Disclaimer--The characters in this story are not my own. They are from the beloved novel, "Christy", by Catherine Marshall, as well as the television series, "Christy." No infringement of copyright, legal or otherwise, is intended. Title: "I Will Not Leave You Desolate" Author: Marilyn Email: MMitc59293@aol.com INTRODUCTION "I Will Not Leave You Desolate" begins where the television episode, "The Road Home" left off. I have dated that episode Tuesday, September 30, 1913. The chapter-date format is used throughout the book and all dates fall upon the actual days of that particular year. You will notice that some days are divided into several chapters, due to the story length. No new major characters are introduced in this story. I have used many of the characters who made guest appearances in the television series. Also, I have named several characters who were seen in the series but never identified by name. I have also expanded on various plots and details used in the book, which was my main source of information. You will notice that Alice Henderson has both a room inside the mission house and her own cabin near David's bunkhouse. This is true to both the book and the TV series. Dr. MacNeill's cabin is the one used in the first year of the TV series, with the steps going up to the loft. Also, Fairlight Spencer's maiden name is Allen as mentioned in the pilot episode, not Morrison as it was given in the book. Bible verses quoted are from various translations, among them the Revised Standard Version and the New English Bible. I realize that in 1913 the King James Version was the only available English Bible translation. However, for clarity and readability, I decided to use more modern translations for selected verses. Other sources of information I have used include the "Foxfire" series of books, various Internet web sites and the Grolier Interactive Encyclopedia. I want to thank Caroline Kent for her proof-reading and editing of my manuscript. Thanks to Melissa McDaniel for additional proofreading and her expertise in verifying medical terminology and treatment procedures. Debbie Harris also gave me valuable feedback and comments throughout its writing. I want to dedicate this book to the many Christy friends I have made on the Internet. Thanks for your dedication to Christy and your determination to keep this great story alive in some fashion. Here's Chapter 1. "I Will Not Leave You Desolate" Chapter One Tuesday, September 30, 1913 As dusk began to fall in the Great Smokies, leaving wispy trails of pink and purple clouds to color the autumn sky, Neil MacNeill wearily dismounted from his horse. He had been riding aimlessly up and down the steep mountain trails for hours, trying to postpone the dreaded, inevitable confrontation between himself and his estranged wife, Margaret. As Neil tied Charlie to the hitching post in front of his cabin, the sun's fading rays illuminated a small pile of some shiny black substance laying on the ground. The unknown material formed a tiny path which led from directly underneath the post railing across the ground to the front steps of his cabin. What in heaven's name is this and how did it get here? Neil wondered as he followed its black, spidery outline up the front steps. Then the trail veered to the left across the porch to the railing where Neil's Victrola phonograph sat. As he followed the trail across the porch, Neil felt his foot kick some small object. He bent down and picked up the remains of the Victrola's arm mechanism. Broken wires dangled from where it had been ripped from base of the phonograph. Neil noticed that its needle was also missing, making it impossible to use or operate. Startled by the discovery, Neil walked swiftly to the Victrola phonograph, which had been given to him by his friend James Healey upon their mutual graduation from medical school. The amplifying horn had been ripped from its base, its cloth cut to ribbons by the pair of scissors which now lay where the needle arm used to fit. Moreover, the record which had been playing when Neil had returned to his cabin earlier that day was missing. Neil, now stupefied by the senseless vandalism, bent down and picked up some of the black shiny material which formed the trail. After examining it at some length, he finally recognized it to be the pulverized, shattered remains of the musical recording itself. Someone had deliberately ground the record into minute, tiny pieces and formed the trail which now turned and led to the front door of Neil's cabin. The entry door had been propped halfway open with a stick so that Neil could plainly see that the black, shiny powder trail led into his cabin. Neil froze with dread, unable to walk the final ten feet into his cabin. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," Neil whispered, instantly recognizing Margaret as the vindictive perpetrator of this hateful vandalism. Suddenly, tender, loving memories of his achingly brief dance with Christy following their meal together flooded his consciousness. The Victrola phonograph and its beautiful music had given him so much pleasure that day! You are bent on destroying everything which I hold dear, aren't you Margaret? thought Neil, as he forced himself to keep his rage and anger from mounting uncontrollably. Dear God, I can't let this confrontation escalate into violence! Neil prayed, as filled with anxiety, he walked slowly and heavily to the front door. I must control myself and be prepared to leave immediately if necessary! With Margaret's explosive temper and raging fury at being scorned by her husband, Neil realized that anything was possible. As he kicked away the stick which propped the door, he noticed that Margaret's suitcase, satchel and parasol were no longer there next to the entrance. "Margaret?" called Neil as he held open the door. "Are you here? Please answer me. We need to talk." There was no reply. Cautiously, he stepped inside and detected that the ebony powder trail led to the kitchen table. In the waning twilight, he could see a white envelope laying in a pile of black dust on the table. That was where the trail ended. Neil walked to the table and saw that the envelope, unmistakably in Margaret's handwriting, bore his name. Next to the envelope sat a beautiful cut glass candy dish, a family heirloom which had belonged to his maternal grandmother. It was filled with at least a half-dozen ground-out cigarette butts, all stained with dark red lipstick, the color Margaret used. This candy dish was one of the few nice serving dishes Mother owned, thought Neil disgustedly as he examined its smoke-stained surface. One would think that Margaret could find something more suitable to use as an ashtray! Taking the envelope in his trembling hands, Neil pulled out a chair and sat next to the table. For perhaps five minutes, he sat, staring at his name as he slowly turned the envelope over and over in his hands. Finally, unable to put off the inevitable any longer, Neil rose and walked out to the front porch. He picked up a jug of moonshine that Tom McHone had recently given him for treating their daughter Iris' croup. Tilting the jug to his lips, he drank deeply of the amber-colored liquid and returned to the kitchen table. He could already feel the illegal liquor dulling his physical and emotional reactions as he opened the letter and began to read aloud. Dear Mac, By the time you get home after chasing your precious little Miss Huddleston, I will be long gone. It's ironic, because the reason I came to see you one last time at our cabin was because of the advice she gave me. "Neil is worth fighting for," were Christy's exact words to me. For once in my life, I finally took someone's advice! Today, I tried to convince you to give our marriage one last chance. As I watched you ride away in pursuit of a hopeless pipe dream, I clearly saw that I've lost the battle and now to the victor belong the spoils. However, if you want a divorce from me, YOU'LL have to be the one to initiate legal proceedings. You have plenty of grounds . . . desertion and adultery in particular. During the years we lived together as husband and wife, I was generally faithful to our marriage vows. About one year into our marriage, I met a traveling salesman named Willard Elliott who came through El Pano three or four times a year selling blacksmiths' supplies. After our first encounter, he gave me his schedule in advance so we could secretly meet whenever he was in the area. It was a harmless dalliance, Mac! We shared some drinks and flirtatious kisses together, that's all! Willard told me that he could recognize a love-starved, lonely married woman a mile away. I guess that my pitiful condition escaped your astute powers of medical observation, Doctor! However, since my first disappearance from Cutter Gap, there have been MANY other men. While passing through Knoxville in 1910, I met Harold Paget, the nephew of one of the men whom you guided on hunting trips as a boy. I believe you had a picture of his Uncle William and yourself on our fireplace mantel. Harold told me that his uncle gave you money so that you could attend medical school in Scotland. As we lay in bed together the next morning, I told him my identity. You should have been there to see the look on his face! Small world, isn't it? Neil, I realize that I may not have much longer to live. I can feel the tuberculosis slowly destroying my lungs and I know that my nasty cigarette habit will only serve to hasten my demise. So, divorce may be an unnecessary step in our process of parting and if you're the LEAST bit patient, you'll end up as an honorable bereaved widower instead of a dishonorable divorced man. However, if you absolutely cannot wait for me to die and do indeed divorce me, the contents of this letter will be invaluable evidence at the trial. I won't contest the divorce. As you well know by your refusal to send me money, I don't have two nickels to rub together, let alone money to hire a lawyer! Never mind that as your supposedly beloved wife, I sat alone night after night while you treated every hillbilly's hangnail within a fifty-mile radius of this godforsaken cabin! We all have our priorities, don't we? After I'm dead and/or we're divorced, just go ahead and carry on with your life and I'll do the same for whatever time I have left on this earth! But, if you think that a sweet young thing like Miss Huddleston will marry an agnostic, hardened, bitter man like yourself, who cares only for the health of his ignorant Highland neighbors, you are sadly mistaken! You may share the basic message of this letter verbally with Mother but I fear that revealing the lurid details of my male conquests would shock her delicate Quaker sensibilities. I guess that I do owe her some knowledge of what happened between you and me and that I have now been duly rejected by BOTH my mother and my husband! Oh, poor, dear Mother--she did her best to raise me as a Christian. I guess I've strayed pretty far from the fold. You can also tell Mother that marrying you was the biggest mistake I ever made! But then again, such a terrible error in judgement could only be made by a bastard child like myself! Mother has rejected me and now I reject you because I hate you like I hate no other human being! Neil, perhaps before you leave your cabin to chase after Miss Huddleston, you can honor your dying wife's one final request. Please dispose of my wedding ring. I bet that it's still there where I left it on the shelf in your precious laboratory. That's the room I hated most in this antiquated, wretched little cabin! Every time you stepped through its door for another unending night of research, I lost a little more of you, Neil! Every time you left our home to treat another ailing patient, a little piece of me died! Every time you lost a patient to death, a little piece of you died! Please cast my ring into the river and let the swift current carry it away. It is the last tangible symbol of our miserable, failed marriage. Your generally faithful wife, Margaret Utterly shocked and dismayed, Neil dropped the letter on the floor. Desertion and adultery! Horrified by the venomous hatred and bitterness expressed in Margaret's letter, Neil's stomach began churning out of control. He rose, covered his mouth with his hands, and ran out the front door. Desperately, he grabbed the porch railing for support as he leaned over it and heaved uncontrollably, retching up the entire contents of his stomach onto the ground. Shaking and perspiring, he stood there, grasping the porch railing, until he was sure that his stomach was finally under control. Neil took out his handkerchief and mopped the perspiration from his brow. Now totally exhausted by his sudden bout of vomiting, he slowly re-entered his cabin. Maybe some sassafras tea will soothe my stomach, Neil thought as he slowly walked to the kitchen. As he took a glass from the cupboard, Neil was surprised to find his coffee grinder laying on the countertop. What in world is this doing here? Neil wondered. I haven't used the coffee grinder for several weeks! As he picked it up in order to put it away, tiny flecks of shiny black dust discolored his hands. Another object was also laying on the countertop. Neil set down the coffee grinder and in stunned amazement, picked up the heel of Margaret's shoe. Margaret, I can't believe that you destroyed my Victrola phonograph, smashed my record into small pieces with your shoe, fed them into my coffee grinder and then finally made a trail with the dust! However, there could be no other rational explanation for the objects he had found. What kind of a twisted, sick person would do such thing? I'll wash my coffee grinder later. I don't have the strength to stand here and do it now, thought Neil, distraught over the macabre discovery. Suddenly, a terrible thought struck him! Panic-stricken, Neil suddenly wondered, Dear God, could Margaret have broken into my laboratory and vandalized it as well? Neil ran upstairs and retrieved his laboratory key from its hiding place. Then he unlocked the door, entered the room and began to carefully check his slides and other research materials. Much to his relief, everything appeared to be in perfect order. I guess that she couldn't find the key. Shaken by what could have happened to ten years of research, Neil sighed with relief as he poured himself a glass of tea. Then, carrying his tea with him, he sat in the antique rocker that his ancestor Neil MacNeill brought with him from Scotland. Sipping the tea slowly, he reflected on the tumultuous events of this awful day. How self-incriminating it must have appeared to Christy to see my wife embracing me! Neil knew that there was only one