Changin'

   I sat on the mission porch steps in a heap, doing my
  best to calm down from all of the sobs wrenching from
  my chest. Everything was all wrong; nothing like how it
  ought to be.  And there was no one to help me through,
  for they were all going through some sort of problem.
  Miss Alice had gone into her cabin two days ago, and
  couldn't bring herself to come out. I was glad that I
  had refilled her pantry the day before her lock down.
 Neil was totally out of reach - he was emotionally
 distraunt with Margaret there.  David was angry at me for
 a€˜foolishly' refusing his proposal, as he put it. But
 he was, at least for the last couple of days, trying to
 keep his temper down and act civilized. That was good -
 considering that I had just broke his heart 5 days ago.
 I couldn't even go with Fairlight on our walks anymore
 - she was still upset about Jeb going to the tea house
 - but that was just like the rest of the cove. David
 had gotten them to forgive eachother at church, but
 after that, it all fell apart, and many a marriage is in
 danger of being nothing more than history.  Suddenly, I
 realized that moping here on the steps was wrong - what
 good was it going to do anybody? I couldn't just give
 up who I was because other people come in to ruin some
 of my plans. I just had to make new ones. Maybe I could
 be the key in getting this cove back together and how it
 used to be.  I started with Miss Alice.  Knocking on her
 door timidly, I wondered what I was going to say. Or if
 I should bother her at all? Too late, the door opened and
 a red eyed Miss Alice was before me.  "May I come in?" I
 asked. She nodded, made room for me to pass, then shut
 the door and returned to her rocking chair by the fire.
 I knelt down beside her chair.  "Miss Alice, I know you
 are going through a lot right now, but nothing is to come
 out of sitting in here. You can't keep yourself in here
 forever. Go to Margaret and make it up."
  Miss Alice lifted her head sadly, her eyes pools of
 tears. She shook her head sadly.  "You don't understand,
 Christy. She doesn't want any part of me, and I just told
 her that I don't want any part of her."
"That's where your wrong, Miss Alice. Margaret wants your
forgiveness and your love. She wants Neil's too. She just
wont lower her pride and admit she's wrong. She told
me so."  "She told thee that?"  "Not in so many words,
but yes. When I went to the El Pano tea house the other
day. That's the reason why she's here, I told her to come
back, and a miracle occurred that made her actually listen
to me."
 "Thee told her to come back?"  "Yes. I told her that it
would break not only your heart if she was to leave, but
hers too. By the look on her face, I think she realized
that I was right. I also told her that..." I stopped, not
wanting to go on.
 "Told her what?"  "Nothing."  "Christy?"  "I told her
that Neil was worth fighting for."
 She looked at me sympathetically.  "Did thee say that
 for more than one reason?"
"No Miss Alice! I said it to make her realize that running
away from Neil is wrong. Nothing else."  Miss Alice turned
her head, and looked out the window.
 " I can not go to her. If she wants to have a relationship
with me, then I got to stop running to her and begging
for it. She wants it - she must come and ask for it."
"You're just going to stay her until she does that?"
"I just might."
 I knew that there was no changing Miss Alice's mind. I
 walked out of that cabin, feeling like I have failed
 her. I hated that feeling, but I refused to let it keep
 me down. I went to David to try and cheer him up, but it
 did little to help. All it did was get him angry at me
 and made him feel like he didnt want me anymore. Was that
 good? Well, it was better for me!  Neil was unsuccessful
 as well. He was the one who discouraged me the most,
 though I spent the least time with.  Five minutes with
 him and then I was out of there, having to face the
 fact that he wasn't going to change.  Now what about the
 doomed cove? They were bad off. Sure, wives forgave their
 husbands forgave their wives in church. But after they
 stepped foot out of church and into their own cabins,
 things went way down hill. Even poor Fairlight was having
 marriage woes.  I needed to try and fix this in a way that
 David hadn't tried.  I just had to figure out how to fix
 not only that, but the negative light that has been cast
 upon the mission by the cove. Somehow, this was mostly
 our faults, not the men's for going to the tea house.
 Since it was already Thursday, I decided to wait until
 church services that were coming up Sunday. That decision
 might have been a mistake, because with each waking hour,
 the cove and their attitudes towards everything got worse
 and farther out of reach.  *********** Sunday finally
 came. David, once again, preached on forgiveness,
 but this time, it was not directed to anyone in
 particular. The tradition of women on one side and men
 on the other continued, despite the urging of David. It
 was despicable - all during the service there was angry
 snickering and I heard a lot of different names for David
 that was completely the opposite of flattering. I was
 humiliated to sit next to these people that said such
 things. Not everything was about David though. I heard
 discussion going on about what this husband of theirs
 did this wrong, and how other families are even worse
 off - some how leading back to this mission. A civil
 war had broken out, and I could not be silenced any
 longer. I had to give it a try. David dismissed everyone,
 but I rushed to the pulpit and asked everyone to stay
 seated. They listened. I cleared my throat, which went
 dry when I saw Miss Alice's eyes prying into me, trying
 to figure out what I was to say before I could say it.
 " Ladies and Gentlemen, please, stay in church for just
 a minute longer. I have been seeing a lot of negativity
 going around here. Somehow, you blame us, the mission
 workers, on your problems. I want to point out that you
 have got it wrong. It's so hard to talk to you, you seem
 so far away. You have always told me that I could never
 understand you because you just went through so many
 things that I have never gone through.  But I think that
 is wrong. If you'd give us a chance, we can prove to you
 that we do understand. Look, you can't go on like this
 any more. Don't you understand with these situatations
 is what love is for? We can be here for you if you can
 trust us. Love is here in the mission, in this church
 building, all around your children when they come to
 school each day. You can feel the change if you will
 let it. Change is not always bad - sometimes it can be
 for the good. This is one of those times. Let all this
 go, and just open up your heart to us.  We are not the
 enemy, though you may claim that all you want. We're here
 to set you free from all of your pain, to lighten your
 hardships, to help you. We want to be like your fire
 in the night. We are not the enemy, but we are an army
 of love."  Then, I stepped off the pulpit and left. If
 I had known all the criticism that was to come my way
 because of this, I would have went a little faster and
 would have thought twice in going back the next day.
 ******************************************************
 The children came to school, but they were unresponsive
 in everything. They refused to pay attention, and cared
 little about my warnings.  " Now I want everyone to settle
 down now or I'm going to be notifying your parents." I
 said sternly. But this didn't even make Creed Allen,
 kneeling on the top of his desk with Scalawag on his
 shoulder, even flinch. Nor did Lundy stop poking poor
 Mountie. John Spencer yelled at Will Beck while Zady
 screamed in a verbal, and some physical, fight with
 Lizette, Bessie, and Ruby Mae.  No one would listen to me.
 Finally, Little Burl looked at me.  "Our parents don't
 care none if we never go back to school no more." He said,
 his blue eyes wide with what I once thought was innocence.
 " What do you mean?" I answered. This made everyone stop
 and get in their seats - this was interesting enough for
 them to listen to and participate in.  "Mean that our
 folks said that you ain't gonna change nothing in this
 cove, no matter what you try to do." Creed jumped in.
"I heard pa say that love is only pointless in matters
 that we'uns deal with, but you wouldn't know nothin bout
 that." Lizette said.  " Pa says what you spoke about
 means nothin, just a bunch of fancy words that you think
 will change things when they wont. Said they don't mean
 a thing." I was shocked to hear this from Zady. Does even
 Fairlight and Jeb think like that now?  "They really think
 like that?" I wondered out loud. My heart sank when a sea
 of heads nodded.  ************** I went to talk with the
 McHone's. Indeed, every word that the children spoke was
 completely true.  " But how can you think like that?" I
 asked Opal.  "Don't take it personally, it's just a€˜cause
 of where you're from. We all know that you be from the
 level lands, and no matter how hard you disguise it, you
 a€˜uns are all the same. You'll leave here one day, and
 then you'll completely change back into them, and you'll
 loose all interest in us. You'll go back to thinkin' that
 we're worth nothin', that's what the level landers think,
 and what you will think soon enough."
"But I'm not like that!"  "They all say that, Miz
Christy. You'll go and get married, then you'll never
want to see this place again. Once you leave, you never
come back.  It's what makes us wonder if this world is
flat after all."  Unfortunately, I had picked the wrong
place to have this conversation. I was at a singing at the
Allen's. What started out as a private conversation turned
into something so much more - everyone there was listening
to Opal declare my fate. I felt defenseless as everyone
agreed with her. I couldn't possibly fight all of them.
I retreated in shame.
 **************** Of course, Doctor Ferrand kept his great
 sense of timing. The day after the singing and one of the
 worst experiences of my life, he arrived. He told us all
 to eat in a hurry - he had an announcement for all of us.
 Doctor Ferrand was the first one to finish. He went to
 the parlor to wait. Miss Alice followed him in, but David,
 Ruby Mae, and I stayed behind, eating slowly to enjoy our
 meal. After all, his announcement probably wasn't that
 important. We should have hurried. What we were about to
 hear was something that would alter all of ours lives.
 When we went into the parlor together, we seen Miss Alice
 on a rocking chair, diagonal to Doctor Ferrand's. David
 and I sat close together on the davenport in front of the
 Doctor as Ruby Mae stuck her head right between ours, her
 chin resting in her hands as her elbows sank downwards
 into the davenport.  Doctor Ferrand began.  "I know that
 you all worked hard in making a difference here. Whether
 we succeeded or not at this point does not matter. I am
 getting up there in age, and am to retire. Because of
 this, I will be shutting down all of my missions. Cutter
 Gap is the one mission that costs me the most. For that
 reason, Cutter Gap will remain permently closed down. You
 are all dismissed from your duties. I expect everyone
 to be out of here by Friday."  David's hand was so tight
 around mine, that I could feel it getting throbbing from
 lack of circulation flowing through it. But I ignored
 this. I was in complete shock. I felt wetness on my
 shoulder. I turned to see Ruby Mae starting to cry. I
 wrapped my arm around her, freeing it from David's
 strong grasp.  "How could you do this to us?" I asked
 slowly, trying to control the anger that welled in me.
 " I am forced upon it. I am not doing this for torture,
 Miss Huddleston."
"No? Look what you just did to her. She has tears
 streaming down because this is her home - we are her
 family. Now you tell us that she is to be stripped away
 of that?" I got up, and with my arm still around the
 young teenagers shoulders, made my way up there stairs
 with her face in my shoulder.  " I promise that I'll
 figure out somewhere for you to live. Your cabin isn't
 great, but we can fix it up to make it homey before we
 leave." I offered, sitting us both down on my bed, the
 door shut and locked.  "That's not the  problem, Miz
 Christy. I didn't announce it yet, but Rob Allen and I
 are engaged. Our wedding had been planned for Friday."
 I looked at the 15 year old in shock.  "Your engaged?"
 She nodded. I gave her a weak smile. Usually, I would have
 gotten upset, but maybe this was for the best. Only God
 knew now.  **************************************** We
 spent the next few days packing everything up. I was in
 the schoolhouse, loading all of the books into crates,
 when I got the idea. I ran to David, and he agreed to
 help me. It took most of that day to finish, but when it
 was done, we seen that it was well worth it. We had lined
 all the walls of the schoolhouse with shelves. Then, we
 nailed a sign above the doors that read "C.G. Library".
*************************************************************
 I met with many of the mountain folk on my way to and
 fro places. They never missed an opportunity to remind me
 that I had failed. They told me that I had done nothing
 more than helped out a few children, and I couldn't even
 finish that. Mountie was the only one that they gave me
 credit for.
"What good have you done, saving just this one child? You
spent almost two years here for just her. You have
done nothing. You try and change everyone - you will
never change this world! " They'd insult. I would always
respond with "I have accomplished something great. Just one
person can make all the difference. And I am not trying
to change this world. I do many things to prove to this
world that it shall never change me. Never."  And then
they'd laugh in my face and walk away like I had gone mad.
**********************************************************
 I woke early on Friday. Ruby Mae was not at the
 mission, the Spencer's were taking care of her for the
 big day. Miss Alice and I made pies for hours instead
 of breakfast. At least this situation had some good
 in it - it brought Miss Alice out of her cabin. This
 situation did  bring her out of her cabin, but she'd
 never go back in it again.  Our trunks and satchels were
 packed and most were already in El Pano, a few on trains
 already, traveling home.  I wasn't into getting dressed
 up fancy. The mood was off. But, this would be the last
 time that the cove would see me in at least a while. I
 couldn't go looking like this wasn't important.  I pulled
 out the dress that I wore the first official day here. It
 was my blue plaid one. I had met Miss Alice and all of the
 mission residence in this dress. It was special to me. So,
 since I wore this when I first got here, why not where it
 the day I leave? I slipped it on, then put my hair into a
 bun. Besides my hair a bit sun streaked, my body a little
 more tougher, and my hope on an all time low, I looked the
 same. I washed my face, trying to wipe of the shattered
 look on it that I could feel at the very dept of my heart.
**************************** My hand was slipped into
 David's larger one as we walked a few feet ahead of
 Miss Alice and Doctor Ferrand to the Spencer's. When we
 arrived, the music stopped and everyone stared. Why did
 this have to seem so familiar? The last time it seemed
 like I was being put on trial, the jury being the whole
 cove. At least John Spencer was far from this. I gripped
 David's arm tight with my free hand as I stared, tears
 rolling down my cheeks. These people that I loved were
 against me, and now I was to leave them.  Neil strode
 over, a smile plastered on his face. He quickly wiped
 the tears away with his fingertips.  "Never let them
 see you with your defense down, Lass." He said with
 a light tone. I smiled weakly.  "Well, get the music
 playing again. Grantland, want to join one last time
 in the band? I know that instrument of yours is always
 with you. Christy, maybe you should try mingling in the
 crowd." Neil said, though when he said my name, his voice
 dropped to a whisper.  David, shyly, went over to Jeb and
 John and started to play. Tension was thick as I walked in
 no real direction. Neil seen that he had to lighten the
 mood, since no one was dancing, nor having any fun. Just
 putting me under a lot of pressure. He turned me around
 and started a waltz, and soon everything was forgotten.
 ************************************************************
 It wasn't long until Ruby Mae, a beautiful bride that
 was actually clean for once, showed up, fully dressed in
 layers of white material. Some of the whites were aged
 and therefore different colors, but that didn't matter
 at all.  She walked down the aisle. I was near the front,
 next to Neil, and across from Doctor Ferrand and Miss
 Alice. Neil's hands around my seemingly small ones were
 warm and comforting. He rubbed them back and forth when
 the cold wind would blow and I'd have a small shiver
 go through me. I laid my head down on his shoulder as
 tears again started to flow. Ruby Mae had reached me by
 this time. She stopped in front of me and looked at me
 with sympathy. For a moment, the joy was gone from her
 bright eyes. I immediately stopped crying - I couldn't
 ruin this day for one of my closest students. But right
 after the ceremony, while everyone else ate, I sat on a
 wooden bench, my face covered with my hands, as I sobbed
 silently. When a strong arm wrapped around my shoulders,
 I didn't have to guess who it was.  "Christy... you know,
 I could support you here if you'd be willing to stay. I
 know I am trying to get Alice to stay here for Margaret,
 but so far she refuses. But I could support you if you
 want to stay." Neil whispered into my ear as he laid my
 head on his chest.  "Neil, you have a hard time supporting
 Margaret. I would only be a burden, and too much work."
"You could never be that."  "You couldn't do it with
your salary."  "I could find a way."
 I lifted my head and looked Neil straight in the eye.
 "I don't want anything more than to stay here. But I know
 I can't. I must go back."  "How am I to know if I will
 ever see you again?"
"Maybe you should talk to Doctor Ferrand about that." My
 voice was filled with anger and spite. I sighed. "No, but
 really Neil, I'll stay in touch with you."  "You better
 believe it! I'm going to write you every week, and call
 you each night before you lay your head down on your
 rose scented pillow in Asheville. I'll fill you dreams
 with hopes with everything that I tell you. I can't let
 you go, Christy. I don't understand why I cant, but that
 doesn't really matter, now does it? Our friendship is
 strong, and can not be beaten by a few miles, right?"
"Right." I said, hugging him tight.
****************************
 We left for the train station right before the
 shivery. Ruby Mae had spent some time talking to me before
 she went inside with her friends. Neil fetched his horse
 and caught up to us.  "Where are you all going? The fun
 is just about to begin, right Christy?" Neil laughed,
 winking at me. I blushed as I felt Doctor Ferrand looking
 at me. I slowed down so I could ride beside him. We
 talked lightly, all of us planning to write to each other
 often. Once we were at the train station, Neil kept his
 arm around me as he told everyone to make sure that we
 didn't loose touch. He called my father for me to let
 me know I was on my way home, and then added a "Make
 sure you take care of her now that I won't be there."
 Leaving Neil behind was so hard. We waited for our
 different trains. Doctor Ferrand, to our great relief,
 left first. Then David. When Miss Alice's train arrived,
 I wasn't sure if I'd be able to let go of her. She was so
 hard to see getting on that train. So soon, it was just
 Neil and I. We waited, neither of us saying a word, just
 soaking up any comfort that we could. There wasn't much,
 but peace was around me in Neil's arms. It was just that
 I couldn't stop the pain at the pit of my stomach when
 I thought about what was to happen next.
**************************************** Home was lonely. I
 was surrounded by people who nothing about what real
 life was about. They were so niave, just like I was when
 I went to Cutter Gap.  I missed my mission family, and
 was always over joyed when a letter came from them. True
 to his word, Neil wrote me constantly, and called each
 night. He told all about his problems with Margaret, and
 how even though I was out of the cove, she knew how I had
 affected Neil's life and stole his heart away. I hated
 to be the center of their problems, but I knew that the
 longer I kept away from the cove, the better. If I got
 involved, it would only make things that much worse.
  Ruby Mae gave me a daily report of Cutter Gap and
 her married life. Within 3 years, she had 2 children
 - Christine Molly and Robert Charlie.  David was doing
 well. He stuck to his profession, though so many doubts
 surrounded him. He was a fine preacher in Boston, and
 very much liked. The papers raved about him - he was
 sure to add them to the letters as well.  Miss Alice
 was doing...doing good. What she had left of her family
 - a younger sister and her barely-hanging-on father,
 welcomed her. Her big brother and other sisters, as
 well as her mother, had passed away during the years.
 She said that she missed Margaret profoundly, but was to
 stick with her guns. Oh, and her Quaker circle was quite
 appalled that she went on hunting expeditions with the
 men, mostly because the number of her catches exceeded
 the men greatly.
By 1917,  Lizette Holcombe married Will Beck, Bessie and
  John Spencer married shortly after I left, and Zady was
  being courted by Wraight Holt, under much supervision
  because of Wraight's previous behavior, hanging out
  with Lundy Taylor.  I sat on the window seat in my room,
  anxiously awaiting the mailman. About 3-4 times a week
  I'd get a few letters, Ruby Mae's being backed up by
  the slow trains.
 I ran down the steps as fast as I could when I spotted
 him. I ran outside into the chilly air, unusual for April.
 My father was walking with the mailman, Mr. Erickson,
 about something very serious - deep lines of worry
 were etched into my father's face. I ran up to them.
 "Hello Mr. Erickson, welcome home, Daddy." I greeted
 cheerfully, but neither reciprocated it. "What's wrong?" I
 asked, panic setting in.  "The U.S. has now joined the
 Great War." My father said with concern. My father had
 been following this war exclusively from day one. He had
 me read every article about it too, wanting me to be
 educated about what was going on around us so I could
 pass it on to later generations.  "I think this is a
 great mistake, look at what we got ourselves into! We
 should have remained neutral." Mr. Erickson said sternly.
 "No, I don't think we should have at all. The U.S. is
 here to help - that includes wars, Roger." Daddy argued.
 Mr. Erickson handed me a stack of letters. I kissed my
 father's forehead and ran off when I heard the telephone
 ringing in our house. Could David had just heard too?
 "Hello? Huddleson residence." I answered.  "Hey Christy,
 did you hear?" David's voice did indeed come through. He
 jumped right to the point.
"Yes, just now. My father was working 3rd shift and just
came home."  "I sure hope that everyone in Cutter Gap stays
put."  "What do you mean?" I asked, that never occurring
to me.  "You know how patriotic they are there. Many in
the Civil War left, most never returned."  "David, how
did you find that out and I didn't? Neil never mentioned
that, and he told me all about the history of the cove."
"Could it be why he didn't tell you is because his own
father died in it? MacNeill was just a teenager when his
father died in....Atlanta, Georgia."  "The place that
Margaret lived in for all those years." I whispered in
shock. "Are you sure?"  "Positive. Ask Miss Alice, she'll
tell you. I just hope they stay rooted in those mountains
and don't go overseas. Some of those young boys...I just
don't know about them."  ***************
 The next day I decided to take action for what I believed
 in. Four years ago, I tried to convince people to be
 missionaries to help out the people of the Appalachian
 mountains. I had little success. Actually, I was made
 fun of, called names, and lost hope. Maybe with this
 war, people would be more patriotic and want to help the
 country in some way, just not in the sense of actually
 going to war.  I got dressed in a stiff dark blue two
 piece dress, then headed out. I could only pray that this
 time would be better. If I could get just one person...it
 would make all the difference.  I went to the town square,
 right in the middle of all the stores and restaurants,
 and started my plea.
"Hello gentlemen and ladies. I am Christy Huddleston,
  a former missionary for the Cutter Gap mission in
  Tennessee. The mission that I worked for closed down
  because of lack of funds and missionaries.  Those people
  up there need help. They depend on us. You could make
  all the difference in their lives if you are willing to
  give up some of your time and dedicate it to them.
 A missionary is the greatest vocation there is. You are
working hand and hand with God, someone who is always
there when you need Him. Please, help your neighbors of
the mountains. They need you."  This was a speech that
must have been obvious that I had little time to prepare.
I wasn't doing very good, and had managed to turn only
a few heads. Then one man pulled loose from the crowd
and walked up to me.  "What does one mission matter? You
may help one, but there are so many around the world,
you make no difference." He said lowly.  "There is great
need everywhere. That's why we need to start somewhere. If
everyone said a€˜I'm just one, I don't count', we wouldn't
be very far in this world, would we?"  "But the profession
of a missionary has gone on for centuries, and still there
is little progress."
 This man was putting me up for a test, but I was not
willing to back down.  "Love will change this world,
sir. Love is not measured in people, but intensity and
the amount of care. If you bombard someone with love and
tell them that this is just a sample of what they could be
feeling, they listen. That's how you convert them to God. I
did it, it works. It stops killings and feuds. Love is a
necessity in this world that is filled with hatred. I still
believe in love and mercy - how about you?"  "I believe
that you talk of nothing more than nonsense. Love is
pointless, and will help nothing in madness such as what
we deal with." He retorted.
 "Remember, hope is never gone as long as one heart still
holds onto it.  But these days, people get so wrapped
up in petty things that makes no difference. They get so
wrapped up that they lose sight of the important things
and get lost, so when something goes wrong, they have
no where to turn to and think that hope has flown from
the earth. Are you going to be one of those people to
contribute to the loss of hope? Because without that and
faith, we are nothing."  Obviously, the man was through
with this conversation and being made look like a fool,
because he stomped off. No volunteers were recruited that
day, but at least I could finally see some respect for
what I spoke of.  *****************************************
 There were 2 more letters in the next few  days - one from
 Miss Alice, and sure enough, one from Ruby Mae. I could
 only hope this would bring good news and not anything
 related to what David had told me.  I read first the one
 Miss Alice had written to me - she was on her honeymoon
 - she had married Doctor Ferrand, and asked me to look
 on it with joy, though she was aware of my deep hatred
 for the man; hatred that still welled in me. I hoped that
 Ruby Mae's would be more cheerful, but it was far from it.
 a€˜Dear Miss Christy,
        I write ya here while I'm cryin. Rob left us. Wel,
 he didn't leave us, but the country. He went to fight in
 the war. Will Beck, John Spencer, Wraight Holt, Arrowood
 Holcombe, all them went. Even the young a€˜uns like
 Creed, who is only 16, and Little Burl, just 12. I fear
 somethin fierce that Little Burl's age will be revealed. I
 don't know what to do, Miss Christy. Almost all the boys
 left. I'm so scared. I just found out that I was pregnant
 with twins too.  The Doc is going to help me with these,
 cause he said my body wasn't really ready for more just
 yet, let alone twins.  Oh Miss Christy, I don't know if
 there is anything you can do or not about the boys, but
 if there is, would you try it?  Christine is awailin. Rite
 you tomorrow.  Ruby Mae'

