said that her parents had done most of it.
She just helped prepare the package."

"The Huddlestons have been very supportive of Christy and
the girls.  That is wonderful that they remembered she
always sent a package and took the lead on it this year."

Alice grinned as she commented, "Mrs. Huddleston even
included a note in the package requesting that the children
send some of their art work and stories to Asheville so
that they can be shared with children in the hospital."

Neil chuckled.  "Christy's family never ceases to amaze me.
They find a way to get the families to accept their gifts
and help others out at the same time.  I see where Christy
gets it."  Alice smiled and nodded in agreement.

Kathleen arrived carrying a tray with two steaming mugs of
cocoa and a plate of the sugar cookies the children made
a few days before.  "Won't thee join us?" requested Alice.

"Patrick should be back from the church soon.  I'll get
two more mugs of cocoa and return shortly."  About that
time, the door opened.  "And there he is now.  I'll get
you a mug of cocoa, Patrick."

As the preacher took off his outer wear and settled
himself by the fire, Neil expressed how much he enjoyed
the Christmas message. Reverend O'Brien was always amazed
at how much this man had grown spiritually in the last few
years and loved to discuss his messages with the doctor.

Kathleen returned quickly and settled herself beside her
husband on the settee.  They all enjoyed a few moments of
needed rest and good conversation before Kathleen stood.
"I need to finish some more packing tonight so I won't
have to do it tomorrow."  Neil looked at her quizzically,
so she explained,  "We are leaving early the day after
Christmas for Knoxville."

"To see your sons?" Neil asked.

"Yes," replied Patrick.  "And Kathleen can't wait to get
her hands on our little grandbaby again either."  His wife
smiled the way a proud grandmother always does.

"And how old is little Emily now?" Neil asked.

"Almost nine months - and she's crawling," replied the
grandmother who was even more eager to see her grandchild
now.

Neil stood and said, "I'd best let you get to your
packing then.  I'd better be leaving now, too, before
this warmth lulls me to sleep."  With a smile, he added,
"I'll take one more cookie with me for the road."

Alice stood also, and as she walked the doctor to the door
requested, "If thee and Hattie could arrive around noon
tomorrow, maybe she could entertain us with her beautiful
voice before we serve dinner."

"She would love that.  See you all then.  Merry Christmas."

As Neil walked to the barn for his horse and even on his
ride home, his mind went in many different directions.
'Thank you, Lord, for the time I could spend warming
up with Alice and the O'Briens.  It does me good to
spend time with strong Christian examples like they are.
Thank you that Aunt Hattie and I will be able to spend
Christmas with them tomorrow.  I wish Margaret could be
here to enjoy this holiday with us, but I know she is
in a better place with You.  She has no more tears and
no more pain.  I am thankful for that.  I do still miss
her, Lord.  The cabin has been much lonelier than usual
without her these past few days.  I miss not seeing the
Christmas tree she would so lovingly decorate or the
mistletoe she would strategically hang.  Please help me
through tomorrow without her.  I know the morning will
be the most difficult when she won't be there with her
child-like excitement opening our gifts.  I know it will
be easier than last year, but it still hurts.'

Then his thoughts and prayers turned to Christy and
how difficult this first Christmas without her husband
would be.  'Lord, thank You for the note from Christy
and for letting me know that she is doing much better.
That is such a relief to me and You knew I needed that.
Thank You.  Please be with Christy tomorrow.  I know this
is a difficult time for her.  Please strengthen her and
comfort her.  Help her to be able to enjoy her daughters
and the excitement they will undoubtedly have.  Help her
to share in their joy.  Please, just bless them tomorrow
and meet all of their needs.'

Neil continued to pray for Christy, those at the mission,
the families of the Cove, and about missing Margaret
as he made his way home.  When he cam