way for Christy to interpret the way Margaret had pulled him close to her as her back rubbed against the rough tree bark. Neil had felt a prisoner, doubly captured by his estranged wife's reappearance and the tree behind her, which to him represented his duty to care for his Highland neighbors in this impoverished section of Appalachia. Neil realized that he had been made the fool eleven years earlier, blinded by his physical attraction to Margaret's beauty, to think that marriage to her, Cutter Gap, and his medical profession could ever peacefully co-exist. What had surprised him was the fact that no emotions presented themselves as Margaret intimately embraced him. No passion, no love, no hate, no pity. Not even a shred of empathy that any caring physician should feel, knowing that a terminally ill woman stood before him! Neil hated himself for this lack of empathy towards his estranged wife, feeling that it showed a character deficiency which made him deeply unfit to practice medicine. Margaret was right! I did make a fitting marriage partner for a bastard child, he thought as unworthiness consumed him. You're dead to me, woman! The awful truth and prediction of things to come inherent in his earlier declaration still rang true. Now again, his anger and bitterness towards Margaret consumed him. After Christy's unexpected appearance at his cabin, Neil had torn himself away from Margaret's forceful, calculating embrace, mounted Charlie, and had ridden furiously to the mission school. I arrived just in time to see David hugging Christy. The thought of Christy wrapped in the Rev. Grantland's arms again made his stomach queasy. David then presented a small blue box to Christy that contained her engagement ring. Neil knew that he would never forget the look on Christy's face as she turned and looked at him. Her pained blue eyes showed the doubt, the uncertainty, the betrayal, the questions. It was all there. Then David had walked over to him, motioning for him to dismount from Charlie. Neil did so, and the two men faced each other. "Dr. MacNeill, don't you know that it's a sin to lust after one woman in your heart when you're legally married to another?" screamed David, his voice shaking as he addressed Neil. "Are you willing to destroy your reputation and medical career, Doctor? How about Christy? Do you think that the good Christian folk here in Cutter Gap will allow Christy to teach their children if she's romantically involved with a married man? Do you really want to ruin her life as well as your own?" Instantly, as though he'd been shot, Neil's body recoiled into his horse's side. His expression turned to one of horror as he realized that David indeed spoke the truth. "I would sooner die than cause shame to Christy!" Neil had spoken so softly that he doubted Christy had been able to hear his reply. David grasped both of Neil's shoulders with his strong arms. "Then for God's sake man, let Christy go! Her entire future is at stake!" God help me, what have I done? Wordlessly, Neil gazed at Christy. His tortured expression was one of shame and guilt as he clasped both of his hands to his chest. "Good-bye, Christy," he mouthed silently. Dropping her engagement ring on the ground, Christy ran to the mission house as fast as she could. Neil watched helplessly as she bounded up the stairs, slamming the front door behind her. All the schoolchildren stood frozen at the schoolhouse entrance. Finally, David motioned for the children, all captive witnesses, to return to their seats. Silently, they did so. David picked up Christy's engagement ring. Slowly, he climbed the steps, wiping away his tears with his shirt sleeve. Only Neil remained in the schoolyard. Distraught beyond belief, he turned around, mounted Charlie, and galloped away, not caring when or if he ever returned to his cabin and his wife. He had arrived back at the cabin some four hours later to find both Margaret and her belongings gone. Neil rose from his chair, walked to the table, reached down and picked up the letter. He reread it one final time as hot tears stung his eyes. "However, if you absolutely cannot wait for me to die and do indeed divorce me, the contents of this letter will be invaluable evidence at the trial." Neil made the only choice that an honorable man could, that is, if he ever wanted to look himself in the eye again. Purposefully, he walked over the fireplace. Poking at the dying embers with a stick, he ignited a small blaze. Neil threw Margaret's letter into the smoldering fire and watched it burn until only a smoking pile of hot black ash remained. Then Neil rapidly climbed the stairs to his bedroom. Rummaging through his chest of drawers, he found a clean, white handkerchief. He carried it downstairs with him, then walked to his laboratory and again unlocked the door. Margaret's wedding ring lay on a shelf along with various medical supplies in this, her most hated room. For some unknown reason, he had kept it there ever since his wife's second disappearance. That time she had left her letter of departure to him in this room, along with her gold wedding band. Grimly, Neil placed the ring, which symbolized what had once masqueraded as love between him and Margaret, inside the handkerchief and tied all four corners tightly together. Locking the laboratory door behind him, Neil strode down the steps of his cabin. He walked rapidly to the river's edge, where only hours before, Margaret had pleaded with him to give their marriage one more chance. With a quick, overhand toss, Neil threw the handkerchief into the swift, dark current. He watched the white object bob and weave among the rocks until it finally disappeared from sight. Then, consumed with agony at the futility of his present situation, he walked wearily back to his cabin. "Go to hell, Margaret!" Neil heard himself swear aloud as he threw the empty glass of tea into the fireplace and watched it shatter. Tiny shards of broken glass reflected the flickering flame into myriad hues of indigo and yellow. Ordinarily, he would find the colors soothing and beautiful. Alas, now they represented the intense fires of anger and bitterness burning in his heart. Emotionally and physically exhausted, Neil turned and walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Through the window, he saw that the comforting, sleep-inducing blackness of night had fallen upon the Great Smokies. Without bothering to change his clothes, Neil lay upon his bed, his temples now throbbing with a dull headache. He tossed fitfully and waited in vain for the much-anticipated mental unconsciousness of sleep, which unfortunately never came that evening, to overtake him. "I Will Not Leave You Desolate" Chapter Two Sunday, February 1, 1914 On a cold, cloudy Sunday afternoon after dinner, Alice, Neil, David and Christy slowly climbed the narrow trail that led to the Cutter Gap cemetery, located atop the Lonesome Pine Ridge at Persimmon Hill. Silent and grief- stricken, they gathered around the mounded earth of its newest, unmarked grave. Just one week earlier, the lifeless body of Margaret Henderson had been laid to rest there under a large oak tree. Miss Alice opened her Bible and carefully unfolded a piece of newsprint. "I have the fourteenth chapter of John already marked for you. Will you read both of them as you did at Margaret's funeral?" "Certainly, Alice. I'd be honored," replied David. "That chapter is of great comfort to us all." Then Rev. Grantland carefully took the newsprint and Bible from Miss Alice. Clearing his throat, he began reading "The Atlanta Constitution, January 19, 1914" Heroine Dies After Saving Boy's Life Miss Margaret Henderson, age thirty-two, passed on to her eternal rest at Grady Memorial Hospital at 10:07 p.m., Sunday, January 18. Miss Henderson died of massive head injuries sustained as a result of her heroic rescue of Ethan Taylor, age six. Ethan is the son of John and Rosemary Taylor of 1006 Ponce de Leon Avenue, Atlanta. According to the Rev. Graham Hodges, senior pastor of First Methodist Church in downtown Atlanta, the accident occurred following the 11:00 a.m. Sunday service. "I was standing at the front door, greeting worshipers as they left church. Suddenly, I heard a loud explosion and saw a man thrown from his carriage as his horse bucked violently. I watched, horror-stricken, as the horse and riderless carriage ran wildly down the street. Young Ethan let go of his mother's hand and ran right into the street to see what had caused the explosion. Seeing that the young boy was about to be trampled by the horse, Miss Henderson ran fearlessly into the street, picked up the boy and threw him out of harm's way. The horse and carriage struck Miss Henderson with tremendous force, causing her to be cast about fifteen feet to the opposite curb. She was unconscious when I got to her. Ethan lay close by her, shaken up, but amazingly, not seriously injured." The driver of the carriage, Mark Lewis, address unknown, stated that a car engine backfiring caused his horse to rear, thus throwing him out on to the street. All three persons were taken immediately to Grady Memorial Hospital. Ethan Taylor received only minor injuries, but as a precaution, was kept overnight for observation. Mark Lewis received cuts and bruises and was treated and released. Miss Henderson, a recent newcomer to Atlanta, resided at the Morgan Boarding House on North Street. She was appearing as the first female understudy and ensemble member at the Peachtree Street Repertory Theater's current production of "The Pirates of Penzance." Reverend Hodges described Miss Margaret Henderson as follows: "Margaret had recently become a member here at First Church. She had walked forward to answer an altar call at the first service she attended. Margaret faithfully came to both our midweek and Sunday services and recently gave her testimony at a Sunday evening service." "Her gripping story of sin and salvation deeply moved our congregation. As many people in our sanctuary wept openly, she called all sinners to repentance by singing "Amazing Grace," her favorite hymn. Over forty members of our congregation were led to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior as a result of her dramatic witness." "I will miss her greatly, as will our entire congregation," stated Rev. Hodges. He added that after the close of the current theater production, Miss Henderson planned to return to her home in Cutter Gap, Tennessee. She is survived by her mother, Alice Henderson, who serves at a Christian mission there. "Miss Henderson had confided to me that she wished to return home in order to seek her mother's advice on a possible Christian vocation for herself," he sadly concluded. Funeral services for Miss Henderson are pending at this time. David folded the newspaper clipping and slowly handed it back to Alice. Healing tears of grief commingled with joy were streaming down her cheeks. "My Margaret, a heroine! It doesn't seem possible," whispered Alice. "With God, all things are possible to them that believe," stated David firmly, as he put his arm around Alice's shoulder. "Certainly, her salvation was an answer to all our fervent prayers." "Oh, yes. Yes, it was!" agreed Miss Alice as her expression brightened. "It was my nightly prayer for over thirty years. I only wish that I could have been present to witness Margaret's spiritual birth as I was there to witness her physical one. Now, David, would you read from John? The beloved disciple's words comforted me greatly at Margaret's funeral." David took Alice's Bible and began to read from the book of John, Chapter 14. "Let not your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. I will not leave you desolate; I will come to you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." Reverently, David closed Alice's Bible. "Dear friends, we know that Margaret is now safe with our loving Father in heaven. May her spirit rest in eternal peace," he concluded. Alice drew strength and comfort from hearing Jesus' blessed words. She could visualize Him standing right by her, holding her hand in His and looking directly into her eyes, offering comfort and solace to her heavy heart. "Would you offer a parting prayer now, David?" "Yes, of course, Alice. Let us all hold hands as I offer a closing prayer, " he said, taking Alice's hand in his own as the four mourners stood at the head of Margaret's grave. "Dear Lord, we come here today to offer you thanks for the life of Margaret Henderson. Although we miss her terribly, we know that she is safe in Your everlasting arms. Father, give us your healing peace that passeth all understanding. In Jesus' precious name we ask this. Amen." As David finished his prayer, Christy opened her eyes and looked at Neil, who was standing to her left. The doctor had stood silently throughout the brief service. His eyes were still closed and his expression was one of deep despair and anguish. How he must be grieving for his departed wife, thought Christy, her heart aching. As David had directed them, Christy had been holding Neil's right hand with her left one. Christy was surprised at how he clenched it tightly, as if it were the only link he had to life here on this earth. Finally, the doctor opened his eyes, looked directly at David and spoke. "God bless you, Rev. Grantland. You have been a source of true consolation to me during this past terrible week. Thank you so much." "Thank you, Dr. MacNeill," replied David, somewhat surprised by the kindness and sincerity of Neil's words. "We've been here in the cold long enough," stated Miss Alice. "Let's go back to the mission for some coffee and cake." Everyone unclasped their hands and walked slowly down the mountain trail back to the mission house. Upon their arrival, the four mourners removed their coats and hung them on the coat rack. Christy went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. Then she brought it, along with the cake, to the dining room table where Neil and David were sitting. "Where is Alice?" asked Christy. "She went upstairs to get something," David replied. In a few moments, Alice came down the stairs holding a large manilla envelope in her hands. She sat in the chair next to Christy, who was busy pouring everyone a cup of coffee. "Neil," said Alice, "Mr. Pentland delivered this letter here yesterday. It's addressed to both of us. Would you please read it aloud for me?" Neil opened the envelope and took out the letter. It was handwritten on embossed stationery with the heading, "First Methodist Church, Atlanta, Georgia." He began to read. Dear Miss Henderson and Dr. MacNeill, I want to extend my heartfelt sympathies to you in the loss of your daughter and former wife. Please allow