 I was in tears myself.  David indeed had been right. I
 ran into the dining room, where the telephone was and got
 David on the line, thankful that my parents were not home.
 "Hello?" David said, sounding sleepy.  "David, they're
 all gone. They all left! You were right." I said, my
 voice shaking "Wait, what's going on?"
"The boys in the cove - they left. They joined the army
 and they're gone. Even Little Burl! So many left their
 children and wives. They all want to be looked upon as
 heros when they come back, but I'm worried sick that
 they wont be coming home at all! I want so badly to
 help them, but I don't know how." I was sobbing now.
 "You can do nothing. They made their decision."
"Have you thought about enlisting?"  "Yes I did, but just
like MacNeill, my father and grandfather died in that war."
"Your father must have been young."  "He was. My older
brother enlisted, and my mother is near a heart attack
she is so worried. I think I'd finish her off if I'd go
over there. Besides, I really am not cut out for that."
"Is anyone? You know there are missions in Europe and
things."  "Yeah, for doctors and nurses."  I gasped. Why
hadn't I thought about it before? I had been in college
for 2 years for nursing, trying a new profession. I had
worked at the hospital for 2 months, and I would qualify!
 "David, I can help! I can be a nurse!"  "As long as you
stay in the U.S., that's fine with me."  "I won't be any
good here. I can go over to Great Britain somewhere and
join a mission. That way, I'd still be helping the cove!"
"Are you mad? You can't do that! And why is it so important
for you to help the cove? The cove is right next door to
you practically, not a world away!"  "David, don't you
remember what they all said to me before we left? I'd go
back to the city and get married, then never think about
them again. I'd completely change back into the person I
was before. But I promised them that I wouldn't, and so
far, I've been doing my best to keep up that promise with
sending Neil money for medical supplies and such for the
cove out of the money I get from working at the hospital.
I can be apart of this war, and help them out. My father
might not mind - he said that the U.S. should be apart
of this war."  "I'm sure when he said that, he wasn't
thinking about his own daughter getting in the middle
of  it!"  "Well all of those solders are children to
someone. Why can't I be one of them? Some one needs to
do it!"  "But not you! I won't let you."  "How are you
planning on stopping me?"  "I....I could marry you."
 I expected this to be followed with a laugh from him,
but there was none.  "Excuse me?" I said, humor coming
into my voice.
 "I could marry you."  "You know very well that I wouldn't
accept."
 "Can't you tell me why? Is it about MacNeill?"  "No, it
has nothing to do with him."  "Then what?"  "Marrying would
completely change me. I would lose sight of everything I
have now, for things that would become more important. I
don't want that. The cove said that I would marry and
change - I refuse to change from the person that they knew
me as."  "That is completely ridiculous!"
 "It's what I believe."  "So you are saying that you
will never get married?"  "No, I wont."  "Fine, don't get
married, but don't go into the war and die!"  "I won't die,
David! If I survived all that near killed me in Cutter Gap,
I can survive anything!"  "Christy, I beg you not to."
"There is no trying to talk me out of this. It's what's
going to happen."
 Soon after those words were out of my mouth, David hung
up.  ****************************************************
 I paced back and forth as I wrung my hands. How was
 I to tell my parents? Where would I start, and how
 could I convince them? I heard them coming, and tried
 to stop my pacing, but found it near impossible. I was
 so nervous. My mother hated the idea of Cutter Gap -
 how would she react now?  "Hello, Christy, how was your
 evening?" My mother asked as she came through the door,
 my father following her.
"Fine. I got to talk to David for a while, and...and had
a lot of time to think." I replied as they took off their
coats. I debated whether I should tell them now. Maybe in
the morning would be better. No, I knew that if I delayed
it, I never would be able to gather enough courage. But it
was so hard in trying to say the words! I felt shy talking
to my parents now.  "Momma....Daddy, I need to talk to
you." I said, very solemnly.  "Of course, just give us a
few minutes to get out of this clothing." My mother said
slowly, knowing that something wasn't quite right. After
they were dressed for bed, they returned downstairs and
sat on the sofa.  "We're ready." My mother urged when I
said nothing.  "I know, you just got ready faster than I
planned. Alright...um.....you know how I have been going
to nursing school for two years and have started working
as one? Well, I realize that that isn't what I want to do
in life. In Cutter Gap, I was never more happier, because
I knew I was helping people in my own way. I worked side
by side with God, and never felt closer.  Being a nurse
does not give me that same feeling that I thrive for.
So...I have decided to become a missionary again."
"Oh Christy, don't say that you are going all the way
to Cutter Gap again! I was hoping that you'd get a job
somewhere real close. Cutter Gap is so far away." My
mother said sadly. I sighed. If she thought Cutter Gap
was far, what would she think of the real place that
I'd be going to?  "I wasn't referring to Cutter Gap,
Momma. Actually, I'm not sure where they will put me, but
I'm going to sign up for the red cross tomorrow morning."
"Red Cross? But they are asking for volunteers for
the...."My father began, but started to drift off when he
caught on. My mother took a few seconds later.  "You are
not going into the war, missy. Do you hear me?" My mother
said angrily.  "Yes I am. I'm going to combine the two
jobs. I'll still be a nurse, but also a missionary."
"I said that you aren't going." My mother insisted.
"I am 27 years old, momma. I am old enough to know what I
am doing."  "But I was worried that you could get killed
in Cutter Gap...but in the war, so many die!"  "I won't."
"Girlie, I think you should reconsider." My father said
emotionless. He always got like that when he didn't approve
- tried to hide all emotions.  "I have been thinking on
this. It's what I am going to do. Daddy, did you not just
say five days ago that the U.S. is good to be in the war?"
"I wasn't referring to you going in."
 "But someone has to do it, Daddy. Please, you raised me
 to be considerate, compassionate, and willing to help
 those in need. But Daddy, when you help someone in need,
 there is always a danger of getting hurt. You taught me
 to care always, not just when convenient or when I can't
 get hurt."  It went on...and on...and on until my mother
 finally broke down, aware that she could not win this
 time. I fled to my room.
************************************ I went downstairs
 that night. My parents were both having a snack, not
 having eaten supper because they had went to a party
 instead. Unfortunately, I couldn't wait any longer to
 make a phone call that I knew I had been delaying. The
 problem was, the telephone was less than 3 feet away from
 my parents. I would just have to deal with them listening.
"Hello?" A half asleep Scottish brogue came through
 the line.
"Hi Neil." I said softly.  "Do you realize what time it
is?" Neil said, his voice exaggerating.  I looked at the
clock. "It's only 10."  "I got up at 4!"  "I'm sorry, Neil,
is this a bad time?"  "No, I'm sorry Christy, my nerves
are shot."  "Margaret?"  "Well, she's constantly making
my nerves raw. But besides her, it's your best friend."
"Fairlight?"  "Yes Fairlight. That woman sure is pushy!"
 I couldn't help but giggle.  "What did you want
to talk to me about?" Neil returned to the reason.
"I needed to let you know something before you heard it
from someone else."  "What is it?"  "You know how I have
been going to nursing school and all, right?"  "Right."
"I'll jump to the point - I'm going to be volunteering
for the red cross. I'm going to go overseas to the war."
"You're doing WHAT?"  "You heard, Neil."  "I don't believe
my ears."  "Believe them, Neil. They are one thing that
shouldn't deceive you for a while yet."  "Christy, what
you said is absurd! You can't be serious."  "I am."
"Christy, you are very impulsive and impetuous. You get an
idea, then jump in head first to realize the hard landing
to late. Have you thought this over at all?"  "Yes, I
have!"  a€˜Since?"  "Since this afternoon."  "Christy!"
"Neil, I know what I want."  "Christy, did Grantland give
you this idea?"  "Oh, no! David was completely against
this!"  "For once I must say that I agree with him and he
has some sense. Christy, you're not going to join the war."
"Yes I am, Neil."  "No, you're not."  "You can't stop me."
"Christy, don't be childish."  "I'm not being childish!"
"NO?"  "Please Neil..."  "Christy, I couldn't bear to
see you end up dead. If you would....it would kill me. I
can not support this."  "You don't have to support it. I
wanted to tell you though. Neil, I'll write you everyday."
"Christy, if you go over there, I will make you one promise
- that I will never open any of your letters. Not only
that, I will never talk to you again."  "You going to
shun me?"
 I couldn't help it, sobs had already started wrenching
from my body a while ago. Now they were coming out
full force.  "Christy-" "Does this have something to
do with your father?"  "How do you know about him?"
"David told me he died in the civil war."  "I was just
13." He whispered, full of emotion.
 "Neil...I'm so sorry, but I have to do this." The words
barely made it out, emotion blocking much of my way.
"I'm sorry, but I'll stick to my promise." Anger filled
his voice.  "Neil!"
 But it was too late - he had hung up on me as well.
 Sobs overwhelmed me. Putting te receiver back, I slowly
 slid down the wall, then burying my head in my knees.
*************************** Don't worry if this seems kind
 of dull right now - it gets REALLY exciting soon!
**********************************************************************************************
*~* Jill *~*

The next day I rose before the sun. I quickly got dressed,
 then headed out to the Asheville hospital, leaving a note
 behind, telling of my whereabouts.  At the hospital,
 there was a large table with a uniformed nurse behind
 it, greeting everyone with a warm smile.  Behind her,
 was a sign indicating that she was from the Red Cross.
 I walked up to her, my knees shaking.  "Good morning,
 ma'am." The woman said.
" Hello. I want to sign up tp be a volunteer of the Red
Cross."  " Great! There are some questions I need to ask
of you first. First of all, your name?" She said, getting
a form.  "Christy Huddleston."  "Age?"  "Twenty-seven."
" Experience in nursing?"  "I had two years in college
for it, did all my clinicals and such, and worked in
the hospital as a nurse for two months."  "Experience in
other vocations?"  "I was a missionary schoolteacher in
Cutter Gap, Tennessee."
 Other questions were asked, answered, then she ended with
"We'll call you as soon as we can with your position."
******************************
 "Girlie, telephone is for you." My father yelled up
 the stairs. I ran down them, and grabbed the receiver.
 "Hello?"
"This is Amy Kapp from the Red Cross.  We have a position
for you. If you are able, we can send someone out to
pick you up and get you on a ship as soon as tomorrow."
"Of course, but where am I to be located at?"  "London."
London? Wow. I was going there? It seemed so neat - but I
knew this was one of the worse places. How could I tell my
parents that I was going to a place that had been attacked
42 times in the last 3 years?  Well, I managed. And was
soon jumping out of bed to greet the new day that would
be the beginning of a new life. Again.
 I quickly got dressed and ran into my parents room. They
 were still fast asleep. I kissed their foreheads and
 whispered goodbye. They partly awoke to say their sad
 goodbyes, and I grabbed my luggage and left. That was it
 for weeks. I stayed on the ship that was to be taking me
 to London.  Once arrived, I was escorted to the mission,
 which took a whole day and into the night - I slept as
 best as I could in the rocking old automobile.  Then, the
 next day I had to walk 10 miles to the mission. But it
 was in great spring weather, so it couldn't compare
 to what I went through to get to the last mission.
 When we actually stepped into the house, it was 4:30 AM.
 "Better catch some sleep.  Wake hour is 6." The man
 escorting me whispered. I nodded. He pointed up the steps.
"Go up there, find and an empty bed - my luck be with you
 with that. It's really dark. Slide your luggage under
 the bed - you'll unpack tomorrow." Were his final words
 before leaving for what looked like a bunkhouse about 20
 yards away.  I slowly climbed the stairs as they noisily
 creaked. It was pitch dark, and I could see nothing. I
 opened the door, then groped around to see if I could
 find my way. Finally, I did, and an empty bed was my
 reward. I climbed in, but it seemed that as soon as I
 shut my eyes, an alarm was going off, and the sun was
 shining brightly though white curtians at two windows, one
 at either side of the room. I listened to all the women
 start getting up, but my heavy eyelids rebelled against
 me and refused to open. I could not blame them - I hadn't
 a decent night's sleep since I left home! Or what was my
 home. This was my home now. Sadness filled my heart, but
 not for long.  "Miss...Miss, you must wake up - it's time
 to start our day." A woman with a musical voice awoke me.
 My eyes fluttered open. Squinting from the sun, I saw
 a beautiful woman with strawberry blonde hair and dark
 blue eyes. With the sun casting all around her, I could
 have swarn that she was an angel! I smiled weakly, her
 cheerfulness becoming contagious.  "Sorry you can't sleep
 in , I heard you come in at near 5 - but I didn't think
 you would want to miss all the introductions before all
 of us scatter to do our separate jobs."  I rose from my
 comfortable bed. She handed me a starched white dress -
 a nurse's uniform. A cap with the red cross symbol came
 with it. I got dressed, trying to hide a blush that was
 rising in me - since I got up late, all the rest of the
 women were dressed, and now watching me fumble into such a
 tight dress. So much for a good first impression! Finally,
 once dressed, I sat on the bed and brushed my hair into a
 bun. Introductions started as everyone waited. The woman
 with strawberry blonde hair that had woken me, started
 first.  "I'm Nancy Seemore. I'm 27, and am one of the
 first to arrive here. I came from Arizona. My brother,
 Brandon, is a doctor. You'll meet him shortly." She said.
 "I'm Christy...Christy Huddleston. I'm 27 as well, from
 Asheville, North Carolina."  A chubbier woman, with
 near black wavy hair, shoulder length, and bright blue
 eyes was next.  "My name is Sally Longfield. I'm 32,
 from New York City, New York."  Next was a thin young
 girl with short brown hair and blue eyes. "My name is
 Beth, I'm 22, and from Ohio."  The introductions went
 all around the room until all 17 nurses, including me,
 had spoken. Then we filed down the stairs and into the
 dining room. I had weathered so many things in the last
 few years, but nothing would have prepared me for what
 I saw in front of me.
  "Christy, these are the doctors, Brandon, Pete, Harry,
and Kyle. And then the man who runs this mission - Doctor
Ferrand."  **************************************** ~*
Jill *~*


 Alright, I realized a mistake that I made. Christy is 24,
 not 27. Bethany is now from NJ, and Brandon is Bethany's
 brother. and...and that's about it. :) Here's ther story!
*********************************************************************************************************
I stared in complete shock. Nancy led me to my seat -
there was only two men between Doctor Ferrand and I.
 "So, you are my recruit once again, Miss Huddleston? Lord,
help us all!" He said, though I couldn't tell if he
was joking or not.  "Unfortunately, Doctor." I answered
emotionless.  "Still mad at me?" A light came into his
eyes, telling me that his rye humor was on the way, but
a light also lit in mine - but it was fire sparking
in my case.  "I shall never forgive you for what you
did. Never. It is because of you that I am seperated from
everyone I care about."  "I did not tell you to come here-"
"You shut down my mission!"  "It was never your mission,
Miss Huddleston - it was mine."  "You never really cared
about it was in your name, that's all."  "Either way - it
was my choice in what to do with it."  "Sadly - yes. How
you can live with a clear conscience is beyond me."
"Why would I be bothered?"  "Because there are people in
the mountains starving! Because children are being deprived
of education!" I yelled.  "There are people starving
everywhere, I can not help them all."  " Only because you
gave up and forgot about what used to be so important to
you and Miss Alice."  "Christy, she is not a€˜Miss' anymore
- she's my wife."  I made a disgusted face. "I will never
see her as your wife. She could have done so much better
if she would only have let herself believe that she is
not worthless because of her past."  "You have no right
to say such things - you are not like Margaret that is
actually her daughter."  "It's tragic that Margaret died -
but I must say that she must be grateful she died before
you married her mother so she wouldn't have your name."
"I'm sure Alice would have loved to heare that."  "She
don't need to - she knows deep down. What I can't stand
is that MISS Alice was like a mother to me. I used to say
that she was my second mother. I can't do that anymore."
"God forbid that you'd have to be around me." He muttered.
"Exactly."  "Good Lord, you don't change a bit, do you?"
I gave him a sweet, mocking smile. "You can bet your life
on it, Doctor."
 Then I remembered that I was at a table with an
audience. Blushing, I sat down instead of hovering over
the table. Now, I had lost a good first impression from
the woman and the men! I looked around and saw everyone
staring at me - some with their mouths hanging open,
and others with big approving grins.  "You two ready
for breakfast now?" Bethany asked, sustaining a giggle.
***********************************************************
 "Upstairs to the right is the men's bedroom, and like
 you already know, to the left is the women's." Nancy
 said, pointing up the steps. She was giving me a tour of
 the grounds.  "Of course, we are standing in the dining
 room. To our right is the very small kitchen, which feels
 like it's about 3 feet wide when we're trying to make
 meals, and to the other side is the parlor. Beyond the
 parlor is Doctor Ferrand's office. No one disturbs him
 there except for emergencies." Then we went onto the
 front porch. She pointed to a large tent, or I should
 say tents, for it looked like there was four of them put
 together, each about 20 feet by 20. It was to our left,
 about a good 30 feet away.
"This first entrance is for the emergencies, only to be
used for nurses and doctors who are to be working on the
patients in there, and of course, the immediate cases
themselves. This next room is the recovery room - self
explanatory. Next one is the sick room - people with
diseases and illnesses stay in here, that's why there
is plastic on the sides of the beds, hanging from the
ceiling. Next room is the waiting one - the cases that
aren't bad stay in here - this room gets filled quickly,
and where we nurses spend most of our days." Then, we were
out of there too. I wasn't very fond of the tents - it was
stuffy and smelled of a strong plastic odor, even though
the walls flapped with the breeze. It mustn't be very warm
in here in the wintertime.  I had hopes though, that this
war would be over before the autumn cold.  "Over there is
the barn." She pointed to the building about 100 feet away
from the mission.  "It's green - and not just one shade." I
said, my brow wrinkling.  Nancy smiled. "Yeah, paint is
on a shortage - we got what we could. Do you believe that
red was more expensive?"
 We went inside and I was amazed at how large it was. The
ceiling must have been 20 feet from the ground, and the
width and length was about 40 feet each. There was hay
in the loft, but no animals.  "Where are the animals
at?" I asked.
 "Don't have any. Not yet at least. We're hoping to get
 some horses as soon as we can afford them - we are waiting
 for money donations, but they are rare."  I inwardly
 grinned, remembering when I had tried to help out in
 donations. I was pretty sure that I'd stay out of the
 way in that subject this time - I was already on Doctor
 Ferrand's bad side. But at least I didn't have to worry
 that he'd fire me! I didn't get paid a cent - just food
 and board. And he needed all the volunteers he could get.
 "Hey girls, what are you doing?" I heard a man come up
 from behind us ask. I turned around to see that it was
 Pete, along with the rest of the men at the table.
"Thought that we should introduce ourselves to you as well,
Miss Huddleston. You were so upset at the table, that
we thought that we should wait until you cooled down."
I blushed." Sorry about that." I said shyly.  "I liked
it! Showed real spunk. All of us have been way too afraid
to stand up to him. He needs to be put in his place every
now and then." Pete said, giving me a look of approval.
"Anyway, I might not be the eldest of the group, but
I'm the one who is the mostly leads this pack. I'm Pete
Kinnigan, 27 years of age. You talked about Doctor MacNeill
- I know him as well." My eyes went wide.  "Are you the son
of the professor of ophthalmology? Neil loved him. Called
him the greatest."  Pete smiled proudly. "That be me. Well,
here is Brandon Seemon, he's 26. Bit of a hissy, but
he's alright." Pete gave me a teasing smile as he wrapped
his arm around Brandon as he joked. Brandon pulled away.
"I'm not a hissy, Pete! Just because I'm the youngest! And
if it-" "Guys, that's enough - we're in front of the
women here. Not a very good way of flattering the new
girl." A chubby man with curly bright red hair and dancing
blue eyes.  "You don't impress someone by calling them the
new girl either." Brandon muttered bitterly. Pete pointed
to the man.  "That's Harry Tubbor. He'd 37, and always
jolly. Kinda like Santa, even growin' a beard!"  I rolled
my eyes at the petty humor.  "And that's the opposite -
Kyle Hughs. He's...30, and quite a sour one. Dont warm
up to strangers quick."  After introductions, Bethany
led us to the kitchen.  "Christy, I'll warn you know. We
don't have any patients right now, thank the Lord, but
don't be fooled - that don't mean that it goes any easier
here for us. Doctor Ferrand is convinced that more work
is better. We're here to work, so work we shall do!" She
ended with a quote. The look all the women gave me assured
me that she was not exaggerating. With determination, I
rolled up my sleeves, and got ready to clean. I was going
to prove to that Doctor Ferrand that I was the best worker
he ever had!  *****************

*~* Jill *~*

 ***************** Days passed, and the schedule they
 had here started to become familiar to me.  Two men, ill
 with the flu, was now being cared for here, but that was
 about it.  I started almost wishing that there would be
 more excitement after two weeks of laying back, even
 if friendships were starting. But by the next day, I
 was wishing that I hadn't thought such things!  I was
 finishing up the dishes when I saw Pete running as fast
 as he could here. He had been at the village about 20
 minutes away for most of the today. I dried my hands on
 my apron and rushed to the porch.
"Pete?" I worriedly asked him.  "They're attacking." He
said breathlessly. "They are slaughtering people with their
guns." I could barely hear what he was saying, but somehow
everyone in the other rooms heard perfectly well. War was
in motion here once again.
 I turned around at the sound of something ripping. I saw
 Brandon ripping a tiny square of a few inches from the
 little 3 ft long rug in the middle of the room. The now
 bare part of the floor revealed a rope with a strong knot
 at it's one end, the other end going through the floor. He
 stepped off of the rug, then pulled. That 3 foot part of
 the floor that the rug covered was now exposing a hidden
 room down below. All the nurses and doctors hurried down
 a ladder provided there already. Someone grabbed me and
 pulled me down it as well. It led us to a wood paneled
 room with a dirt base floor. This room was small, not
 more than 6 foot, both length and width, yet 16 nurses
 and 5 doctors were crammed inside it. We all sat there
 with our shoulders digging hard into the ones next to
 us. Pete was the only one not included in this. Instead,
 he was fidgeting with a ring of keys - about 10 in all. He
 shoved each one into a lock on the wall. I knew not why
 there would be a lock on the wall, but something told me
 that I was to find out soon.  Trying the last key, the
 lock clicked, and a door that perfectly blended in with
 the wall flung upwards. Pete looked at Doctor Ferrand.
"Should we get everyone in there?" He asked. I strained my
neck to see what he was referring to. I saw that the door
opened to a large dirt tunnel. It looked like a groundhog
tunnel, only magnified. Where did that lead? I knew just
one thing - it looked dark, and I did not want to go
into such a place, especially when all the nurses were
holding their breaths, praying that they needn't go in.
"It's small in there - the maximum stay in there is about
an hour. Lets hold off as long as we can." Doctor Ferrand
answered solemnly.  But soon we could hear gunshots
sounding in the distance. Pete gave Doctor Ferrand an
anxious look, and the doctor nodded.  Pete started ushering
everyone, slowly, into the tunnel. By the time I was there,
someone had lit a candle that was in here, thankfully. We
had to stand in this room, it was so little.  It was shaped
in a circle, and it was so tight I wasnt sure if I could
breath, or be able to get out. I heard many yelps going
around as burning wax fell upon bare feet and arms; some
of these people coming straight from sleeping.
 We stayed in here for an antagonizing hour. There was
 little oxygen, and most were wheezing and gasping for
 breath, including me.  We managed our way through the
 tunnel, into the larger room, up the steps, and finally,
 in the mission house. How sweet daylight was! It hurt my
 eyes and made me squint, but was the beautiful sign that
 we were no longer underground!
*************************************************************
 I had been at the mission for a month, and was fitting
 in well. Doctor Ferrand continually got on my bad side
 and made my nerves raw. Consequently, we buted head
 constantly. But that didn't stop my dreams from flowing.
  There were 8 men in our care, 2 still sick, and 6 with
gunshot wounds. I felt sorry for them. They awoke each time
to a stuffy plain hospital tent. Most of us were to tired
to be cheerful, so it mustn't of been very pleasurable for
them. But I wanted to create a reputation that we had a
great hospital - a special one. Full of joy and laughter. I
looked around the tents. These plain walls weren't going to
help that. With determination, I marched into the mission.
"Aw, Christy's going to stir up more trouble with the boss
- she got that face on again!" Pete teased as I went up
to the office door. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on it.
 "Who is it?" Came the gruff reply from Doctor Ferrand.
"Me."
 "There are many people here - please specify a€˜ me.'"
"Oh come on! You know who it is!" I shouted desperately. I
heard chuckles coming from the men listening in the
dining room.
 "Come in." His voice was reluctant.  I walked in, then sat
on the chair in front of his desk, where he was seated.
"Excuse me, but I don't remember giving you permission
to sit."  I rolled my eyes, getting annoyed. I sprung up.
"May...I...please sit down?" I said between my clenched
jaw.  "Yes. But Miss Huddleston, will you never grasp
the concept of leaving me alone when I'm in here? This
is where I have some privacy! Or am suppost to!"
"So when do all of us get our privacy, doctor? Never!"
He sighed. "What did you come here for, Miss Huddleston?"
"The patients are restless and upset. They're bored. I was
wondering if we could take some books out of the library
to let them read them to pass the healing time along?"
"Fine, you can do that. Anything else?" I knew he had
agreed solely to get me out of here - the reason he
always agreed.  "In Cutter Gap, you never gave us enough
funds for anything more than necessities.  So, I had
to learn how to make paint. Right now, all the flowers
and things we need for paint are in bloom. If I can
make it, will you let me paint the walls of the tents?"
"What? No!"  So, I wasnt so lucky this time. But I wasnt
giving up. I kept going until he agreed. Not only did
he say I could paint the tents, but the inside of the
barn as well! The only rule was that it was to be on
my time - the time that I was nursing was never to be
interfered by this. I promised that it wouldn't, then ran
into Pete's arms. He swung me around in jubilation. He
didnt really care if the walls were painted or not, but
that I had on yet another battle in our own mission war.
***************************************************
 I spent days making up the paint, and nights sketching the
 designs. I loved getting back in touch with my creative
 side! After two weeks, I had the tents done. Now, all
 I had to do was the barn. It was to be special - so I
 really had to think about it.  "Christy, supper time!" I
 heard Bethany yell from downstairs. I grabbed my sketch
 book that I was working in, and rushed down, then plopped
 myself in my chair. Since no one was there, I propped my
 knees on the side of the table, put my sketch pad against
 my legs to make it stand up, then placed the pencil in
 my hair, the corner of the large eraser in my mouth, and
 the pen in my hand, making corrections. Soon, the room
 was filling up and the supper was served. I paid no mind
 to it all though, I had slipped into my own world. That
 suited me just fine, but not Pete.  "Christy, supper
 time." He reminded gently.
"I know." I said. I lifted my hand to see my work, when
Pete grabbed my wrist.  "Christy, your hands are always
stained!" He exclaimed with a smile.  "The paint does that
- they'll be stained for about a week after I finish it
all the painting."
 "Put your painting sketches away and eat." He whispered.
"But I just-" "Alright - Kyle, Brandon, go ahead." Pete
said. I looked at him confused, and not aware of where
the two men were. Suddenly, I felt someone tickling my
sides. I was giggling so much that the grip on all of my
things loosened, and Brandon quick grabbed everything
- even the pencil and eraser; the eraser falling to
my lap when I started laughing. Finally, Kyle stopped
tickling, and I was reduced to everyone laughing still and
a supper the was growing cold. But the humor in Pete's
eyes that I got was worth it, and I didn't mind at all.
************************************************* *~*
Jill *~*


************************************************* I was
 standing in the doorway of the barn, surveying it. I
 chewed on the end of my pencil as I compared the sketches,
 in my outstretched arms, to the actual barn. I screamed
 when I felt arms slipping around my waist. I turned around
 in whosever arms they were to see who had snuck up on
 me. It was Pete, of course. He was always finding ways
 to startle me - he loved catching me off guard to hear me
 let out a surprised, shrilling scream.  I gave him a stern
 look, but the rye grin on our faces made it disappear.
"You best hurry up in here, it's been decided that
 there is a dance for all of us to be held here."
 I smiled. "Lovely.  How about you just get a whip for
 me to more faster?" I teased with a sweet smile. Pete
 chuckled.
"I thought you should know, maybe go a bit faster so you
don't have stained hands for the dancing - fancy dresses
and purple fingers don't go very well together! And
I could take over some of your work for you as well."
"That's really nice, Pete, but it's okay. Besides, I don't
have any fancy dresses. And if you want the barn to look
nice, then some beauty will have to be sacrificed on me."
"You're beautiful no matter what - sacrificing beauty is
impossible when it comes to you."  "You're flattery doesn't
work on me, Peter." I giggled, then walked away. But
he walked in front of me.  "I was just softening you
up so I can ask you if you'd go to the dance with me."
"Sorry, but I won't be dancing."  "What do you mean? Why
wouldn't you?"  "The last time I danced with someone -
it was special, or at least the man that I was dancing
with was. I like being able to say that he was the last
person I danced with."  "You're talking about MacNeill
again, aren't you?"  "Yes, I am."  "How long ago was your
last dance?"  "Well...about four and a half years ago."
"Cant you dance with us here, then dance with him when
you get back to the states?"  "But the whole time we're
here-" "You are going to skip all the fun? This is a way
of relieving tension that has built up in us. There will
be many when more patients come in. Are you going to skip
every one and miss out on them?"  "I'll think about it,
but that is all I am promising."  "Christy, when was
the last time you were kissed?"  Hesitation to answer
filled me."Well....um...four years ago."  "That's to
long." Pete leaned down to kiss me, but I placed the palm
of my hand on his chest, pushed him away, then left the
barn without looking back. I would think about dancing
- but nothing more - even for a good friend like Pete.
************************************************************
 Two weeks went by. With alittle help from Nancy, Bethany,
 Brandon and Pete, I was able to finish the barn. We all
 stood in the doorway, admiring our work. The wall opposite
 from us was the wall I loved the best. There were two
 huge doves facing eachother, a large red cross between
 them, touching their beaks. A golden rim was around them,
 giving it a heavenly glow. I loved it best at sunset
 when the real heavenly glow was cast upon the wall.
 The dance was tomorrow, and I had yet to give Pete any
 sign of going or not. I decided that I would go, but
 I would hand out the punch and do the catering, since
 someone had to. Bethany was sure that it wouldn't last
 long though, and that I'd be on the dance floor before
 the the dance was even half way through.
"Those men don't take no for an answer, especially
Pete and my brother. They beg, and do anything
else to change your mind. Be prepared." She warned.
************************************************************
 Later that night, the girls returned to the bedroom. I
was exhausted from staying up so late the previous weeks,
that I was using this day off to catch up in sleep. Or I
was trying to. Having no door to enter the room, nor much
of a wall the was next to the stairs, I awoke to the girls
knocking on the rotting doorjam.  "Christy, we hate to wake
you, but we are getting everything ready for the dance -
there won't be anytime tomorrow before the dance, we'll
be decorating. So, we are choosing our dresses from the
charity boxes that we recieved a few days ago. The boxes
included so women's wear, but all we need is men's for
the solders, so Doctor Ferrand told us that the nurses
could have them. Anyway, we were going through them, and
found a perfect one for you." Nancy explained. Bethany
entered the room, holding up a dress. Sarah, a 25 year
old nurse that I was not quite acquainted with yet, due to
her shyness, helped display the dress. It was beautiful.
It was a slender, silk white dress with frilly material
and lace to make up the off-the-shoulder sleeves.  A full,
swishy skirt gave it a beautiful touch.
 "It's gorgeous -   but don't one of you want to wear
it since I won't even be dancing?"  "You'll be dancing,
none of us doubt that. The men are going to flock to
you." Marie, 27, laughed. "Or at least Brandon and Pete
will!"  ************************************************
 The next day went by quickly. We made a paper chain from
 newspaper that went all the wall around the barn, and
 two extra ones for the punch and snack tables. There had
 been scrunched up paper that we taped to the wall to spell
 out letters. This was our welcome sign. I used the little
 left over paint to add more color and have it stand out
 against the black wall with stars twinkling on it, just
 like the wall opposite of it. Bethany, Marie, Sarah, and
 about 4 others, including me, did this while Nancy led
 the rest in baking goods. Nancy was a great cook, and
 so the rest of us that was a bit shaky in the kitchen
 volunteered to do this instead.  "Barn is finished, what
 about the baked goods and the juice?" Marie asked at the
 supper table, the first time that day that we saw the
 other girls and the men.
"Finished - but no one is allowed to see what we
made until the dance." Nancy said with a sly smile.
"Do you girls need any last minute help with the barn or
anything?" Pete asked.  "No, we managed by ourselves just
fine." I said.  Once supper was finished, all the girls
ran up the steps and put up the curtain to keep out stray
eyes. Then, all the girls got their dresses on - all but
me. The girls decided that they wanted to slip back into
childhood. They used me as a doll, and said they'd take
care of everything.  "Deep breath, Christy." Nancy said,
holding my corset strings. I took a weak one, but she wasnt
satisfied. "Deeper, Christy. Don't you want to look good
for tonight?"
 I did what she said, but regretted it right away when she
pulled hard. I gasped.  "I...can't...breath!" I exclaimed,
panting.  "You're fine!"  "No, Nancy, I cant breath."
"You're talking, aren't you?"  "Nancy!"  Marie came to my
rescue. She lessened the tightness, but not by much. It
was just enough to catch light breaths.
 Next, they slipped the dress on over me. The back
 had strings as well - they pulled them just as tight.
 When they finished, I felt lightheaded. I tried to sit,
 but couldn't bend well. So, I laid down, and they put on
 my make up while I did. Then came my hair. I wanted it up
 to keep it out of my way, but they insisted it be down to
 show off my curls. Finally, they finished. I told them
 to go on ahead of me. When they had left, I went to the
 mirror and rubbed off some of the blush that was layered
 on. I would have loosened the corset and dress, but I
 couldn't reach any of the strings, try as I might. So, I
 gave up and went downstairs. It was empty - Pete must have
 caught on to my hints finally. In high heels, I picked my
 way through the soft earth until I got to the barn. Doctor
 Ferrand was setting up a phonograph, the girls setting up
 the food, and the men hovering over them to try and grab
 what they could.  When I entered, all heads turned to me,
 everyone freezing. Nancy and Bethany gave me reassuring
 smiles. Before any men could ask me for a dance, I went
 behind the punch table and helped set up the cups. The
 food looked delicious - gingerbread men Nancy was swept
 up by Brandon, Kyle got Sarah, and Harry got Sally. With
 the music going, we watched the three couples. Pete walked
 up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.
"You sure you don't want to dance?" He asked. I looked
over my shoulder.  "I could have sworn that we went over
this already."  "Your words tell me you don't want to,
but the longing in your tell me that your words lie."
I sighed, then nodded. Bethany was right, Pete wouldn't
mind pleading all night if he had to.
 After about the third dance, Brandon wanted to cut in,
but Pete forbidden it, whether I was going to say yes or
no. What was with men these days? Even Neil, when I was
dancing with Nathan Stone that one time long ago, left
me no say in if I wanted to dance with him. It was more
of a demand - like Brandon's. Before I really knew what
was happening, Pete stood in front of me, not letting me
be apart of this, and they were soon yelling at eachother.
"Pete, you had her for three dances, it's my turn!" Brandon
said sternly through clenched teeth.  "There are 15 other
girls here - I'm dancing with Christy, that leaves you,
Kyle and Harry to five girls each!"  "I want Christy, not
the other girls!"
 I put my hands over my face, but as soon as I heard a fist
greeting flesh and bones, I put my hands down, daring to
see what happened. Brandon threw a punch at Pete, landing
on his unprepared jaw. Pete, anger flaring, stepped away
from me and hit Brandon. This went on without anyone else
even taking notice. I ran to Doctor Ferrand.  "Can't you
stop them?" I asked, my voice shaking. The elderly doctor
just shook his head.  "They won't stop for anyone or
anything. You jump in to stop them, and you wind up with
a black eye. I'll say one thing though - kind of reminds
you of David and Neil, doesn't it?"  "At least they were
only verbal." I said, looking around desperately. I had
to do something. I marched up to the two men and got near
Brandon, facing Pete. Then, with the palms of my hands, I
pushed Pete as hard as I could. He tumbled and fell to the
ground. When Brandon tried to attack Pete, I did the same
to him. Both were dazed as they sat on the floor, being
supported by their straight arms. This didn't last long
though.  Brandon jumped up when Pete stumbled to his feet.
The fight was back on and there was nothing I could do this
time - their punches were flying everywhere. I was sure to
be hit if I dared get close.  Blood was everywhere, even
splattering on my freshly painted walls. I glared angily
at them - they would be hearing about this later. When
I saw a tooth get spit out and landed near my feet,
I got disgusted. I growled, then started to walk out
when I saw to elderly men, the one probably in his late
50's, the other well in his 60's. I gasped in surprise.
Pete and Brandon quick looked at me to see what I had
been surprised of. Brandon, his fist on his way to Pete's
unexpected cheek, froze.  "What is going on here?" One
man said sternly.  "Care to explain, Brandon?" The other
responded. I heard Brandon curse under his breath.
"Sorry, father." He said lightly, and cursed again.
***************************************** "Who are they?" I
whispered to Nancy and Bethany, whom I had walked over
to. I heard Brandon getting yelled at by his supposedly
father.  "The one with the good lungs - that's my dad -
James Healy."  "That sounds familiar - oh, that was -" "One
of the men that helped Neil MacNeill." Beth finished with
a smile.  "Why is he here?"  "Works here - he left to go to
another hospital that was in greater need than us. Never
told us when he'd be back - but that was typical. Dad
never paid us much mind. Sure is stern though."  "And who
is the other man?"  "Jesse Jenkins. Just another doctor
that my father and Pete's used to work with. Guess their
here to stay this time. Picked a great day to show, huh?"
**********************************************************


*~* Jill *~*

**********************************************************
 There was one place on this mission property that you
 had a slight chance of being alone while there. I wanted
 to have some privacy, not that I really knew what the
 word meant really after all this time, so I went for
 it. Climbing the ladder, I made my way to the roof of
 the barn, the inside now empty. There was one part on
 the roof, in rectangular shape, went about 5 feet below
 the slanted point of the roof. It was about 4 feet in
 length and width. I sat here, hugging my legs close to
 my chest, my chin resting on my knees. Tears slipped
 as I sat, looking at the north star, and thought about
 home. How I missed it so much! With the full moon gazing
 lovingly down on me, I was reminded of the clear nights
 in Cutter Gap when I would become restless. I didn't even
 bother trying to wipe away the tears anymore - they came
 so steadily that it became apparent that trying to keep
 my face dry right now was utterly impossible.  But even
 though I was 20 feet in the air and on a roof, this was
 not protecting my privacy for long.
"Nice night out, huh?" Pete asked, his body slowly rising
as he climbed the ladder.  "Yes." was my short answer. Pete
squatted down to meet my eye level.  "I'm sorry about
what happened today, Christy. It wasn't intentional, and
I'm sorry you got caught in it."  I looked at him with
eyes welling with tears.  "It's alright, I'm not upset
about that." Then with a teasing smile, I added, "as
long as the two of you clean your blood off of my walls."
"Yeah...sorry about that too. And for the record - it's
not all my blood. By the way, I recall you being not
the biggest fan of heights - so why are you up here?"
"Got a better place to find some privacy?"  "You were
looking for privacy?"  "No, I had it until you came." I
smiled at him, but it soon died.  "What's wrong, Christy? I
said that I was sorry for tonight, but-" "It's not about
tonight, it's...about something else."  "What?"  "It sounds
childish, and I'm kind of ashamed of it."  "Tell me."
"I'm homesick and I miss my parents and everyone so much."
"Why should you be ashamed of that?"  "Because it's not a
real problem, yet I let it plague my mind."  "Christy, we
all get homesick sometimes, including me. You are no
exception. You just...got to get your mind off of it."
"I've tried. I kept busy, thinking that would cure it, but
you can only run away from it for so long."  "True, you
cant keep running from it, you got to face your problems."
"How? How do you do it, Pete?"  Pete took me in his
arms. "Who were you thinking about before I got here? The
last person."  "My father."  "Okay, tell me what you miss
about your father."  I sunk into his chest as I smiled,
staring at the north star again as if it was a picture of
Daddy.  "I miss his soft, warm blue eyes that always gave
me a look of approval and love. And I miss his comforting
smile in hard times that told me everything would work out
and be fine in the end.  I miss the way he looked when he
called me Girlie and Little Miss and when he told me how
proud he was of me for doing something good when I was
really down. I miss his encouragement and the extra push
that he always gave me when I needed it most. And I miss
him being there for me."  "Now that you said that," Pete
said, clearing his throat, " Do you feel better?"  I looked
at him in amazement. "Yes, yes I really do. Thanks, Pete."
He gave me a gently hug. "Who else were you missing?"
"Neil...but don't ask me to say what I miss about him, or
I'll end up saying every feature and characteristic of
him! But it's alright. I feel so much better and closer
to them now."  "I want to help you, Christy - whenever
you need something, encouragement, comfort, what ever it
may be; I'm here."  **********************************
 When we went back to the mission house, I remembered that
 I was supposed to be here hours ago for a meeting that
 we were having. Actually, it wasn't a meeting, just a
 gathering to talk about things other than the mission and
 our work here. Everyone, including James Healy and Jesse
 Jenkins were there. Nancy smiled at me, then nodded for
 Pete and I to take our seats that had been reserved.
 I sat right across from Doctor Ferrand, who seemed
 to be acting strange ever since the men got here. He
 seemed...almost flustered.  Clearing her throat to quiet
 the talking of everyone, Nancy started.
"It seems as if we all are getting a bit homesick. I
 thought it would be good if we all talked about this. How
 about we begin with naming the one person, place, and
 thing that we miss the most."  I looked up at Pete with
 a smile. He chuckled and looked at me with caring eyes.
"I'll go first." Came Nancy's voice again. "I think I
miss my mother the most. And I miss my hometown, Atlanta
Georgia. The place? The really big library in the center
of town that I visited almost everyday."  Then it was
Bethany's turn. "I miss my college dorm room and all my
friends and relatives - I miss all of them too much to
pick out one."  Brandon started on his after this. "I
miss my mother the most, but considering that she died, I
suppose that it don't really matter where I am to feel like
that. And I miss New Jersey and my friends there as well."
 Then it was my turn. I held Pete's hand tight and
looked directly into Doctor Ferrand's eyes.  "I miss
my schoolhouse more than any place. There, I could do
anything because I was surrounded by a wonderful feeling
that I got whenever I walked in. It was the best feeling I
ever had. But it don't matter whether I'm here in London,
overseas and far away or when I'm in Asheville and the
mountains are close by - because that schoolhouse is no
longer mine."
 I paused when I heard James Healy whisper to Doctor
 Ferrand. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but
 Doctor Ferrand gave him a quick answer, then stared coldly
 back at me. I continued. "I miss Neil MacNeill more than
 anyone, and I miss my Cutter Gap. But who knows if I shall
 ever see that place again."  This was directed straight
 to the man in front of me, responsible for the reason why
 I might not see it again. And I was letting him know that
 with every chance that I got.
********* *~* Jill *~*


********* With the passing of a few weeks, there were more
 attacks near here. Pete happened to be in town at the time
 of one of them. He went almost everyday - he carried the
 mail to the post office and got whatever we needed from
 the grocery stores and such. Since we hadn't a horse,
 we needed someone who could walk a good distance. It
 was about 15 miles to and from. Pete had long legs and
 could outrun anyone I knew. SO, Doctor Ferrand had no
 choice but to let him go. Pete would head to town, and
 by the time he reached there, it would be night. So,
 he stayed over night, then came back late afternoon
 the next day. Usually, everything went just fine. But
 the last time he went scared me so badly; the attack on
 the town had be sure that Pete was lying somewhere, shot
 and killed. And my worries only grew when he didn't come
 back and days passed. Finally, after 5 very long days,
 he came back, just to tell us that he was going to stay
 at another mission. I tried to hide my disapointment that
 he would be leaving, but he noticed it and vowed that he
 wouldn't leave unless he had my blessing, since it was
 so important to him. And of course I gave it to him - if
 the other mission needed him, then who was I to make him
 stay? I was just upset that the man that I had my trust
 and support in was leaving - my feelings meant nothing
 when it came to the need of patients - the reason why we
 were here. And he promised to be back in a months time.
   But it was only a week when Nancy said that she wanted
 to go to the same mission where Pete was. I understood
 - her and Pete had been practically raised together -
 friends for almost their whole lives since they grew
 up in the same hometown. They went to the same school,
 and Nancy was allowed to go to a co-ed college because
 Pete was. So natuarally, when he told her he was going
 to help in the war, she decided she would too in the
 same second. Now that Pete wasn't here, she felt it was
 her place to go to him - after all, Nancy promised that
 she would never leave him. She contacted Pete, and he
 told her that he would come and get her. But I knew the
 reason why he was going to get her instead of her going
 to him - it was because of me. Before he left, Pete told
 me how much he would like for me to go with him. When I
 didn't say anything, he dropped it, but I knew that he
 wouldn't let it that way. So, I prepared myself in what I
 would say to him, and what my decision would be for sure.
 *******************************
It was late in the afternoon when Pete came. Bethany and
I worked on finishing supper while Nancy packed. He came
bounding up the stairs, said hello to everyone, most in
their chairs at the table, then went straight to me. He
wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek from
standing behind me.  "Mmm, it's good to be home, even if
it's just for a little while. And it's not even because
of the house or settlement." He said softly in my ear,
hinting about me. I looked at him over my shoulder and gave
him a weak smile, then pushed his arms off.  "People are
watching." I scolded in a whisper.  "So let them watch! I
don't mind!"  "But I do."  Pete retreated then, and Nancy
came down from upstairs and to the table, leading Pete
over as well and immediantly striking up a conversation,
cheery as ever. I looked at Bethany, both of us rolling
our eyes. We grabbed two bowls of food - one with soup
and another with salad, then went to the table. Everyone
dug in. I ate little, feeling the pressure of Pete's stare
barring into me. I was so distracted with Pete, I hadn't
realized the intense stare from Kyle. I didn't like Kyle -
he had hated me from the moment that I met him. Something
went wrong - it always was my fault in his eyes. He hated
how the men flocked to me and how the women raved. Said
I was too much of a a€˜goody too shoes' and I was masking
something and was not to be trusted. But I felt that way
about him - there was something in his eyes that I could
never trust. I always felt strange and the hair on the back
of my neck stood up whenever he got close.  If he stood
next to me, a scared feeling would wash over me. I excused
myself as soon as possible, then went into the next room
- the parlor. I went near the corner window, a place that
was impossible to see from the angle of where the table
was. I leaned on the window sill, looking out it sadly as
I thought about....well, so many things! So many were sad
thoughts as well.  "You mad about Pete leaving?" Kyle's
voice was suddenly right next to me. Startled, I gasped
and spun around to see him. How did he come in so quietly?
"Um....I...no. If Pete wants to leave, let him - he's doing
what he thinks is right."  "What do you think?" Kyle's eyes
seemed to bore into my soul.  "I think that he's right,
it's just hard to accept him leaving."  "He's no man at all
if he's willing to leave behind a woman that loves him."
 That strange feeling came over me. A shiver ran down my
 back and the hair on the back of my neck stood up straight
 - a   sign, as my father had said so many times before,
 is God's gift to you to tell you that something is wrong.
 "Kyle..."I whispered. I couldn't hold back my fear of
 him, it showed in my eyes that were widening.
"What's the matter, Christy?" He asked me, walking
closer. I backed up until I hit the walls - I was in the
corner. How stupid of me to walk right into a corner! Kyle
kept getting closer until he finally put his outstretched
arms to each side of me, blocking any escape. Then before
I knew it, his head came down to mine and he was kissing
me. Thinking fast, I tried to pull away, but my head was
already against the walls. So, after trying to push him
away and failing, I lifted my foot high, then dug the heel
of my shoe into his toe as hard as I could. His eyes went
big at first, then he pulled away and started yelling at
me, but never moving away. I tried pushing him, but he
was too big. Then it occurred to me - I had a voice, and
quite a loud one at that. I started screaming for Pete
to come. Kyle put his hand over my mouth, but I bit it
and started yelling again. To my surprise, it was Doctor
Ferrand that was by me first. He immediantly realized what
was happening, and, with the palm of his hand, slammed
Kyle's head against the wall - hard. Kyle's arms were no
longer around me - they were against the wall, but his
eyes held me. I couldn't help my memory flipping back to
when I had seen Margaret at the tea house - when we had
first discovered her. Her eyes wouldn't let me leave, even
though Neil told me to. Now, I felt trapped again. Pete
came and lifted me into his arms and took me out of the
situation. He was headed into the kitchen when Brandon
said that he'd take me, since Pete ought to get going
before the sun set. But Pete refused to give me up. They
started arguing until I cleared my throat loud enough for
them to stop and look at me.  "Pete, I can walk. There's
nothing wrong with my feet."I reminded him. He looked
at me, embarrassed, then set me down on a chair.
"Doctor Ferrand, Healy, Jenkins, Harry, and Brandon, I
want all of you to follow me into the kitchen." Pete said
in a clear, serious voice. They did follow him, and Kyle
was left with a severe warning from Doctor Ferrand. From
that moment, respect grew  in me for the elderly doctor.
 Kyle was hurt pretty badly - he had a gash in the side
 of his head that was gushing out blood. It was really
 messy, so the rest of the nurses took care of him. Pete
 finally had everyone gathered. Before shutting the
 kitchen door, he looked at me.  "You stay right there,
 you hear?" Then, without waiting for a reply, left. But
 of course, curiosity took over, and I couldn't just
 mortally sit here while I was sure they were to talk of
 me in there! So, I crept over to the door and out my ear
 to the crack.
"I hate leaving Christy, but I already know that she wont
 go with me. She gave me enough signs." Pete started
 out. " And yet I know that I have to go to the other
 mission. It really nettles me about what Kyle did, right
 in the room next to all of us! I think it was telling
 me something. He knows that I have strong feelings for
 Christy, and he is trying to hurt me for some reason or
 another, so he is using her. It scares me, it really does.
 If he is willing to do that right in front of us - who
 knows what he'll pull when we aren't there. Christy is
 too hard for you to keep an eye on - trust me, I've tried
 it. But Kyle is always with one of you - keep him within
 eye sight at all times. I don't want him sneaking off
 anywhere so he can pull this again. I'm leaving Christy
 in your care. I trust all of you to help me with this."
 It warmed my heart at first that Pete felt so close to
 me, but then it angered me. Why was everyone always saying
 that I couldn't take care of myself? When I was in Cutter
 Gap, I was never allowed at the mission by myself. If
 Miss Alice and David were gone - Fairlight would have to
 stay with me. True, they got stricter right after I was
 taken hostage, but that happened away from the mission!
 I sighed. Even to my own ears that sounded lame.  And it
 wasnt just Miss Alice and David who thought that I wasn't
 capable of taking care of myself, my mother thought so
 as well. And now, everyone here. I pulled away from the
 door and went to the porch, where I sat on the rough wood
 railing with my arms crossed firmly. It wasn't long until
 Pete and Nancy came out to leave. I looked at him sternly,
 and he knew that I had heard immediantly.  "Nancy, go pack
 up the horse awhile, would you?" He said, then walked over
 to me. I looked away, too upset to look him in the eye.
"I'm only trying to take care of you." He said lightly.
"You cant trust me to take care of myself!"  "Look at
what just happened! You called me for help because you
couldn't help yourself. I'm not going to be here for
a while, so I just told the men to watch out for you -
like passing the buck."  "I could have handled Kyle - I
just didn't want to hurt him. If I didn't mind having a
doctor out of service, I wouldn't have needed you or any
one else." I stopped, knowing how ungrateful that sounded.
"I'm sorry, Pete. I'm just a bit sad that your leaving." I
spoke so softly, I wasn't sure if he'd be able to hear me.
"I have to go, Christy. If you are going to miss me so
much - why not come with?"  "Because I am dedicated to
helping here. I gave them my word and they have not told
me yet that I am needed more somewhere else. Pete, I will
miss you, I'll miss you so much, but I can't go. You'll
have Nancy to help you out, and that should be enough."
"Christy, you got the wrong idea about Nancy and I. We
aren't in a relationship like that."  "I know. But either
are we. Now, the sun is going to set in less than a half
an hour. If you don't hurry, you and that poor girl are
going to be stuck in the dark. Get going." I said, not
wanting to go any farther in the conversation. And if he
had to go, he might as well hurry up and leave before I got
any more attached. He kissed my forehead, gave me a weak
smile, and then hopped on his horse. Nancy rode in front
of him, relaxing into him. They rode of into the east, and
I watched until they disappeared over the hill. Then, they
were gone.  *****************************************

Since Pete was gone, Brandon thought that this would be a
 good time to create a friendship with me, as he told me. I
 had to smile at that as I remembered that he was single
 and has been trying to get to me, but has failed time and
 time again because of Pete. But I had no choice to get
 close to him - he was just always there for me, always
 comforting me when I needed it. I soon became his work
 partner - I worked right along side of him, and worked
 the same shift - 4 to 12, stopping only for breakfast
 and to fill a bucket of water for the two of us. Bethany
 and Marie worked at that time as did Harry. Kyle was
 working with Sarah, Sally, and Lynn on the next shift.
 Brandon slept in the bunkhouse. Since the two elderly
 doctors came, two of the younger doctors had to sleep
 there. Brandon and Pete were the only ones who liked
 it, and used to take turns each night. Now that Pete was
 away, Brandon slept there full time. So, I usually spent
 a lot of time there - a hour or two before work, and
 then between helping Bethany and Marie with cooking, I
 was over there afterwards as well. We talked a lot, and
 I found myself confiding in him. I told him everything
 about Cutter Gap and what had happened. It felt so good to
 get it off of my chest! For so long I had to carry that
 around as a secret, and now I was finally relieved. He
 talked about his dad - how he was never home, and how
 he missed his mother that died when he was 10. He told
 me how he was raised mostly by a nanny that was a next
 door neighbor. Her and her husband were like parents
 to him and Bethany. His nanny moved away then, but by
 that time he was 16 and Bethany was 14. Brandon was old
 enough to start college, and Bethany could manage fine.
 Brandon didn't want to be a doctor. Said that if every
 doctor had to be away from his family so much, that it
 wasn't the job for him. He rather be a good father with
 a hard working job. But, his father wouldn't hear of
 it. I noticed the way Doctor Healy treated his son - as
 if Brandon was still five. My heart went out to him and
 Bethany. No wonder the two siblings were so closely woven
 together!  I found myself comparing Pete and Brandon. At
 first, I thought how they had a lot in common. Now that I
 knew them better, I found myself having to be corrected.
 Pete was manly - he didn't show emotions easily. He was
 sensible, the one who I could run to with advice. I could
 depend on him to know what I should do, but when it came
 to how to deal with my emotions...well, he wasn't as well
 trained. But Brandon was. Brandon was easy going while
 Pete was one to work constantly. Brandon was sweet and
 kind. He was sensitive and his strong arms offered comfort
 constantly. The only thing I wasn't so fond of was that
 Brandon liked to cling to me. Pete hugged me no matter
 where we were, but he didn't hang. But I had to admit
 that I didn't mind all that much that Brandon did that.
But I didn't like one more than the other - I couldn't. If
 I did - I knew that I would lose track of my decision
 for my life - to stay single and keep my promise to the
 cove; to prove that I was different so I could die in
 satisfaction. Somehow, that made sense to me. But if I
 would have more feelings for one of these men, there would
 be no way to resist a proposal from him.  "Brandon, why
 did you come here?" I asked. I had been in his bunkhouse
 for near an hour now - both ready to start our rounds
 soon.  "To help, of course." Was his simple reply.
"Do you really believe that? It's what all of us say to
 eachother - but it seemes like we all are hiding a secret
 from our past. I want to help these patients...but that's
 not the real reason why I'm here. When it comes right
 down to it - I think the only on telling the truth about
 why we're here is Nancy, who says she's here because Pete
 was going and she promised she would never leave him."
 Brandon cleared his throat. I could see that the last
 statement made him uneasy and disturbed - lines of
 annoyance and anger coming to his face. This flustered
 me - why would he be mad about what I said about Nancy?
"Time for work." Brandon said, peeking out the window
and seeing Ally, Casey, Loretta and Debbie leaving
the tent with Doctor Healy. Their shift of  8 PM to
4 AM was done. Brandon grabbed his white medical
coat, medical supplies, strung his stethoscope
around his neck, then headed out the door. I groaned
- somehow I got Brandon mad. I quickly grabbed the
annoying hat that went along with the nurse uniform,
a bucket with 2 dippers, and then ran to catch up.
*****************************************************
 Author's Note : In this chapter, when it deals with
Robert Matthews, what happens is a joke, but you
wont understand it until I start posting my other
story: Lonesome Dove. So, just remember it and then
when I post the other story, you will see why it's a joke.
*************************************************************************************************
"What is your name?" I asked a man in front of me, sitting
up in bed in the recovery tent. I sat on the stool near
the side of the bed as I took the pen out of my pocket and
prepared to write, a clipboard in my hand. The last attack,
happening only a week before, had left it's mark. The
tents were flooded with men with gunshot wounds in all
different areas.  "Robert Matthews." The man with dirty
blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes answered.
 I looked up from my clipboard.  "But you may call me
Rob. I'm 25, and  from the plains of Montana." He added.
"Deja Vu." I said with a smile.  "Huh?" He asked. I
laughed, shaking my head.  "Nothing."  Brandon walked
up behind me and placed his big hand lightly on my right
shoulder. It was the first time that I really had seen him
- he had assigned many jobs to me that kept me away from
him. I looked up at him.  "Do you need a drink?" Assuming
that he did, I got up and grabbed the bucket that was
only a few feet away.  "No, Christy, that's not it."
"Oh...anything wrong?" I put the bucket back down and
walked back to him.  "I want to apologize for running
out on you today."  My brow wrinkled. "Brandon, I'm not
mad at you for that."  "No, but it was rude and shouldn't
go without an explanation. Besides, it's about time you
learned the connection between Nancy, Kyle and Pete."
"I didn't know there was one."  "Exactly. Come on, let's
go fetch that water together. The patients will be fine
for a minute."
 After walking out of the tent, he began.  "The three
of them - Kyle, Pete and Nancy, all went to college
together. Pete was Kyle's roommate, as well as best
friend."  "But they hate eachother now." I said in
confusion. He smiled patiently.  "Seems like that now,
doesn't it? Want to let me finish?"  I nodded, biting
my lip.  "Kyle found out that he had Tuberculousis in their
second year of college. Had it really bad. He went out of
college and went into treatment. Came back a year later
to his own room. Things went pretty good for a while - but
he was to have as little contact as possible with people
for the first month. He ignored that. Right when he came
back, he fell in love with our Nancy. Pete was the only
one who knew about Kyle, and was afraid that Kyle might
infect Nancy with the disease. So, Pete made her fall in
love with him. Kyle hated Pete after that. Pete didn't
date her for long, which made Kyle even more angry. Kyle
has forever since been trying to get Pete back in anyway
he can - which is why you are now involved. He knows Pete
likes you, and thinks if he can take you away from Pete
somehow, that it would be even. Which is why we keep an
eye on him, just in case.
  But Pete never told her why he turned her off from Kyle,
and told no one else, except me by accident. Anyway, anyone
who knows at least part of the story of college, whenever
they think of one of the three, they think of the other two
automatically. I swear they will be linked forever. We are
all a little afraid right now - some of us have heard him
start to cough, even suggested he stay in the bunkhouse,
but he refuses."  "Wait, he might be getting it back?"
"Well, Christy, it never leaves your system. Just...kind
of quiets down. Some of us suspect that it is getting bad
again and inflaming his lungs."  "Can he doctor still?"
"WE might have to put an end to it."  My eyes grew wide.
 "Tuberculousis is contagious - Kyle kissed me. You don't
think..."  "Doubt it, but we'll get you checked." He
said it casually, but I knew now why he brought it up
- he was warning me that I might got it, since resent
research started questioning how people got this
disease. One doctor after another started to believe
that it was contagious - and might be able to be caught
with a cough from the ill person...or a kiss from Kyle.
********************************************* Author's
Note: I have found that even an interesting and enjoyable
story has to have Neil in it - same for this story. Don't
think I left him out. You'll see in the following chapters,
hopefully will be posted by tomorrow or the next day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ((*~*::Jill :: *~*))
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Here is more of Changin. Sorry it took so long - I was
sick for 4 days, and then my dad was on the computer for
a few nights and I couldn't get on. Any way, here it is.