me to share with you some of the events that preceded her tragic death. I sincerely hope that they will provide you with solace and comfort in your time of mourning. Margaret originally came seeking money from the church. As I talked to her, I could sense that hidden beneath her hardened exterior shell was a woman in deep spiritual and emotional pain. I asked her if she would like to go to our chapel for a time of prayer and meditation. She agreed, and I accompanied her there. She knelt at the altar and began to confess all her sins to God, begging for forgiveness and mercy. Her deep emotional distress was agonizing to witness. Nevertheless, I stayed there with her the entire time. As I watched Margaret struggle, it was clear to me that the Holy Spirit was cleansing and transforming her. Dear friends, I count it as my great privilege and honor to have witnessed her spiritual rebirth as a beloved child of God. Her entire countenance shone with His love and grace as I knelt with her at the altar, thanking our Heavenly Father for His newest daughter. Believe me when I say that witnessing Margaret's conversion was one of the most profoundly spiritual experiences of my ministry. After her spiritual rebirth, Margaret began attending our church regularly, coming forward at the first altar call to join our congregation. After that, I counseled her for many hours in my study, helping her to grow in her understanding of her previous actions. Through an acquaintance of mine, I was able to arrange an audition for her at the Peachtree Street Repertory Theater. She won a part and thus realized her lifelong ambition of appearing on the stage of a reputable, legitimate theater. I would like to share with you bits and pieces of our conversations together. First of all, to Miss Henderson: Margaret's greatest joy as a new Christian was experiencing the limitless love of her Heavenly Father. The fact that her conception resulted from a vicious, degrading crime against her mother haunted her. She had been deserted by her earthly father, and therefore could not comprehend how her Heavenly One could love her so. Her realization that God can turn tragedy into triumph if we but let Him work in our lives filled her with wonder and awe. The first day I met her she called herself "a bastard child." I never heard her use that phrase again after her conversion. Margaret found great comfort in St. Paul's letter to the Romans, Chapter Eight, verse twenty-eight: "We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." Now to Dr. MacNeill: Margaret was unconscious following the accident. She was taken immediately the hospital and examined thoroughly by Dr. Park Stewart, Chief of Neurology, who is world-renowned for his innovative work in treating head injuries. He found that her pupils were fixated and she showed no response to any stimulation. She remained in the Emergency Room so her condition could be closely monitored. I stayed by her bedside the entire time, holding her hand and offering prayers of healing. She never appeared to be in any pain whatsoever. Shortly after 10:00 p.m., I heard her emit a small sigh. She then passed on peacefully to her eternal rest. Margaret's most profound regret in her life was the failure of her marriage. Looking back, she said that on your wedding day, you loved each other as much as two unsaved sinners can; but she soon realized that her union with you was an act of rebellion against her mother's Quaker beliefs and values. Sadly, "the two of you never became as one " in the truest sense of Christian marriage. Neither one of you could give to the other the selfless, genuine love needed to nourish and sustain the union; the total dedication of mind, heart, body and soul that God requires of us. Because of this failure, Margaret was disconsolate and heartbroken beyond words. We spent many hours reading First Corinthians, Chapter 13, St. Paul's wondrous description of Christian love. Margaret's treatment of you was neither patient nor kind, but jealous and boastful. She insisted on her own way and was arrogant and rude. Her love bore nothing, believed nothing, hoped nothing and endured nothing. Margaret knew that she had committed the most unpardonable sin against you by her desertion and reappearance years later. She stated that one hundred lifetimes would not be long enough for you to find it in your heart to forgive her. "I only wish that God could turn back the hands of time eleven years to our wedding day. If Neil and I had both been believers, how close and loving our marriage would have been!" That was the last statement she made to me at our final counseling session. I want you to know that all expenses, including hospital costs, funeral home expenses and railway transportation of her body to Tennessee, have been paid in full. I used some money for my discretionary fund along with a considerable amount of cash given by her fellow cast members of the Peachtree Street Repertory Theatre. Also, after her death, the landlady at the Morgan Boarding House allowed me to enter Margaret's room and gather her personal belongings. They will be shipped to you soon via rail. In closing, I want to pass along Mr. and Mrs. Taylor's profound appreciation and thanks for Margaret's heroic rescue of their son. He is their only child, a bright and mischievous lad who is the light of their lives. They are devout Christians, and faithful members of our congregation. Ethan's first words to them after the accident were, "Mama, an angel came down from heaven and flew me away from that horse!" Please don't hesitate to call or write to me if I can be of further assistance to you. God bless you both. Your servant in Christ, The Rev. Graham Hodges Neil's voice was broken with sorrow as he finished reading Rev Hodges' letter. He picked up the envelope to re-insert the stationery, and as he did so, a small, delicate object wrapped in tissue paper fell out of it. Slowly, Neil unwrapped the paper layer by layer as the other three watched. Suddenly, flashes of gold appeared through the thin, translucent paper. "Margaret's locket!" gasped Miss Alice as Neil removed the final piece of tissue paper. In addition, there was a note folded around the chain. Neil unfolded the small piece of paper and in a voice choked with emotion, began to read aloud. Dear Miss Henderson and Dr. MacNeill, This is the only piece of jewelry that Margaret was wearing at the time of her death. I thought that you might want the locket returned for its sentimental value. Rev. Graham Hodges Stunned by his discovery, he unclasped the tiny catch and opened the locket, expecting to see only Alice's photograph inside. Why on earth would Margaret have kept his picture inside it, considering her final letter to him with its bitter declaration of hatred? But no! the tiny photograph of himself that he had given Margaret on their wedding day still remained fastened within the golden heart. His stomach churning in stunned disbelief, Neil handed the locket to Miss Alice and abruptly pushed back his chair. Immediately, he rose from his place at the table, and as he did so, Alice stood and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Neil," she began. The anguished doctor ignored her and without bothering to put on his coat, walked through the kitchen door to the side porch. "Let him go, Alice. I think he needs to be alone right now," David said quietly. A blast of cold winter air stung his face, as distraught and guilt-ridden, Neil paced back and forth along the porch, trying to keep his stomach under control. "I only wish that God could turn back the hands of time eleven years to our wedding day. If Neil and I had both been believers, how close and loving our marriage would have been!" "I reject you because I hate you like I hate no other human being! Please cast my ring into the river and let the swift current carry it away. It is the last tangible symbol of our miserable, failed marriage." The truth inherent in both Margaret's statement to Rev. Hodges and her final letter to him filled Neil with deep pain and regret. Our marriage had no foundation save rebellion and lust, he thought, berating himself. We married in haste and repented at leisure. Is it any wonder that it all crumbled to dust, just like the remains of my Victrola recording that Margaret pulverized? Our union stood for nothing. Our marriage had no center, no hub, no common master, save the selfish gratification of our own egos. I ignored Margaret and she deserted me, leaving me to think she was dead. Was this why Margaret kept his picture in her locket, close to her broken and contrite heart? To remind her of what might have been? Or, in spite of Margaret's conversion to Christianity, was it to punish him further? She would know that its discovery would further torture him with guilt for his refusal of reconciliation with her. In a fit of anger, he had thrown her wedding ring into the river, as she had requested. But now, for whatever unknown reason, this one golden symbol of their flawed union remained. Margaret, as usual, you've had the last word, Neil thought bitterly as he looked heavenward. Is that any way to talk about the dead? Especially when that person is your wife? his conscience demanded "Oh God, please forgive me, it's not!" whispered Neil, deeply ashamed that he would even think such thing. But there was one thing that he did know, if Rev. Hodges' statements were to be trusted, and the realization offered some solace and comfort to his remorse-filled heart. As Alice beheld both the tiny photographs, she began to weep softly, her body sagging against the kitchen table. Christy rose and helped ease Alice gently back into her chair. Then she put her arm around Miss Alice, drawing her beloved mentor close to her bosom in an embrace of love and comfort. "That was the most beautiful letter I have ever heard," stated Christy with conviction as she felt Alice's tears moisten her blouse. "At least, Margaret did not die coughing and wreaked with pain! She was a heroine!" "Certainly, with God all things are possible," added David, nodding in agreement with Christy. At least you won your battle against tuberculosis, didn't you, Margaret? Neil thought to himself, as he looked heavenward. Now his face was numb, no longer feeling the cold winter air. Instead of dying breath by tortured breath, you sank away peacefully and painlessly, with Pastor Hodges holding your hand. Instead of a brief, one-paragraph obituary buried in the back of the newspaper, your heroic rescue of young Ethan merited front-page coverage. And best of all, instead of dying an embittered, angry non-believer, you now live with your Heavenly Father, safe in his everlasting arms, for eternity! Slowly, the doctor entered the kitchen, and without speaking, walked over to the living room front window. Neil's facial expression mirrored his shock, despair and amazement, all reactions to the stunning news contained in Rev. Hodges' letter. As he looked out the window towards the gloomy sky, the gray winter clouds suddenly lifted and rays of golden sunshine streamed in through the glass. At once Neil felt its consoling, glowing warmth upon his wind-chilled, upturned face. "For now, we see through a glass, darkly; but then, face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known," whispered Neil, inexplicably recalling for the first time in many years the final verse of I Corinthians, Chapter 13. The Doctor turned to face the others as he spoke with great emotion. "At least now I will eternally know with Whom and Where Margaret is." "I Will Not Leave Your Desolate" Chapter Three Friday, March 6, 1914 Christy sat on the schoolhouse steps as she finished her lunch. It was a glorious, warm spring day and all her students were playing outside. They had gobbled down their lunches in record time in order to have the longest recess period possible. Christy looked at her watch and saw that the time read 12:25. Five more minutes, and then we'll go inside and begin our mathematics and geography lesson, she thought to herself. She rose from the steps and noticed a group of her older students tightly clustered by the side of the school building, conferring about something. Suddenly, Rob Allen and Ruby Mae broke away from the others and walked over to Christy. "Miz Christy, we was all just a' marvelin' about what a wonderful spring day it is," said Ruby Mae. Then she looked at Rob, as if expecting him to reply. "Wasn't we, Rob?" she repeated loudly while kicking his foot. "Ah, yes. Yes we was, Miz Christy. Why, on the way to school this mornin', I saw a mother doe and her baby fawn. Prettiest little spotted creature you ever did see. The robins was chirpin' and singin' their spring songs. All the dogwoods are bloomin' and the rhododendrons are a sight to behold. Yes, Ma'am, spring is here!" concluded Rob with a flourish. "Why Rob, I had no idea that you were such an expert on the various flora and fauna here at Cutter Gap!" replied Christy, with the slightest hint of a grin. She had a pretty good idea of where this conversation was heading! "Teacher, I just don't rightly know how you can expect a body to study on such a fine day like this!" Now, it was Ruby Mae's turn. "It was gettin' right warm in the schoolhouse before lunchtime. Why, I pret' near dozed off!" She and Rob both yawned on cue. Christy bit her lip in order to keep from laughing. "Miz Christy, how about lettin' us have a long recess until school's over for the day? Remember when Doc MacNeill came and showed us them Highlander games? He taught us that we should get lots of exercise and sunshine in order to have healthy minds and bodies," said Rob, carefully emphasizing the last two words. "You kin watch us and we won't be no trouble. No fights, I promise!" "Now, let me think about this," Christy replied as she looked at her watch. She stood deep in thought for about two minutes. The expressions on Rob and Ruby Mae's faces were priceless! "All right. I've made my decision. Recess shall be extended until 3:30 p.m. today only!" "Whoopee! Thank you, Miz Christy!" shouted the pair as they ran off to tell everyone the good news. Soon, the older boys were playing catch while the older girls jumped rope and snuck glances at the older boys. Meanwhile, the younger children formed two teams and began to play "Red Rover, Red Rover." The afternoon flew by, and at 3:30 Christy rang the school bell, dismissing her students for the weekend. Then she walked inside the building and sat at her desk. Christy took her grade book out of the drawer and began entering the past weeks' test scores of each student. In about ten minutes, she finished the task and lifted up her right hand in order to close the