I had just came to this conclusion, with the feelings of
 scared and in shock, when Bethany started calling for
 me. I blushed a deep red, knowing that we had been caught
 by the river instead of at our job. I quickly dipped
 the pail into the stream and shoved it in Brandon's
 hands. That would be our excuse. Then I ran up the hill
 to see what Bethany wanted.  "Good Lord, Christy - the
 skirt of your dress is all muddy! Where were you?"
"By the stream."  "Where's Brandon?" She asked, straining
her neck.  "Carrying the water."
 She looked at me confused, cocking her head slightly. "Why
did the two of you go down there when only one was
needed?" She started to grow suspitious, I knew. Heat rose
in my cheeks.  "Um..I....I hurt my wrist. Brandon offered
to carry it for me. Bethany, why did you call for me?"
"Oh! Oh I'm sorry Christy - there's some one calling for
you on the telephone."  I stared at her intensely, trying
to figure out who it could be. My parents called on the
same date, once a month, and it wasnt time for them. Miss
Alice couldn't call - she just wrote. And David was off
traveling, and told me that he was unable to contact me
by any other way than writing.
 I snapped out of my daze, stopped guessing, then rushed
to the telephone.  "Hello?" I asked unsurely.  "Hello, my
sweet Lass." Came the most beautiful scottish brogue
in the world.  "Neil? Neil! Wait, why are you calling?"
"I always used to call you before bedtime, Lass. Course, I
don't know the time difference there, or your work shift."
" Neil, you stopped that five and a half months ago!"
"No better time to pick up tradition than now, right?"
"Neil, what's going on? You broke my heart and swore that
you'd never speak to me again if I went here. And from
then up to now you kept it."  "Oh Christy, you didn't
think I'd actually stick to that, do you? I could never
stop talking to you. That was just the anger and moonshine
talking. I can't stay away from you."  "Neil, this doesn't
sound like you at all."  "Things changed me. Speaking of
which, how's your task of staying the same?"  "It's fine
- I don't think I've changed. I've been thrown into
different circumstances, faced some things that weren't
always pretty, but I don't think my character changed."
"Christy...I don't want to hurt your goals, but life
changes people, no matter what. You now have experience
in an area that you didnt before, and probably have
become more aware of things that you didn't before."
"But the main part of me didn't. Neil, I promised the
cove-" "I know, I know. Well, new topic. How is life over
there? Who's all there?"  "Since you said that with a
chuckle, you probably know that Doctor Ferrand is here,
and is the head."
 Neil laughed again.  "That I do. As soon as Miss Alice,
Grantland, and even your father found out, they all told
me right away. I felt completely sorry, and I must say
that even though it is a good joke and quite humorous,
I hate that I have to trust you to him."  "Don't worry
about me, Neil. I'm doing just fine."  I could almost
see Neil tensing up, then, changing the subject before
the words  had assured me of it.  "Who else is there?"
"You know your favorite doctor from New York? That Doctor
Kinnigan? His son is here. And James Healy, along with
his son and daughter are here as well - they are my best
friends and source of comfort."
 "That's amazing that you got in with them - a pure stroke
of luck."  "Or a sign from God that I was meant to be
here." I said in a sweet tone.  Neil laughed. "Ah, don't
go too far with me, Christy."  "I didn't think that would
work."  "Well, give me some names of other doctors there
- maybe I'll recognize them too."  "Well there's Jesse
Jenkins."  "Aw, Christy - you got stuck with him? He's
an ogre, even if he does hide a lot."  "So you know
him too? You're right, he does like to hide - in Doctor
Ferrand's office all day."  "Serves Ferrand right. Who
else?"  "Harry Tubbor."  "Um...don't recognize him."
"How about Kyle Hughs?"  "Did he go to medical college with
Kinnigan's lad?"  "Yes, he did."  "Ah, yes I know him. If
I remember, he was a sickly thing. His father dragged him
to every conference to make him learn more about diseases
and things. Then a few years later the poor boy found out
he had tuberculosis."  I gasped. "You know about that?"
"Of course I do."  "But only Pete and Brandon are supposed
to know."  "Come now, Christy. There are great benefits to
knowing his father and having him as a professor. I found
out easily, even though I had graduated by that time. I
want you to stay away from him, you hear? Doctor's aren't
sure of how it is spread. It might be from coughing or
from their blood...anything. Have you heard him cough like
Margaret had?"  "No, never. But he had it so long ago,
wouldn't he be okay now?"  "It never goes away Lass, just
calms down for a while. Have you ever touched his blood?"
"Um...well yes. Kyle gets hurt sometimes, and in the
past I have cleaned his wounds about....3 or 4 times."
"I'm warning you, stay away."  "Well, it don't matter much
anymore - the men keep him away after what he tried to-" I
stopped, not wanting Neil to know what Kyle did. But Neil
already knew something was afoot, and wanted to know the
details. They finally came out, and I told him the story
of what happened right before Pete left.
 After my story was finished, I waited for Neil to reply,
but there was nothing. Complete silence filled the next
moment as the details of what happened sunk into his mind.
"I could kill him." I heard Neil finally mutter.
 "He was taken care of. Doctor Ferrand gashed open his
head by slamming it to the wall, and he has been an
outsider for a long time now."  "That's it? That was all
that was done? They didn't think on letting Kinnigan stay
with you at the mission and letting Kyle go in his place?"
"Pete wouldn't have stayed."  "So let Kyle go with! If any
of those people truely cared, that's what they would have
done!" Neil's voice was full of anger. He was shouting
in disbelief.  "Neil, calm down. I'm fine. That's all
that matters."  "That's all that matters until Kyle tries
again! At Cutter Gap I could at least take care of you. Now
you are in the hands of Ferrand himself, but I can't do
anything... I can't do anything." He said the last sentence
in more of a sad whisper or moan. Not only was he upset
and furious, he was scared. And he was willing to show
it. That amazed me. But the amazement didn't last long.
"Christy, maybe you should-" "No Neil - I'm staying
here!" I interrupted forcefully, knowing full well of what
he was to say.  "I'm worried about you, Lass."  "I know
Neil, and thank you for your concern, but I'm doing just
fine, I really am. The Kyle mishap is just one thing bad
that happened."  "But as a result of that, he could have
passed it. I'm going to look into tuberculosis more. I'll
put my research of trachoma aside and research this for
a while - it's what I should have done a long time ago."
 There was nothing more to say - Neil had made up his
mind, and I was well aware that I couldn't do a thing to
change it.  *******************************
 I rejoiced when I seen on my calendar that one month was
up - Pete and Nancy were to be coming back any day. I
couldn't wait. Bethany and I became quite good cooks -
after a week, the missionaries could even eat foods that
weren't in the color black from negligence and ignorance
in the kitchen! But Nancy was the true cook, and Pete was
the true head of the young doctors. I started to suspect
that even Brandon might have missed him.  I smiled. No,
Brandon had loved Pete being away. He had tried to get
me to fall in love with him so many times with so many
ways. I had to admit, it was flattering. Still, I wished
he wouldn't. Pete either. I had told them both that I was
never to be married. They said that they respected it,
but it sure didn't look like they believed it!
 "Christy, Christy come here! I think that's Pete, but I
 can't quite make it out. You have better eyesight - is
 it Nancy and Pete?" I heard Sarah yell from the porch. I
 ran out to her to see her arms wrapped around the pole,
 leaning over the railing on her toes so far she was in
 danger of falling.  I laughed at the sight, then went to
 her side. Putting my hand above my eyes to sheild them
 from light, I squinted to see figures that were about 100
 yards away with the sun blazing down; reflecting off of
 lakes and puddles, making it impossible to see much of
 anything. But another look assured me, and I was soon
 gaily running of the porch, my heels flying up mud in
 their wake, as I rushed to greet them. I was going so
 fast by the time I reached them, that I couldn't slow
 down and plowed right into Pete's arms. He couldn't
 help but chuckle as he looked down at me, full of mud.
 "I'll take that as you missed us." He said with his
 eyes twinkling. A big grin spread over my face as I
 straightened up and hugged him tighter.
"So much...so very much." I whispered, then let go of him
 and hugged Nancy. Her musical laughter filled the air
 - it was great to have my friends back!  AS we walked
 back, my arm linked with Pete's as Nancy did the same
 on the other side, I told them how I heard from Neil
 only the week before, omitting certain details. But I
 couldn't talk long, for as soon as we had reached the
 mission, they were bombarded with the rest of the nurses
 and doctors welcoming their a€˜lost sheep'.
******* The excitement died down by the next day, and
 things were soon back to normal. Pete and I took long
 walks as we talked about home. I had been homesick
 lately, and as it turned out, he had to. So, we told
 eachother stories and helped one another cope. It felt
 great to have my main support back, even if Brandon
 was a great substitute.  Nancy blended in well again
 too. Bethany and Sarah were always surrounding her, as
 the strawberry blonde 27 year old held spotlight with
 her many stories about the different handsome doctors in
 the other camp. All I could do was roll my eyes and stay
 away - I didn't need to get involved with any more young
 doctors, I already had to many!
***************** Brandon and I came in late one night
 to see that all the nurses and young doctors were
 in the parlor, seated on the floor in a unshapely
 circle. Slipping in quietly, we listened to their
 conversation.
"So you believe it? The though of women in the war alone
is beyond me. But not just women but..." I heard Kyle
say in shock.  "I know! It's amazing. Let's just hope
they don't get caught - they'd be killed." Lynn cemented.
"Maybe the deserve it. They have no right sneaking into
the army."  "It's noble of them though. They want to change
their life around."
 I seen Pete shrug. "Noble or terrible, I don't know. But
 it's late, and I'm heading to bed. Best everyone else
 do the same."  They all took his advice and broke up. I
 quickly grabbed the arms of a few girls.
"What were you all talking about? Who is going into
the war?"  "You won't believe it!" Marie said seriously.
"What?"  "Prostitutes." Sarah volunteered.  "What!" I
exclaimed.  "They say that they want to change their
lives around. They want to do something before they die
of the various diseases that they have."  "What about
their children?"
 "They hide them. The news is is that many of these women
are being founded out, and are being killed for it. And
the thing is, it's usually not even the commanders that
do it as much as their fellow troops."  "What about the
children?"  "They are usually killed as well."  My mouth
fell.  "They are?" I asked, shattered and heartbroken at
the thought.  Bethany nodded sadly. "There's no where to
hide. When found out, many are killed."  *******
 The next day I decided to do something about that. I spent
my day off going to a tea house in town. It was many miles
away, but I had to do something about this. I stepped
in, but found no one. It was Saturday - shouldn't it be
brimming with business? I found one woman in the back.
"Sorry, we're closed." She said, hearing my footsteps
but not bothering to turn. I noticed that she was packing
clothing into a trunk.  "I'm not hear for tea, Miss." I
said. At the sound of my feminine voice, she gasped and
spun around.
 "What is a woman doing here?" She asked in alarm.
"Wanting to know what happened to this tea house."
"Haven't you heard? All of us are going into the army
now. Including me."  Just then I heard a baby cry. I
turned my head to the other side of the room to see a
toddler in large cradle.  "Are you bringing your baby?"
What choice do I have?"  Thinking fast, I came up with
a plan.  "I come from a mission. I could, personally, take
him. He'd be absolutely safe, and I could adopt him for
you. That way, you could go into the army and not have to
worry about the safety of your child."
 She looked over at her baby.  "It's so hard - making
decisions for him. I can't stay here - I have no money,
no food. He has no future and I am disgracing him." She
looked up at me with watering clear blue eyes. She
looked so fragile - not her body, but her spirit.
"I can only begin to understand, to speak the truth." I
said lightly. She nodded.  "Well look, it's late, and I
have to get back to the mission. But I want you to think
about my proposal. If you decide you want me to take him,
go to the mission at this address." I said, handing her
a piece of paper.  "But if I would be in uniform. How
would you recognize me?"  I thought for a moment, digging
into my pocket. I pulled out a felt red star. This was
from my quilt that I was making. I handed it to her.
"Wear this in someplace visible." I said. She nodded,
promised to think it over and pass the word. Then I
left, going home quickly so I wouldn't raise suspicion.
***************************************************************
 And when I said earlier that Neil was coming up,
I didn't mean the phone call. I meant something
else, but I remembered that there were these parts
before it. Dont worry, he's still in the story!! :)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ((*~*::Jill :: *~*))
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Two weeks later, I could feel a lot of tension between
 Brandon and Pete; more then normally. I knew they had
 talked a lot at night - but what was causing them to
 ague so much now?  I had little time to think. There
 were 20 patients here now, and most had come down with
 severe cases of influenza. Five of the eight doctors
 were sick - all of the young ones, and then crabby old
 Doctor Jenkins. Fourteen out of sixteen nurses were
 ill as well. With most of them out, it became harder
 for everyone. I was sick, but refused to show it. Since
 we wore masks over our noses and mouths, and I washed
 my hands almost every five minutes, I was clear in not
 being able to carry more germs then were already gaining
 on me from my surroundings. I felt terrible, but I knew
 I couldn't take to be. Marie and I were the only ones
 left. Pete, Brandon, and Kyle were out as well. Brandon
 stayed in until it seemed he was starting to act really
 strange from the illness. He and Pete were to stay in
 the bunkhouse together. I could only pray that they were
 too sick to kill eachother over all the aguements I still
 heard coming from their open window.  No one knew that I
 was sick - any signs I kept hidden. I couldn't be spared,
 I had been told that countless times. So what was the use
 of complaining? I just had to tough this illness out and
 not let it get the best of me. But deep down, and during
 all the dizzy spells I kept getting and the long nights
 that I was so sick it was impossible to sleep, I knew
 that sheer willpower and prayer was not going to keep me
 fueled for long.
**************** One night, I crashed into bed. However I
 landed on it was the way I was staying - the world could
 whirl around me as much as it wanted, as long as I could
 stay put. It had been a long day, and one of the worse
 ones yet. Each day was worse then the one before it,
 because I could feel myself falling more and more ill,
 whether I was ready to accept it or not.  It seemed like I
 had just shut my eyes when I heard yelling. I ignored it
 for a moment, my eyes just half open, until I could hear
 flesh colliding with what soulnded like a fist. Sitting
 straight up it bed, I looked out the window to see Brandon
 and Pete shouting at eachother for something I couldn't
 manage to understand, and staggering to fist fight
 eachother over their heated discussion. I ran down the
 steps, barefoot and with nothing more than a nightgown
 on, though it was well into October.  "Pete, Brandon,
 stop!" I screamed as I ran towards them, my feet sinking
 into the cold icy mud. Pete looked at me, but paid dearly
 for it with a punch landing right above his left ear. I
 was soon standing right next to them, begging for them
 to stop though they ignored me. Finally I could handle
 it no longer - my two best friends killing each other,
 probably over a topic I knew much about - me. I tried to
 get between them to coax them into stopping when I felt
 a powerful blow to my right eye. I stumbled back, the
 dizziness ailing me all the way here from the sickness
 taking full affect. The men retreated from the fighting
 and were now coming towards me, their faces full of
 worry. But I seen little more then blackness until I fell
 the ground, and became unconscious to the world around me.
******************************************************
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Christy, it was an accident,
I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." I heard the soft murmering
repeat these words over and over, just strong enough to
jab into my black world. Then I felt the weight of a large
hand laying gently against my forehead.  My eyes fluttered
open, but I was soon in a state of confusion; I could see
nothing but wood planks in front of me. It took a few
moments to realize just what I was staring so intensly
at - the wall! But the hand...where was the person that
had their hand on me? It soon dawned on me, and I slowly
turned my head and shifted my body until my eyes met the
warm gaze of Pete. A look of relief washed over him.
 "Pete?" I asked, not sure of what was going on with
everything so fuzzy to me.  "Christy, I have never
been so glad to see a pair of beautiful big blue eyes
in my life!" He exclaimed in a whisper, emotion built
to high to speak any higher. He removed his hand shyly.
I just stared at him, complexed.  "I'm so sorry." He then
whispered. Then I remembered - remembered the night of the
fighting. I smiled sweetly at the worried man at my side.
"Pete, I forgive you for that!"  "But I can't tell you
how sorry I am-" "Please! You must have repeated the
same sentences for the last half hour! Your apologizes
penetrated into my dreams. You have no need to feel sorry."
 No words were said after that, for we watched
for the person coming up the steps; hearing their
footsteps. The head of Doctor Ferrand soon peered over
the low three foot wall while he was only three fourths
the way up. Reassurance for my health soon appeared in
his eyes.  "Pete, Miss Huddleston has not eaten in the
last hour. Would you go down stairs and fetch her some
soup?" The elderly doctor asked his mentoree. Pete nodded
reluctantly, and Doctor Ferrand soon took his place beside
me. When I heard the footsteps of Pete going into the
kitchen, I opened up.  "What happened to me, Doctor?" I
asked, but my question went ignored.  "How could you,
Christy? Not tell us that you were sick?"  "I was needed
else where. What is wrong with me?"  "What's wrong? You
have influenza, but you already know that and have known
it for way too long. Why did you keep up with your work
when you were aware of your illness? You should have taken
to bed like the others!"  "I was needed to work - not
to lie around. You worked, Jesse Jenkins worked, Harry
worked - you all were sick!"  "But we took special care
of ourselves, we took rests in between our schedules and
ate certain foods. We had medicine in us! You didn't!"
"But I was no threat to our patients."  "Forget about
the patients - you nearly died! When Pete hit you, you
didn't pass out because of the blow, but because you had
a very high temperature. How you made it outside without
collapsing is beyond me. You know that influenza can be
very serious. And yet you ignored all our heeded advice to
everyone and did what you pleased. Do you realize that you
have been unconcious for days? You nearly died!" He scolded
severely.  "You know, for being a doctor and a reverand,
you bedside manner is really poor." I attempted to joke,
but this was obviously no laughing matter.  "Can you take
nothing serious, Christy? I just told you that we almost
lost you, and you are worried about my bedside manner?" He
was shouting now.  "Not worried Doctor, just commenting."
 Thank goodness that Pete returned then, because I wasn't
 quite sure what Doctor Ferrand was going to say to be
 for that.  He fed me the bowl of soup in silence. When
 finished, he retreated without another word.  I found out
 later that Miss Alice had heard about my being ill, and
 was so worried, she said she was going to get on the next
 boat to London to care for me herself. Thankfully, Doctor
 Ferrand talked her out of it, saying it was too dangerous
 and that I was in good hands. Though grateful that she
 would be out of harm, the thought of Miss Alice warmed my
 whole body and made my eyes misty with thoughts of her.
 ************************************************** I
 was always so dizzy. I felt terrible all the time. For
 once, work looked so inviting! I longed to be healthy
 again! All of the other nurses, and of course Pete, were
 all better. Brandon and I were the only remaining sick, I
 the worst case of them all.  It seemed that the last day
 of my a€˜confinement' of this small wretched room took a
 year instead of two weeks. Doctor Ferrand assured me that
 if I regained back the strength, and everything went as
 planned, I could be up and running by tomorrow. But I felt
 so down today. I was miserable, and still so dizzy. I was
 bored out of my mind as well- there was no one about to
 help me, and my only true companion of the last two weeks
 was not able to console me. My books, my love, were not
 able to be read. One, there was no light - there were
 no candles to be spared on me. I looked out the window
 and to my amazement, it was a completely cloudless sky -
 much different from every other snowy night. It was late
 - about 10 o'clock in the evening. All the nurses slept
 in the men's room, while the elderly doctors slept in the
 bunkhouse on cots and beds and the younger ones slept
 on the parlor davenport and floor.  I didn't know many
 constellations by memory, but I did know the simplest one
 - Ryan's belt. I nearly jumped out of bed with joy when
 I found it. The stars were so bright! The saying that
 stars looked like diamonds had never rung truer. This
 night sky reminded me of the many nights back in Cutter
 Gap, where a clear sky was common. It cheered me up, gave
 me something to smile about; something that I could think
 about. I could remember special memories of Cutter Gap as
 I gazed out of my window. I did this until I fell asleep.
************************************** The next morning
came beautifully. The sun was shining bright when I
awoke. I heard the sizziling of bacon in the kitchen,
and utenzils being passed around the room by the many
cooks as pots clanged together. Today would indeed be a
wonderful day.
 Bethany was the one to serve me my last breakfast in
bed. She looked excited as she handed it to me. I could
soon guess that this excitement was far from just having
be around again. Something was going on.  "What is it,
Bethany?" I asked her. She was ready to burst with the
wide smile that she had.
 "Your Neil MacNeill called this morning."  "He did?" I
 exclaimed. "What happened? What did he say? Who talked to
 him? Talk girl!"  She laughed. "Sarah talked to him. He
 wanted to know how you were. Was very disappointed in
 not being able to talk to you."
"Does he know about me being ill?"  "Oh yes - he knew
about that for weeks."  "Wait, this isn't the first time
he called?"  "Good Lord, no! He called about five times
now. It's just...he sounded so charming now!"
 I smiled. "That man never stops being charming."
"Well, the other thing is that there might be more doctors
coming. And they are to be young, too!"  "Really? Why?"
"The other mission is to feeble to stay alive. They might
close if they can't get more help. If they close, the
workers will be distributed to the surrounding missions
- and we are supposed to get four or five of them!"
************************************************

Here is the good parts now. Well, soon now.


It had been a week since I was allowed to get up from
 bed. I was bursting with energy. Many times I'd just
 jump around if any little thing excited me. Today was
 cleaning day for me. Bethany, Sarah, Sally, and Lynn. It
 was Bethany and I that were assigned the downstairs. Every
 window in the large dusty house was wide open, despite
 the coldness. We were all hot from the work, and it
 was an unusually warm day. We had been having them a
 lot lately to where it feels like late spring again. I
 swept the floor, smiling from the rhythm I was making by
 humming as I swayed in dance lightly, watching my skirt
 swish from side to side. For a few minutes, I wasn't in
 the middle of a war in London - I was back in Asheville
 in the middle of a dance floor at a big dance party,
 dressed in the finest. Shame that my dance partner had
 to be so skinny though! A broom was hardly a substitute
 to such a great waltz dancer as Neil.  Suddenly, I heard
 the faint sound of galloping. My head flew up, snapping
 out of my daydream. My mouth fell in complete shock. The
 broom startled me as it landed sharply on the floor. I
 rushed to the doorway for a better view, then shook
 my head. That couldn't be who I thought it was! But
 it was. Neil was on top of a gallant horse that looked
 like it was overworked. I gasped, then started running
 towards him. I screamed out his name as I neared. He was
 dismounted and his horse tethered by the time I reached
 him. He greeted me with big open arms and a light chuckle.
"Neil! Neil, I can't believe it's you!"  "Tis, Lass." He
said with added charm, sweeping me into his arms as
if I were weightless.  "But why are you here? It's so
dangerous to be crossing the ocean right now."  "If a
wee lass could do it a few months ago, then why not her
mighty Doctor?" He asked jovially.  "Hers?" I teased.
"Would be if you let me."  "I rather stay away from that
topic and just greet you."  "Sure fine with me, Lass. I
haven't seen you in years! The sight of you - I just
can't soak enough of it up!"  "Good! Then stay awhile."
"That I plan to! At least for a little while."
 "That's great!" He bent down and kissed
me, then headed towards the mission.
*****************************************************************
 Neil was greeted almost too warmly by the nurses. They
 all loved him! The doctors, on the other hand, were
 a different issue all together. Each had a different
 opinion.  Since Doctor Ferrand and I were coming close
 from all the advents that had happened to us, he welcomed
 Neil as warmly as he could. Harry was genuinely happy
 to have such an experienced doctor aboard, and told Neil
 how much it pleasures him that he would have the chance
 to learn from the great doctor of Cutter Gap.
  Jesse Jenkins said that Neil was just another mouth
 to feed on our little allowences of the mission, then
 retreated to his hole.  Kyle, Pete, and Brandon never,
 ever agreed on anything - until Neil came. They all wanted
 him out and treated him stiffly.  But Neil didn't care
 about their cold reactions. He was here for me - and that
 was all that was important.
********************* That same night Neil and I went
 for a walk after he told me that he needed to talk
 privately. After we made our way to the lake, Neil
 jumped in.
"Did you get tested yet?"  "For tuberculosis?"  "Yeah -
did you?'  "No. One, I don't know who to go to, or how
to do it secretly." I said, plopping onto the ground by
the bank.  "It's important for you to get tested, no matter
what. I'll find you a place."
 I looked into Neil's eyes as I bit my lip, wondering
if I'd be out of line to ask the question that my mind,
as well as my heart, as been begging me to.  "Neil..." I
whispered.  "Yes?"  "I heard...I heard that Margaret died
a little while before I came here, but there wasnt any
details. I was wondering....how'd she die?"  Neil looked
apon me very seriously.  "Tuberculosis overcame her,
Christy. I lost her to the same disease that is threatening
Kyle and perhaps you. That's why I'm...I'm scared for
you. You know that I could never bare the death of you -
don't you? I just...I couldn't live."  Tears overflowed
my eyes at his sincere words.  "I promise you I'll get
tested as soon as possible, Neil." I said, choked up.
************************************************************


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ((*~*::Jill :: *~*))
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day I was off of work, so I took Neil for a tour
 of the lovely scenery. We even went into town and did
 some shopping for the mission. It was a grand day that
 passed too quickly. Neil was obviously tired from all the
 excitement and running around, as was I, and so he retired
 to  the bunkhouse that he shared with Pete and Brandon. I
 was heading to bed as well, when the sound of soft crying
 stopped me. I walked back down the steps and looked around
 in the parlor. There, I found Marie, sitting in a chair
 pulled to face the corner. I walked over to her and placed
 my hand on her shoulder.  "Marie?" I asked, unsurely.
Startled, she whirled around in her chair. The face before
 me had tears running down both cheeks. I stared into her
 soft brown eyes and found so much hurt there. She looked
 like her very soul had been shattered.  She wiped away her
 tears with her already soaked handkerchief and regained
 her composure.
"You and Doctor MacNeill go lovely together  - I was
watching you today." She said, her voice shaky. Surprised
in the subject, I fumbled with an answer.  "Yes...thank
you."  "You seem so happy with him, and he with you."  "We
are. But Marie, what's wrong?"  "Oh, Christy, I wouldn't
want to burden you with my problems."  "No, please. I would
love to help if I could."  "It's silly, really."  I pulled
up a chair next to her. Sitting down, I took her hand in
both of mine.  "Tell me." I whispered.  Her eyes went hazy.
"I was married once, when I was real young. Only 18. This
man, Michael, was well admired and respected. He was a hard
worker and well off. I fell in love with him instantly,
just like all the other girls in the town. To make a long
story a bit shorter - we married 6 months after we met. It
started off wonderfully. We went well together. But then
business took him away from me so much. He worked hard to
provide for me. He tried to make enough money to buy me
the town itself and all the stores with it. I didn't want
that of course - I wanted him, but he couldn't understand
that, and I found it hard to tell him. We slowly started to
slip away from each other. We both loved each other, but we
had drifted so far away that I was forced to realize that
I was in love with love and didn't even know this man that
I had married." She paused for a moment, getting emotional
again. "He never once told me that he loved me. The words
a€˜I love you' are the sweetest words that could ever be
spoken. Yet not once did they come from his lips." She
shook her head sadly. "Michael was so strong, so looked up
to he seemed immortal. But he wasn't. He was as human as
any one of us...He died a year after we were married. The
greatest man that I never knew never said that he loved
me, never showed much emotion, never did much more than
have a formal relationship with me. He was a great, great
man. But I never knew him."
 I understood why she had been crying. After she had
finished, I felt tears of my own rolling down my moist
face. I looked at Marie as if it was the first time. I
realized that I hadn't known her up til now - even
though I worked a lived with her for over 6 months. I
gave her the best of my consonance, but the words
that I gave out sounded lame to even my  ears. Then
I remembered what dear Miss Alice did for me when I
needed a good cry - she'd slip into silence, let my own
mind work things out, and lent me a strong shoulder
for me to lean and cry on. So, I did this for Marie,
and kept doing so into the early hours in the morning.
*****************************************************
 The work shifts had been all changed since Pete came
 back. Instead of working four in the morning to twelve,
 I was switched to twelve to eight, and not with Brandon,
 but with Harry and Doctor Ferrand. This time schedule
 worked well for me - especially today. I slept in until
 ten from being up with Marie. When I awoke, I ate the
 breakfast that was waiting for me, then headed over to
 the bunkhouse with a few extra pieces of bacon, one I was
 busily chewing on,  where Neil would be waiting on me.
 "Hey sleepy head." He said with a grin as I walked into
 the door. He was by the counter on the other end of the
 room, getting out two glasses and pouring orange juice in
 them. I exchanged some bacon for the cold refreshment. He
 took his and went by the window, while I sat on the wooden
 counter top.  "You only have an hour and a half until
 you are off to work with Ferrand." He said, checking the
 clock to see that it was 10:30.
"Yeah, but Doctor Ferrand is pretty nice now. We got to
know each other. Believe it or not - I think I might even
respect him!" I laughed. Neil chuckled.  "I'm surprised
he hasn't gone mad yet."  "Why?"  "I know you well enough
to know that you must have spited him for shutting down
the mission and throwing it at him every chance you got,
and then asking for it to be reopened."  "The first part
of your theory is correct, but not the second. I haven't
asked him yet. I was hoping that I could get to be closer
with him first."
 Neil suddenly looked out of the window intensely,
staring at something unusual.  "What is it, Neil?" I
asked.  "A soldier is here, but he doesn't appear
to be hurt, nor to be assisting any one."  I rushed
over to the window. A big smile broke out when I saw
that there was a  red star pinned to the chest of this
soldier's chest.  "Not he Neil, it's a she!" I whispered
in excitement. I quickly kissed Neil's cheek, and ran
out of the bunkhouse, leaving him in complete confusion.
*******************************************************
 "Miss....Miss, I think I can help you." I said,
approaching the woman soldier. She stared at me for a
moment, then a flash of recognition flashed before her.
"Yes, yes you are her, aren't you? So you know what the
red star is?"  "That's how I knew you were a a€˜Miss'."
She laughed nevously. A noticed a large black, stiff and
what looked like a medical  bag hung by her side.
  "May I help you with that?" I asked, pointing. She shook
her head.  "Not quite yet."  "Well, come into the mission."
I put my arm around her, then led her to the dining room
table, seating her at the head, I right by her side. She
put the bag down very carefully.  "Are you sure that
you want to do this, first of all?" I asked. She nodded.
I handed her a paper.
 "I need to have you fill this out so I will be able to
legally take care of the baby."  I waited patiently until
she had finished.
 I went over questions, making her think if this was
really what she wanted and told her to really think this
over. She was absolutely sure, or at least as sure as a
mother could be.  "Alright, so when do you want to give
me that baby?" I asked.  "Now of course."  "But then
where is he?"  She carefully opened the bag. Inside, was
a comfortable baby, wrapped securely in warm blankets. I
noticed the many holes in the sides of the bag for air.
 She carefully picked him up, keeping him asleep. Tears
sprung to her eyes as she kissed him good-bye for the last
time, then handed him to me. Then, she quickly ran out of
the house. I looked at the sheet. The boy was two and a
half years old, his birthday was July fourth, and his name
was Michael. I beautiful light brunette, curly haired boy.
**************
 Michael awoke later on that day. I was dismissed from
my work. As it turned out, I needed almost every nurse
with me to help me get this toddler settled down. He was
scared, and wanted his mother. This broke my heart. I
explained to him the best I could to a two year old. My
words were little comfort and I knew it. The nurses, and
Pete, Brandon, and Neil all played games. The men seemed
to love playing a€˜jungle'. Neil crawled around like a
tiger near the fireplace, Brandon was a dog, and Pete
made noises like the little monkey he was. I could only
sit back and laugh. Michael decided that this was too
good of a game to pass up, and was soon roaring like a
lion, trying to beat Neil's. This assured me that my plan
would go over. Maybe not smoothly, but it would work.
**************************************
 Neil took me the next day to get tested for Tuberculosis.
 Since we didn't want any one to know what we were doing,
 we took Mikey along with us, and he just stayed with
 Neil while I was getting my blood tested. Tests were to
 be sent to us.  Days passed, and finally my test results
 were back - I was negative for the disease - I was fine!
********* I was so overjoyed that my test results had
 been what I was praying for, I was jumping all over,
 a smile never left my face for an instant. I was so
 relieved! I spent my time off sleding down the hills and
 making snowmen in the valley with Mikey and Neil.  When we
 returned at noon, there were mix emotions. The doctors all
 looked really serious, concentrating on something, and the
 girls were all giddy, flocking to a man in the parlor that
 I couldn't see yet. I decided to wait for an introduction
 later and went to the doctors where Neil was, Michael on
 my hip.  "What's wrong?" I whispered to Brandon.
"There's a man here that is badly injured. His leg has
a bullet in it, and gangrene is now threatening it."
"Can't we take it off?"  "You haven't seen this man
yet. Two of his toes on his other foot have been taken
off, and three fingers. Now a leg?"
 "Ew. So that's the discussion?"  "Yep."  "Where's
this man?"  "Over by the corner. Extrodinary - he knows
what might happen, and yet he's over there laughing and
carrying on with Pete and Kyle. He's so cheerful. Nothing
can get him down. Even this."  "What's his name?"
"James Grantland."  I stopped, and looked up at Brandon
in shock. David had said that his younger brother went
into war - could this be him?
 I went over to him, looking casual.  He flashed me a
smile when he noticed me.  "Hello, ma'am." He said kindly,
nodding his head.  "Hello. Um...I heard that your last name
is Grantland."  "Yes."  "Are you...related to Reverand
David Grantland?"  A bigger smile now came over him.
"Yes ma'am, that would be my big brother."  I looked at
him in shock.  "I can't believe you're here!" I turned
around and yelled over to Neil.  "Look Neil, it's David's
little brother!"
 Neil chuckled as he made his way over and extended
 his hand out to James. He really was a happy man.
 James looked so much like his older brother. He had
 sparkling blue eyes and wavy brown hair. He wasn't
 quite as tall, but only an inch or two off. His
 built was the same as well - lengthy and muscular.
 But it seemed that James had peace, or at least
 something inside of him that made him content and
 satisfied. He feared little, which David couldn't say.
 *****************************************************
After being around James for a little while, I left him
 with the men and carried a now sleeping Michael to my
 bed. After that, I went to meet the man who had made
 such an impression on all the other girls.  By now,
 there were duties to take care of, so there wasn't as
 many nurses. This made it easy for me to walk up to
 him. With a smile and an extended hand, I greeted him.
 "Hello, my name is Christy Huddleston. I'm one of the
 many nurses here."
"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Huddleston. I'm Ryan MacBay."
"Oh, it's not Mrs. I'm not married."  "Oh sorry! I just
assumed with the child you were carrying...I thought he
was yours."  "He is - but he's adopted."  "I see. Well,
I'm here with James - I stick with him everywhere -
battlefield, camps, everywhere."  "Yes, I met James. He
seems very fond of you."  "We've been friends for years."
 I found Ryan to be as charming as James was. He was a
 handsome man - dark brown hair, hazel eyes, muscular. He
 wasn't near as tall as James, about 5'9, 6 foot.  He was
 to stay here as long as James was. I, along with every
 other nurse, prayed that  would be a long time.
************************** Michael, absolutely exhausted
 from sledding, slept straight from the afternoon and into
 the night. Bethany laid in her bed next to the one Michael
 slept in while she read her book so I could go back to
 work. Neil decided to join me, interested in whether
 they'd take off the leg of David's brother and if they
 did, how they'd go about it. With his arm wrapped around
 me, we joined the conversation in deciding. Finally, they
 decided that they'd go ahead with it. I didn't want to
 be apart of this, and Neil had done the opperation too
 many times to care to see it as well, so I grabbed my
 clip board and started making my rounds. I went from
 tent to tent, updating conditions and checking in new
 members. Neil always was at my heels, his arms around my
 waist as he whispered silly things into my ear to make
 me explode with laughter, much to my embarrassment, since
 I couldn't hold it back.
  The doctors worked into the night. The preparation
 and plans took about two hours - my whole shift. Neil
 and I waited in the parlor, joining Nancy, Marie, and
 now Bethany, who was replaced by Sarah to watch Michael.
 I knew immediently that they all wanted something from me.
 "Christy." Nancy said, clearing her throat. "We all were
 wondering...if you could give us some of the babies...if
 we get more. Seeing how Michael is...well, we three
 want a little one of our own too!"  I smiled, knowing
 full well that this conversation was coming for days
 now, just waiting until the girls got enough courage to
 ask me. I agreed, knowing that these were hard working
 and careful women, all capable of being good mothers.
 ************************************************************
The girls chatted about babies for a while after that,
boring Neil so much that we all jumped when he let our
a loud snore - he had fallen asleep on the davenport,
his head back and mouth gaping open. We were in a fit
of giggles observing this when Anna, 25 and a quick
tempered minature Ida came running into the the mission.
"They're drunk!" She said, panting.  "Who?" We all replied
at different times.  "All of them! Pete, Brandon, Kyle,
and that James fellow. The elders have left now, and all
of the got drunk!"  "Oh Lord, help us all." I muttered,
getting up. I casted Neil a wistful look, then grabbed my
coat and put it on as I ran over.
 "What's going on here?" I asked sternly, stopping the
men in their drunken laughter.  "Havin' some fun to
relieve the stress, tis all, Christy." Brandon said with
a clownish smile.
 I grabbed Pete and pulled him from the tent to find out
 the whole story. If these men were going to be drunk, I
 wanted a good reason for it.  It came out that they gave
 James some whiskey to go along with the numbing medicine
 for the operation. After the operation was completed,
 they gave him more to knock him out. Instead, it did the
 opposite. The elders, exhausted, left, telling the younger
 Doctors to keep an eye on the patient. They did, and after
 a drunk James offered them whiskey, they foolishly took
 it. Not a few sips, but a lot. Two jugs of whiskey were
 now drained. I shook my head in disappointment, pushing
 the already stumbling Pete back into the tent. I left them
 and went onto the porch from a little while, until I seen
 Pete looking for a shovel. This worried me, knowing what
 these men while drunk were capable of, and went to them.
"Pete, why are you looking for a shovel?"  He grinned
broadly at me. "James insisted that he have his leg buried,
long with his fingers and toes."  "Ew - he still has his
toes and fingers that we taken off last week?"  He nodded
as I shivered.
 " you are all crazy."  "He wants it. Said to bury them
right behind the mission - said a cross would be nice too."
I rolled my eyes. "You go do what ever stupid things you
want - I'm going to bed like a sensible, decent person!"
**************************

The next morning Pete proudly showed me the work that
he did all night, dispite having to get up early in
the morning for work. He had made a little cemetary, he
said. Sure enough, there was three places close together
where the earth had been newly turned. There were makeshift
crosses - sticks put together with twine, that had a "J"
carved roughly into them. There were three of these. Around
the a€˜graves' there was a feeble looking a€˜fence'. It
was made of sticks, as thin as the ones made for the little
crosses, twigs practically, with twine strung between them.
"Well?" Pete asked, obviously still drunk.  "Wow, Pete. A
fence a whole oh, would you say six inches high, or would
that be exaggerating?"
 "You never did appriciate the fine working
of men." he said, then started walking away. I
pointed at the gravesight.  "Pete! Have you had
a sober look at this?" I exclaimed in disbelief.
********************************************************
 I had another red cross woman come to me that day with
 a little twenty one month old baby. It was a beautiful
 little girl, with thin, soft curly sandy red hair and
 blue eyes. She was small for her age - she had been
 born prematurely.  I knew who this baby should go to -
 Nancy. This baby made four sandy red heads at the mission
 - Nancy, Pete, Neil, and now her.  It took a day for Nancy
 to really come up with a name that she was sure about.
"Kimberly. I want to name her Kimberly." She announced
 finally. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, a
 knock came to the door. Nancy answered it, and found that
 it was another  red star woman. Nancy excused herself from
 the house, knowing that I liked everyone to be away when
 dealing with these women. This one had two babies with
 her - three year old twins - one boy and one girl. They
 both had dark brown hair with soft brown eyes. I knew
 how badly Marie always wanted children, and seen how she
 looked at my Michael, so it was decided that she'd get
 the twins. They became Eric and Lauren.  Two days after
 that came another red cross woman, with a little one
 year old baby boy. This was Bethany's baby. She named
 the brown haired, hazel eyed baby Nicholas. Now I had
 satisfied everyone, and provided good, nurturing homes
 for these children.
************** The relationship with Ryan and I grew. We
 were fast friends. But I became closer to James. I loved
 talking to him for hours about David. He already knew me,
 or so it seemed. David had written so much about me in
 his letters. He knew abut all the jobs and missions David
 had ever worked at, including, of course, Cutter Gap. So,
 it was easy spilling out all of my secret emotions to
 him. David, who I had informed about his brother being
 here, was excited, though sad about what had happened with
 James. He at least knew that his baby brother was being
 taken care of by his love.  David always referred to James
 as his baby brother, much to his embarrassment. James
 always protested - he was 26, not a baby at all. I
 just sat back and laughed at the two men, full of petty
 quarrels to help pass time and create amusement.
************************************************************
 Another baby came to the mission. Since none of the nurses
 came to me asking for a baby, I took this one. It was
 a gorgeous little one. She had light brown curly hair
 with big, expressive blue eyes. I swore that she looked
 so much like Amelia! Her mother said that her name was
 Molly. Her name fit her perfectly. Molly was only five
 months old and would require a lot of attention and care,
 but that was no problem for me.
************* Not long after Molly came, the last child
did. But this was a special case - this wasn't a baby. He
was fifteen, turning sixteen. The mother said that he was
immature yet, and not ready to go out into the world. She
promised that he'd help work, as long as I took him. Of
course, I didn't need to be bribed - I was ready to
take him in an instant. But then the red headed Anna
popped her head in and had to disrupt my meeting. Anna
always disapproved with everything that I did, especially
this. Like I said before, a minature Ida.
 Anna was furious at me for thinking up a plan that
would keep them up at night because of cranky cried from
little babies, and even more furious at Doctor Ferrand for
allowing me to continue with the project after I obtained
Mikey. She claimed that he doted to me way to much and
that he should out his foot down, but Doctor Ferrand
never quavered, and I had to respect him greatly for that.
******************************************************