book. Suddenly, Christy's eyes opened wide with horror. Tiny droplets of blood were spattered all over the pages of her grade book! Today, the skin on her fingers and palms had become so red and cracked that tiny drops of blood were oozing out of the sores. The condition of her hands had become gradually worse ever since Margaret's funeral. At first she had blamed it on the cold, dry winter air. Obviously now that spring had arrived, that could not possibly be the cause. Trying to self-medicate the condition, she had bought every type of salve and ointment available at the El Pano General Store. None of them had helped in the slightest and recently the itching had become almost unbearable. For the past several nights, she had awakened every few hours to dig and scratch at her hands. Getting through today's classes had been pure agony, her only salvation being the long recess. Christy was surprised that none of her students had mentioned her hands' appearance. But then, winter in Cutter Gap presented its own special challenges for her schoolchildren. Nearly all the schoolchildren had badly chapped hands and faces. Christy knew that they resulted from the long walks to school each day and her students' lack of scarves, gloves or hats to wear. But her skin condition was different. Certainly I have contracted some terrible type of infection and soon I will pass it to all the children! It was the only logical conclusion that Christy could draw. Christy carefully cleaned the pages of her grade book, closed it, and then went outside to saddle Prince. Her hands hurt so badly that she could barely mount him. There's only one option left to me! she regretfully decided. Rapidly, she rode off in the direction of Dr. MacNeill's cabin. Prince carefully found his way through the rocky terrain as Christy rode to the cabin. Thinking back, she realized that she had not been there since September 30, the day of the awful confrontation at the school house. She and Neil had seen each other only three times since then. Of necessity, their encounters had been cordial, professional and very brief. About a week before Margaret's death in January, Neil had stopped by the mission house to drop off some medical supplies. She had answered the door and seeing him standing there, shivering from the cold winter wind, invited him to come inside and warm up by the fire. Neil hesitated and asked if anyone else was there at the mission house. Upon finding out that both David and Miss Alice were gone, he had handed her the supplies, said a hasty goodbye, and left immediately. Christy knew that Neil, still a married man, wanted to avoid even the slightest hint of impropriety between them. But, oh, how her heart had ached after that encounter! The final question Fairlight had asked her September 30 as they sat together on the rocky mountain outcropping still burned in her brain. "Who's your best friend, Christy? Who do you tell your deepest thoughts to?" "Neil. Neil, Neil, NEIL!" Her head would neither admit nor accept what her heart cried in answer, knowing that Neil was legally and morally bound to another woman. She still chastised herself for making that ill-timed visit to his cabin. What had she been thinking of? What was she going to tell Neil, a married man? That he was her best friend? That his smile melted her heart? That she had visualized him bathing in the river at least five hundred times? She couldn't even admit that to herself without feeling deeply ashamed! As she arrived at Neil's cabin that autumn day, Christy observed that obviously, Margaret had followed her advice. Her estranged husband was worth fighting for, and judging by their passionate embrace, Neil had put up little struggle. But ever since, Christy cherished every moment she and Neil had spent together, even the arguments and confrontations. The memories of precious time spent with her best friend were all she had left. Now Margaret was dead, a selfless heroine. Undoubtedly, Neil still mourned her passing. But would he ever allow himself to care for another woman? Or had the pain of Margaret's death shut the entrance to his heart forever? Back in January, Christy had cried herself to sleep the night after that achingly brief encounter with Neil. Upon awakening that morning, she looked at her tear-stained face in the mirror and vowed that she would never cry over Neil MacNeill again! Their relationship was purely professional, with the well-being of Cutter Gap's children as their mutual point of reference and the only appropriate topic of conversation between them. Within twenty-four hours of that decision, the skin on her hands had become inflamed and reddened. She remembered keeping her gloves on throughout Margaret's funeral to hide their red, cracked appearance. Obviously grief- stricken by Margaret's tragic death, Neil had not spoken to her at all at the funeral. A week later, they had exchanged stilted hellos as they trod through the snow to visit to Margaret's grave. Of course, David and Miss Alice had been with them at the time. Christy recalled the unexpected tightness with which Neil had held her hand as they prayed over Margaret's grave. That Sunday, February 1, was the last time she had seen the doctor. And then, there was David. Mercifully, he had never again mentioned marriage after September 30. Christy didn't know what he had done with her engagement ring. Since then, she kept her conversations with him brief and professional, as well as allowing no physical contact between them. After all, she had not come to Cutter Gap to find a husband for herself, but rather to teach these precious children. That was her mission in life. As Christy approached Neil's cabin, she saw his horse tethered to the hitching post, indicating that he was at home. Christy dismounted and with much difficulty, tied Prince next to Charlie. Walking up the front steps, she timidly knocked on the door. "Who's there?" asked Neil. "It's Christy," she replied. Neil opened the door immediately. "Please come in," he responded. Christy drew a sharp breath inward. The dramatic changes in Neil's appearance shocked her! His face was gaunt and thin and there were deep, dark circles under his eyes. His hair badly needed cutting and his clothes were wrinkled as if he'd slept in them. Christy recalled Neil's statement on February 1 about knowing where and with whom Margaret now was. Neil should be at peace, Christy thought. But he looks terrible! What is wrong? As she walked through the door, Christy looked around the cabin. It was extremely cluttered and dirty dishes were piled everywhere in the kitchen. Medical books and papers were laying strewn about and there was a thick layer of dust over everything in the cabin. Neil seemed oblivious to it all. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Miss Huddleston?" She could hear the fatigue in Neil's voice as he spoke softly. "I, I have a medical concern, Dr. MacNeill," she stammered. "I need your professional diagnosis." Christy wondered if coming here had been a big mistake. "Please sit down, Christy." Neil walked across the room and motioned Christy to sit on a deacon's bench next to the fireplace. Then Neil sat beside her. "Will you tell me about your concern, Miss Huddleston?" Suddenly, Neil's tone of voice was crisp and professional. "It's my hands, Neil. Something is terribly wrong with them. Look." She placed her hands, palms up, in her lap. "Oh my goodness, Christy!" exclaimed Neil as he saw the large amounts of both dried and fresh blood surrounded by deep cuts and pits into her skin. "May I further examine your hands now?" he asked. "Oh no! Please don't touch me, Neil! I'll infect you. This disease may be contagious!" Christy cried, wincing with pain as her body stiffened involuntarily. "Don't worry about me, Christy. I don't believe that this is an infection. Tell me, how long have your hands been like this?" Now Neil's voice was filled with concern. "It started about a week before Margaret's death, just after you stopped at the mission to drop off those medical supplies. At first, I thought it was due to the cold, dry winter air. I tried every salve and ointment from the general store in El Pano. None of them helped at all! I awaken several times each night, digging at my hands to relieve the terrible itching." "How on earth do you manage to hold a pencil or a piece of chalk?" Ever so gently, Neil took her hands, turning them over in his own in order to examine them more closely. "With great difficulty, Neil. Today, my hands bled all over my grade book." "Have you used any different soaps or detergents, Christy? Have your hands been immersed in water more than usual? Have you used any new perfumes or colognes?" Christy shook her head no to each question. "No, Neil, I haven't. I have no idea what's causing this awful condition." "I honestly don't know how you've managed your daily activities. This is as bad a case of eczema as I've ever seen." Neil once again turned her hands over gently in his own. "What's eczema, Neil? I've never heard that word before." "The term is of Greek origin, Christy. It translates to English as 'boiling or weeping skin.' It is characterized by redness, inflammation and intense itching. Eczema does not go away on its own!" Neil emphasized. "It will continue to worsen unless it's treated, but it is not contagious. Don't worry about spreading it to anyone." "Why have you waited so long to come to me, Christy?" Now Neil's expression was puzzled. "I have some ointment that is very effective. Let me go and get it." Neil stood up and walked to the kitchen sink where he moistened a clean, white rag with water. He went upstairs and soon returned holding a key. Then Neil walked over the laboratory door, unlocked it and came back carrying a glass jar containing a clear ointment. Sitting next to Christy, he took the white rag and gently cleansed the blood from her hands. After unscrewing the jar lid, Neil put his right hand into the jar and removed a liberal amount of ointment. "Here, Christy, give me your left hand." Neil's voice had completely lost its professional, doctoral tone. Now it was soft and pleasant, the voice of one friend speaking to another. Christy stood suddenly and walked rapidly to the front door. "I can apply the ointment, myself, Neil. I've been here too long. I need to leave now." "Christy, you've come to seek treatment for a serious medical condition. You have every right to be here! Please come back and sit down." Christy turned and looked at Neil, still seated on the deacon's bench. His expression of care and concern melted away some of her mounting reservations. "All right. But just for a little while." Christy sat again, this time at the opposite end of the bench. Neil carefully placed Christy's left hand on his left palm. With his right hand, he gently massaged the soothing ointment into Christy's palm. He continued upwards from her palm to her fingers, lovingly caressing them. The ointment had an soothing effect, immediately reducing the awful itching and burning sensations Christy was feeling. She closed her eyes as Neil carefully spread her fingers apart with his own and applied the ointment to the terrible cracked area of skin between them. Ever so gently, he turned her hand over and massaged ointment into the base of her thumb. Christy gave a small sigh of relief and leaned backward against the bench as the pain and tension drained away from her body. I haven't felt this relaxed for months! she thought to herself, grateful for the soothing touch of Neil's healing hands. When Neil had finished with her left hand, he gently set it down on her lap. "Christy, I think that if you turn slightly towards me, I can better reach your right hand," said Neil softly. Before she realized what was happening, Christy instinctively moved so that her body could rest firmly against Neil's. What am I doing? she thought as her eyes opened wide with alarm. "That's fine, Christy," Neil whispered. "Just stay right where you are." Reaching into the jar, he removed more ointment. As Christy closed her eyes again, she noticed that it had a pleasant, slightly antiseptic odor. Then Neil took hold of Christy's right hand and began to gently apply the medication. Neil had never touched her like this at such length before, and Christy marveled at how his hands could be both so strong and gentle. As they sat closely together, Christy could detect the faint masculine scent of tobacco and leather. Neil's body felt so warm and strong against hers! Christy bit her lip, trying vainly to control her pulse, even as her heart began to beat faster and faster against her breast. Even though Neil had finished applying the ointment, he continued to hold Christy's right hand in his own. "Christy, darling, open your eyes and look at me," he whispered. "Do your hands feel better now?" Christy's body stiffened. Neil had never before used any term of endearment when addressing her. Tears of wonder, relief and gratitude welled in her eyes. I'm not going to cry! she told herself determinedly, not trusting herself to meet Neil's eyes. "Yes, they do, Neil. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!" she replied, struggling to maintain her composure. His nearness, his warmth, his strength! It was too much! "I, I really should be going now, Neil. I fear that I've taken up too much of your valuable time already," Christy said as she tried to stand in order to leave. However, Neil would not let go of her hand. "Christy, please stay," he entreated. "I need to give you further instructions regarding the care and treatment of your condition. Please! Just let me ask you a few more questions." "All right, Dr. MacNeill," she agreed reluctantly. "Then I must be going!" Suddenly, Christy felt Neil's hand gently turn her face, so that her eyes met his. Neil looked deeply into Christy's eyes as he spoke. "Christy, many physicians, including myself, think that such skin conditions as eczema can be psychosomatic in nature. That is to say that intense, repressed emotions always find a venue of expression. If a person continues to deny his or her strong emotions, they manifest themselves in other physical ways. That is why the English translation of eczema as 'weeping skin' is so appropriate. If you refuse to weep, then your skin will!" How did Neil know about my vow never to cry over him again? I have barely talked to him since I made it! thought Christy with dismay, as she pulled her hand away from his tender grasp, blinking back tears as she did so. She quickly turned away from his gaze, alarmed at how accurately he could plumb the secret depths of her heart. For the second time, Neil took Christy's face in his hands, turning her chin so that her tear-filled blue eyes met his. Then he gently took both of her reddened hands in his own. "I think that we have ruled out such causes as new soaps or perfumes," Neil continued. "The ointment will treat the symptoms of the disease, but we must look at the root cause for a complete cure." "Christy," asked Neil, again looking intensely into her eyes. "Can you tell me if anything is bothering you? What emotions are you repressing? What are you afraid to have happen?" Shaken to the core by the unexpected intensity of the doctor's probing questions, Christy jerked her hands away from Neil's gentle grasp, sprang from the bench and ran to the door. "I really must leave now, Neil! No one at the mission knows where I am. They'll start to worry about me. Alice and David have found me here at your cabin too often as it is!" she cried, panic- stricken and agitated. At once Neil stood and walked rapidly over to Christy, who was already half- way out the front door. Before Christy could react, Neil put his right arm around her shoulders and his left one below her hips. In one smooth motion, his strong arms picked her up from her standing position. Christy gasped in surprise even as she instinctively wrapped her arms around Neil's neck. Then he turned, walked swiftly back to the bench and sat with her firmly on his lap. Now Christy's face was only inches from Neil's. The overwhelming desolation and desperation she saw in Neil's eyes stunned her. So devastating was the heartache shown on his face that she could barely stand to look at him! "Christy, darling, I beg of you. Please answer my question. I need to know. I must know! I think about it every day! Why did you come here last September 30? What were you going to tell me?" "I don't want to talk about it, Dr. MacNeill," Christy declared, trying desperately not to look into Neil's eyes. "That's not why I came here today." "I know that, Christy," replied Neil. "But, darling, you must know that things were not as they appeared on September 30!" "A passionate embrace between a man and his wife is pretty hard to disguise! It looked to me as if you and Margaret had reconciled your differences, Neil," stated Christy as she looked away from him and wiped a tear from her eye. "The embrace was one-sided, Christy. Margaret embraced me. I did not return the gesture! She begged me to give our marriage one last chance. To forgive and forget. To begin anew. But God help me, I could not! By then, any lingering affection that I had for my estranged wife was gone. I could neither forgive nor forget her six-year unexplained absence and her two stunning reappearances. When I returned to my cabin later that day, Margaret herself was also gone. I swear to you that this is the truth." "Christy, darling, look at me," implored Neil as he took her chin in his hand for the third time and turned her face to meet his. "What do you see in my eyes? What have you always seen? "Neil, I see, I see, I came that day to tell you that I . . ." Christy's voice broke with emotion as she realized that it was impossible to keep her vow of never again crying over Neil MacNeill. Finally, completely undone, she began to sob unrestrainedly. Neil pulled Christy close and began to rock hers body gently back and forth against his own. Tenderly he caressed her hair and face with his hands as tears ran down her cheeks. Instinctively, Christy tightened her grip around Neil's neck even though her conscience rebuked her for sitting with him in such an intimate fashion. "It's all right love. It's all right. You can tell me," whispered Neil over and over, his voice compassionate and reassuring. Oh, dear God, how I want to tell him, tell him everything that is in my heart and soul! If I do so, will my aching heart finally be at peace? My emotional longings for Neil have become unbearable! Christy's body trembled with fear as she took a deep breath and in anguish, bare her soul to him. "Oh Neil," she sobbed. "Neil, I was going to tell you that you are my best friend. That you are the only man with whom I can share my deepest hopes and fears. That I couldn't bear the thought of being without you! That I couldn't have you because you were married to Margaret. That I loved you more than I thought it possible to love a man. That it hurt so much to love you so deeply! That I couldn't bear the pain of it anymore! That I had to let you go! That I was a terrible sinner and was going to burn in hell because I fell in love with a married man!" Overcome by her tears, she stopped speaking, unable to utter her final sentence. "Oh, Christy, Christy. You did not know that I was married when you met me. You did nothing wrong! Darling, you did nothing wrong!" Neil declared as he rocked Christy's body gently back and forth against his own. "You did nothing wrong, love!" As Neil kissed Christy's cheeks, he could taste her salty tears as they streamed down her cheeks and dripped on to his shirt collar. "You did nothing wrong! Please, you must believe me!" As Neil pulled her ever closer to him, he could feel the mounting tension in Christy's body. In agony over her confession of love, she stiffened her back and her shoulders against him even as she clung more tightly to his neck. "Christy darling, you did nothing wrong! Nothing, nothing, nothing!" Neil whispered desperately. "Please don't fight against your genuine emotions, my dearest!" Suddenly Christy could not draw enough breath to fill her lungs. Dear God, am I suffocating? she wondered. Her body had never felt so tight and stiff as she struggled with her final sentence. Should I reveal what's truly in my heart or protect myself against Neil's possible rejection? What if he doesn't love me in return? Never before had her emotions felt so raw and naked as she contemplated exposing her innermost desires to him. "What do you see in my eyes? What have you always seen?" Did Neil's questions somehow reveal what his answer would be? "God, please help me!" she begged silently. "You see love, Christy. You've always seen love. Tell him," commanded the still, small voice deep inside her. Christy closed her eyes, drew a barely adequate, tortured breath and sobbed, "I wanted to tell you that I hoped with all my heart that you loved me, too, Neil!" And with her final declaration of love, Christy collapsed weeping against Neil's chest, physically and emotionally drained by her confession. "Oh, Father God, I can't bear to look into his eyes! Is love really there or am I deluding myself?" How will I know what's truly in his heart?" She could feel Neil's hands as they lovingly stroked her cheeks, her lips, her hair. Then he gently kneaded her diaphragm, trying to quell her wrenching sobs. Finally, as his strong hands massaged away the agonizing muscle spasms in her shoulders and neck, she felt her body begin to relax a little. Lord, please open my eyes. Let me look. Prepare me for whatever emotions Neil's face reflects. Christy slowly opened her eyes. Tears of joy were running down Neil's cheeks! Christy had never seen him cry before! Somehow, she didn't think it was possible. Neil wrapped his arms even more tightly around her as he gazed at her with indescribable emotion. Oh Christy, my darling, my beloved!" Neil's voice was low and husky with overwhelming passion. "I loved you from the first instant I met you at Jeb Spencer's cabin. I loved you when I pulled you soaking wet out of the river. I loved you when I kissed your forehead as you lay unconscious after the schoolhouse fire. I loved you when we argued at the schoolhouse door. I loved you when I told you the story of the Selkie and his lost love. I loved you that evening we met down by the river in the moonlight and you touched my face. I loved you when you burned the chicken because you were watching me bathe in the river. I loved you when I wrapped my arms around you to help you catch fish at the river. I love your beauty, your intelligence, your determination, your gentle spirit and most of all, your desire to teach the children here at Cutter Gap!" 'Without you darling, I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't pray. My arms ached to hold you. I longed to see you, to hold you, to touch your face, to hear your laugh, to feel your lips against mine! Oh, darling, I will love you forever. Oh Christy, Christy, my darling!" As Neil finished his declaration of love, he began to kiss Christy's hair, her eyes, and her nose. Gradually, her sobbing ceased, and as it did, his warm lips met hers. Finally, they were free to physically communicate the tightly repressed, passionate love which for so long had unknowingly existed between them. Neil's arms pulled her even more closely to him. Now she felt her breasts completely surrounded by his strong, muscular chest. Neil's lips insistently parted hers as he kissed her again and again. Christy could feel the moisture on her neck where the collar of her dress was wet with his tears. Christy fervently responded to Neil's kisses with an instinctive physical desire so intense, so overwhelming, that it frightened her. Her face and chest were flushed and she became light-headed, almost dizzy. She could feel her passion and desire for him increasing far beyond a point she had ever experienced, even with David. She could not think of anything except Neil's lips and hands, and his body pressed so tightly against hers. Christy's heart beat faster and faster as her breathing became more rapid and shallow. Now her head was spinning, her body totally in control. She could listen to no other voice inside her than the one now urging her to take the next step in their intimate expression of love for each other. As her heart's insistent voice filled her body with indescribable longing, Christy found herself turning around in Neil's lap so that she could look at the stair steps which led to his bedroom. As her heart's voice commanded, Christy's eyes were riveted magnetically to the staircase, when suddenly, she felt Neil's strong arms release her. And once more, Neil's hands gently turned her face so he could look directly into her luminous blue eyes. "Christy, darling," he whispered into her ear. "We're almost to the point of no return. We are both losing control of our bodies. I can't allow this to happen. I love you too much! We must stop what we are doing now or we won't be able to!" We must stop. We must stop. Slowly, Christy recognized the truth contained in Neil's words. She closed her eyes so that the staircase and what it represented would no longer be visible to her. Then Christy bit her lip, thinking that the pain of it would force her passionate impulses to cease. Reluctantly, she let go of her lover's neck and began to inhale and exhale, slowly and deeply. After several minutes, she opened her eyes, put her right hand over her heart and felt that her heartbeat was slowing to its normal rate. As she put her feet on the floor and stood, Neil rose with her. He faced Christy and took each of her hands in his. They stood there silently in front of the fireplace, their bodies about twelve inches apart, with only their clasped hands providing a tangible physical connection between them. Neil wanted so badly to embrace Christy, but he knew he dared not risk it. They stood in absolute silence for several minutes, trying to regain control of their passionate, loving emotions. Suddenly, as she looked at Neil, his eyes so loving, yet his face so etched by fatigue, a wonderful idea came to Christy! "Neil, I have a question for you, and I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth," she declared solemnly, looking directly into his eyes as she spoke. "When was the last time you ate a hot, nourishing meal?" Christy's unexpected question caught Neil totally off guard. He paused, trying to remember. "Christy, I think it was when I went over to the Spencer's cabin to check on LuLu's case of the chicken pox. Fairlight invited me to stay for supper. That was a week ago yesterday! I'm afraid I must plead guilty as charged, Miss Huddleston!" "Doctor, what plans do you have for tomorrow?" Christy asked, her eyes twinkling. "Why, none that I can think of. Why are you asking, Miss Huddleston?" "That settles it!" Christy exclaimed. "I'm going to fix you a proper lunch tomorrow. You may come for me at the mission house at 10:00 a.m. promptly. I will bring everything for lunch except the meat dish. I ask that you provide freshly caught trout from the river. Lunch will be served here at 12:30 p.m." Neil smiled broadly, delighted with Christy's invitation. "Those arrangements sound just fine. It's not often that a fair young lass such as yourself makes such an irresistible offer to me! How can I refuse?" Neil pulled Christy towards him, unable to maintain the physical distance between them. How could he resist her charms? "Here's a kiss for you, Miss Huddleston," Neil said as his lips met hers. "It is my acceptance of your gracious proposal." "Neil," Christy protested, knowing full well that to return his kiss just now would be a mistake. "I really must be going. It will be getting dark soon. Miss Alice and David will wonder where I am." Reluctantly, Neil released Christy and picked up the jar of ointment. "Christy, you need to apply this medication four times a day. Put some of it on before you go to bed tonight. Also, keep your hands out of water as much as possible. Your skin needs to stay dry in order to heal." He handed Christy the jar. "Goodnight, my love." he whispered as he kissed Christy chastely on the forehead. "Sleep well, darling. I'll see you in the morning at 10:00 a.m. sharp." Stay here, begged Christy's heart. You can't, scolded her conscience. Slowly Christy walked out the front door as Neil accompanied her. After helping her mount Prince, he gave her hand a final, gentle squeeze. "I will love you eternally, darling. Until tomorrow." Neil wiped a tear from his eye as he watched her ride away, now filled with an intense longing for that future day when both he and Christy would call this cabin home. "I Will Not Leave You Desolate" Chapter Four Saturday, March 7, 1914 Christy sprang out of bed before dawn, even though it was a Saturday morning and she had been much too ecstatic, too energized with Neil's love, to sleep very well. I have so much to do! she thought. I want this day to be perfect in every way! Christy washed her face and then put on a new light blue dress that she had recently received from her parents. Opening the bottom drawer of her bedroom chest, she retrieved a pair of barber's shears, a brush, comb, a hand mirror and a towel. Quickly, she packed them in a small satchel. After eating a light breakfast, Christy started the cook stove and then went outdoors to the chicken coop and rapidly gathered the eggs. Back inside the kitchen, she found one of the cookbooks Miss Ida had left behind for them to use. Christy turned to the recipe for pound cake and began to gather and mix the necessary ingredients. As it was baking, she found a tin containing dried apples and raisins. She mixed them with water, honey and a little cinnamon and simmered the compote over a low flame. As soon as the pound cake was finished, I'll would increase the oven temperature and bake some biscuits, she thought. Finally, she gathered a string of dried green beans and onions to take along. They could be prepared later on at Neil's cabin. At 8:30, the back door swung open and Alice entered the kitchen. "I just followed my nose!" she declared. "Christy, this all smells delicious! Why, you're busy as a beaver. What is the special occasion?" Christy cracked two eggs into the frying pan and began cooking them for Alice's breakfast. "I'm taking lunch over to Doctor MacNeill today," she explained, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice. "Yesterday after school, I rode to his cabin and he gave me some medication to treat my hands. They're beginning to feel better already." "I had noticed thy red and cracked skin, Christy. I assumed that your hands were badly chapped as a result of the cold, dry winter air," replied Alice. "No Alice, that's not what's causing the problem. Dr. MacNeill said that I have a skin condition known as eczema and that it's not contagious," Christy explained. "I am glad that you sought treatment," said Alice. Your hands were painful to look at and I can only imagine how they felt. I am also glad you are taking food over to Neil because he looks like he hasn't had a decent meal in weeks. I am concerned about him, Christy!" "I share your concern, Alice," she replied. She took the pound cake out of the oven. I know Neil will enjoy this, thought Christy. It's golden brown and smells delicious! She added more wood to the fire and began to make the biscuits. Christy spooned the fruit compote into a glass jar and screwed the lid on tightly. Then, she packed the cake, vegetables and compote into the woven wicker picnic basket along with a checkered tablecloth. "Don't we have some candles and candlesticks here in the kitchen, Alice?" "Why, yes, Christy, they're right over here," said Alice as she walked to the cupboard and retrieved them. "I think your biscuits are almost ready." Christy opened the oven door and found that the biscuits had risen nicely and were done baking. Glancing at her watch, Christy saw that it was 9:30. Neil will be here soon, she thought to herself. I'd better hurry! Rapidly, she walked outside to draw water from the pump so she could wash the dishes she had used. Christy brought the bucket back inside and poured the water into a large pan, placing it on the stove to heat. "Christy, why don't you let me wash those dishes?" volunteered Alice. "You go and freshen up. Didn't you say that Neil would be here at 10:00?" "Oh, thank you, Alice. That's very kind of you to offer. I've made quite a mess, I'm afraid." Christy carefully packed the biscuits into the basket and then went upstairs to her room. After combing her hair and tying it back with a ribbon, she picked up the small satchel she had packed earlier and went downstairs. She got the picnic basket from the kitchen and went outside to the front porch to wait for Neil. Neil rode up to the mission house at precisely 10:00 a.m. He dismounted quickly and bounded up the steps. Christy was amazed to see Neil's former liveliness and vitality return so quickly, a sharp contrast to his tired, worn appearance of the past several months. "Why, you're right on time, Doctor!" exclaimed Christy as she smiled demurely. "I never like to keep a lady waiting, Miss Huddleston," replied Neil, giving her a smile that made her knees weak. Neil was wearing a light brown, clean, freshly pressed shirt with a white collar. Very gently, so as not to cause her any pain, he took Christy's right hand in his own and raised it to his lips. The sudden, unexpected warmth of her hand against Neil's lips caused Christy to blush. "Someone might see us, Neil!" she warned, attempting to pull her hand away. The good Doctor ignored her cautious admonition and kissed her a second time. Suddenly, he released her hand and pulled Christy closely to him in a warm, loving embrace. Christy felt herself yielding to his arms around her, losing herself momentarily in the strength of them. "I love you, Christy Huddleston," he whispered in her ear. Christy could feel her pulse quicken. "I love you too, Neil." Neil released Christy and then in a courtly fashion, offered her his arm. Picking up the basket and satchel, he escorted Christy down the steps and helped her mount his horse. Neil tied both parcels securely to his horse's saddle bag before mounting himself behind Christy. Christy and Neil rode along the path in comfortable silence. So much happened yesterday! Christy thought to herself, still trying to make sense of her newly-found passionate emotions for this man who sat behind her. For now, she was content just to sit in front of Neil, feeling his strong chest against her back. Naturally, Neil couldn't ignore the delicious fragrance coming from the picket basket. "What is our luncheon menu for today, Miss Huddleston?" he asked as he sniffed appreciatively. "It's a surprise, Doctor! You'll just have to wait and see," smiled Christy secretively, recalling her Grandmother Huddleston's advice that, even in the twentieth century, the one sure way to a man's heart was still his stomach! About a half-mile away from his cabin, Neil reined Charlie to the left and began to ride in a different direction. "Where are going, Neil?" asked Christy. "I want to show you something, love." replied Neil as he wrapped his arms around more closely. Christy blushed and felt her heart quicken at Neil's use of the word "love" as a term of endearment for her. They followed an uphill trail for perhaps ten minutes and stopped. Then Neil dismounted and helped Christy down from his horse. "Where are we, Neil?" "This is the northernmost boundary of the MacNeill property, love." Christy turned and looked around in all directions. "I've never been up here before. Aren't we quite a ways from your cabin?" asked Christy, looking puzzled. "I own one hundred acres here, Christy. It's been MacNeill land since my ancestors purchased it. I'm afraid that the property is not suitable for livestock or crops. However, all the trees you see are virgin timber." He paused to take in the natural beauty that surrounded him. Neil came up behind Christy and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to himself. "Someday, I want to pass this land down to my children, darling." "Oh, Neil, it's so beautiful here!" replied Christy as tears formed in her eyes. Christy found herself unable to respond to Neil's comment about his future children. Suddenly a beautiful vision of Neil and herself picnicking on this very spot with their four happy, healthy sandy-haired children flashed before her eyes! Lord, what are you revealing to me? wondered Christy as she and Neil stood in silence, drawn together by their newly- discovered love and the majestic beauty of the Great Smokies. Christy could feel Neil's warm breath on the back of her neck as he held her. Tears of joy and wonder were spilling freely down her cheeks but she thought that from where he stood, Neil would be unable to see them. "Love, shall we go on to my cabin?" asked Neil, finally breaking the stillness. Christy shook her head negatively, not wanting to explain her tears nor the reasons for them. "Just a few minutes more, Neil," she whispered. "All right, darling," Neil replied as he reached into his pocket, withdrew his handkerchief, and gently wiped away Christy's tears with it. "Do your tears mean that you're seeing what I'm seeing, love?" Neil asked as he turned Christy's body towards his own and kissed her on the forehead. Overcome with emotion, Christy was unable to respond. Together they mounted Charlie and made their way back down the mountainside. A short while later they arrived at the rear of Neil's cabin and dismounted. Neil opened the back door for her as they entered through the laboratory and walked to the front room of his cabin. Christy could not believe the transformation! In less than twenty-four hours, Neil had washed and dried all the dirty dishes. All the books and papers had been put away and the thick layer of dust which had covered everything was gone. On the table was a blue spatterware enamel pitcher filled with freshly-picked mountain wild flowers. "Neil, you must have stayed up half the night cleaning!" Your cabin looks so neat and, and tidy!" Christy stammered, amazed at the time and effort it had taken. Suddenly, Neil placed both hands on Christy's shoulders and looked deeply into her luminous blue eyes. His intense gaze penetrated her very soul, the very essence of her being. "What do you think, lass? Does it seem like home to you? Would you be happy raising your children in a cabin like this? Or is it too antiquated and shabby?" asked Neil, his voice tinged with a surprising amount of nervousness. "MY children?" Had Neil actually just said that? Oh, Neil, what do you mean? her heart cried silently. The very thought of answering his next unspoken question, with its deeper meaning, completely unnerved her. Once again, the vision of their four blue- eyed children, two girls and two boys, flashed through her brain. Lord, I must answer this carefully, Christy prayed silently. "Yes, I would, Neil," Christy replied, trying to keep her voice steady. "This cabin is so sturdy and comfortable. A cabin like this one would be a wonderful home in which to raise our, I mean, my children," she stammered, her face reddening with mortification at the faux pas she had just committed! However, Neil's facial features did not register the slightest hint of surprise at her misstatement. She could feel the warmth of his hands upon her shoulders as he continued to gaze passionately into her eyes; and in his silence, his loving expression, was the unmistakable message that indeed he was speaking about their future home, their future children. Christy fought to regain her composure as she realized that Neil stirred her deepest feminine yearnings for marriage and motherhood as no man ever had. Cut Neil's hair now! a voice from somewhere inside her ordered. Christy took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice steady. "Neil, I brought some barber tools along in my satchel. I would like to trim your hair. Mother always trims Daddy's hair and she taught me how to do it. Is that all right with you?" Neil grinned sheepishly. "I guess it has been awhile since I had it cut. Go right ahead, Miss Huddleston." Christy motioned for Neil to sit on a straight-backed chair. She got her equipment out of her satchel and then stood behind him. Without thinking, she automatically reached around his neck and unbuttoned his top two shirt buttons so she could tuck in his collar. Christy trembled as she unexpectedly felt Neil's neck under her hands. What in the world had am I thinking of? Neil is certainly NOT my father! thought Christy, berating herself. However, the good Doctor was enjoying the whole experience immensely! He reached for her hand and held it there against his warm neck momentarily. Christy could feel his pulse beating steadily beneath her hand. "I think that this will be one of the most enjoyable haircuts I've ever gotten, Miss Huddleston!" he replied, anticipation lighting his eyes. Christy was glad that she was standing behind Neil, so he couldn't see her blushing ten shades of red. Shaking her head in dismay, she tucked the towel around his collar and began to trim his hair. Christy motioned for Neil to sit on a straight-backed chair. She got her equipment out of her satchel and then stood behind him. Without thinking, she automatically reached around his neck and unbuttoned his top two shirt buttons so she could tuck in his collar. Christy trembled as she unexpectedly felt Neil's neck under her hands. What in the world had am I thinking of? Neil is certainly NOT my father! thought Christy, berating herself. However, the good Doctor was enjoying the whole experience immensely! He reached for her hand and held it there against his warm neck momentarily. Christy could feel his pulse beating steadily beneath her hand. "I think that this will be one of the most enjoyable haircuts I've ever gotten, Miss Huddleston!" he replied, anticipation lighting his eyes. Christy was glad that she was standing behind Neil, so he couldn't see her blushing ten shades of red. Shaking her head in dismay, she tucked the towel around his collar and began to trim his hair. "Christy, I want to tell you the MacNeill family history. Our clan had fairly extensive land holdings on the island of Barra in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. We arrived here in 1750, seeking freedom from the repressive English government. The profits from our mercantile business in Scotland were used to buy this property. A small sum of money remained. My ancestors invested it wisely, and none of our family has ever touched the principal. However, the interest allowed us to live more comfortably than did our neighbors. We have never had to exist without adequate food, clothing or shelter like most people do here in the Cove. My parents had money to buy books, maps and study materials for me." "My ancestors fought with honor and valor in the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812. My father, Charles MacNeill had three older brothers, John, Michael, and George. Then, of course, there was Hattie. The oldest three brothers fought bravely and with distinction in the War Between the States. Sadly, every one of them was killed in battle. That left my father as the only surviving male heir with Hattie as his only remaining sibling. That is why I am the only MacNeill left in Cutter Gap. " "Do you have any siblings, Neil? I've never heard you mention any." "Unfortunately, no. My mother became pregnant when I was six years old. When she started labor, my father went for the local midwife. Christy, there was no doctor within fifty miles of here then. She screamed in agony for the first twenty-four hours. I so wanted to help Mother, but I didn't know what to do." "Finally, my father sent me to fetch Aunt Hattie for additional assistance. I stayed at her home with Uncle Timothy and their three children. Mother's labor lasted for three days. As a physician, I shudder to think of the pain she must have endured. Looking back on it, I'm sure that she needed to have a Cesarean section