Gabe, the 16 year old, was to arrive a few hours after
 his mother departed. But that was in the morning - at
 ten. Now it was nearing ten at night, and still Gabe
 was not present. Finally, I decided to just go to bed.
 I was awakened a few hours later with pounding on the
 front door. I made my way down the steps, a sleepy eyed
 Molly that had been awoken as well on my hip, and Mikey
 grabbing my leg, scared but claiming that he needed to
 protect me from any danger. As it turned out, it was
 Gabe, slowed by the terrible weather. I was too tired
 for proper greetings. I told him to get out of the soaked
 clothing he was in, find a blanket, then go to sleep on
 the davenport. The boy did as was told, to tired to as
 even think of asking for a bed.
***************************** Gabe turned out to be a
 fine boy. He was a little clumsy though, and therefore
 helped out with the children and house work instead of
 working with the rest of the men in the tent. Now, I was
 allowed to move into the bunkhouse with Molly, Mikey,
 and Gabe. There was one big bed, one cradle, a smaller
 bed, and a cot. Not much else was here, but it suited
 us just fine.  Months flew by so quickly. Neil became a
 regular doctor to our patients, and I could tell that he
 was loving it.  I went out to the tent while Molly and
 Michael were taking their naps to see that there had
 been another attack on a battlefield  south of here,
 and that many soldiers were hurt. All of the younger
 doctors, including Neil, carried them in on stretchers.
 Once the patients started really coming in, Neil had
 to stay behind with the elder doctors to help them with
 the mass. As I started from the mission, I saw Pete and
 Brandon go through the emergency entrance. Coming from
 the other way, I saw him whisper to Neil.
"Keep this one away from Christy." I heard vaguely. Of
 course, I had to run over. I gasped when I saw the
 patient, and quickly reached out for something to support
 me. A cabnet full of medicine did the trick. But I still
 felt liek I had been hit by a train.  "Rob?" I whispered
 to the man that I knew was my former student. Why did he
 have to end up here? A fine boy with a writing career
 that I, as well as my father, had offered him, and a
 responsibility of the Allen Mill. And yet here he was,
 lying in a hospital tent a world away from his precious
 Cutter Gap, bleeding and pale, his blue eyes fixed on
 me. I saw a twinkle of surprise flash before him, but
 then went dull again, the pain over coming him. Pete and
 Brandon rushed him to a bed. I looked up, shattered, at
 Neil. He was already staring down at me, his eyes full of
 sympathy for me. But it didn't end there. By the end of
 the day, Will Beck and John Spencer came in as well. The
 next day Wraight Holt joined them. Each were badly hurt
 and most critical. Every doctor agreed to keep me out of
 the tent - the patients' cases becoming to personal for
 me to preform my job properly. But I didn't agree with
 their isolation plan, and was determined to slip in when
 ever I could. The whole reason I was here was for them,
 wasn't it?  So I helped out, changing their bandages and
 fetching them water and food. A conversation was weakly
 held every now and then between Wraight and Will Beck, the
 ones that had been reduced to moderate, instead of serious
 and critical. I was scared for Rob and John though. It
 was my responsibility to inform the family members, if
 possible, that their loved one was dead. I couldn't write
 my best friend and former student that was so much like a
 sister to me that their son and husband had died, and in
 my care to add!  I was just changing Rob's bandages on his
 chest, a gun shot wound on his left shoulder, when I heard
 a familiar voice. I whirled around to see Creed, walking
 on his own, though bleeding badly. Pete was with him.
"Look Rob, it's Creed! It's your brother!" I exclaimed,
 then hurried to finish his bandages and run to the
 little boy.  "Creed! Creed I can't believe you're over
 here! You are way to young." I said, at first my voice
 ecstatic, then becoming very serious. I was so glad to
 see that he was alright - a gunshot wound to the upper
 arm but easily repaired, that I wasn't sure if I should
 hug and kiss him or to scold him for being in the war in
 the first place. He smiled wryly.
"I ain't to young, Miz Christy. I'm 16! You are Miz Christy
still, aren't ya? The doc didn't go marrying you without
tellin' us, right?"  I laughed. "No, Doctor MacNeill and
I aren't married."  Then from across the room I heard a
chuckle, and Neil yell "Not YET Creed, anyway!"
 I rolled my eyes, patted the boy's good shoulder,
then went over to Neil.  "Stop putting ideas into their
heads, Neil MacNeill!" I giggled as I chided. He gave me a
silly grin.  "You always forget the yet in your sentences
about me marrying you."  "I aint marrying you, Neil!"
"You will, one day you will."  "Neil!"  "What, are you
having a€˜feelings' for Pete and Brandon? Or maybe one
legged James? Or maybe that Ryan that all the nurses are
crazy over. Am I right."He said, too seriously as his
eyes bore into mine.  "Now Neil, it isn't teasing anymore
when you bring other people into it."  "Who's teasing?"
"Neil, stop."  "Did I not say the right name? What, you
can't be seriously considering Kyle? Or did he impress
you after all with his boldness to give you tuberculosis
and you just wanted to play innocent?"
 That was going to far. I knew Neil was tired - he had
been up all night with the men that he knew since they
were babies - he had helped with most of their births
- but that, a very personal issue with me, was going to
far. I slapped his cheek hard and walked out of the tent.
**********************
 I didn't see Neil until supper that night. He came
into the mission, starving. Pete, Brandon, Harry, and
Kyle exchanged an empty plate to go to their job. I sat
stiffly across from Neil. The tension was thick, though
mostly from everyone being dead on their feet with all
the patients and then children to tend to afterwards. No
talking occurred in the meal, until half way through.
"I'm sorry." Neil muttered, his head bowed, though his
eyes peered at me.  "What?" I asked, my head cocked. I had
heard him, I just wanted to hear him say sorry again. How
rarely, after all, did I get to hear those words come out
of the most stubbornest and prideful man alive?  "I said
I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It wasn't fair to you,
and I didn't mean it. I was acting stupid."  "Yes you
were." I said, now taking the role of the stubborn one. I
couldn't resist liking that this man was willing to bow
down his pride just for me. He must think highly of me for
that - for who else would he ever do that to?  "Come on,
Christy, what should I tell you to make you forgive me?"
"You shouldn't of said it in the first place!"  "No, I
shouldn't have. What happened between you and Kyle is none
of my business, and never should I have teased you about
such a serious matter. Can I be forgiven, or do I need to
extend my apologizes through the night and into the next
few days to please your highness?" The sarcasm was back in
his voice as his eyes became dull from weariness.  "You
want me to forgive you - then go get some rest so I can
actually have a converstaion with you without getting into
a fight. Our relationship is becoming way to much like it
was in Cutter Gap - you were always busy and tired in the
cove, and took out all your stress and remorse out on me."
"Only sometimes - I remember I nice dance by the river."
" - That ended in insults."  "Well, you weren't the best
cook back then." He teased. I couldn't help but grin.
"Maybe. But I recall that the other times that I cooked,
you liked it."  "As long as you kept your eyes away from
the river, the dinner always came out fine."  My mouth fell
open in shock. "Neil MacNeill!" I exclaimed, looking around
me to see if anyone had picked up his meaning. Thankfully,
they didn't.  "You weren't even supposed to know about
that. But I don't want to dis-" "Ruby Mae and Creed told
me."  "How would they have known?"  "Creed was walking
to my house at the time. He was approaching the side of
the house when he seen you staring out the window. Ruby
Mae gave me a more...detailed report though - she read
your diary."  "I cant believe her!" I said, stunned that
he knew my private thoughts.
 I had finished my dinner, so I had an excuse to get
away. I collected empty plates and started washing the
build up in dishes and pots. I looked up and out of the
window to see Pete and Kyle shouting at eachother, right
up in each other's faces. Brandon stood on the other
side, every once in a while joining the yelling. All
the nurses were soon gathered around them. Suddenly,
Kyle let his fist go free onto Pete's nose. That stirred
Pete, and he let Kyle have all he had. The two went down,
Kyle below Pete as Pete punched him over and over. The
words that Neil had once spoken to me came back into my
mind - Tuberculosis could be spread by coughing - or by
touching the infected's blood.  I ran outside and tried to
stop Pete - but he wouldn't listen. I knew that he knew
about Kyle's disease, but must have overlooked it when
the discussion heated.  I knew I had to do something.
"Pete - stop! Stop it Pete, you can't touch Kyle's blood
- he has Tuberculosis!" I screamed. I heard gasps all
around me, and the two men immediately froze, Pete's fist
in the air, going towards Kyle's own nose as he clenched
Kyle's shirt in his other hand. Kyle allowed himself to be
partly lifted from the ground. He stared at me, completely
stunned. All of Pete's powerful blows didn't hurt him and
do as much damage as those few words from my mouth just
did. I felt terrible - I just released Kyle's most well
kept secret to every worker here. But was his secret being
hidden more important then Pete's health?
 "Im so sorry, Kyle." I said immediately.  "I can't
believe you just said that." He said, still shocked. He
shoved Pete off of him - Pete too much wrapped in
unbelief to be prepared - he fell to the ground, but
didn't bother getting up, just stared blankly at me. Kyle
stood up and walked towards me slowly. "I CAN'T believe
you just said that!" He repeated, his voice with more
anger and getting louder. He backed me into the wall of
the mission.  "Kyle, I'm sorry." I said, fear growing
into me as he kept coming forward.  "I can not believe
you!" He launched forward at me, when Pete and Brandon
quickly grabbed him and shoved him to the ground where
he remained pitted until he could calm down. After a few
minutes, he forced each one off and, casting me furious
looks, walked stiffly away. Brandon and Pete looked at
me with disappointment and shame. I wondered that by the
way the were looking at me, why they had stopped Kyle
when they looked tempted to launch at me themselves.
******************************************************************
 I felt like I was being shunned by the three men. Pete,
 Brandon and Kyle never acted as friends, or at least it
 was rare, but their roots went far back, intertwining
 together. Every once in a while I'd find them together
 by the fire talking about the past, or Pete and Kyle
 would play some football or camp out. And if Brandon
 offended Pete, or vise versa, Kyle would be anger with
 them. Now that I had offended Kyle, I was shunned by
 all three. They refused to talk to me, come near me,
 and stop giving me terrible looks. And I felt like I
 deserved them. I apologized so many times, and yet it
 didn't make a difference. It seemed like they wanted
 to make me feel how they did.  Ryan and James tried to
 keep me in good spirits, but failed miserably. I felt
 dreadful, and lower then a worthless dog.  One day, while
 I had fallen asleep with Molly and Michael, a phone call
 came that Neil answered. He rushed into the bunkhouse and
 ran to my bed. I had Molly cuddled up in my arms because
 of her frequent nightmares. He gentle shook my arm, but
 failed in waking me. He sat down on the bed and persisted
 until I awoke.
"Neil?" I asked, uncertain on why he was here.  "I have bad
news, Christy."  "Is it one of the students."  He shook
his head, trying to get the lump out of his throat.
"One of the men?"  "No, an actual problem. They don't
have one. Christy....I just got a call from the Asheville
hospital."  I looked at him worried. I sat up and put
my hand on his arm.  "What happened?"  "Your father had
a stroke."  Tears were immediantely welling in my eyes and
overflowing.  "Is he alright?"  "No. He's really bad off."
I leaned forward slowly, then buried my head into Neil's
chest as I wrapped my arms around his neck and sobbed. He
held me in his strong arms, knowing the pain of what I
was going through.  ************************
 In the morning, Neil was preparing to leave. He told
 me that he'd go back to Asheville and take care of my
 father. There was a million reasons why I couldn't go back
 though, and so I stayed here and waited.  Right when Neil
 was getting Creed dressed to go back with him because
 his wound was bad enough to get him dismissed, a letter
 came, accompanied by a package. I was busy at the time
 on the other end, so since the letter was addressed to
 Neil, he quickly opened it. I watched him from about
 10 feet away, his back turned to me. I seen him clutch
 something that fell out into his hand, then his whole body
 stiffened. Knowing that it must be bad news, I ran to him,
 touching his wrist to lower the letter. I read it, then
 read it over again to make it sink it. It told that Sam
 Housten Holcombe had been badly wounded and had died. I
 looked up at Neil, again I felt my heart break. But this
 time I saw that his had too. A tear slipped from his eye
 and onto the paper as he unfolded his hand to reveal a
 small, polished, cream colored arrowhead that was for
 Neil. I wrapped my arms around Neil and we cried it out
 like it was our own child.  We managed to get the box
 open, and found most of his clothes and any possesions
 that he had here. He had left me an arrowhead as well -
 he had wrote a letter before he died explaining it. My
 arrowhead was beautiful. It was shinny and polished
 well, cream colored with a light blue tip. So even over
 here he was collecting arrowheads! But these we bought
 ones that he was planning on taking back to the cove to
 show his friends. Now his plans fell short and had been
 rearranged.  More bad news accompanied this about a half
 hour later. The phone ringed again, and Neil answered
 it. When he got of, he broke the news to me and told me
 that my mother was hospitalized, taking the stroke of
 her husband badly. It was only an hour after that when
 Neil and Creed left for the ship and then to America.
************************************************************
 Kyle, Pete and Brandon stopped casting me dirty looks
 after they found out what happened to my parents. They
 were still acting stiff towards me, but they talked to
 me lightly. Kyle faced hardships now though. He elders
 were discussing if he should stay or not - they had been
 hearing Kyle coughing a lot lately, and they weren't sure
 if it was from a cold that was now going around, or the
 beginning of the tuberculosis coming back. His position
 as a doctor was in jepordy. His beloved vocation could be
 cast away from him permently, and in his mind, his life
 would become useless. And somehow, this led to partly
 my fault.  **********************************************
 Neil called me as soon as he arrived in Asheville and
 updated me in my parents condition - my mother had a heart
 attack, and had been flowing in and out of consciousness
 ever since. There were discussions between the doctors
 about brain trouble caused by this - if she was able to
 leave the hospital, she'd have to be carefully watched.
"She'd be reduced to being mentally retared from this?" I
 yelled at Neil.  "There's a chance, Christy."  I took
 the heavy news as best as I could. Concerned for my
 father, I swallowed the grief and inquired about him.
 "He's worse. I'm so sorry."  I could say nothing this
 time.
"Look Christy, I got to go, but I'll
call you tomorrow with an update."
*********************************************************
 Neil told me he would call me tomorrow, so when the
telephone rang late that night and Bethany, with Nick on
her hip, told me that he was calling, I started to tremble
as I answered it.  "Neil?"  "Christy, listen to me." He
said, his voice dead serious and talking quickly. "Your
father is slipping away. The doctors don't think he'll
make it to dawn, or even past the hour, and I have to
agree with them. You father is conscience though, and I
thought you'd want to talk to him quick."  "Oh Neil! Yes,
yes I want to talk to him."
 It took a few moments, but finally I heard heavy breathing
and a gruff hello.  "Daddy! Daddy, I'm so sorry I can't
be there. I'm so sorry that this is happening!"  "My
Girlie? Oh, it's...great to hear...from you. I want....you
to listen to me. I'm...I'm dying, Little Miss. I .... I
know I am. But I...I want you to know that I... love you."
 I wiped the tears streaming down. "I love you too, Daddy."
"I need...need you to be strong."  "I will be, or at
least I'll try."  "Remember Girlie, I love you...and I'm
so...proud of you."
 I couldn't say anything, I was crying so hard. After
a moment, Neil's voice came back on.  "Christy..."
"He's dead, isn't he?"  "Yeah. I'm so sorry Christy. I'm
sorry this is happening. I know you are hurting, so since I
can't comfort you very well through the phone, take comfort
in your children. All of them over there - the ones in
your name and your students. They'll help you through,
they always do. I love you, Lass. I'll call tomorrow."
 And then he hung up. He had told me that he couldn't give
me much comfort through the phone - but his words helped
so much.  ********************************************
 Neil's words proved right - my children helped me so
 much. Or at least most if them. I was hurt all over
 again by the sudden death of Rob Allen. He was healing
 fine, but died suddenly during the night by blood clots
 that had traveled to his left lung.  There was so much
 death, so much sadness around me. I felt like I had been
 living half in a dream this whole time, and now things
 just came down at me to slam me back into reality. Now
 this were personal, not like before.  As Neil continued
 to give me solace by telling me my mother was improving
 physically, even though she was slightly mental impaired
 now, I regressed in some ways. Though I never showed
 it, I was having a lot of problems - mostly at night
 where nightmares filled my mind. Strange enough, they
 weren't about death, or what was happening here, but the
 future. I felt something terrible was going to happen. I
 didn't know to whom, but I was greatly involved. Some
 dreams occurred in automobiles, others in ships, some
 while walking through town. Where ever the location,
 the dreams never ceased, never stopped haunting me. I
 had them each night, and shared them only with my diary.
 *********************************
One fine early spring day, Pete, Brandon, Kyle who was not
  working much anymore but still here, Ryan, who had become
  quite close to Bethany, Nancy with Kimberly, Bethany
  with Nick, Sarah, Gabe, Molly, Michael and I went to
  town to go on a shopping spree for the mission. There
  were barely any patients left. The boys from Cutter Gap
  had finally healed and had been dismissed from war, and
  most of the other patients were gone as well. The elders
  told us to go ahead and take a break, they could handle
  the small amount by themselves.  So, we went gaily,
  laughing and acting silly and like the young people that
  we were before the war. All of us were having a great
  time, bags filled with our purchases hanging from our
  arms. Then, when we were nearly the time to get home,
  we were stopped by an older looking gypsy type woman,
  claiming to read futures. Pete, is his jovial jerk mood,
  laughed at her, thinking it humorous and agreed to do
  it, as well as robbing our time by volunteering us.
 She took us to her home, a place right next to the store
we were just at. Every slumped onto the sofas that lined
the wall of the waiting room, except Pete and the gypsy
herself, who went into the room next to us, shutting the
door. In a few minutes, Pete bounded out, laughing as he
looked at us.  "Hey Christy, ya know what she said? That
I aint got a chance in marriage! She must have been
talking to you!" He said then chuckled. I rolled my
eyes heavenward, remember a few months back when he had
proposed to me and I turned him down. Slowing, one by one
every one had their fortunes read, and it was my turn. The
gypsy looked into my eyes when she came for me. There was
something in them, surprise?  She put her arm around me,
and led me to the back room. I was dark, the only source
of light coming from a dimly lit lantern hanging above
a circular table. She sat at one end, straight across
from me. Her gentle hand took mine and placed them in
the middle of the table, palms down. Then she put her
own smooth, cold hands, palms down, on top of mine. I
looked at her in confusion - I had never seen it done
like this before. With everything set, she looked deep
into my eyes with a happy smile playing on her lips.
"Ah, finally the woman I have been waiting for. You are
the reason I summoned all of you in here."
 "What...what do you mean?"  "The Lord told me that you
were coming today - I've been awaiting. When I laid eyes
on you and seen that...special something in your eyes, I
knew it was you whom I've been waiting for." A bigger smile
came over her.  "Your dreams are right - they are signs."
"How do you know about my dreams?"  "Child! Look where
you are!"  "But what do you mean my dreams are signs? I
don't even understand them!"  "What is the one thing you
brought out of each one?"  "A feeling....a feeling of
fear, stronger than I ever felt it before."  "Exactly."
"Exactly what?" I exclaimed, frustrated. "Each one is so
different. There is danger in the dreams, but I always
awake before the initial danger happens! I don't understand
anything about them, all I know is I'm living in fear, and
I hate that! Every one thinks I went crazy after my father
died, but I'm not! Or at least I don't think I am...I
don't even know any more!"  "Child, you are not crazy. The
Lord gave you these signs. That feeling of fear is what
you will get again right before the danger in real life
happens. It's your sign. When you get that feeling- you and
your friends need to get out of that situation and place."
"Wait, then it is real danger? Real serious?"
 She nodded. "Real serious. Now hear me - there will be a
chance for you to save some of those young a€˜uns. Not all,
but at least yours. I strongly advise you take advantage
of that. Please, I beg of you for your sake that you heed
my words."  I groaned, cupping my forehead with my hands.
"Why me?" I asked moaning, saying this to myself.
"Come now, it aint like you're delivering the Savior.
Men and women everyday get chosen to peek into the future
and help save a few souls. Today just happens to be your
day, missionary. Look, everything happens for a reason -
you feeling a calling for that cove you were at before,
that was a real calling, though it was disguised with
the feeling of running away. You were meant to be here
too. Everything happens for a reason, remember that."
 *************************************** When she finished,
 she showed me back to the door that would lead me to
 my friends. She however, went back to the table and
 began praying.  I crossed the waiting room, scooped up
 Molly and grabbed my back pack, and as I walked hastily
 out the door, I grabbed a bottle out of the side of the
 back pack and handed it to Molly.
"So? What did the crazy woman tell you?" Pete asked,
following. I walked faster, and tried to muster a smile
to disguise my worried face. I wanted a moment, the
looked over my shoulder with a light smile.  " Oh, it was
nothing. Just a bunch of silly things that aren't true."
******************************************************
 But the worrying that I had masked all day came back out
at night. I rocked Molly to sleep in the old bunkhouse
as I tried to calm down my racing heart. A knock at the
door startled me out of my wits, and a loud gasp came out.
"Who is it?" I called, knowing that Molly was fast asleep
and wouldn't be waking for anything.  "Doctor Ferrand. I
need to talk to you ...privately. May I come in?"
 I wondered what the man that I had grown so close to
 lately had wanted so late at night.  He came in, paced
 around in front of me for a few seconds, wringing her
 hands, then pulled up a chair across from me and sat
 in it. But he didn't stay there. Soon he was back up
 and pacing the room again. I stared at him in confusion,
 wondering what the bizarre behavior was about. Finally, he
 sat down and cleared his throat, ready to talk.  "I talked
 to Alice today...while you were gone. She managed to
 get to a phone in town. I asked her if she would mind
 me proposing something that had been bothering me for a
 while now to you. She more than eagerly agreed. I know
 you've been in a lot of pain since your father tragically
 passed away, and about what happened to your mother. I
 wish I could give you consolance. But even before that
 happened, I wanted to ask you this."
I smiled encouragingly. "What do you want to ask
me doctor?"  "You know how Alice thinks so fondly of
you...like a daughter, don't you?"  "Yes, we've often
felt mutual in that, a few times even voiced it, back
in Cutter Gap."  "Well... I have been feeling that way
towards you. There's something special about you Christy."
"So I've been recently told." I said, but it came out
almost bitterly from remembering the old gypsy's words
and heeds.  "So here is what I wanted to ask you - would
you...want to become part of our family? Change you name
to ours?"  I was touched, really I was. The man had spoken
out of pure genuinely. But the word change was also stuck
in that sentence. And besides that, could I do that to my
deceased father?
 "That really means so much to me. And I really have
feelings for you as a father.  But I'm not sure if I
could do that right now. You understand, don't you?"  He
nodded. "Of course." Then he let out a chuckle . "Is this
how you deal with all of them?"  My brow wrinkled. "What do
you mean?"  "This isn't the first time you had the offer
of changing your name - except for different reasons."
I laughed. "No - with David...lets just say that ended
in coolness towards eachother. With Brandon, it ended
in...shying away. And with Pete, it ended in anger and
slapping him across his face - and hard."
 Another chuckle escaped the doctor's lips. "I wasn't
even aware of Brandon proposing to you."  "Well, that
didn't go over well. It was similar to David's, actually.
Brandon accused me of being in love with Pete."  "What
happened then?"  "I told him that I already turned Pete
down, so that couldn't possibly be the case. He got so
furious that Pete had beat him to me that he stormed off,
forgetting all about me!"
 But the jolliness didn't last long. Doctor Ferrand
grew serious.  "Christy, I know how dearly you still love
and miss Cutter Gap, and the reason for you missing it
is because of me. I want to change that. I want to open
the Cutter Gap mission again once we get back there, if
you would quit being a nurse and be a teacher again."
I responded with tears spilling over my face and throwing
my arms around his neck.  "Thank you so much!" I exclaimed.
 Finally, things were looking up. I immediantly
began planning on how teaching again would work
with children, and how I'd tell David and Neil.
******************************************************
Greg Falk had been nothing more than a nuisence to me, but
 he was Gab'e best friend. Greg was eighteen, spiteful,
 untrustworthy, and something about him made me on the
 guard. I heard him accuse me more than once say I was
 crazy, and also a low life for taking in babies that were
 born to a 'heathens.' Though I disliked him greatly,
 he was Gabe's friend, and I couldn't separate them - I
 didn't have the heart. But it did do my heart good to
 know that Gabe stuck up for the woman he recently just
 started calling mother. I was surprised that he called me
 it at first, but I had to admit that I loved it.  I talked
 to Pete about Greg. He wasn't supposed to be here - his
 minor injury of a shot in his left arm had been healed
 for over a week, but because of my son's great connection
 with him, we didn't force him leave. But if he had been
 anyone else, he'd be gone a while ago. But I dealt with
 him, just as long as he didn't put Gabe against me.
 ********* Gabe started helping with transporting wounded
 patients into the hospital tents. He was strong now, and
 was able to done more manual work, even if he was still
 a bit clumsy on his feet.  One day he was on the job when
 I heard Pete talk to Gabe in a low whisper as they passed
 the unnoticed open window that I stood near.
"Don't tell your mother about this patient." He said.
 "Why? Does mom know him?"
"Yeah, she knows him." His answer was wistful and sad,
 which scared me. How would Pete know who I knew? I
 rushed out to the tents that they now entered. I stared
 in horror.  I ran to the ailing boy, almost unconscious,
 being laid in a bed.
"George!" I screamed as I ran to him. He looked at me
with dull eyes.  "Sis?" My brother whispered to me, not
sure if he could believe his own eyes. I nodded, taking
his hand in both of mine.
 "George, when did you come here? Does father -" I stopped
short.  "No, I didn't tell them. They still think, or at
least I hope they do, that I am in college up in Maine."
"So they didn't contact you about...you didn't hear
from them?"  "No...why?"  "There's been some bad things
happening, and not just over here in the war."  "Come on,
Christy, don't drag this out."  I took a deep breath, then
let it pour.  "Daddy died a few weeks back, and mother is
in a home for the elderly with a slight mental disability
- she had a heart attack and will never fully recover. Neil
has been one of the doctors - did all he could for them."
 I stopped. George had gotten the point, and was already
in tears. I hugged my baby brother and sobbed along with
him. At least now I had some one who really understood what
I was going through.  "Look on the bright side." I forced
through my weeping.  "How can there be a bright side?"
"Daddy is with his baby girl now - he's  with Amelia."
************************************************
 The next day we were all called in for lunch at the same
 time, an important announcement was to be made. Bethany
 stood with a big smile on her face as we passed her to get
 to the parlor before eating. I had a pretty good hint on
 what was going on already, but didn't let on. Finally,
 she spoke.  "I asked you all here so I could announce
 that...that..." She stopped, looked over at the men, or
 a certain one in particular, then continued. "That I am
 getting married...to Ryan!"  Anything else she had planned
 to say was impossible - every girl screamed in excitement,
 ran to Bethany and hugged her. The men slapped Ryan on the
 back, said a joke or two, then ran for the table to shove
 as much food in them - trying to eat even the women's
 portions that they knew we wouldn't be able to eat now.
   I was somewhat surprised at the news, however. They
had known eachother for months, and I knew that they both
were favoring eachother, but still...I hadn't really seen
it coming. Maybe I was to involved with worrying over the
further future then the future that is important - the one
right here and now - the one developing before my eyes. Why
worry about everything to come? I wanted to enjoy now. But
I knew deep in my heart when the eyes of that old gypsy
appeared before me that I could not have peace until that
day which I have been fearing finally came and was over
with. But again, my diary was the only one that heard this.
********** Doctor Ferrand allowed all the women off of
work for the day. We all went to town, but this time we
left our children with Lynn and Marie, who stayed behind.
 I was more hesitant to go this time, scared that I might
see that gypsy again. There was something in her that
scared the wits out of me. I insisted on staying behind
to help with the children and care for my brother, but
Bethany begged me to, and so I went with. If it wasn't
for me trying to forget my worries and forcing myself
to join in with the activities, I would have been at
the very back of the herd of nurses, instead of skipping
down the lane childishly with Bethany linked on my arm.
**************************************************************
We found Bethany a beautiful wedding dress, though
it wasn't perfect enough. We wanted our best friend to
shine on her wedding day, so we bought seed pearls and an
abundance in lace to go with. Undaunted about not finding
a veil, we bought ribbon and promised her a flower wreath
for her hair instead. There was so much extra money though,
so Bethany insisted on bride's maid's dresses, which each
of us was to wear. Half of the group got lavender, the
other half a brilliant yellow - Bethany wanting spring
colors. But while everyone else was dashing around to get
a dress for themselves, I scanned the shelves carefully,
seeing if there was any way in getting the dress more
embellished. I had just come to silk roses when Bethany
approached me with a deep purple dress with a beautiful
wide yellow sash.  "I want you to wear this." She said
in a sweet tone.  "But it isn't lavender or yellow."
"A maid of honor usually wears a different color."
I looked at her in surprise as a slow grin came upon
her face.  "You are picking me to be your maid of honor?"
"You're my best friend, aren't you?"  "Of course...but...."
"It would be wonderful if you would."  "It would be an
honor."  I showed Bethany the roses. We picked out enough
white ones to make a wreath for her hair. The others
got yellow and lavender to embellish their sashes. They
mixed colors - lavender dresses got yellow roses, yellow
dresses got lavendar. But Bethany handed me a bundle
of all three.  "I want you to have a beautiful wreath
as well."  "Bethany Lyn, you aren't trying to get me to
look pretty for your brother again, are you?" I asked
through a spreading smile.  She laughed. " I tried that
already, but there isn't any way of you getting with
him. He loves you, all right, but you and him would kill
each other. Of course, you already know that, don't you?"
"We could never be happy together. But he will make some
woman a very lucky wife. He's a great man, your brother."
 We finally finished getting all the needed wedding
things, so we headed out of the town on a different road
that we came - the road that led to the gypsy's home. I
was now near the back of the line, looking all around me
in case I would see her. Finally, I started to let myself
relax - just when I turned my head in laughter and caught
glimps of her. She was staring coldly at me. The look
in her eyes made me freeze. I couldn't move. I started
trembling. Bethany rushed to my side, blocking my view from
the gypsy.  "Christy, are you okay? What's weong?" She
asked with worried eyes searching mine. Then she looked
over her shoulder and reconized the gypsy.  "Christy, what
did she say to you the other week?" She asked in a low,
serious tone.  "Nothing."  "Pete may believe your lies
but I don't. I know something happened in there. Christy,
whatever she said to scare you, don't listen to her."
 We had to pass her though. So with Bethany leading
 everyone, and I in the back again, we started off, I more
 cautious  then any one else.  I had just started to breath
 freely again when we passed her when I felt a cold, bony
 hand grab my arm. I stopped immediently in fear, staring
 straight ahead.
"The time is near. Do not me afraid of me, child - I am
only a bearer. Be afraid of what will happen if you keep
trying to believe that my words are nonsense. The time
is drawing near - don't forget that." She whispered
hissingly in my ear.  But her words had barely
been out if her mouth for more than a second when I
collapsed, blackness the only thing gripping me now.
**********************************************
 "Christy - Christy, come through. Come through,
Christy." I heard the soothing words over and over
again. Finally, my eyes fluttered open to see Bethany by my
side, and I in a low bed. I gripped the sides of the bed
as I sat up quickly, looking around me.  "Where am I?" I
asked in a frightened tone.  "Don't worry - this is just
a boarding house. That old gypsy isn't here. Ryan is on
his way with his golden stallion to escort you back on."
"Thanks, Bethany."  *************** Bethany kept the
matter of my fears secret for my sake, just like I
pleaded her to. But my worries soon made way for wedding
preparations. We had exactly a week for this - that was
all the time given. So, we girls split into three groups
- one for cooking all the food, that was led my Nancy,
one to decorate the barn, where the reception would be,
which was led by me, and then to decorate the wedding dress
itself, led by Bethany, though I was the one who worked on
it the most. My seamstress skills might not have been very
good before Cutter Gap, but Miss Alice and the quilting
circle women did manage to give me pointers. I stayed
extra busy - I even made dresses for the girl children,
a dress coat for the ring bearer Nicholas, and light blue
sashes for the rest of the little boys. Nancy's daughter
Kimberly, the flower girl, was to wear a yellow dress. The
rest wore pink, the only color I was in abundance of from
saving it to make a quilt. I made my Molly a purple dress,
almost the same shade as mine. Staying extra busy kept my
mind from wondering - and I had my best friend to thank.
*****************************
 The wedding day came sooner than anyone thought
 possible. All us nurses awoke at five in the morning,
 leaving our children tucked in bed. We washed, got dressed
 in our short brown work clothes, then headed outside. We
 went to the dock of our fine lake, and surrounded it
 by flowers - the ones on the ground actually planted,
 most on the dock were potted. After that task, we ran
 into the barn, made sure everything was set, the grabbed
 the heavy wooden tables. Four nurses to each one of the
 four tables, we made our way to the lake, then arranged
 them about 10 feet away from the water. Then we went
 back for the chairs. After they too were set up, most
 of us collapsed onto the ground, breathing heavily from
 going back and forth to a barn that was fifty feet away.
 With the sun shining down on our already persperating
 bodies, we couldn't resist any more temptation. Clothes
 and all, every one jumped into the lake. We lazily
 floated and swam about for a while, enjoying the
 unplanned fun. Finally, we knew we could doddle np
 longer - hunger drove us out of the water, climbing up
 the muddy banks to avoid the actually waxed deck. We
 hobbled our way back to the mission, our feet sore.
 "And where have you all been?" A man's voice sounded.
 My foot stopped in midair, about to land on the third
 step of the porch. I, in front of everyone else that was
 a few feet away from the steps still, looked up to see
 Doctor Ferrand, his arms crossed, looking down at me. I
 heard all the girls start to scream, then hurdled into a
 bunch, hiding their immodesty. Our dresses only reached
 to right above our knees, a few inches longer for the
 lucky ones. They were also sleeveless, made just from
 scapes to work in the garden or such. While in the work
 clothes, no man was supposed to ever see you, least you
 be claimed immodest to be so improper and bold. I stood
 firm on my second step, staring up and refusing to run
 for cover as everyone shouted for me to.
"We were getting everything set for today." I said,
feeling like a ten year old child being chided by her stern
father. He chuckled.  "Well, breakfast don't make itself,
you know. And if you let one of us men in the kitchen,
we'll all be out of a house tonight - and that won't be
a very good thing for your honeymoon, Bethany - with all
the men creeping about-""That's quite enough, Doctor. We
well recieved your point. Now, are the other men inside?"
"In the dining room."  "How are we going to go in the
like this?" Sarah shrieked.  "You girls stay here - I'll
go in and get you blankets, since these doctor want to
appear useless."  "But Christy, they'll all see you!"
"I've be modest long enough to know that if they want to
see your legs, they don't need to wait for a time like this
- they got imaginations, you know."  I heard everyone
gasp, and bursts of laughter from inside the house.
"That's not proper, Christy!" Anna said in a scolding tone.
"Ask anyone - I've never been known to be very proper,
especially in my former vocation. Now, shall we stand about
arguing all day while precious moments slip by, or should
I go fetch the blankets?"
 Without waiting for another argument, I walked inside,
where sure enough all the men were circled round, a few
drunk from the celebration of last night. They did a
terrible job in surpressing their laughter, but I didn't
mind. I looked straight forward, not minding any of them,
and retreated to the safety of the women's room. I put
of my old outfit - the blue checkered one. Sadly, this
was reduced to the original sleeves quite short. The rest
of the sleeves was out of a white material. The hemming
had now about six inches of brown material. I grabbed
two blanjets and stomped down the steps. I turned to
the men.  "Don't you all have things you ought to be
doing? Like tending to my brother and the rest of the
patients? Now git goin', I got a wedding to prepare."
******************************************************
 The day passed too quickly. Before I knew it, we were
 dressing the children, as well as ourselves, for the
 ceremony.  Everything went so smoothly. Bethany walked
 down the aisle in the dress that I helped fashion, and in
 the hairdo that I was responsible for. I wanted something
 different for her. So, I combed back the top part,
 held it with a lacy barrette, then curls the rest. She
 looked stunning, and just one look at Ryan told me that
 he thought so as well.  After what seemed like Ferrand
 dragging on forever, Bethany finally became Mrs. Ryan
 Corbi. They walked off the dock and to the shore, where we
 all ate heartily.  When the dancing was to begin, I heard
 some prayers that the men wouldn't start their fighting
 again. I supposed that they were heard, for the men were
 completely gentlemen - for once. After the first dance
 of the bride and groom, Pete asked me to dance. The next
 dance was shared with Brandon, then Ryan, and then Pete
 once again.  "You look beautiful." Pete whispered into my
 ear, his mouth next to it. I smiled in appreciation. I
 had to admit - he, the best man, could really wash up
 well. There was something about Pete today - a look in
 his eyes that he kept flashing at me. Was he hinting?
 I didn't bother myself in such worries any other time -
 but Pete just seemed so...enchanting?  "You remember the
 last time we danced?" He asked with a low chuckle, his
 eyes dancing.  "Too well." I laughed.
"I wasn't sure how the guys would behave - I wasn't
 sure if it was wise to be dancing with you today. But
 everyone seems to be acting well, and I'm so glad. It's
 great to have you back in my arms." He said, his voice
 soft and quiet as he hugged me. I looked up into his
 eyes. Adoration was definitely one of the feelings
 going on in his hard to figure out heart.  His charming
 smile was cast down on me, and the look he gave me was
 one that I was unable to look away from - until I heard
 hoofbeats. I looked to my right to see that Kyle and Gabe
 had finally returned. Kyle had left this morning - about
 six hours ago, claiming that he wanted to pick up wine
 in town. I knew the real reason why he wanted to go -
 and why he stayed gone so long. With his condition, he
 knew that he would never be married. If he loved a girl
 so much as to want to marry her - then he'd surely love
 her enough to set her free and far from him, in case she
 might catch his disease that has plagued him. I knew this
 wedding was hurting him, but he didn't want to ruin the
 best day of his two friend's lives just because he felt he
 wanted pity.  Gabe, feeling sorry for the man that he had
 befriended as much as Pete and Brandon, more like uncles
 to him than anything, wanted to go with him. Seeing the
 state Kyle was liable to get into, I agreed. But what
 have they been doing all this time?  "We got caught up
 in a lot of fuss." Kyle explained, all eyes on him.
"Lot of men where talking about the war ending real
 soon. Not yet, but real soon."  This got us all
 excited. Who could help but wonder what life would be
 like after the war? When we were able to go home - to
 cross the sea with out worry?
*************************************************************
 Months passed. The wedding that had taken place in late
 May was now in the distant past. Bethany and her husband
 Ryan no longer stayed in the mission - the men built
 them a fine, sturdy cabin. It was one room - basically
 nothing more than a bedroom and a closet to store all
 their belongings, but it was enough to make them feel like
 a real married couple - having their own house instead of
 living under some else's still.  The day they came back
 from their honey moon, which took place in town, they had
 a wonderful surprise. We had decorated the near finished
 cabin. All that was really missing was part of the back
 wall - about two feet, and the roof. So, we got a tarp and
 put it over the cabin. They day after they arrived back,
 they were able to stay in their own home.  But that was
 long past new. So many things has happened since then;
 Greg Falk's leaving, amazingly not one of them. Alice
 and Neil were frequent callers - keeping us updated on
 the world that wasn't surrounded by bombings and the
 affects of the war.  She told me all about David - how
 he refused to get married, court any girl, or barely even
 cast a passing glance at one - after all these years, he
 was still hanging on...still hanging on.  Neil had moved
 to Asheville - having Dan Scott and another Doctor take
 over Cutter Gap. It wasn't permanent, but just until I
 could get home and decide what to do. With my permission,
 he moved into my childhood home, taking my mother under
 his watch, instead of sending her to some cold mental
 disablitly home. There was no possible way that Neil
 could have ever understood how much that meant to me.
  Ida, a woman who I have heard so little about and had
  been separated from for so long, had a child. I was
  shocked to find out that the baby - a little girl, was
  nearly a year old.  George stayed at the mission. He
  healed, and got a job here as a medical student, much
  like Ryan had.
 James, still at the mission, was encouraged to stay. He
 couldn't contribute much, but what he did was worth a lot
 - he kept us all in good spirits. I found comfort with him
 - he knew so much about David that I didn't, and I loved
 sitting by the fire and listening about all the tales of
 David, Ida, and him. Most we so funny!  And then Doctor
 Ferrand - he was surely taking the position of a father
 to me - much to my amazement. When I had a problem that
 I couldn't fix, and was too serious to go to any of the
 younger doctors, I ran to him. And he always helped.
*****************************************************************
 One crisp October day, I decided to go for a walk  - to
 clear my head. Marie graciously offered to watch Molly
 and Michael for me, so I wandered off. I hadn't realized
 I had come so far when a man stopped me, a notebook in
 hand, paging through it.
"Excuse me ma'am, are you a nurse around here? Working at
 one of these missions?" He asked, his grey eyes full of
 hope behind his large glasses.  "Um...yes, I am."
"Would you mind a brief interview?"  "Please sir, I don't
have much time to myself   here, I need to just be alone
right now." I said, knowing that being probed to answer
questions was the last thing I needed.
 "Just for a moment? How long have you been here for?"
I sighed. Maybe just a few questions.  "Three weeks after
America came into this war I arrived."  "What mission?"
"Doctor Ferrand's."  "So your from America?"  "Yes."
"Where about?"  "Asheville, North Carolina."  "Nice place,
been there before. Why are you here?"  "Well, you know
why already - I'm a nurse."  "No no - what drove you
to come here?"  "I'm not really sure. I just wanted to
help out."  "Come now - a young lady that could be back
in a big city dancing at balls with a dozen suitors at
her side doesn't just go running off to another continent
to just help out."  "Well, I did."  "Are you married?"
"No."  "How old are you?"  "I just turned twenty five this
past summer."  "Please, open up a bit and tell me the real
reason you are here. For the good of the newspaper. This
will be published for Asheville, if you'd like."  "Sir, I'm
here to help. I'm here to make a difference. That's it."
"Can't be - most people here come to a war to run away from
something. Few are here just to help."  "Well maybe I'm
just one of those few!" I yelled, aggravated. I quickly
walked off, wanting no more questions that pricked at
my heart.  ******************************************
 I walked on, not knowing where I was going. I was in a
 haze, and wasn't watching. When I finally snapped out of
 it, I was scared sensless. I found myself in the beginning
 of a old battlefield! I let out a scream of horror as I
 looked around to see bodies, still quite fresh. Chills ran
 up and down me as I just stared - one body, shrewn over
 a large rock, back down. He had been shot in the chest
 - looked like near his heart. But that didn't bother me
 - it was the look of terror on the young man's face that
 frightened me. And then to see body parts all around me...
 I ran. Ran as fast as my legs would take me. I must have
 walked a good two miles off from the mission, but not once
 did I stop. I made a dash up the stairs once I reached
 the mission, knowing that there was one man that was
 still off duty.  "Brandon!" I panted, running to him. He
 was on his bed, his hands locked behind his forehead as
 he stared at the ceiling. I knelt by his bed, burying my
 face in the sheets next to Brandon, as I sobbed hard.
"Christy, what's gotten into you? What's wrong?" He asked,
stroking my hair.  I looked up at him, trying to calm
down. I did my best to shake the images of the battlefield
out of my mind.  "Why are we here?"  I sobbed.
 "I thought we discussed this before."  I shook my
 head. "You didn't answer. Brandon, we aren't here to
 help - we really are running away from a past that's been
 haunting us, aren't we?"
"Christy, what trouble is that mind of yours stirring up
for your heart this time?"  "I ran into a reporter today -
he asked why we were here."  "Ah, but Christy - you have no
past to be upset about - nothing to run away from. You did
everything honorable for that cove of yours. Too honorable,
if you ask me, but that's because I was one of the men
proposing to you. Look, Doctor Ferrand promised that you'd
get your job back."  "But what if we don't get a chance to
go back?"  "Now Christy, I don't know where you are headed
with this."  "I don't know myself, I'm just so scared."
 Brandon lifted me off the floor and into his arms,
 wrapping me with security. He made me feel better, made
 me forget about my sorrows. It felt so good to be in
 his arms!  After my crying stopped, however, I realized,
 much to my embarrassment, what I had caught Brandon
 wearing - nothing but his winter underwear. I jumped up
 and reddened quickly.
"Why didn't you tell me you weren't dressed?"  "Lord - you
got a problem every minute, don't you? Sure are moody. I
didn't tell you because you came to me in tears. It was
no time to run you out of my room. Can you quick get me
my watch? It's on the beaura across the room." I went to
get it, and while I did, he jumped up and put his white
pants on. I turned around with his watch.  "It's twelve
thirty." I said.  "What?" He exclaimed, his voice muffled
from his head being stuck in his shirt.  "I'm late!" He
yelled. He grabbed the watch and ran down the steps and
out of the house, leaving me alone. He had helped in any
way he could - but it wasn't enough to make me cured - I
went to my room and sobbed it out once again.
 ****************************************************** A
 few weeks passed. November came, much to my disbelief. Had
 I been here that long to be looking at another
 Thanksgiving here? This was my second one.  Life back
 home seemed so far - like   it's been decades since I
 left, instead of a year and a half.  One day, doctor
 Ferrand yelled from the porch of the mission for every
 one to drop what they were doing and rush to him. Bethany,
 Sarah, and I were especially grateful - we had been doing
 the dreaded wash  - our turn today. Eagerly, we literally
 dropped it and ran.  Doctor Ferrand looked like he was
 glowing with happiness. What had happened?  Once we were
 all gathered around, he made his announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am more than overjoyed to tell you
this - the war has ended today."  ************* We lived
in shock for a few days after this. The war was finally
over? Doctor Ferrand said that by the end of the week,
we'd be on the ship home. But I dreaded it in a way. The
fear in my dreams had no come up yet - was the war really
over, or just playing a trick on us? Or was it that my
dreams really did mean nothing?
 "Christy, may I talk to you, privately?" Doctor Ferrand
asked. I nodded, then we went to our bunkhouse to talk,
where Molly and Michael were sleeping.  "We will all be
split up soon, and I wanted to ask you something." He said,
his words were slow, as if he wasnt sure how to say this.
 "I was wondering - maybe you could come live with
us in Pennsylvania for a while - until I got enough
money to get Cutter Gap up and running. There's a
beautiful cottage next door for sale, and your mother
could come. So could the children."  "That's really
wonderful of you, but I'm not sure. I did want you to
know something though. I've decided that I will change
my name to yours - in a few years. I would like to go
back home, straighten things out, get Cutter Gap going
again, and then become one of your family. About two years
at the most."  "And your changing promise?"  "Maybe I'm
starting to understand what Neil's been saying. I'll stay
them same person though, just my last name will change."
"That's better news to my ears then the war ending itself."
************************************************
 My dreams - night and day - were filled with hope and
 joy - and centered on one man - Neil MacNeill. I was
 surrounded by doctors - but Neil was the one I wanted
 - and it soon came to me that I wanted him for life. I
 couldn't bare separating from him after I would be soon
 reunited with him again.  I smiled. I did love Neil -
 truly and fully loved him. And I knew he loved me as
 well. How could I have refused a proposal from him? My
 true love!  I knew now what I wanted, and needed to do -
 go home and marry the man that's been waiting for me to
 come to my senses. Finally, I have.  But there was still
 conflicts to work out - if Neil and I got married, and
 moved to Cutter Gap, like I had planned before, what would
 happen to my mother? Where would she go? Not a home, not
 a chance. Maybe my brother - I had learned of his resent
 engagement to a woman from Maine - Lynda Wheeler. Would
 he take her? Either way, I took her or George - I'd be
 married to my love - we'd find a way.  As for changing -
 who's changing? You need more than a new name to change a
 person on the inside.  I laughed lightly - my name? Well,
 from all the promises I've made, it would be Christy Rudd
 Huddleston Ferrand MacNeill! Strange to some - glorious
 to me.  I wrote down all these feelings and thoughts in
 my diary. I stared at it proudly - my diary - filled with
 my past...and my future.
************************************** Since we came here,
 a precious few letters got through from the states to the
 mission. All held up by the engaged war. But now that the
 war had ended, we sent Pete to town to see if we recieved
 any mail. We were ecstatic over the thought of three,
 maybe four letters. We were in disbelief when we saw what
 Pete came back with - a huge sack full!  We all gathered
 in the parlor, then Pete dumped out all the mail on the
 floor in the center. We all rushed to grab what was ours,
 then returned to our seats, glowing over our treasures. I
 found a few from father  - written before his stroke,
 and a few from mother, written before her heart attack.
  Ruby Mae had written me near two dozen - Miss Alice about
ten. Neil even wrote a few before coming.  How glorious! We
planned to open them up later when we could be alone -
everyone but Pete, who grabbed his five  and went back
to the chair. He opened them, and read the first one from
his mother. After reading it, he held it up and showed us.
"Ma sends her love y'all." The city boy said, putting on a
strong southern accent. Every one laughed at him joyously.
 He opened the next two - one from his younger sister and
 the other from his little brother. Each we so cute - a
 crayon drawn picture from his little brother included. It
 was a portrait of Pete - and we all laughed at this too.
 The next was one from a girl.  "Theresa Williams said
 she's praying for us." Pete announced.
"She called you honey!" Ryan exclaimed, craning his neck
to look.  "Theresa? I remember her - she was my good
friend. I was very ebnvious of her beautiful wavy hair
- until I found out that she was dating you." Nancy said
with a smirk. "Then I pitied her!"
 " Yes, she was my girlfriend years back. Now Christy,
don't go getting jealous!" He said, chuckling at me.
"Why in heaven would I be jealous?" I asked, my arms
crossed loosely.
 But laughter just filled the room from everyone.
 He opened the next letter. He held it up, but no poking
 fun was made out of this letter. Who would laugh at a
 doctor crying?
I squinted to look - it was from his father, closely
 estranged. Pete always had a bad relationship with his
 father - sometimes it was even abusive - both physically
 and verbally, from what he told me. Pete's father
 basically ignored him, except when he opened up to say
 that his son was worthless and would always fail. Said
 he was ashamed to have a son like that. I bet Neil didn't
 know that side to his friend!  So naturally, when I seen
 that the letter was from Pete's dad, I figured that the
 tears were caused by more critism. Not so. For once,
 his dad was not mean. He seemed to change, to wake up to
 reality. He wrote that he saw what Pete had risked - his
 life, to help serve the country. He realized that Pete
 was honorable, and that he was really, genuinely proud
 of his son.
******************************** The week was filled
 with nothing more than packing. The patients we had
 were healed and ready to leave, so that's what they did,
 all the patients except Greg! But I said nothing about
 this. I knew Gabe w as hurting right now, thinking about
 his first mother, and what probably became of her. So
 Greg, no matter what he did or said, served his purpose
 - he got his friend's mind off of his troubles. Almost
 off his mind, any way.  "I didn't know we had so much
 here until we tried to pack it all!" I exclaimed to Pete,
 passing by with a large crate with our dishes inside.
"You're telling me! Where is that son of yours? Gabe would
be a big help right now."  "You know what, I'm not sure. I
haven't seen him since right after breakfast when he told
Greg that he needed to be alone and left for a walk. I
heard that he came back - I bet he's in the bunkhouse. I'll
go check."
 I went to the bunkhouse, opening the already ajar door
 farther, and silently stepped inside, walking up to Gabe,
 who was carving the far wall with his knife from his
 deceased father.  I put my hand gently on his tightened
 shoulder as I looked at his work - he had carved all
 our names on the wall - Christy Huddleston: Gabrielle,
 Michael, Molly. He was now finishing the a€˜y' in Molly.
"I thought it would be nice to do this - kind of like
a memorial of all of us here. When people happen across
here - they'll see who lived here. I did it in Mr. And
Mrs. Corbi's cabin too. Next is the mission." He said, his
voice far away. I smiled sadly, feeling his pain.  "That's
really nice of you. I'm sure everyone will appreciate it."
 Then I left him to his work and found Pete."  "Peter." I
said, calling him the name I always did when I was really
serious. This caught his attention. He put the crate down
and came to me.  "Yeah, Christy?"  "Since the war has been
over for about four or five days now - do you think the
mothers that survived...think they'd be coming back for
their children?"  "I don't know, Christy. Are you wondering
what to do with the children you have?"  "No - I don't want
to give them away, if that's what you are referring to,
but....Gabe know what happened. He remembers his mother
and misses her. I can completely understand with my own
situation. I wish I could do something."  "Christy - stop
pretending. You know as well as I do that there isn't much
hope for any of them to be coming back. Many were killed,
undoubtedly, by one way or another."
 I nodded, knowing he was right. The chances of those
women coming back were very slim.  **********
 "I need everyone to get into the mission - now!" Doctor
Ferrand yelled out to us. We all scrambled to the big
house to see what was wrong.  "We are leaving on a ship
on Thursday. I was just informed though, that another
mission has been booked on that same small boat.  A few
people, children mostly since they take the most room and
needs, should stay behind on this trip.  We need to take
this boat - the next good sized one could take as long as
two months to be offered to us." He said.

 Now hear me - there will be a chance for you to save some
  of those young 'uns. Not all, but at least yours. I
  strongly advise you take advantage of that. Please,
  I beg of you for your sake that you heed my words."
  The words of the gypsy came back to me. Was this what
  she was talking about? An opportunity to get my children
  away from the danger - the danger of going home?
 But how would I stay behind when I jsut received a phone
 call last night, Neil saying that my mother's health was
 up and down - nothing was sure. I needed to be there
 with her - especially now while she was back in the
 hospital. How could I stay, wait another two months?
 If I were to leave the children here, I'd still have to
 go. But how could I let them stay here? Should I risk
 my mother dying, or risk the health of my children?
 Finally, a thought struck me - why not let Gabe watch
 them? He wanted more than anything to stay alittle longer
 to see if his mother would come back. And Bethany and I
 had made a friend in town - a Miss Katherine Mayfield. I
 was positive she'd help me. With feelings boiling over,
 I stuck a trembling hand into the air.  "My children will
 stay." I said with a shaky, weak voice.
"But you-" Doctor Ferrand started.  "I'll go on. Miss
Mayfield and Gabe will stay behind and watch the two
young ones."  "Are you sure, child?" The words flung me
back in time, years ago when I had volunteered for the
Cutter Gap mission in my church. Hadn't Doctor Ferrand
said the same thing then? But I was no longer a child - a
grown woman of twenty five. But in his eyes - was I still
a child. Yes, more now then ever.
 I nodded. I was sure. I had to take heed of the
words, take the side of precaution. 'Just in case'
were the words that echoed in my mind. Just in case.
********************************************************
 But saying that was so much easier that actually
doing so. When the day came, it was more difficult
to leave my children then I could have ever possiblly
thought. Katherine Mayfield came a half hour before we
were to leave. I rushed over everything I needed her
to do, then while everyone hopped onto the three wagons
that were borrowed from the town, I kissed my children,
said them farewells, and then wished Gabe luck in the
return of his mother. Then, I let them go, and walked
out. Molly had learned her first word just yesterday -
momma. I had been so joyous to hear it yesterday. Now
it pained me to no end to hear it echo in my ears.
******************************************************************
But saying that was so much easier that actually
doing so. When the day came, it was more difficult
to leave my children then I could have ever possiblly
thought. Katherine Mayfield came a half hour before we
were to leave. I rushed over everything I needed her
to do, then while everyone hopped onto the three wagons
that were borrowed from the town, I kissed my children,
said them farewells, and then wished Gabe luck in the
return of his mother. Then, I let them go, and walked
out. Molly had learned her first word just yesterday -
momma. I had been so joyous to hear it yesterday. Now
it pained me to no end to hear it echo in my ears.
******************************************************************
 The ship was beautiful - and fancy! Most everyone had a
 wonderful time, though I couldn't help a sinking feeling
 for my children.  Day sunk into night, night into day, and
 day into night once more. The children, asleep in bed,
 weren't aware of anything around them. The sweet babies
 were rocking comfortingly to sleep by the waves. There
 was a storm brewing, that was easy enough to see. But with
 the waves getting strong, the more the rocking soothed the
 children. The nurses and doctors were having a grand time,
 ignoring the approaching rain as they danced on board. I
 however, was not among them. I clung to the raining,
 leaning over, feeling terrible. No, I wasn't seasick - I
 did quite well on the ocean, actually. This was different
 - this was a scared feeling that I felt from my head
 down to my feet. I was stiff, and couldn't move. Was
 this the fear from my dreams coming onto me? Surely not
 - of course not.  I felt a pair of arms slip around my
 waist. Pete was behind me, his face next to mine as he
 swayed his body with the rhythm of the music playing in
 the backround, making me join him. I looked at him with
 a soft smile.  "Not now Pete."
"Aw, come on Christy, I ain't that drunk - you can dance
 with me."  I almost laughed at him and his slur. He was
 drunk - very much so - just like the rest of them.
"We're in the middle of the ocean - a beautiful night -
dance with me, Christy."  "Beautiful night? We're about
to be poured on!"  "Don't be so grouchy - come on, girl."
 I sighed, wanting to do what he wanted. Wanting to dance
in his arms. But I couldn't. I just couldn't.  I turned
in his arms and looked up into his big, beautiful blue
eyes. There I found something almost startling, I found
adoration. I found love.  "Pete...Pete you must understand
my feelings for you. I love Neil. I want to marry him. In
fact, I'm going to - as soon as we get home. He's the
man that I need, the man that I want for life. But you
Pete, are wonderful too. I feel blessed that I am your
friend. And I'm not sure if this will help or make it
worse, but if   I never knew Neil, but I did you, I'd
marry you, because I love you - have really deep feelings
for you. Just not as deep as I have for Neil. Please
understand that, Pete. I wouldn't want to hurt you for all
the world. I feel terrible to have to tell you this. But
I must - and I am sorry for it."
 At first, hurt shadowed his gorgeous eyes. He quickly
looked away as tears welled up. He took a deep breath, then
held me closer to him, as if he was gathering strength.
Finally, he was able to look back down at me.  "I love
you, Christy Huddleston. If that man will truly make you
happy...then I'll try and let you go, for your sake."
I smiled, appreciating his actions.  "Thank you, Pete. You
are a truly wonderful man. And I know that Nancy and Sarah
has taken a liking to you."  "Them? Nah, I doubt it."
"Don't cut yourself short."  "But Sarah - she has so many
angelic features - my wild behavior would hurt that of
her. And Nancy, she's wonderful, but not for me. Too many
differences, too much pain between us."
 I patted his arm. "You'll find the one someday,
Pete. Don't you fret."  "But she'll never be you."
 Those words echoed in my mind through the night. I
 remembered what seemed way more than five years ago when
 Neil had said the same thing when I tried to get him to
 accept Margaret living at his home, right after I tried
 Miss Alice and David.  "I'll try, but she'll never be
 you." He had said to me. Oh, the look in his eyes when
 he spoke that! How could I have ignored him so long? But
 soon, yes soon, we'd be together, for good.
**************** As it turned out, the looming clouds
   did not break, but stayed over us. So, the next
   morning I awoke to not only fog rising from the
   ocean, but overcast as well, not letting much sun come
   through. But, I didn't mind. Today was just another
   day closer to getting home - sun or not. It was till a
   beautiful Friday morning to me. I searched around my
   room to write this in my diary, but it was no where
   to be found. In all the haste back at the mission, I
   realized that I must have forgotten to pack it. But
   that would be okay. Gabe, I was sure, had found it and
   would bring it home with him.
 "Looks like the storm will break soon - the waves are
getting high." Pete said as a greeting the next morning as
I shut the door to my room. I smiled lightly at him.  "Good
morning to you too, Pete."  He grinned sheepishly. "Guess
I ain't sure on how to approach you any more."  "Nothing
changed, Pete."  "That's where you're wrong - everything
has changed, at least for me, and I'd hope for you, though,
of course, you don't change, do you? Through all the hectic
times, while everyone ran around like chickens with their
heads cut off, you were the one standing in the middle,
still and calm, like nothing was affecting you, like...like
it just bounced off." Pete shrugged. "Guess my feelings
for you did the same."  "Pete, please don't be hurt."
"Christy, I promise I wont say one more word about us, and
I'll act civilized, but I'll forever be hurt."  And with
that, he left.  ********************
 Later that day, I ended up sitting out on the deck with
 a woman from another mission, named Katherine. She was
 a wonderful woman, with auburn hair and shining soft
 brown eyes.  "The hardest thing being here for me," She
 said in the mist of our conversation about difficulties
 in living in London, "is getting up so early. I was late
 so much of the time! It was a good thing they needed more
 nurses - or else I would have been sent home!"
"For us, it was impossible to be late - we all lived with
each other. When one nurse rose and said it was time to get
up, she woke all the rest of the nurses and doctors. That
was usually Marie - she was good at getting up."  "Oh, we
lived in three different boarding houses, and everyone had
individual rooms. We were hardly a family. Maybe our stay
would have been more sane if we'd have done it your way."
"Maybe, but our bonds....well, perhaps they went too far. I
find that it's hard leaving everyone."  "You're thinking
about that man with strawberry blonde hair?"
 I nodded. "Yes, Pete. He wants me to marry him - to
 become a real family. But I already know who I want to
 marry, and will, as soon as I get to Asheville. Maybe the
 very day. No fancy wedding, that don't mean anything to
 me anymore, not at twenty five. Now all I want is him."
 "That's real sweet, as long as he don't hear that."
"Well, as much as I'll miss him, my boys Michael and Gabe
will miss him more."  "Oh, are those your adopted children
that you were talking about?"  "Yes. They were so attached
to Pete, Brandon and Kyle. Loved them. And dear Molly -
though when Neil was here and she came close to claiming
him as her father, when he left, she was with Brandon
constantly. She loved the way he rocked her in his arms
as he hummed softly to her. I often loved watching gentle
Brandon pace slowly back and forth in the parlor and dining
room with her. I know he really loves her, though he tries
to keep it to himself. But his eyes can't lie."
 "No, eyes are the one thing that rarely ever can lie."
"Hey Christy, did you see Bink anywhere?" Ryan asked,
coming up behind me and placing his hand on my shoulder. I
looked at him confused.  "Who...or what is Bink?"
 He laughed. "Bethany - that's her nickname. I call
her Bink."  "How'd that happen?"  "Call it evolution."
Still not understanding, I decided to answer him so he
could be on his way.  "Last time I saw her, she was in her
room - she's feeling awfully seasick. Sure looks greener
than all of us put together ."  "Thanks Christy." He
said, then left. I turned to Katherine again.  "He is
a proof about how close we are to each other - he met
Bethany, a very dear friend of mine, at the mission, and
married her. Can't wait til they get back home and really
settle down."
 Just then, a loud wave licked the side of the boat,
startling me. I let out a short scream. Brandon came
running to me.  "What's wrong?" He asked, full of concern.
I blushed. "Nothing, I just, wasn't expecting that wave."
Brandon laughed. "It ain't gonna hurt you, Christy."
 He bent down and hugged me tight. "And if it tries, I'll
be right here to protect you."  I laughed. "Brandon, get
back. I was jsut startled, I'm not scared."  "You sure?" He
said, eyes twinkling, enjoying the moment a bit too much.
"Have you ever known me to be scared?"  "Well, I do recall
on time when you-" "Brandon!" I exclaimed, knowing full
well what he was to say. I still blushed at the memory
of catching him with only underwear on, and he could
tell. Because of that, he backed off, kissed my forehead,
and then left.
 ******************************************** It was night
 time. Everyone from our mission was gathered onto the
 deck, the children fast asleep. Brandon's arm was around
 my shoulders as we all reminisced, knowing that since we
 were in the middle of the ocean now, it wouldn't be too
 long till we separated - possibly forever.  I spotted Kyle
 staring at Brandon and I. His _expression was of sorrow. I
 grew uncomfortable, but was glad when the conversation
 got intimate enough for it to be really interesting and
 made me forget about Kyle's stare. But he wasn't the only
 thing bothering me. Something else was.
"That I agree on." I heard Brandon say to Doctor Ferrand,
 disrupting my thoughts.  Then he bent his head down until
 his mouth was next to my ear.
"You sure are quiet tonight, everything alright?" He
 whispered, his soft warm breath tickling my ear. I looked
 up into his eyes and nodded.  "Something has me a bit
 shook up, that's all. Probably from leaving my children
 behind - I'm not used to not having Molly on my hip all
 the time, and Mikey attached to my leg. I miss them, I
 really do."
"You'll be fine. It's only for a short while."  A part
of my believed him, or at least wanted to. But strange
enough, the other part didn't.
 Suddenly, a large wave hit the side of the boat, making
 us all slide forcefully to the other side. Now, I was
 scared. I grabbed at Brandon. He picked me up and set
 me in his lap, but he didn't pay any mind to me. He was
 looking worriedly into the faces of the other men as a
 loud noise came from the bottom floor.  Then I realized
 it. I wasn't scared - I had fear rising in me. The same
 fear from my dreams, the same fear that the gypsy talked
 about. Could it be....?  Then the men rushed out of
 their seats to go see what was happening. Brandon stood
 up as well, nearly forgetting I was on him. If I hadn't
 been holding on to him, I'd of slipped off. He took my
 hands off and rushed to the door leading down to the base
 floor, my hand wrapped tightly in his. He said nothing,
 no one did. Everyone just stared, frightened, hoping, no,
 praying everything was okay. But when the men, panicking,
 came running back up the steps, we knew our prayers were
 not answered.
"Large hole on side" I got Pete, out of breath, saying
 at the same time as Kyle, coughing hard, explained what
 he saw, along with Harry's account.  "Huge dent...broke
 through....huge gash....sink....no lifeboats...." I
 caught little bits of their frantic voices. Brandon's
 arms were now around me, as if he alone could protect me
 by doing so. I was barely able to keep up - the sound of
 my own heart too loud to be ignored. The fear...the same
 fear. It kept running through my mind, running into my
 veins and affecting every part of my body. I felt like
 I couldn't move anything. That all changed when the
 next wave hit, and most of us fell onto the deck from
 it's intense force. A man that I learned his name to be
 Eric, from the other mission, looked over board to see
 the water rising quickly, already lapping the deck. Many
 of those men ran, and much to my horror, jumped over the
 railing and off the boat, yelling that everyone needed to
 get off, least they be sucked down with the boat when it
 sunk. Sunk? Our boat? The boat that we had faith would
 bring us home? It was going to sink?  Most of the women
 ran back to get their children. Brandon passed me to Pete
 while he helped with the children. I was paralyzed with
 the flowing fear, useless now. So, the old gypsy was right
 - there was danger, terrible danger. I thought about my
 children back in London. They were safe - thanks to the
 old woman that had once scared me to unconsciousness.
 Though Pete's arms were strong, they were forced to let go
 at the next impact of a wave. I went sliding across the
 deck, my side wounded. As I laid, I seen people scurry,
 jumping off the boat as well .Brandon ran to me and helped
 me up. I shook my head when he told me to jump.
"Go Christy, it's the only way."  But I shook my head no
again. So, he grabbed me, picked me up into his arms,
walked unsteadily to the railing, and threw me in! I
was soon plunged into the icy cold water. Then, as I
was lashed back, farther and farther from the boat by
the waves, Brandon jumped. I seen just one man left on
board - Pete. Pete hung to the railings, refusing to let
go. I screamed to him, put when I did, water flowed into
my mouth, filling part of my lungs. I coughed, making
me weaker. I knew that I couldn't yell again, so I held
my breath.  Pete, Pete please jump! It really is the
only way. You'll be sucked down by the sinking of the
boat if you don't!  You have a chance here. Jump!" My
mind shouted, hoping that this would will him off. But it
didn't. Finally, after several long, excruciating moments,
he placed his feet on the highest bar on the railing,
pushed hard, and leapt into the water.
 Fear engulfed me, but I knew better than to let it take
 control of my body. If I did that, I would surely sink.
 I kept my head above the water, trying to make sense
 of what was happening; how I got to be here. What were
 the men saying, and what happened to the boat? The men's
 voices all ran together...I had no sense in what was going
 on, only that right before my eyes, that boat that we were
 thinking would lead us to America just sunk to the muddy
 pits of the ocean. I was terrified before, but now? What
 would become of us - out here with nothing to keep us
 above water but our sheer willpower, and how long we could
 keep struggling against the hard waves. Then I remembered
 something from long ago. I had only been to the beach once
 - when I was about seven with my cousin Emily. We went out
 to the ocean, and a storm was appraoching making the waves
 all that much stronger. We thought it fun, so we did our
 best to play a game of a€˜dodge the waves'. We would see
 a big wave coming, then hold our breath and dive as far
 down as we could to get under the wave and away from it's
 force. Of course, there was a risk to this - not being
 able to hold my breath long enough to wait for the waves
 to pass and the force to go away. But, as people started
 to disappear, I thought that this was a better strategy
 than nothing. So that's what I did - dive under the
 waves. But sadly, each time I came up, less people would
 be there. I wasn't sure what was worse - struggling for
 your life, or having to hear, even under the water, the
 shrill screams of women and cries of babies, men shouting
 and cursing, and loved ones calling for their husbands
 and wives.  All this mixed together, creating more pain
 for me.  Soon there was barely anyone left. I lost sight
 of my brother, my wonderful brother. Jesse Jenkins and
 James Healy,were impossible to find .  I seen nothing of
 Harry, nor of Lynn and Casey. Oh, what was happening to
 my beloved family?  I spotted James. Oh, poor James! He
 struggled to swim with his one leg. I looked at him with
 sorrow, knowing that it wouldn't be long until would have
 to give up.  After just minutes, that seemed like hours,
 I could no longer see more than five people, all that
 I knew. I started to cry, sob, weep, my flowing tears
 mingling with the rain drops that now fell.  I spotted
 Brandon. He stared at me with those blueberry colored
 eyes. A pained _expression filled them, one of sorrow
 as well. I saw him reach out for me, even though he must
 have been thirty feet away. His hand extended, his eyes
 pleading for me to help him. But even though I began to
 swim to him, he went down before I could ever get farther
 than three strokes. He left me with a terrified look in
 his eyes, silently dying.  Pete and Doctor Ferrand were
 all that was left with me. Pete started a frantic swim
 to me, trying any method to get closer to me, to try and
 protect me like there was something he could do. I knew
 that was his nature, just like when he went to that other
 mission. He knew he needed to help, and he was willing to
 do what ever it took. Now I was swimming to me, making a
 desperate attempt. I started towards him, but another wave
 came. His eyes opened wide in fear, the same fear I've
 felt in my heart all this time, and then shouted to me.
"Christy!"  But before he could even finish it, he went
under. Because I was so taken aback from what I had
just witnessed, my body felt like so much of a shock was
shutting it down. I couldn't move my limbs, and was plunged
under water. I had no way of fighting the blackness that
was coming over me. But finally, the stunning cold of the
water snapped me back to my senses, and I was able to get
back to the surface, but not before seeing Pete under the
water, fighting with the force of a wave that he was bound
to lose. Bound to lose his life.
 The air burned my puffy red eyes that had just been
exposed to the salty water.  Though my vision was blurred
a bit for a few moments, I seen the look that Doctor
Ferrand, the only one left in my sight, gave me. This man
was always one that was in control, always calm. This eyes
were usually joyious, making him my strong point. He always
knew what was going on and how to over come it. He never
got worried. But now his eyes were filled with fright - a
terrified, knowing fright that comes when you know your
destined fate that's about to act any second.  "I'm so
sorry, Christy!" He shouted to me with a sob. At first, I
had no idea why he said that. Then I knew - he was giving
up. He stopped fighting the waves. Stopped beating at them
furiously. He stood still when the next wave came, letting
it pull him down.  "Nooooooooooo!" I screamed. This was
the biggest mistake of my life, however. It was on impulse
that I did it, but never the less. The exaggerated word
let out all my air from my body, so when the next wave
came, extra strong, and it forced me down, I had nothing
left. I was pulled under the wave, right under the wave. I
felt my lungs suffering, yearning for precious air that
I had always taken for granted that was only about two
feet away, teasing me.. All I wanted was some air to end
the horrible pain in my chest! I needed it, was striving
to get it. I refused to retreat to fate. I kicked my legs
hard against it all, but nothing came of my hard work. The
foam rushed above me. I grabbed helplessly for it. Oh, why
was there no help? Why was I doomed to die? Just when I
discovered my deep love for Neil, and I would be reunited
for good with my friends and students. Just when I was to
have a complete family? Why did this have to happen? Why!
 I felt lightheaded and my lungs near to burst. The
water calmed. I opened my eyes and saw through the now
near stilling water that the clouds were quickly moving
away. I could slowly see the full moon, the sky filled with
bright stars. The last harsh wave had passed. I slowly
stuck my hand up, taking all my might to move. I tried
kicking my legs, but with the lack of oxygen they refused
to. I grasped one last time for something as I felt myself
sinking lower and lower into the watery grave, helpless
of saving myself. Then, everything became black, and I
was conscious of what was going on around me no more.
******************************************* "Gabey, are
you cryin?" Mikey asked his big brother that sat beside him
in the automobile with Molly on his lap. Gabe looked down
at his brother through a blur of tears, but didn't answer.
"Is it because of Momma?" He persuaded.
 Gabe nodded. "Yeah, it's because of Momma."  "You miss
her?"  "Yeah, I do."  "I miss her too, Gabey." The innocent
three year old said, then wrapped his chubby arms around
his brother as best as he could.
 A few minutes passed in complete silence. The Mikey voiced
another question.  "Gabey, is Momma in heaven?"
 The man driving could bare no more. He feared with
the such blurred questions that the innocent little boy
asked, could affect his driving in the rough terrain. So
because of this, Neil pulled over, then looked over his
shoulder at the teenager struggling to answer his brother
with integrity.  "I know she is. Momma was too good of a
woman to not be there."
 Neil had to silently agree to that.  "You sure
though? Like, when I die, she'll for sure and certain be
there?"  "She'll be there waiting, Mikey. Don't you worry."
Neil flashed a look to the woman in the passenger seat.
Julia wasn't even fazed by the conversation. He wasn't
even sure if she could hear it. Ever since she was told
of her daughter's death, she had cut off all ties with
the world - she never talked, never showed emotion. She
wasn't all with it before that from the heart attack, but
she did good, and communicated great. But now...
 Suddenly Neil did know that she could hear, and understand
 them. That she wasn't cut off from the world. A single
 tear made it's way slowly down her cheek before she found
 it and quickly wiped it away.  a€˜So she's just doing her
 best to keep strong from the massive blows of lately.'
 Neil thought, starting back up the automobile.  He only
 went a few miles until he stopped again, but this time
 in front of the mission. In a few moments, Miss Alice,
 eyes red and puffy, slid into the back of the automobile,
 putting Mikey on her lap. After Neil seen that she was
 ready, he started up to Charter Oak.  It was a bumpy
 ride, but mercifully short. While Gabe started up the
 hill with Molly on his hip and Michael's hand in his,
 Neil kept his arm securely around Julia's shoulders,
 her legs wobbly.  Miss Alice lingered behind. How many
 funerals could she bare? She had already been to her
 husband's two days before.  Instead of being buried
 alongside the Evans and O'teal graves, the grave was
 located at the top of the hill, where you could spot
 the majestic waterfalls and hear the rushing waters.
 Once Neil reached there, he saw that the whole cove had
 already arrived. Then he spotted David at the head of
 the coffin, his head bowed like he was reading the open
 bible in his hands. But Neil knew better than to believe
 that disguise. He walked up to him, leaving Julia to
 stand beside Alice and the children a few feet away.
 "Sorry I'm late. You'd think I'd know better than to try
 and attempt driving an automobile in these parts." Neil
 said casually.  But David was not casual. He looked up
 into Neil's eyes, is own watering, ready to spill over.
 "I don't think I can do think, Neil." David whispered,
 too hurt to be formal. Besides, why be rivalries now?
 "I can't  preform a funeral for the woman that I still
 love. That I will always love! I'll break down, I know
 I will."  "David, if you do break down....I don't know
 much about this religion yet - despite I've been Christian
 for a year now....and the only reason I really believe
 in heaven is so I can at least hope that Christy is
 still with us...and happy, getting the reward that she
 so deserves. But if you do break down, I'll take over for
 you - I promise. But I know you wont - after all, you've
 been thinking of this ever since you got the phone call
 of her death."
David shook his head. " No, all I've been able to think
about, all that has been haunting my dreams, is what
pain she must have felt before dying. She drowned
Neil! She drowned! That isn't a quick process! She
suffered...suffered terribly. And for what? To just die and
end up here - in a coffin about to go in the ground!" Tears
were now running down his cheeks unchecked. He was too
caught up to go on. Neil patted his back. He was choked
up as well. He nodded, then went back to Julia. She clung
to his arm, and miss Alice held his other hand. Gabe
held tight to Molly and Michael as well. David cleared
his throat and began.  "Ladies and gentlemen, we are
here today to put a wonderful woman to rest. This woman,
Christy Huddleston, was more appreciated then she, or any
of us could ever comprehend. We all owe her so much. She
died...she died because she was doing what she was best
at - helping other people. Her heart was kind - she cared
not for herself, but for everyone else. I know that I, as
well as Doctor MacNeill and her parents begged her not
to go for her safety. But she knew what she had to do
- what God was calling her to do. All she knew was that
she wanted to help. That's why we all love her. Because
she wanted to help, she came here and changed our lives
forever. We all fell in love with her, whether as a friend,
a teacher, or for a certain two men, for a companion of
life." David stopped, trying to catch his breath from the
sobs that were making their way up. Julia was clinging to
Neil's neck, sobbing into him loudly. Miss Alice's face
was hidden by his shoulder, trying to hide her river of
tears. Gabe had tears coming down as well, but Michael
didn't. He knew were his mother was - so why cry if she's
in the greatest place God ever made? Molly didn't see it
that way though. She kept screaming out "Momma!" over and
over again. Neil looked at her sympathetically. How hard
this must be for her - a little 9 month old, not capable
of understanding what had happened, and that her mother
would never be with her in body again.  David began again.
"She deserves so much more of a tribute than I shall
ever be able to deliver. At least we can be sure that
she is having her reward right as we speak - in heaven
with God." A few silent moments passed. Everyone waited
patiently, knowing what pain their preacher was feeling.
"Let us read from His book." A few passages were spoken,
then David closed his bible. He bowed his head, encouraging
everyone else to join in silent prayer. Then he nodded
to a group of cove men. They stepped out of the crowds
and knelt beside the coffin, each putting a flower on the
lovely coffin that held such a precious person. All the
children threw their flowers on it, then the men carefully
lowered the casket. Julia let out yell, then burst out in
louder wails as she watched this. Neil could do nothing
for this aching woman but hold her tighter.
  People slowly turned and left while the men shoveled
 dirt onto the coffin that was quickly disappearing. Neil
 watched the _expression on the men's faces. Jeb was
 openly crying - silent tears falling quick.  Bob Allen
 frowned as two tears fell on each cheek. Kyle Coburn wept
 bitterly. But Bird's Eye tried his hardest to keep up
 his reputation. Still, Neil could see tears welling up in
 the man's eyes as he cursed under his breath.  When they
 finished, they bowed lightly, then walked away. Gabe
 nodded, then led the children to the automobile down
 the hill, Alice with Julia right behind them.  David
 glanced over at Neil, sending him sympathy, then l eft
 as well. But Neil stayed. He stood staring at the fancy
 headstone that should not have belonged to the woman that
 was to be his wife. Why'd she have to die? A young woman
 of twenty-five that barely started her life, despite all
 the wonders that she did.  Finally, Neil walked up to the
 headstone, then fell to his knees. Now allowing his own
 tears to flow, he stared at the words on the head stone
 through the blur.  Christy Huddleston - MacNeill