performed." "Thoroughly exhausted and probably near death, at last she delivered a stillborn baby girl. Mother and Father named her Anna Marie. She's buried in Cutter Gap Cemetery next to them. Sadly, Mother never became pregnant again. I believe that awful experience was the catalyst for my medical career, Christy. I wanted so badly to ease Mother's suffering!" Momentarily overcome with sorrow, Christy gently kissed the top of Neil's head as he continued to speak. "Our family has always tried to live peacefully with our neighbors and thus avoid the feuding and bloodshed which plague this area. We have lived simply and no one else knows about our investment income. That, along with the stipend I receive for my trachoma research, and the money I earn from various medical publications allows me to live comfortably. My fellow doctors believe in the importance of the work I do here. Their gifts of money and drugs make it possible for me to practice medicine here in the Cove. I don't really need all the food and goods that people give me in payment. However, I know that they would not allow me to treat them for free. Then, they would be 'obliged.'" Neil fell silent just as Christy finished his haircut. She carefully untucked the towel from his shirt collar and walked around in front of him, finally using the towel to gently clean the cut hair from his face. "Here, take a look, Neil," she said, handing him the small mirror. "What do you think? I hope it's cut to your satisfaction." Neil beheld his reflection as he combed through his neatly shaped and trimmed hair. "Thank you so much, Christy," he replied as he put his arms around her and kissed her tenderly. "You're welcome, Neil," she replied, amazed at how quickly Neil's cabin had begun to feel like home to her. "I'm going to fix lunch now, Neil. Did you catch some fish?" "Yes, I did. I have two trout cooling in a bucket on the back porch. I'll go out and filet them now." Christy walked to the kitchen and put the green beans and onions on the stove to cook. Then, she covered the table with the checked tablecloth she had brought and set out the china, candlesticks and utensils. Neil came back inside with the trout and got out a large frying pan. After adding some lard to it, he breaded the fish with flour and cornmeal. Then Neil began to fry the fish as Christy put the rest of the food on the table. Soon, lunch was ready. It was precisely 12:30. "We are right on schedule for lunch, Doctor," announced Christy. Neil smiled at her. "Promptness is one of your many virtues, Miss Huddleston." They both walked to the table where Neil pulled out Christy's chair and helped seat her. "Has all this cooking bothered your hands, Christy?" "Not much at all, Neil. The ointment is helping already." "You should notice a big improvement within the next several days, dear." Neil sat to Christy's right and gently took her right hand with his left one. "I would like to say a prayer before we begin our meal," he said. They both bowed their heads and closed their eyes. "Father, please bless this food today. I thank you especially for Christy's presence and her loving concern about my earthly needs. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen." After finishing the prayer, Neil squeezed Christy's hand softly and lovingly. Christy felt tears running down her cheeks. She had never heard Neil pray before and his unexpected reference to her filled her with surprise and wonder. As a result of the several heated discussions they'd had, Christy thought that Neil did not believe in God or prayer. As she opened her eyes, she saw Neil looking at her with such an overwhelming mixture of love, protectiveness and devotion that she could barely meet his gaze. "Til death do us part." Suddenly, the true meaning of that portion of the wedding vows became clear to Christy, as reflected through the eyes of her beloved. Christy realized that her visit to Neil's cabin yesterday would forever alter the course of her life. God had used the pain of her broken, cracked skin as a vehicle to reveal their mutual, but undiscovered love for each other. Dear God, you have healed my heart and blessed me beyond belief! Lost in thought, suddenly Christy felt the touch of a handkerchief gently wiping the tears from her face. "Christy, love, shall we eat now?" asked Neil softly, as his fingers traced the trails of wetness on her cheeks. "Yes, Neil," she replied, his question finally bringing her thoughts back to the present. As they sat together, Neil placed hearty servings of everything on his plate. She could tell that Neil was enjoying every mouthful of the meal they'd jointly prepared. At least she hadn't burned anything this time! "Thank you for picking the flowers for the table, Neil. They're lovely." "They pale in comparison to your beauty, darling," answered Neil. Christy blushed again at his compliment. She passed the serving dishes to Neil and he took second helpings of everything. "Christy, everything was absolutely delicious! That was the best meal I've had in ages. I so appreciate your thoughtfulness," exclaimed Neil as he reached over and squeezed her hand gently. Christy rose from the table, intending to cut and serve the pound cake that she had baked for their dessert. "Christy, would you come out on the front porch with me?" asked Neil as he arose from his chair. Christy paused. "Don't you want to have some cake first, Neil?" "Not right now. I have something to show you," he answered, motioning for Christy to follow him outside to the porch. There hung a lovely wooden swing that was painted white with dark green trim. "Neil, where did you get this swing? I've never seen it before." "It was a wedding gift from my father to my mother, Christy. He ordered it from the Sears and Roebuck catalog." "It's in perfect condition, Neil. I thought it was brand new! Where has it been all this time?" "It's been wrapped in a tarpaulin out in the shed behind my cabin. Father took it down after my mother died in 1894. I remember hearing their intimate laughter at night as they swung on it. The sound made me feel safe, secure and loved." "Tell me about your mother, Neil. I don't even know her name." "Her name was Calista Duffus, Christy. The surname 'Duffus' is a variation of the Scottish name 'MacDuff.' She grew up in Newport, Tennessee where her father owned a lumber mill. In the summer of 1878, she met my father at a wedding of a mutual acquaintance at Lufty Branch." "Until I went away to college, Mother was the only person I knew who had a high school diploma. She undertook my education since there was no teacher in Cutter Gap. She was a gifted instructor, just as you are. She sent away for books, maps and other educational materials. My mother was a wonderful storyteller, Christy, and she could make those textbooks come alive!" "Sadly, my formal education from her ended when she died of pneumonia shortly after my fourteenth birthday. Due to her thorough teaching, I had no problem passing my entrance examination for college two years later. Sadly, my father never recovered from her sudden, unexpected death. He died six years later while I was in Scotland for my medical training. Unfortunately, I didn't get to attend his funeral." "Neil, when did your parents marry?" "They were wed on May 25, 1879." Neil paused before continuing. "Christy, love, I was born on March 7, 1880." "Why Neil, then today is your birthday!" Christy was astonished. "You're thirty-four years old. I wish you would have told me. I would have brought you a present!" Birthdays in the Huddleston home were wonderful celebrations and were never missed. Christy could tell by Neil's hesitant expression that it had been a long time since anyone had recognized this special day! Impulsively, Christy embraced her beloved and kissed him tenderly. His strong arms encircled her as he fervently returned her kisses. "Oh Christy, darling, your presence here is the best gift of all!" Neil's voice was husky with emotion and his intense, loving expression made Christy's heart melt. "Now would you be the first to try out my swing?" Neil held it steady as Christy sat and then he joined her and put his arm around her back. She rested her head on his shoulder as the swing continued its gentle rhythmic movement back and forth. Neil took a deep breath before speaking softly. "It was my boyhood dream that some day I would sit here with my wife in the evening. The moon and stars would be shining brightly overhead. My four children would be sleeping inside and hear our gentle laughter, just as I did as a lad." Neil put his hand on Christy's chin and turned her face until it met his. "Tell me about your girlhood dreams, love." Christy's voice was low and husky. "I dreamed that someday I would meet a man who loved me more than anyone else in the world, except for the Lord God himself. We would be married in my family's church in Asheville. At the end of the ceremony, the church bells would toll in celebration of our union. We would raise a family of four children, two girls and two boys. My husband and I would grow old together, our love and devotion deepening with each passing year. This still is my dream, Neil, and it always will be." Try as she might, Christy could not contain her overwhelming emotions. Dearest Father in Heaven, I never knew what real love between a man and woman was until yesterday! she thought as tears began to trickle down her cheeks. Ever so gently, Neil took her hand and slowly began to intertwine his fingers with hers until they were completely joined. "Look at our hands, darling," said Neil quietly. Do you think our dreams can unite like this?" Again, Christy was unable to respond. Neil raised both of their joined hands to his lips. He gently kissed Christy's hand and then lay both of their hands on his chest, right over his heart. Christy trembled as she felt its rhythmic beating beneath her hand. The swing continued to gently rock back and forth as Neil lowered both of their hands into his lap. There, he rearranged their intertwined fingers so that their palms were facing each other, as do two hands in prayer. Ever so slowly, he raised both of their hands heavenward in prayerful supplication to their loving Father. Neil carefully lowered both of their hands so that they briefly touched Christy's throat, where her golden cross necklace hung, and finally lay both their hands back on his strong chest. They sat together quietly, with Christy's head resting against Neil's shoulders, for what seemed like an eternity. The swing's gentle, rhythmic motion was the only measure of the passing minutes. Christy could feel her heart and soul binding irrevocably with Neil's in such a manner that nothing but death itself could sever the loving bond now forged between them. Never before had Christy experienced such an intimate, profoundly moving spiritual moment in her life. Finally, in the midst of her tears, Christy found her voice. "Happy birthday, Darling. Would you like to have your cake now?" As she spoke, she bent her head forward so that she could kiss Neil's hand as it lay so gently on his chest. "I Will Not Leave You Desolate" Chapter Five Monday, March 9, 1914 The man ran frantically along the river bank, trying not to trip over the twisted tree roots and rocks. Night had fallen several hours ago. He had to strain to see the young woman struggling for her life, as the raging current swept her rapidly downstream. She was desperately clinging to a large dead branch, which helped to keep her head above the muddy water. "Hang on, hang on," screamed the man. He could hardly hear himself over the roar of the waterfalls which was about five hundred yards ahead. The man recalled seeing a large dead tree which had fallen partly into the river. If he could run fast enough, he could climb out on it and attempt to grab the woman before she was swept over the waterfalls. Suddenly, the man tripped over a large tree root and fell face first on the muddy river bank. Momentarily stunned by the fall, he lay motionless for several seconds before he realized what had happened. He jumped up rapidly and continued to run. By now, the woman was perhaps twenty yards ahead of him. He came around a bend in the river and saw the dead tree protruding into the water. Breathless and nearly exhausted, the man jumped onto the trunk and began climbing out to the middle of the river. The woman's body slammed into a large boulder, causing her to lose hold of the branch keeping her afloat. Her head disappeared completely under the water before the man could crawl out far enough to save her. "Margaret, hang on!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, But it was too late. He watched with horror as her body sailed over the edge of the waterfall. Numbly, the man realized that he had failed in his attempt to save her life. "If only I hadn't fallen down--if only I could have run faster." His guilt was all-consuming as he clung to the fallen tree trunk, gasping for air. Cautiously, he turned around and climbed wearily back to the muddy riverbank. Standing there next to the tree trunk was another man. He was holding a life preserver tied to a long white rope, which was neatly coiled over his arm. The man stared in disbelief. "Where in heaven's name did you come from?" he asked incredulously. "I've been standing her for quite some time," answered the second man. "That's impossible! I would have seen you as I came running along the river bank! Didn't you see that young woman drowning out there? For God's sake, why didn't you cast that life preserver out to her?" The second man paused before answering. "I couldn't decide which one of you to save first," replied the man, shaking his head back and forth indecisively. "Ye Gods, man! I was standing safely on the tree trunk as the raging current swept her to certain death! I didn't need to be saved!" The second man's soft gray eyes gazed with compassion upon the muddy face of the first. "Oh yes, you do," he stated with absolute certainty. The second man began to sing softly as he turned around and walked up the river bank's steep incline. The first man recognized the song immediately. His mother used to sing it in her sweet soprano voice as she did the housework. "Rescue the perishing, care for the dying, Snatch them in pity from sin and the grave; Weep o'er the erring one, lift up the fallen, Tell them of Jesus, the mighty to save. Rescue the perishing, care for the dying; Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save." Neil sat bolt upright in his bed. He was covered in sweat, his breath coming in short, agonized gasps. His heart was racing as if he had run many miles. The same, horrible dream! How many times since Margaret's death had it happened? "God only knows; I have lost count," he whispered. Exhausted by his recurring nightmare, Neil wiped his brow with a handkerchief that he kept nearby on the nightstand and glanced at the nearby clock. 2:30 a.m. With a sigh the doctor lay down, totally drained, yet frustratingly wide awake. When the clock finally read 5:30, he wearily arose to begin another day. Neil dressed, went into the kitchen, and began to cook breakfast. He made coffee, grits and scrambled eggs and also warmed up some biscuits left over from the meal Christy had prepared for him on Saturday. Neil filled his plate and sat at the dining table. The sweet scent of Christy's perfume still lingered in the kitchen, recalling her presence there two days earlier. Her two visits to his cabin on Friday and Saturday had been so totally unexpected, so amazing, so fulfilling, that he hardly dared to believe that they had actually happened. Christy's loving presence had transformed his cabin beyond belief. Now the windows seemed to sparkle, the air smelled of her sweet perfume instead of his tobacco smoke. The wooden interior walls glowed with a soft patina, the fireplace provided even more warmth and light. Neil realized that this cabin, lovingly built by his ancestor Neil MacNeill, was meant to provide shelter and comfort, warmth and light, security and love to those who lived in it. It needed the warm embrace of a man and wife and their children's happy voices in order to fulfill it purpose. His tumultuous, unhappy marriage to Margaret had made a mockery of this cabin. Now, his solitary lifestyle further denied its purpose. He needed Christy's love and companionship. This cabin needed Christy's feminine, caring touch. Then, night after night, why do I dream of my deceased wife Margaret, cold swirling water and death? he wondered. Neil bowed his head, recalling the prayer of blessing he had given on Saturday. He hadn't prayed aloud like that for many years. His heart had been so filled with love that the prayer spontaneously came forth. It had seemed to him that perhaps God had even heard it. He decided to try again. "Dear God, thank you for this meal. Help my unbelief. Keep Christy safe from harm. Reveal your presence to me. Amen." Neil opened his eyes. Was God present here? Was God speaking to him? How would he know? He ate his breakfast as he pondered these questions, unaware of the passing time. Suddenly, the doctor's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Who could that be? he wondered, as he rose to answer it. "Good morning, Dr. MacNeill. How are you?" Dan Scott asked as he walked into the cabin. Oh no, Neil thought with dismay, I completely forgot that Dan would be arriving at 8:00 to help me inventory drugs and medical supplies! "Very well, Dan," replied Neil, trying mask his surprise. "Ah, shall we begin?" Neil's gaunt face and circles under the eyes had not escaped Dan's watchful eye. The doctor was suffering greatly and had been ever since Margaret's death. Neil's physical and emotional turmoil was quite evident but Dan did not know how to tactfully bring up the subject to him. Nonetheless, Dan felt that God was leading him to counsel his distraught mentor in some helpful way. They both entered Neil's laboratory and began to inventory the current drug supply. "Dr. MacNeill," said Dan, gathering his courage, "recently, Miss Alice showed me the newspaper clipping and letter from Rev. Hodges about Margaret's heroic rescue of the little boy. Margaret's conversion to Christianity before her death has lightened Miss Alice's burden of grief immensely. She seems to be coping better with her daughter's death than you are. Do you know why that might be?" The personal nature of Dan's inquiry took Neil totally by surprise. He looked at Dan intently, wondering what might have motivated him to ask it. Nonetheless, it was a fair question put to him by a man whom he had grown to admire and respect. Therefore, it deserved an honest answer. Neil decided to tell Dan about his recurring nightmare. As Dan listened patiently, he could tell that the Doctor was deeply distressed about this dream and its message to him. "Dr. MacNeill," he began slowly, choosing his words carefully. "I think the dream's message is directed to your life, and not to Margaret's death. As he so indicated, the man by the river did not know which one of you to save first. Margaret was in dire physical danger, but you were in equivalent spiritual danger. You were both equally in need of a Savior. As you now know, Margaret was spiritually reborn in Christ before her physical death. Figuratively speaking, your immortal soul is rushing down the same strong river current away from God's protective love towards certain death." "God longs to forgive you, but He cannot until you forgive both yourself and Margaret's sins. God longs to save you, but He cannot unless you tell Him that you need to be saved. God longs to love you, but He cannot until you learn to love yourself. God longs to refine you into a vessel fit for His service, but He cannot until you submit to His will for your life. God longs to send you blessings that you cannot comprehend, if you will but allow Him to do so." After Dan finished speaking, Neil sat quietly for a time with his head held in his hands. Finally, he raised his head and looked Dan straight in the eye. "Dan, how do I know what God's will is for my life?" "Do you have a Bible here in your cabin, Doctor?" "Yes, I do. It was my mother's and it's over on the shelf next to the fireplace." After returning with the Bible, he sat in his chair and began to thumb randomly through its pages. "Dan," Neil finally admitted, "it's been so long since I've read the Bible that I don't even know where to begin." "Dr. MacNeill, I think you should begin with the Book of Luke in the New Testament," said Dan as he took the Bible from Neil and marked the beginning page of Luke with a small piece of paper. "Its author Luke was a physician, just as you are. I think that you will relate well to him. Let the beloved physician challenge you just as he has been challenging Christians for centuries. Allow God speak to you through his writings," urged Dan as he handed the Bible back to Dr. MacNeill. Dan paused. Have I said too much? he thought to himself worriedly. Certainly he didn't want to overstep his boundaries with Dr. MacNeill and damage the working relationship that he had forged with his mentor. Nevertheless, after saying a silent prayer for wisdom and discernment, he plunged ahead. "Dr. MacNeill, you must find a way to honor Margaret's memory and to forgive her for the pain she caused you. When your heart is healed of that hurt, God will show you the way if you but allow Him." Neil reached into his vest pocket, withdrew his pipe and lit it. He sat silently as he smoked, considering his response to Dan's advice. "Dan," said Neil thoughtfully, "you must know that I was equally at fault in the failure of our marriage. I was too blind to see Margaret's loneliness, her need for companionship. I chose to ignore the fact that our cabin's location was rather remote from the rest of Cutter Gap, making it difficult for Margaret to visit our neighbors. To her, these people were illiterate and ignorant, folks with whom she had nothing in common. Why would she bother with them?" "Now, as I look back on it, learning about my people and my heritage might have helped her feel more at home here. But I didn't encourage her to make friends with anyone. So she sat here day after day, alone and friendless, with only sporadic contact with her mother and myself." "Time and time again, I put the health and well-being of my Highlander neighbors before our marriage. Sometimes, I was gone from home for days at a time. I could have arranged my schedule differently on many occasions, but I chose not to. When I would finally return to our cabin, Margaret would be pacing back and forth like a caged animal, furious and almost sick with worry." "After the first year of our marriage, sometimes she wouldn't even be here when I got home. I had no idea where she was! But, I guess turnabout is fair play. She had no idea where I was either!" "As our marriage deteriorated, frequently she would be gone overnight. Never more that one night, though. That's why I didn't go looking for her immediately when she left me. If only I would have, then she wouldn't have gotten such a big head start! If only I could have found her and brought her home! Maybe I could have tried harder. Maybe we could have worked things out." The Doctor paused to tamp more tobacco into his pipe. After inhaling the acrid smoke, he continued. "Dan, you must promise me that you'll never tell anyone what I'm going to say to you now. I don't even think that Alice knows anything about this." "You have my word, Dr. MacNeill," vowed Dan solemnly. "About eighteen months after we were married, I awoke one night to find Margaret hemorrhaging in our bed, obviously in the process of having a miscarriage. There was absolutely nothing I could do for her at that point," the Doctor related, his facial expression tortured at the awful memory. "After I examined her, Margaret told me that she had been about two months pregnant. Here I was, her husband and physician, and I had no idea! If she suffered from morning sickness, I was unaware of it. Of course, she wasn't far enough along to physically show yet. Dan, my wife had never said a word about even suspecting she might be pregnant!" "It was probably for the best, though," he continued. "The Margaret I knew had absolutely no maternal instincts whatsoever! Even so, I sat on the edge of our bed, crying tears of grief for our never-to-be-born child and our failing marriage." "Then, Margaret looked me straight in the eye, and in that flippant way of hers, said that the miscarriage didn't matter to her. Pregnancy would certainly ruin her figure and she most certainly didn't want that! I was totally devastated! After that terrible experience, I began sleeping on the bed here in my laboratory. I knew that we had no business bringing a child into this world together." "It was about eighteen months later when she disappeared. We thought she had drowned in the river. Six years went by and then I met Christy. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. I didn't know that I was still married! Then Margaret came waltzing back into Cutter Gap, expecting me to welcome her with open arms. She left again, sick with tuberculosis and broke both my and Alice's hearts for a second time." "When I saw her next she was half naked, dancing for men at the tea house in El Pano. Margaret had a good figure and she knew how to flaunt it for her financial benefit. Can you imagine how I felt, seeing my patients, men whom I've sewn up time and time again, ogling my wife? I've never been so embarrassed and humiliated in all my life!" Neil exclaimed, his face red at the shameful memory. "Again, Margaret expected a big "Welcome, Home" from everyone and just to pick up where we had left off. Well, I couldn't do it!" shouted Neil as he forcefully slammed the Bible down on the wooden counter. Then the agitated Doctor stood and began pacing back and forth across the small laboratory, his emotions in turmoil. About five minutes later, somewhat calmer, Neil stopped his relentless movement and sat next to his pupil again. "Dan," said Neil, picking up his pipe, "you must know that Margaret's second reappearance broke the heart of the woman I had grown to love. I had to sever all ties, all connection with her, in order to save her good name and reputation. Why, I couldn't even speak to her!" "Then Margaret found God, and this, the most self- centered woman I ever met, gave her life, made the ultimate sacrifice, for a little boy she didn't even know! I don't understand! How could she have changed so totally, so radically?" Dan watched with empathy as Neil, drained by the telling, took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his eyes. Dr. MacNeill looks so tired, so worn, he thought. Indeed, the weight of his past was a heavy burden to bear, made all the more difficult when he would not allow God to shoulder it. Dan longed for the day when Neil would become a new person born of the Spirit, not the flesh. When and how that might occur was best left to God himself. But perhaps the Lord could give him a final, pertinent Bible verse to illustrate His inscrutable ways! Dan had been working on the inventory as he listened to the doctor's tragic, anguished story. As he handed the finished list to Neil, God provided just such a verse! "Dr. MacNeill, St. Paul states in Second Corinthians, Chapter 5, Verse 17, that if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come. Christ's transforming love is the only way people can change so dramatically!" stated Dan emphatically. "You've seen the results through Margaret's conversion. I know it's difficult to understand. You must accept it by faith--there is no other way!" "Dr. MacNeill, I will pray for you. With God's help, you will find the way. You must remember Margaret as the person she became, not as the person you knew. You must honor her memory." Dan paused and then asked, "do you want me to come along with you to El Pano to place the medical supply order?" Neil shook his head. "No, Dan, that won't be necessary. I have some personal business to attend to as well. Thank you for listening to me and for your excellent advice. I value your opinions, Dan. You are a man of great discernment in both temporal and spiritual affairs." Dr. MacNeill, your compliment means more to me than you'll ever know, thought Dan as he rose to leave. Neil extended his hand in friendship and Dan clasped it warmly. "Let me know when you get back from El Pano, Doctor. I'll come over and help unload the supplies you bring back." "Thank you, Dan, for everything." Neil watched with deep respect as Dan began walking back home to his cabin, which was located near the Spencer's. "You must find a way to honor Margaret's memory." As Dan's words echoed through his head, a wonderful idea suddenly came to him! "God, is this what you would have me do?" prayed Neil, his spirit warmed by this amazing revelation. Neil went back into the laboratory and retrieved his mother's Bible. Then he fetched a clean, white rag and carefully wiped away the dust from its cover. He studied the book and chapter index, and at last, found the correct book name and page number. After designating the selected verse's location with a bookmark, Neil sat at his desk and wrote three letters. Taking them along with the medical inventory list and the Bible, he went outside and saddled his horse in preparation to leave. Neil arrived in town abo