            1892 - 1918

    Through sadness and sea Winds and Worries
    Hurting and Hardships, She never changed

 "Christy, how can I tell you how much I already miss
 you?" Neil whispered, his mouth close to the cold stone. "
 How I am to live without you for the rest of my life...I
 can't fathom. I feel so torn - it's only been a week,
 Lass, and I feel like I can't bare this. I don't know
 how to get through this loss.  Questions fog up my mind
 and give me no peace. Scattered words, empty thoughts,
 and unfulfilled promised seem to pour from my heart, but
 do no good. How can I let you go, Lass? How can I let
 go the most important thing in my life? Without you,
 I can't breath! How am I to live? Christy, I can't do
 this by myself. Let me know you are still here with me
 in some way. Work through me, girl. I need you now more
 than ever. Help me do what I need to do. Help me fulfill
 your dreams."  Sobs overcame the poor man, and could
 not speak. But finally, he found his voice again. "At
 least you are with your father now. And Doctor Ferrand,
 and all your friends. Don't worry about your children,
 Christy, I promise to take care of them. I'll guard them
 with my life and do everything I can for them. You will
 not be forgotten, I promise you that." He ran his fingers
 through his hair. How he was suffering inside. "We were
 so close...so close to what we've been dreaming of. In
 my mind, we are one. I'll do my best to lean on that."
 Neil heard David's gently calling for him. He kissed the
 top of the headstone, then got up an slowly made his way
 to everyone waiting for him.
************************************************* Once at
 the mission, Neil went to the kitchen with everything. He
 hoped food would temporarily get Molly's mind off of her
 mother. While everyone did that, David snuck upstairs to
 his beloved's old room. The door creaked  as he slowly
 opened it. Peeking in first, he walked carefully in. How
 deserted it seemed in here, yet everything was as Christy
 left it the day she was forced out. A few things were
 left behind. He opened the closet to reveal some of
 the most used dresses that he was so familiar with. He
 crossed the room, touching the end of the bed as he did,
 reliving memories.  He went to the desk and opened a few
 drawers. Sure enough, he saw that teacher left stacks of
 clean paper and fountain pens in them for her students.
 Then he went to the other side of the room. He looked
 at the  bottles of perfume and powders on her dresser,
 picking a few up to admire them.
"I miss her too." David heard Neil's voice fill
 the room. He spun around to see the doctor leaning
 against the door jam. "Molly is doing fine for at
 least now. Applesauce and goat milk always did work
 wonders! Anyway, I thought we xcould talk to each other,
 maybe it would help figure things out."  David agreed,
 and they went to sit on the balcony, not once feeling
 the bitter cold.
They sat side by side on two rocking chairs, completely
silent until David broke it.  "So, what are you going
to do, stay here with Julia or go back to Asheville?"
"I'm staying here. I took in Miss Alice as well as the
children. Alice and I both agreed to work together
in fulfilling the dreams of Christy and Doctor
Ferrand. Ferrand said that he was going to open the
mission so these people could get more help. Just because
he isn't here, doesn't mean we can't do it for him. But
Gran-...David....Alice will be helping with teaching. I'll
do what I can between doctoring. But we still need a
preacher. How would you like to join our family? How about
it?" Neil asked, offering out his hand. David closed his
eyes for a moment, then reached out his own hand. They
shook on it, sealing the deal.  The best preacher Cutter
Gap has ever known would be back, helping along side a
great woman and doctor, all working towards one cause. Neil
liked how things were coming together. Maybe his love was
still with him, helping out with her dream to come true.
 "It must be really hard on you, David. We wont start up
the school for a bit yet, how about you go and settle your
emotions somewhere?"  David nodded. "I admit, it's been
torture lately. Not only did the woman I love die, but so
did my brother and mother."  "Your mother died?"  "Yeah,
two days after she found out about James. But I don't want
to talk about that - I cant bare to relive the memories
in Boston the last week ever again."  "Did...did Ida make
the funerals?"  "No, she's still on the train. Should be
arriving in a week in Boston with Clarence and Claire."
"Claire?"  "Their daughter. But Ida never was good for
attending funerals. She flat out refused to go to our
father's."  "Oh. Well tell you what - you go to Boston,
meet your sister so you can grieve together, pack up your
things, then come back in a month - we'll start then. While
you're there, Alice will go back to Pennsylvania, get her
things and sell her house, and Julia and I will get her
things in Asheville and figure out what to do with her
house as well. It will take near a month to do all that."
"Then that's what we'll do." David agreed. He rose from
his seat and was about to leave when Neil stopped him.
"David - you might find some comfort in this." Neil said,
handing the reverend a book.  "Her diary? How did you..."
"She forgot it. Gabe brought it home. I thought it
might help if you read her thoughts that she had the
whole time there. She talks a lot about us; I read it
already. It helped me, I know that. But I suppose it's
bittersweet too."  David nodded and gripped the leather
bounded book as he caressed the gold indented letters
a€˜diary.' His fingers ran over the red rose embroidered
against it's deep brown back round.  "Thank you." He
whispered, then turned to leave, his heart still heavy
with hurt.  "Neil...do you really believe she's in heaven?"
Neil recalled Gabe's words of a few hours before. Then, he
nodded. "Yeah, I do."  "But how can a caring God do this
to all of us?"  "He must have a reason, David. He must
have a plan. A plan that is too big for us to possible see
right now. Look, hold onto your faith. It's what defies
you. You loose that, and you're going to loose yourself. I
don't think any of us could handle another death, even
if it is just a death of personality and...friendship."
*************************************************

" What is the answer....Michael MacNeill?" Ruby Mae asked,
standing in front of her class. Seven year old Mikey
fumbled with the question. Once he answered it, Ruby Mae
- Miss Morrison, turned to the chalk board and started to
prepare her next question on it. But mid-way, she stopped
writing and looked up, extending her hand upwards. Neil
and David, sitting in straight back chairs that balance
on the two back legs, the heels of their boots resting
on the window sill, on the porch relaxing and watching
the school, paid close attention. They saw that she was
caressing the engraved words right above the chalk board.

   Dedicated to Cutter Gap's most beloved teacher - Miss
   Christy Huddleston - our Miz Christy

 Neil turned away, tears still welled in his eyes, even
 though the passing of the beloved teacher was four
 whole years ago. Above the fireplace in the parlor of
 the mission there was another dedication for Doctor
 Ferrand. The two men often found Miss Alice in front of
 the fire, staring up at the carved words as she knitted
 on the davenport.  "Come get me, Gran'ma!" He heard Molly
 yell in excitement from inside the mission house, the
 front door wide open to let the fresh spring air in.
"Ok, I'm going to find you!" Alice replied. Neil
 almost chuckled out loud. Alice loved being a
 grandmother. Finally, one of her a€˜daughters' was able
 to make her one before they left this world behind!
 Then Gabe walked from the side of the mission and up the
 hill with daisies in his hand. Kneeling down in front of
 a homemade crude cross stuck in the ground at the top, he
 placed the flowers there. A pang of sadness washed over
 him. Julia had died three years ago, and there has been
 a small void in everyone's hearts from losing the dear
 woman. But it was just another happy reunion in heaven for
 the Huddleston's.  "Gabe is going to be a fine preacher,
 David. You should be proud. I could never have steered
 him in such a course. You were always his strong point
 for religion."  Neil said softly, still looking over his
 shoulder at the growing boy.
"Come now, you were as much of an influence as me. I still
 have to admit, I am amazed at you sometimes, doctor. I
 can't fathom where your godly sayings come from when
 they do."  Neil looked up. "My  angel must whisper them
 in my ear, a€˜cause I don't have any other explanation."
"Think she approves of us being her children's guardians?"
"You read her thoughts in her diary - she trusted us
more than anyone. She must think we're going to do right
by them."  "Course you can say that - she was going to have
you be their real father - she was going to marry you!"
 "That don't really matter now, Grantland." Neil said,
shutting his eyes as he faced the sky. David knew he went
to far. It may have been four years, but the topic of how
Christy was going to marry Neil was still so tender. Never
had he seen the strong doctor cry - except late at night in
the privacy of his room...or when he thought about a€˜what
could have been.'  "I think we did good in fulfilling
her dream, don't you think? Look at Ruby Mae teaching
- sure is good." David said, changing the subject. Neil
nodded slowly.
 "Things really turned out the way we wanted it to. The
 mission is ten times stronger than it ever was. Christy, I
 am sure, would be proud. Doctor Ferrand too, no matter how
 much he disliked us and was picky. He'd be proud." Neil
 replied when he found his voice, though it cracked and
 was shaky with emotion.  David patted Neil's shoulder. "We
 did good. We came far. We started out in this journey in
 this very school yard, fighting over Christy's hand. So
 much happened - the break up of the mission, the war,
 the multiple deaths, the coping, the reopening of the
 precious mission, and look where we are now. Sitting on
 the porch, watching the fruit of all our hard labors,
 and we're almost friends."
"And disrupting my class!" Ruby Mae chided. Neil couldn't
help but to act out his impulsive teasing thoughts.
"Yeah Grantland, take a trip!" Then Neil pushed David's
chair over, sending David to fall on the ground, landing
on his rear. David glared at Neil. "Almost friends? What
was I thinking? I'll get you back, MacNeill - you know I
always do!" He joked."Well, it ain't like we don't have
a lifetime to get revenge!" Neil laughed jovially.
 And so that was the way it always would be. Some things
                                  change in life. Others
                                  never do. Like Neil and
                                  David - they'd always
                                  find something or other
                                  to bicker about. Or like
                                  Christy, who stood like
                                  a rock in it all. Even
                                  though she is now laid to
                                  rest with a rock standing
                                  strong above her grave,
                                  her spirit lives on in
                                  Neil and David, Miss
                                  Alice and the MacNeill
                                  children, in the students
                                  that are taught in the
                                  same one room school
                                  house, and in everyone
                                  that cares enough to
                                  remember her.  Changin'
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